Book Zero : 5: the story of a man trying to prove his sanity and he does drugs

Get Started
Nicholas
https://www.facebook.com/carolina.valenciacadavid.5 i think i am related to them by blood but like check the header there is a monstrance holding the eucharist on carolina’s facebook page … like sometimes I wonder if I get labeled as mentally ill because jesus never died for MY sins … I wouldn’t let him but everyone else in my family did … not gonna reach out and friend them … like my little brother adam called me today and like he’s in finance with a GE Spin off company and like he was going to email me some GE Coding Resources and like he wants me to learn to program so he can finance my projects but i have to become competent and get the project done which is currently a compliment generator that generates compliments and sends them to your SMS … i’m drunk right now … switching to liquor from marijuana … unfriended my weed dealer .. and like … when you wonder if your religious stance got you into psychiatric hospitals … i was called in to the hospital some 30 times and i know it was people on facebook that did it or it wasn’t i just never met someone that had a mental health issue with me enough to call the hospital … little pissed off that no one that thought my writing on facebook was a sign of mental illness ever came forward and addressed me … bunch of animals on this plant …

Carolina Patzwahl

Nicholas
planet
Nicholas
i’m religious in the sense that i do business and recognize the church as the first white collar industry and the university was the 2nd white collar industry that usurped the first and there is currently a war as the university isn’t the church and doesn’t bring people together for community and the church doesn’t educate people in the sciences and the arts … so there’s pluses and minuses to both white collar industries the church and the university and government is the third white collar industry and corporate america is the fourth and they all sort of have their niches but you have to be devoted to one white collar sector to make it which is weird
NOV 7, 2018, 7:11 PM
Nicholas
if you opened an arm of your business as a reporting arm … i use you as a reporting arm … sort of like a scripps agency general purpose all encompassing reporting arm of scripps that businesses and politicians and religious figures … if you had like 500 emails coming in a week letting you know what was going on in the city and it would be funded by your reciprocal advertising to your participants … in exchange for this email you get an auto sent email with an elongated advertisement like frisch’s would want to advertise itself with a business report to a person that reported to you on it’s business plans … it’s a subscription service and people pay you to report to you in exchange for a rolodex of fellow participants and professional elongated advertisement
Nicholas
I don’t know how the human spirit works precisely, but I have noticed in the world of inspiration, it’s a lot of routine spinning your wheels and then for some reason you do a masterpiece and then you go back to the routine spinning of the wheels … like I wasn’t doing too much for a coupe months and then today the day after the election I wrote a couple materpieces and i think i maxed out … so it’s back to routine wheel spinning
Nicholas
if i did something super clever like put my smartphone in a zip loc bag i could probably take thousands of dollars worth of photographs in a day
Nicholas
and then if you were a reporting agency you could stipulate that you required 2 weeks notice on every business plan and if you were bringing in say 500 documents a week you would be up on successful and unsuccessful business plans, it would be another layer of bureaucracy, to ensure black business, and let’s be honest, your outward facing appearance is quite smart … so people would trust you to vett their business plans and again because you get so many business plans you would become an expert on business plans and it would only get better …. i could start a business like this but it would require a beautiful website … i’m one man though and you’re vested and vetted by the city ….
Nicholas
i remember back in my early twenties running business ideas past my friends my family anyone that would listen i would just open my mouth and be like what do you think … no no no no no no because of this this this this this this and this … and that went on for years … then i started writing business proposals for years and never got but like 1 response from like 500 emails … and then i got into public allies and then i got into sunfood sovereign and hip hop congress and i learned how business really is … and i still wonder about my approach, the professionalism of my writing, i don’t worry about the quality of my idea any more … but my first business idea that flew out of me after i tried to think of something new was a word search and that was my first product … i decided reinventing the wheel was easier than developing a new wheel … i wrote plano texas about acquiring a business listings because i did a study and noticed plano texas has population size similar to cincinnati and they don’t have manufacturing that i found they are like a headquarters for headquarters and are the wealthiest city in the united states of america and i wanted to know what business lines they had in their phone book that we don’t have in ours and i wanted a book to go through … today i wrote brad wenstrup and then i wrote the north college hill mayor and then i wrote the cincinnati cyclones and the omnimax theatre and i wrote you about a business for reporting business moves to that a stellar website could sell and i’ve gotten pretty good at business and my return call rate is low really low but i’m progressing it’s probably something wrong with me still and not my clients
Nicholas
the one business idea i remembered seeing in practice was an obstacle course free throw facility … it was an open court where you had to make like 3 bank shots, shoot over something … bounce it on the ground and get it up to the basket kind of thing … it was a free throw obstacle course … i could probably install that somewhere and get state funding or local funding or i could do a kickstarter for it … i haven’t done kickstarter in years but i made a dozen and a half pitches to them
NOV 8, 2018, 4:05 AM
Nicholas
what about venture capital on a card? for people with c corps properly filed in their home state?
DEC 4, 2018, 1:51 PM
Nicholas
i’m thinking do a peer to peer site that’s for media if one doesn’t exist that i know of … like an invite only you have to be with a registered business and then you get a situation that makes it easier to share content , share audio , share back room anecdotes … i was thinking of a social media website for telviision film and raidio kind of thing that might make YOUR life easier …
DEC 5, 2018, 6:01 AM
Nicholas
i took a vape pen yesterday afternoon and it’s lasted about 12 hours and when i have a vape pen cigarettes seem cheap to me and i don’t want to smoke
DEC 10, 2018, 6:20 AM
Nicholas
i’m getting cold feet but i’m weathering it … people responded to my emails for the first time and now things are in motion and i’m like woah i could just write a book and i think i could just write a book … i’m thinking bench advertising and print on demand manufacturing and a file collector are great ideas i gotta see what all is involved because that would be good but i was told ignore for so long that actual response sort off put me
DEC 10, 2018, 7:42 AM
Nicholas
i’m dying over here … i did like 13 drafts of book intro’s and i’m just not interested in writing a book of fiction … i write a lot about my thoughts … i think i’ll just write a thought book … a think piece … something non fiction … i don’t like writing fiction … i like writing on twitter and facebook and i like writing poems and i don’t like writing fiction … when it comes to fiction i’m all well that happened and then that happened and then they said that and then they responded and then this happened … and it get’s old … writing comments never gets old tweeting never gets old facebook never gets old … i think i’ll just write a book of thoughts … i can just write that … and then stephen king didn’t have an agent for a long time he worked with a publisher and proved he could get published and so i’ll write a book of thoughts and work with a publisher and just eschew the agent process
Nicholas
i went to church on sunday trying to make a good decision and then i sat and prayed for 20 minutes and then couldn’t make it through more than 10 minutes of the show when i left … i started getting an anxiety
DEC 11, 2018, 2:18 PM
Nicholas
chronic psychosis i saw in literature attributed to me for the first time that a doctor thinks i suffer from chronic psychosis … i’d say not all the time like not most of the time … most of the time i’m laying in bed peaceful … but i do have chronic WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS REAL? i saw the matrix … i’m also up to speak with a brain surgeon soon and neurologist about a cyst on my pineal gland … if i get brain surgery … i’ll just know this was meant not to take seriously or something … i just know if i get brain surgery it’s not attractive to have a scar wrapping around your head … that would suck
Nicholas
i like how major mental health health diagnosis like when diagnosis THE MOST COMPLICATED part of the body usually takes another complicated organ about a half hour to diagnosis YOU … when it’s complicated organs diagnosing complicated organs i would say the process should take weeks … i’ve never seen a diagnosis that lasted more than a half hour
Nicholas
and they are diagnosing my brain
like they should at least let me bring them into my cult so they can determine if it’s a good cult or not
today i got the cigarette patch , antibiotics for my acne on my ass cheeks, i got a scrub wash for my ass cheeks , i got a month’s worth of pills, i got skyline and an expired credit card number to cancel a google music subscription with ….
oh and i got an MRI planned
he asked me if i wanted to see a neuro surgeon and i was just like NO and he was like OKAY and i was like hold on i expected more push back than that okay i’ll see him
Nicholas
so i’m getting treatment for my bipolar and that’s going well, and i’m getting treated for cigarettes, so that’s going well, i’m getting treated for ass acne so that’s going well, i’m eating just too much so that can be fixed with a trip to the grocery store i had an eat weak and i ate every day and it’s not working out
Nicholas
my next grocery store trip is on EBT when the card gets here and it’s just going to fruits and vegetables mostly and then some coconut water and some shrimp for my meat allowance … but i’m going to gnosh on some fruit for a week soon and make veggie soup …
like i have a bag of chips here and i’m just like fuck it … i miss chips
as far as my chronic psychosis goes that probably has to do with internet input where you spend 15 years surfing the web … somethings going to go wrong … people used to barely read much before and now you can read A LOT
Nicholas
i think the internet should just be available on sundays i think television should just be on from 5pm until midnight and i think radio should just be on from 7am until 5pm … or something like that … i think that funneled viewing leads to high quality content and more ad exposure and puts people on a routine that’s lock solid … i think media should be put in it’s place and you have the option for that now so it all fits into someone’s schedule but i’m just me about this … i think 3 24/7 media outlets is a bit much
Nicholas
you miss a lot
mmm just had a thought … delivery weed … if weed delivered
they just need to see if the cyst is getting bigger for the MRI and i’ll do it i’ll get the brain surgery but i’ll wonder if they just need a cadaver to work on
Nicholas
https://writemonkey.com/ is just cool software to write with …

WriteMonkey – Home
Software for full screen distraction free creative writing. No whistles and bells, just empty screen, you and your words. WriteMonkey is light, fast, and perfectly handy for those who enjoy the simplicity of a typewriter but live in modern times.
writemonkey.com

i’m getting deeper int my writing kata’s and my writing is picking up … the way i had to learn to type again after two years i had to learn story telling agian
Nicholas
i just finished my last cigar now i have nothing to smoke and i put on my patch and i can’t vape and i feel warmth going into my arm from the patch and i’m like cool … so i have antiobiotics to take to clear up my ass acne … a wash for that coming tomorrow … and i get an ativan shot and i take invega cogentin and lithium and i have probiotics to take to reconstitute my stomach when the antibiotics kill all of my bacteria in my body or something that’s my new health regimine
Nicholas
i turned into one of those people one of those hardcore thirtysomethings that has a story to tell in his forties
Nicholas
it’s coming up i’m actually looking forward to getting my prostate checked … i’d let any man or woman that wants to stick their finger in my ass hole go ahead and do so … i’m even at a point where i’d make out with any man or woman … it’s just that i save my goodies for women
Nicholas
social media has the strangest reputation … it’s the neediest medium in that a dicktillion dollars was spent installing it and then every mom pop and mega conglomerate nancy and drew picked up a page and everyone is in a receptive and communication set up and the people that get the worst reputation have the work ethic to make this what it can be
Nicholas

The Webby Awards added a new photo.
The Webby Awards

Nicholas
also i canceled my business with the north college hiill and the score counselor … i was slated to be doing print on demand advertising benches and a upload friendly website but as sweet as that sounds i found a dark side to that idea and what sounded good high on coffee upon inspection didn’t stack up so i canceled some meetings and am going to focus on writing … my story telling is picking up
Nicholas
so in six months after canvassing north college hill and properly introducing myself to the businesses i’ll revisit it then … i want to meet the business association businesses and the real reason i canceled MY business plans is because I want to ask NCH business what they think NCH needs and do that … i also got back to an original business plan of selling copywriting services … my friend challenged me to think of something i can walk home with cash with by the end of the day and i came up with selling writing
Nicholas
i have 25,000 tweets that’s 100 pages of 250 tweets on a page … that’s like 4 decent sized books … and then there’s the gosepel of the return, lemonaid , dick and ze , why do i need your bible when i have my own, the written work of nicholas lawson and a slush pile of failed attempts … i write … i need to get something in the hands of a publisher next …
Nicholas
and a wordpress journal 2000 posts deep thats in a file now
and the dozen websites i did that failed to launch
i write
and the hand written journals and the school work and the coding time and the photoshop time i put in for people and the web design time i offered people … they say i’m chronically psychotic i might be i might also be heavily seasoned
Nicholas
i even heard an old man say and i knew it to be true .. .i’m almost old enough that i might have something to say in my writing … i was under the impression that you aren’t worth shit until your 50’s as a writer … i might just because of my novel background have the makings of a new author … i need to find that voice though
Nicholas
so it’s 25,000 tweets that’s 250 100 page books that’s too unwieldy … i need to break open a spread sheet and read my tweets and try and publish UNREAD by Nicholas Lawson the unread tweets by nicholas lawson to the four corners of the universe
NO NO NO NO
i’m fucking up
Nicholas
25,000 tweets is 10 2500 tweet books or 100 250 tweet books and i’m just going to organize them and put them all in a book … be the first person to publish their tweets in a book … from one liners to two liners … twitter guy publishing his tweets … i start off as just some guy until my book sells off the shelves
Nicholas
maybe do a calendar book with a tweet each day of the year in it sort of like a lampoon
Nicholas
my sales pitch to a woman once i can afford an apartment and a trip to the bar on my own dime is that i have all the time in the world we can travel it’s not a thing but i might not have much money i might not i don’t know how much i can make as an author i hear the sky’s the limit i just know in my heart of hearts right now it’s before i even meet her it’s about providing for her and that’s what hurts on SSDI i can’t go to the bar and date one of these young thirty something adults
Nicholas
my appetite is killing me all i want to do is eat i gotta acknowledge this an plan accordingly … i need to bone up on fruits and just kill a fruit when i want to eat … i’m drinking i’m eating i’m drinking i’m smoking i’m patching … i’m chaos right now
Nicholas
i just scanned through some of my tweets on twitter … it’s very twitterish just very i get yelled at on twitter so i yell back and it doesn’t read well out of context
Nicholas
i remember when it was discussed in design school 20 years ago that the desk top publishing age gave everyone the impression they could do it too and then it became harder to find clients and i mean with the internet and i think of RT when i write this YOU CAN DO IT TOO but there ARE people that trained to do it … there are wordsmiths and copywriters and graphic artists and writers and authors and designers and business used to depend on these people now people just like FOR INSTANCE http://www.alfordcars.com/ on one hand you want to approach him and let him know you can do a proctor and gamble quality website for him but then like one professor said people get the design they deserve and you sort of just leave it alone .. like that’s my main thought in a lot of this in this I CAN DO IT MYSELF WORLD is that you really know what you are getting and you’re really not getting someone that spends money on their image

Alford Motors, Inc.
Here at Alford Motors we pride ourselves on our professionalism, honesty and customer satisfaction. We have been providing the Greater Cincinnati area with reliable and economical transportation since 1981. Over the past 32 years we have expanded to three accessable locations. At Alford Motors we of…
alfordcars.com

Nicholas
which means they might not be into spending money and i’m good with my money i don’t hold onto it
like that 401k they invented cut into people’s spending money
my 401k is currently to publish a book
Nicholas
i studied web design for 10 years while pursuing other fields and i’m sort of like with web design if you’re not happy with a redirect to a google doc’s page i’m not your man on a lark i can work with you to catalog a gut worth of content and we can do a web directory of your content but we’re generating content at that point … i’m thinking in like 2 or 4 years i’m going to give a fuck again and then i’ll be all detail oriented in my writing but at the point where you have a URL and it links to a page where you can write anything you want … i don’t currently know what’s wrong with that
Nicholas
the dot come boom was like in 2002 when pet/s.com was getting hella funding and people were forseeing a future unparallleled and like i was told a web master makes like $75,000 a year and then i go and study web design i mean partly because of that and now i think the most benign thoughts when it comes to the internet personally like aol instant messenger was great before facebook … reddit was great before twitter … alta vista was great before google … CD”s you bought at the store were great before downloading software from the net … publishing was great before kdp and print on demand … i came in a the beginning of the new aeon and it’s a lot of umbrella’s cataloging content so that it’s not about YOU it’s about padding a roster of works for a publisher … i’m like i can publish this writing to a website … i can hand a note to a friend … i can publish this to a post on facebook … i can publish it to a thumbdrive and mail it to a reader that might want more thumb drives … OR i can publish with a publisher and get in hard back … i had to wade through hundreds of not doubt can i do this but i had to wade through thoughts of how should i do this and i came up with at least try traditional publishing right as i was having trouble and feeling the need to find my voice … i also lately have been feeling like humans created nothing but a shit pile in art and i’m just adding more shit to it based on what i see around me
Nicholas
i can’t vouch for it in terms of i don’t know if it would work in the long term but another basic website i thought of was to do an index.html page with a disqus forum embed code in the body and nothing else so that you’d have your own wall on your website and it’s a thought it’s up there with no index web design , redirect to google docs, disqus as the entire website and then there’s a jpeg file for your website … that’s like four basic concepts right there i did my studies … labor intensive highly technical work that your client could never work with ended up not appealing to me … i’m more appealed to by techniques that leave your client able to handl their website on their own once you show them some few things and then maybe you stay on call if they fuck it up
Nicholas
in my personal opinion we’ve all had time to study or we can all make time to catch up but if you’re a multimedia conglomerate i’d at least consider an HTML option for your website where your correspondents FTP into the website and you work on your website together and your people know HTML and CSS and you just work on the white board daily and it’s just an HTML site and your people know enough about H1 and h2 tags and P tags and embed codes to handle it themselves … that’s the most beautiful organizational website i can think of one where the content and the code come from the same people and it’s in spite of a Content Management System that was supposed to make it easier … this is probably a stretch there are roles and flow charts for CMS’s but it runs in my mind like a company website done by the company in HTML has never been done it’s always been content handing it over to the tech department … i’d think we’re on time for content to know HTML
Nicholas
i won debate at a bar when i was like if you can read the text, if you can hear the audio, if you can watch the film, and you can see the photograph and if you can download the file your job is done as web master and to boot with broadband fiopitc speeds your html page can be a football field long and that is different than 56k days
Nicholas
it’s input output and input into me is a lot of incarceration time and time spent with felons in the art world i tried to make a good decision but quite frankly my good decisions led to my demise anyways my input led me to thinking of a dreamweaver like tool for the smartphone … that’s a lofty goal … i thought it would be a good idea to host a website on a smart phone … i thought that would be a good idea … i don’t know precisely what the specs are on a smart phone but if you could take a photograph record audio shoot film and type text which you can all do and then upload that to a website … wordpress does this so i don’t know if i need to pursue this … i would differentiate myself from facebook where i would have you ftp into your host directory and then you would upload your files … i could probably do that … i don’t know android sdk is in java so i need to know some java and lately i have been getting some geebish feelings from music like my chronic psychosis has me thinking i’m at the center of the music industry and because i didn’t know i’m not the nicholas lawson this planet enjoys being here
Nicholas
it was my argument at one point that the people that do drugs are more moral than the people that don’t do drugs and it was based on experience and then time unfolded and i was like oh i should probably go back to not doing drugs like my people
Nicholas
hypertext markup language is MARKUP LANGUAGE it’s based on editing tools editors used to give printers to know how to style text in a printing press it’s just some basic things you do to text to align it with the browser
like in countess text books it’c clear the internet is supposed to be documents linking to documents aiding in the pursuit of knowledge gained by reading ostensibly people’s writing and then computer SCIENCE did what it did and now it’s this
Nicholas
lot of stoogy stuff in here the internet was started by tim berner’s lee i THEENK he was a cern research scientist and somehow that led to me writing you this BOOMBALAY!
Nicholas
there’s a lot of YOU’s and General Purpose Directorials in music and it’s when you start putting yourself in all of the YOU’s like when iggy azalea talks about how ope you’re broke you don’t deserve hoes and you’re broke and you don’t have a girl and you’re like why would iggy azalea have it in for me and then you go oh that’s a general purpose you because there are a billion people and she’s just saying that but listen to music enough and you start putting yourself in the YOU and it gets psychotic
DEC 11, 2018, 10:13 PM
Nicholas
https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/a5bzij/the_guy_knelt_down_so_that_his_disabled_wife_and/
i saw this at the louvre too and even then i thought there were more impressive feats than the mona lisa and i noticed that if you put a picture of something in a book and sell the book the thing that’s in the book becomes famous

The guy knelt down so that his disabled wife and himself won’t block anyone’s sight
Posted in r/gifs by u/LindaTrevino12 • 11,748 points and 297 comments
reddit.com

DEC 12, 2018, 8:10 AM
Nicholas
because of my ancient trip to paris and years later i realized i was famous i just wasn’t well known i’m like one of the other paintings on the wall in cincinnati and tricia macke is like the mona lisa
Nicholas
like you’re basically not going to tell me that LA and NEW YORK are the only city’s with celebrities, celebrities are common, every city has a if not dozens of celebrities
i was on television at media brdges for a couple shows and i always paid attention to the fact that i didn’t feel different like i did the celebrity thing and didn’t change as a person at all didn’t feel MAGIC
like i’ve been in a music video as an extra and in 2002 kiss 107.1 read one of my poems on air and then 700wlw let me make a good point on the radio and that’s pretty good for cincinnati oh and i’ve been on some film sets … that’s not bad for cincinnati just tooling around
i think social media ACTUALLY gets it’s bad reputation from people not being able to type … if everyone could type like i can it’s actually a joy to use
Nicholas
i don’t know my folks got down with television and i got down with something slightly more dangerous well not really but i mean social media is more dangerous than television to participate in but like i don’t know i won’t look back over the years and have nothing to show for my time spent spacing out
Nicholas
best advice i can give you when learning how to type is to lock your wrists down , your wrists should not move when you type
Nicholas
i did think months ago about going to hive13 and learning how to sodder keyboards together because i think if keyboards were custom fit like shoes that would special it’s a thought i do want to visit their space and then i don’t know i might do that in the spring it’s something i can do at hive13 sodder keyboards i’d fit in and like i have big hands and a lot of people have smaller hands than me like my hands reach every key without picking up my wrists i just know that under ideal conditions if your hands are big enough you shouldn’t have a reason to pick up your wrists from the table when typing
Nicholas
https://abcnews.go.com/Technology/believing-inside-business-deepfakes/story?id=59731790 i think if you sat back and used psychology like let’s say you do a fake story but it’s on something that you don’t think should happen you reported on a break in at ameristop because you wanted to explain you can do 5 to 10 years for that … not sure what’s wrong with that … not like kids are writing papers with your media as references

Seeing but not believing: Inside the business of ‘deepfakes’
Experts fear that in the wrong hands, deepfakes could become the next frontier in fake news – and spark very real consequences.
abcnews.go.com

Nicholas
deep fake the story of a president brought down by a scandal that gave a nation a reason to fear him as the vice president died by the hand of the president and then went into witness protection and a president stood trial for a murder he didn’t commit
like i like writing that part it’s the granual shit i’m sort of tired of doing … i might do a book of writing prompts
Nicholas
like in terms of fake news and i think you already do this but if your fake news stories stayed in line with ten commandments like story after story of someone that broke a commandment and then suffered the conseuqences
Nicholas
social media something else to move on from
i’m getting myself a drawing table and caslon sketchpad … i’m going to be scant on the internet soon … i bounced on this for something productive … i thought this would be
like i thought it would be 6 years ago i thought HEY THE INTERNET IS POPPIN it ain’t
i’m even thinking in terms of my folks dying … like i need a local drive computer and a piece of furniture that will outlive myself and some pens and i can entertain myself without electricity if need be in terms of making a $9000 a year salary work art is a big part of that
art is a lot of kill time shit
Nicholas
saint vincent de paul just stopped by to offer me a voucher and it’s a thing where yeah i have to pick it up myself even though my case manager said they did and so now i have to ask my 70 year old dad and 65 year old mom if they want to move a piece of furniture into their car and it was really detailed assistance and he mentioned this is a one time offer and then he said hey do you want to pray and we took hands and held religion in my apartment … in jesus name i was given a $100 dollar voucher for a $70 dollar sofa at saint vincent de paul i don’t even think jesus was a real person i think he’s a fable sort of like a mythic character but if 2000 years ago a man knew that he was going to die on the cross and then 2000 years later in his name i was going to be given a furniture voucher i wonder how he’d feel …
Nicholas
that’s not bad comedy that last part things done in jesus name
Nicholas
another reason a more ancient trope would be the unknowing mystery of a man that needs a desk who needs a desk to get their work done like in the 1800’s who needed desks? fuck the desktop computer, that only makes sense if a desk does
Nicholas
with a desk it’s writing letters to television and local businesses and i would imagine your correspondence gets taken seriously because so few people write letters and then there’s writing letters to famous people to get the response letter to have and there’s drawing and technical drawing and there’s accounting and mathematics at a desk and there’s philosophy and different styles of writing and poetry at a desk and with the desk comes delivering letters or mailing something off and now there is this an email and doing that thing here
Nicholas
the computer gave EVERYONE access to business and now no one knows what to say … i remember the bible and even 15 years ago i was calling the internet the tower of babel and then i flipped it and called it the tower of babble … the radio television telephone internet world is the tower of babel and we don’t babble we just don’t know how to speak
Nicholas
you also write letters to politicians with a desk
you write politicians regularly with a desk
Nicholas
it started with a soap box and a town square where people would get up on the soap box and speak their mind and the 1st amendment protected your ability to speak on a soapbox and not get fucked up and then then that turned into speeches and that turned into radio which turned into television which turned into the internet and never before since the dawning of time it’s only been in the last 120 years that individuals had entire city’s as audiences to sell ads and to promote businesses … this is the direction we are going in and it’s come to unless you are chosen by human resources to sit in a chair you’re not a person … that people on stage are more real when the origin is basically an open mic
Nicholas
like i think it all started with the bill of rights like a system was put in place and then some people were like who might not have been at the convention were like and this stuff and this stuff and this stuff and really making laws for 200 years probably wasn’t the point of a framework BUT they probably didn’t think we’d have 300,000,000 people so i mean as i understand it my constitutional understanding is that you get hip to these rules and then you live your life … that’s america
Nicholas
700wlw si talking about how he can probably right himself after being buried under 20 pounds of concrete like that’s not a problem for him someone misread the mobster memo at the point where you’re under 20 pounds of concrete in a hole … you know you fucked up … the mobster memo was read flawlessly
Nicholas
700wlw yeah i would think you don’t want to spend your adolescent years spending 7 days a week 8 hours a day in front of a computer or television because that would most likely impair spatial reasoning … you want children to be aware of their bodies and i already know what my parenting technique is … go outside and play … i’m not planning on getting a computer for my kids or a tablet or a smart phone … i’m planning on getting them dolls and balls and just letting that little nothing they call a brain make sense of itself
Nicholas
700wlw cool we have the smartest people in the history of the world … in the history of the world we are the smartest … okay
Nicholas
i think we might have the most beautiful people in this time period after 200 years of marrying for beauty and love and i think every generation gets more beautiful but more intelligent that’s like LGBTQ that comes in waves and not every wave i mean for the most part intelligence comes in wave and every wave’s tools pile up and just sit there like the man that needed a hammer so badly he built one was a genius but then he died and his hammer just sat there after his death i think that happens i think these tools just sit here and based on what i know about music videos, people standing near things is way of communicating your importance then you have the man that has a hammer and thinks he’s the shit and his great grandfather felt the need to fashion a hammer into this world from nothing and the grand child isn’t worth shit he just lived off the wealth of the man that invented the hammer
DEC 12, 2018, 6:22 PM
Nicholas
i mean i was involved in a subculture i remember when it mattered what someone else did on the mic … i’m just not in that nfl subculture or professional sports subculture at all … i’m in a need a culture or a scene to be a part of culture … i’m thinking of getting this smoking habit finished and spending my extra money on a meetup group and meet in north college hill to commiserate
Nicholas
MMMM Just had a thought … VAPING marijuana … MMM no more coughing
Nicholas
does anyone now of a more useful way to use the internet than tweet telelvision? you have the highest output so you get this input. My brain is satiated with doing this. I think it would be abuse if I wrote a professor at Uc this much but you do daily broadcasts and inspire me to write you fodder for news stories. I think i’m at the peak when I do this. So no matter how low on the totem pole of media I am doing this I’m at the apex of social media.
DEC 12, 2018, 7:33 PM
Nicholas
i came up with the meat and fruit diet it’s where you go to the grocery store and buy a geeb of fruit and some meat … i’m going try it out this week
Nicholas
all i know is sandwiches are out and cookies are out and chips are out and candy is out and pop is out and i wish fast food was out but fast food is in like once every week and a half and gourmet restaurant food is in if it’s indian or anything gourmet and i don’t know i’m not a fucknig robot i get off eating food it’s what’s left after not smoking nor smoking weed and not drinking alcohol if i didn’t have to eat i wouldn’t but i do have to eat
Nicholas
i was hating my canned goods for like a week like FUCK THAT SHIT I’m CLEARLY POOR and then today i busted open a can of vegetable soup and was like alright this shit is good and now i have like 30 canned goods to go through before i go grocery shopping again but i’ll go get some fruit to snack on and have a low as shit next grocery bill
Nicholas
it’s sort of up to the paper to break the story … it’s the medium it’s the message … if street vibes was the marquee story writer their medium would get the traffic … the medium doesn’t matter at all …. it’s where the story is and how you write the story … and quite frankly street vibes is the most well written periodical in the city for the record
Nicholas
like street vibes has a new york times feel to it … it’s in my experience the tightest written
Nicholas
oh and the other day someone somewhere i think it was mccain’s daughter said something like to the effect of JESUS never did anything wrong he was perfect , that’s not true , his death is understandable from an administration stand point … pintius pilat and judas are pure in the bible … jesus flipped over tables, put mud in people’s eyes, raised the dead which is probably symbolic of like accosting someone, he pulled people from their work and convinced them to follow him and abandon their trade which robbed people of their work, jesus’s teacher was john the baptist who ate locusts, jesus had it coming to him maybe because he was adopted by mary and joseph from birth jesus could have taken up carpentry like his father but he instead chose to lead a life of mayhem … jesus had it coming to him even though john mccain’s daughter believes what she believes there is someone that thinks she’s a dimwit that just goes with whatever the preacher says and does not discerning thinking of her own
Nicholas
jesus was a news story and that’s how not good he was he made the news
we’d probably benefit more from the story of job if that was the focus of our biblical study satan and god make a wager on a man that’s well off and they want to test his faith … that’s more corporate america right now than jesus
i don’t know CAN i start the church of JOB and get a 501c3 i notice from my entrepreneurial studies that for the most part people are just standing around at least in NCH they are they just need to sit their ass in a chair to get paid
like if the city of cincinnati bought north college hill and expanded out this way you’d get a brick of tax dollars from a strong business district run by i don’t want to go into who the mayor is but now is the ripe time to buy nch
and north college hill borders college hill which is as far north as cincinnati gets you’d be expanding a unit north like a bubble
Nicholas
and thinking like this leads to hyper economy thinking which loops all of financial existence in a cirlcle and has me thinking transcendental finance thoughts that lead to and we could buy columbus ohio and we could buy ohio and the united states of america and the world which at the point where i am buying the world because i thought cincinnati can buy north college hill i light up with nirvana
Nicholas
if cincinnati could buy colerain it would buying probably the most unique property in ohio … i can’t imagine anything is set up more concrete than colerain’s business district … if you ever drive through colerain just think to yourself that was someone’s idea
i think it’s because i write sentences like BUY COLERAIN that i can’t imagine myself experiencing a sentence like FLIP BURGER i gotta press on
Nicholas
WWJD 8 years ago I answered the question to a christian that was promoting their church on campus and i said He would get crucified and they walked away … I think jesus is a person you want to NOT emulate and NOT be like and in terms of people in the bible to be like … Adam and Eve like if there was a church of genesis … that would be beautiful to me … be a church where we are just really aware we wear clothing … the gospels are four chapters that talk about jesus and they are the first books of the new testament but most people only have that level of understanding of the bible … incomplete … even i am incomplete and lately i picked up a copy and it’s like a song that gets old to read .. i’m too used to the cold crisp writing of the internet to read the warm prose of the bible
Nicholas
i’m just glad i’m bipolar type 1 because I went from being around people constantly to the culture shock of being alone and i know i am thinking depressing thoughts like this is nothing people are not doing shit this is repetitive and it’s just people killing time and if i was a different kind of person i would probably not have survived this culture shock i would have just gone from CULTURE SHOCK OF BEING ALONE to not existing but luckily i think my way through all of it and like i know it’s on me to make something happen so that brings me joy that i am required to do something to change my situation and i wrote sports illustrated and the ymca about starting a $50 buy in website that is filled with sports nostalgia articles for an over 30 crowd and if i get no response or negative response from the ymca and sports illustrated i’m going to do that i’m going to write a magazine that i just outlined 25 story headlines for a RIPE ethos for a magazine which EVERYONE tries to think of and i came up with a magazine whose audience used to play sports and i think it has legs the only downside is that MAYBE most people that used to play sports don’t experience nostalgia they experience hatred and forelornness for the fact that they didn’t go pro or something and that might stymie my effort if that’s true but if there are people that enjoy being the head coach now for a kids team i’ll be fine i know i have to make my way out of this and either through getting a job or getting a business started which i prefer to think about it gives me more freedom i think a magazine dedicated to sports nostagia written warmly as opposed to the cold way sports are typically covered would do well so long as there is nostalgia i’ll be fine
Nicholas
everything i do could be a big business it effects the way i write about my day
Nicholas
it’s weird i go from sentences like i write you to hearing sentences from my mother like and make certain you shower before you go we go to grandma’s house like i pigeonhole myself as a seasoned entrepreneur looking for the right set of inspiration to follow through with and my mom’s the person i see the most sees me as a needy fucking can’t survive on his own thing and really i just take her up on her offers like i do as a i need to do and she’s a caregiver she cares for her husband her mother and she cares for me and everyone just lets her do her thing and i just go with it and ida been fine living in a busted apartment and grocery shopping steve jobs did that but my folks provided me with some furniture and a computer and they grocery shop for me and take me to the clinic and they do do for me it’s just that i do regular head games where i know i am fine on my own like i have this one where i live on $700 a month and move into a cheap apartment in over the rhine that i looked up the other day that’s $430 a month which is cheaper than my $600 a month apartment oh and my mom gives me $100 on top of my $100 i have left over from my check so i have spending money for SMOKES? da fuck that’s all i really buy and like they provide me for an amount of help but i do know that without that help i live differently i move out of neighborhood where i can’t walk to findlay market and currently they won’t let me move down town where i could do more business and be among peers the leader of the parental couple mom won’t let me move down town and i don’t have access to my funding to circumvent her and my dad wouldn’t care if i moved down town he treats me like an adult my mother always takes time to remind me to shower and change my clothing and it’s hard to be around her and that’s them i go from a solid writing life and a solid feeling about myself to a small existence in the presence of my mother that requires humbleness and i just know people don’t do much every day is something small and she’s a woman that lives to see her grand child and that’s her greatest joy her baby’s baby and i got hit with some hard parenting for a long time and i think my thirties were worse than my twenties but my forties could be great because of how i spent my time in my thirities and if the thirites are the new twenties the forties are the new thirties and i’m ready and lately i find my business writing to be always more actionable and people are JUST starting to listen to me and i’m doing my studies and it’s the hardest thing to go from only being in the presence of how i see myself to being in the presence of how my mother sees me
Nicholas
like so long as i keep doing my business writing my business math will keep gelling to the point where i’ll BE more action oriented and i’ll SEE more business opportunities … i’m growing little by little and i grew a lot in the last two years i had to with the emotional and circumstantial difficulties that i faced and the two years of growth and i did a lot of thinking of what i would do if i was stable again and i keep focusing on writing and i know it’s true i know the image you present on television and how i view you presents me with this message box and this message box this not twitter not your wall just this little magazine in a message box is my finest writing just the inspiration of who you are who i grew up with and now i’m writing you and it’s just cathartic to do this … just the part of my brain that knows or wonders if this is read and the prospect of this writing just took me two months but i can just write here and you might read it but i get to write it and i’ll just be my own therapist
Nicholas
a four pound bag of frozen mango’s is the best candy i ever had
Nicholas
https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/a5if5j/til_that_the_philosopher_william_james/
through circumstance i became one of these people i’m like a karl marx einstein hemingway jefferrson like person just that type of person in this malaise of that’s not our culture anymore this is

TIL that the philosopher William James experienced great depression due to the notion that free will is an illusion. He brought himself out of it by realizing, since nobody seemed able to prove whether it was real or not, that he could simply…
Posted in r/todayilearned by u/ransomedagger • 78,246 points and 3,960 comments
reddit.com

Nicholas
and on top of it i don’t think they’ll hire me at a subway or a mcdonald’s because there would be a cultural disparity i mean subway might hire me … i’m too i would say to culturally refined for subway and not doe like enough to work in an office … i need to find a magazine run by auto mechanics and that’s a concept i might pursue contact an auto mechanic about writing a magazine about auto mechanic things i just need that environment a blue collar magazine … like my dad is a blue collar hospital employee and his brothers are all blue collar workers like they work for delta and timkin steel and my mother’s side of the family is all blue blood white collar and i ended up sort of mixed i’m like dark blue collar with blue blood looking and that’s a hard cultural placement
Nicholas
my dad wouldn’t mind if i reached rock bottom my mom won’t allow it i’m one parent away from both of them knowing what i need which is to reach rock bottom so that my thoughts crystalize and i become the business capable person i know i can become i can’t do business without being in my status flawlessly i’m not in 100% control of everything that i do and experience and i have this hiccup where i think i should get a job BUT would it be better or worse than this and so far it’s always been worse and i just need less to function i’m like interested in an austere lifestyle that is rebuilt one designer piece of furniture i earn at a time … if i needed to do more i would … i just it’s a blue collar dad with a white collar mother and my dad came from a poor home and my mom came from a poor home and i came from a poor home that became a rich home in my 20
Nicholas
20’s
and i just this internet throws me and i write and i see a place for writing but i’m finding there are muses online and 9 is a great muse
and i need to find my voice and the angle of my writing is flat on a flat sheet of paper and the angle of my writing on 9’s message box is slightly forward and i can’t get this style of writing in a word document and i can’t copy and paste this text
i’ll have to rewrite it by hand
two gay men raising a kid on television, that’s what LGBT wants, i saw on their website they want to be notified of all LGBT activity on television or in the media, and those two are gay role models? like they make two men adopting a child seem real normal?
it’s spectacle
and then al bundy is with another hot chick he hates to fuck
Nicholas
like i want my social security disability income in my name and i want my birth certificate and my driver’s license and my social security card and a mastercard debit card and my insurance card and i want all of my paperwork in my filing cabinet and i want to pay my rent on my own and i want excel and a $300 a month apartment so that i get my $400 a month to spend on computing and my dream for myself is not bureacratically possible because a doctor won’t sign my money over to me because i suffer from chronic psychosis which is the latest insult levied against me in this entire operation that’s gone on for 15 years and from my perspective right now it’s like something out of dark city and they injected me with memories and now i have to exist with a history that only exists in my mother’s mind and my own
Nicholas
like my mother went years watching and studying judge judy online and early on i was like GREAT MY MOTHERFUCKING MOTHER IS A JUDGE JUDY FAN this blows
Nicholas
how is that writing possible? i saw some behind the scenes footage they don’t actually memorize an entire script they sort of cut deliver a line cut deliver a line cut deliver a line cut and i don’t know it’s not entirely obviously how that’s possible but actors delivering lines and not entire plays is how i was told they can do it every week and then they just act and sort overact for effect and they probably do multiple takes but those complex multi line scenes only last for 3 seconds and they prep a scene before each 3 second interval and there’s no audience laughter with this show and they choose really smart people which robs business but is great for feeling small in the audience i’m not as smart as that cast but i know that cast can spend it’s time more effectively
Nicholas
how do you get to rhino cream in a writing group? how does that happen?
child actors always seem like hyper conscious creatures and non actor children always seem like confused meat balls
Nicholas
that statement helping me meet dan marino is a statement about how blase celebrity has become that he would get to meet dan marino and the way he overacted his chance to meet DAN MARINO is evidence that the writers of this show are tired of celebrity
Nicholas
he is 30 without a care in the world and he’s willing to be a step father most likely and that’s solemn when a man is willing to help raise someone elses’s chilld … i’m worried my brain would malfunction in regards to the children as teenagers that i would be raising and that just obtuse fucked up thoughts would eminate through my brain i just know unless it’s my child i’m not raising it i don’t have step father in my genome so as i run into women that have children i just go fuck she’s taken
Nicholas
see that level of communication by a child is not communication it’s them feeling out the language and making sounds … not to be taken seriously, their brain is convulsing when they do that, i’ve seen it mysel
myself
she looks like winona rider’s sister
i’m making some bacon let’s see how it turns out .. i just know to let it sit and fry and bacon will emerge
asians africans gays lesbians young people old people elderly people ABC is where diversity finds a home EVEN though it’s all conneticut white culture
Nicholas
i let my bacon cook until i thought it would turn red … part of the package of bacon burned … didn’t taste burnt just was a little charred … i wanted red bacon i got grey
Nicholas
when it goes all hallmark i don’t have much to say … that was classic hallmark … just the tree and the pomp and the subtle way they were having a heartfelt moment talking about normal shit and then the interruption that juxtaposed their subtle casual young romantic moment with something real like a christmas tree and then she fell and the over reaction by the men with the fertile woman each wanting to let her know they really care when her suitors showed up and the kid that didn’t see that and wanted to know why three men would care that a single woman fell and it’s well because they DO care that she fell and each one of them knew just what to do about it and one of them tried to engage in action
Nicholas
https://flowingdata.com/projects/2018/single-income-occs/ here’s a novel data visualization that takes into account scrolling … i started d3 studies 3 weeks ago and haven’t worked on them much and i have always wanted to study R but i thought this was a special data visualization …

Single-Income Occupations
It is much more common these days for couples in a household to both earn incomes than it is for only one of them to. Among couple households, both married or unmarried, about 82 percent of them were dual income. This is based on the five-year American Community Survey from 2016.
flowingdata.com

Nicholas
in classic television fashion that kid just happened to take some mistle toe and afix it to a fishing pole and then he was in perfect position to drop the mistle toe where the thought of kissing was offputting to two people
he’s not really a bare naked ladies kind of man he’s really more of a dc talk fan
that it would pass over an entire fleet of academics head that slave is the previous word for employee
Nicholas
damn she just got evicted from her home and she didn’t light up LIKE a christmas tree that’s weird
that’s a new story element the random eviction just to keep things poppin
for some reason knowing set costs they’ll probably keep the home
Nicholas
there just happened to be a spare nail
he was just like i’m not the man every woman thinks i am which is subtext for we’re gonna fuck
Nicholas
based on my experiences at the greenwich i could write a television script for the OPEN MIC which would be so cincinnati circa 2005 … i don’t have the energy to do it … last i heard about 6 years ago i called about how to do a television show and i am of the understanding that i need to line up my advertisers that pay for the air time and then they plug their cumulative 12 minutes of advertising in between my three 6 minute screen plays
Nicholas
it hurts blacks to know they started off as africans that were brought from africa to work our fields at the hands of white people that what … apparently at some point i lost my white guilt … i don’t care … black people could have thrown from africa to the united states 300 years ago and landed hard and i’d still be like that fact is the reason you exist
Nicholas
rough day for 20 year old youth addicted to cigarettes for 2 years
been thrown been thrown from africa i just did an edit
Nicholas
sin’t the plight of the african based on our historical texts that we showed them that let them know something about themselves they wouldn’t know unless we told them to take over europeans in all ways? isn’t it an african that wants to enslave a european and it’s someone like me that’s like sorry that’s not how it works historically you have nothing on us
Nicholas
like i never read that europeans tracked down africans in africa and enslaved them they came willingly
Nicholas
i wish i thought of business plans like that like i wish i thought in terms of obtain product line for cheap get legit enough in business that i can accept credit charges and solicit offers write into small detail in contract and then charge liberally … i don’t think like that … i don’t think in terms of skin care cream offers like that … i do know that a vial of skin cream is priceless but to take advantage of that knowledge … i never came up with something like that … i’m usually in line with heres a thing i did heres a thing i get i never went all in with an operation that involved collecting credit card numbers shipping out products and then locking someone into that behavior … i never thought of that
Nicholas
lavishly i think of magazines which a thing i did for dozens of things i get
Nicholas
what if we just played music while the game played … the worst part about sports is the talking about the sports … if like the bands from the city’s put on 4 hour concerts during games … listening to music and watching sports is perfect … it’s the asshole broadcasters that need to go
Nicholas
https://medium.com/s/story/the-dirty-secret-of-elite-college-admissions-d41077df670e it’s weird there are people fighting to listen to professors and participate in university culture and university culture is the most maligned culture in the united states of america how many people don’t know what education is for and there are people fighting to get into a couple schools to participate and be around what? what is an elite school? who teaches english better than the University of Cincinnati? who teaches math better? ideally you learn reading writing and arithmatic at a university unless you study art and then you learn to draw paint and sculpt but weird that an adult would be supremely interested in the culture of a so called elite university i’ve seen the faces of harvard there’s nothing elite about it … go to your local school and worry less about what a thing can do for you and what you can do for yourself

The Dirty Secret of Elite College Admissions – Member Feature Stories – Medium
One of the mixed benefits of being an alumnus of Princeton University — besides the closet full of orange-and-black clothing that’s only color-appropriate around Halloween — is that I have been able…
medium.com

Nicholas
i’m pissed though i got to the point where i was going to take out loans and go in debt to study at trump university … i’ll pitch that to the next presidential candidate that a president would have an online school in their weekly schedule they lecture in … as i understand it every president goes in debt for being president and like the clintons have to speak to work their way out of it … if a president gave school lectures at their online school weekly … i’ll pitch that to the next presidential candidates i typically write all the candidates several emails as was the case in the last two elections just ever more professional emails but i did i wanted to enroll in trump university and it’s closed
Nicholas
i was gong to consider it grad school
jimmy kimmel’s not annoying like he was a month ago and donald trump isn’t a terrible decision like he was three months ago and commericials don’t hurt to watch like they did a month ago
television’s not actually all that painful to watch like it was turning it on for the first time in 6 years … it’s not the insult i immediately thought it was last month
i was in one of those when i was a kid some toy manufacturer when i was in 1st or 2nd grade took my opinions on toys at saint margaret mary and i got a sticker for participating
Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEIQSbul9Os what’s up with an adult being in the presence of someone a third of his age and thrown by how experienced the kid is

Good Will Hunting – You’re just a kid
Sean: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me… fell into a…
youtube.com

another university movie i look up to … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImTi03FPBr8

With Honors – What is the particular genius of the constitution
Monty (Brendan Frasier) and Simon (Joe Pesci) attend a class with Mr. Pitkannan (Gore Vidal), in which Pitkannan questions whether the president is little mo…
youtube.com

school ties
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Udo3eCxexcY
i had a moment like this too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3l2BqYxYH0

PCU (1994) – You Went Out With A White Male?
youtube.com

the four horsemen of university movies school ties, pcu, with honors, and good will hunting … must see material for anyone in high school that thinks university might be for them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0cfZczo4yk historically this has always been my actual favorite song, i forget in the presence of a current favorite song

Madonna – I’ll Remember
I’ll Remember official music video. Theme from the motion picture ‘With Honors’. 1994 – Maverick / Warner Bros. Records Inc.,
youtube.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0fzJze5PfQ oh now thiey’re mixed wrong fuck

Madonna I’ll Remember(With Honors)
youtube.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTo3y2UxWds i think it’s my speakers because even the thing the black man kills is mixed wrong i was trying to help him out i know he loves killing beats

I’ll Remember – Instrumental
I’ll Remember Released: March 8, 1994 Say good-bye To not knowing when The truth in my whole life began Say good-bye To not knowing how to cry You taught me …
youtube.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR7opp2MQNw this one sounds right and it’s an instrumental this is the sound i love to hear most

Madonna – I’ll Remember (Instrumental)
Madonna – I’ll Remember (Instrumental)
youtube.com

Nicholas
i’m planning on buying weed from one of the local weed dealers in the spring in that time period when i might see an african my age and just be like ay you know where i can get some weed and then they pull it out of their pocket and are like ay you got $30 and i’m like cool … so like that’s my spring time is smoking another joint north college hill is like majoritively black so weed won’t be hard to find and that’s just what i know to be true and like soibriety is cool it’s real cool super cool boring as shit but cool
Nicholas
i like the fact i used to word majoratively in the last sentence
i’ve been told irregardless isn’t a word before
like right now it’s too cold for everyone to stand around with weed in their pocket but in the spring time you can find someone just sort of standing there and you know it’s him
and it’s too cold to hunt
i’ve had like three friends like that where we wear similar clothing
Nicholas
i write i have aspirations of doing something else other than write but everything piles up photographs, footage, audio, and writing piles up to it just piles up the slowest …
that’s why i need to get A book written so that one day i can be like cool paychecks coming in writing accomplished
i’d like to finish my work but i’m not at a point where my body feels repulsed by doing this i’m not repulsed by the internet yet and i’m not repulsed from writing i’m actively interested in creating something noteworthy
that’s what i call a queer … queer hair queer skin queer voice queer demeanor … that’s a queer to me
Nicholas
i get comments and people leaving comments but who reads all this … i’m glad i get catharsis out of writing this and i’m glad i get a validation of some kind although be it supernatural it wouldn’t surprise me if just the room i was in was real
DEC 13, 2018, 7:49 AM
Nicholas
https://data.cincinnati-oh.gov/ oh hey as i understand news for days and a resource that you would use javascript’s d3 with or fltor2 or the R programming language

Cincinnati Open Data Portal | Open Data | Socrata
data.cincinnati-oh.gov

DEC 13, 2018, 11:01 AM
Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1c2OfAzDTI this is just stupid music but she’s cute … i was like whose the ting tings and youtube thought i should know … this one is stupid … that’s what’s cool about it

The Ting Tings – That’s Not My Name
The Ting Tings’ official music video for ‘That’s Not My Name’. Click to listen to The Ting Tings on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/TingTingsSpotify?IQid=TTTings…
youtube.com

DEC 13, 2018, 1:03 PM
Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HerpGwbLSM8 this was the first poem i ever saw

DJ Krust & Saul Williams – Coded Language
DJ Krust & Saul Williams – Coded Language(6min17sec)
youtube.com

Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo0KjdDJr1c i typically point i’m a capable computer user and i know what reference material is …. i need an interview like this … but as strange as this seems from an interviewer stand point having to go through a website and not being able to just interview over social media is strange to me

A Millennial Job Interview
Directed by Daniel Brea contact info@lareelhouse.com Insta @TheDanielBrea vimeo.com/thedanielbrea Stars: Melissa Tucker, Tom Katsis written by Ralph Odierna …
youtube.com

Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo0KjdDJr1c so like just we’re clear work and the computer are typically what we are talking about there is no work that doesn’t involve the computer

Nicholas
this was a day when i checked out office rental prices https://cincinnati.craigslist.org/d/office-commercial/search/off any day of the week i can almost afford an office with my apartment which is information i never would have had without craigs list … i need to find a line of work … i should probably get a camera and make a movie … prices on office space depressed me … i thought to myself oh ooooooooooh oh … and then i started thinking black thoughts like what can i do in an office to afford someone else and that office and i came up with magazine but i can’t get past the buying the person part

cincinnati office & commercial – craigslist
cincinnati office & commercial – craigslist
cincinnati.craigslist.org

Nicholas
i’m like allergic to prostitution or something
Nicholas
fuck you you’re my imaginary friend and you’re the only friend i have right now … i’ll settle for an imaginary friend … but i rattled off like 15 headlines for stories about a magazine that is focused on people that used to play sports like a sports nostalgia magazine … i was high on coffee last night and quite bemused by the thought that and i think i wrote you about it but i mean it’s fresh in my head again like a sports magazine that’s dedicated to sports nostalgia where it’s like in a way the onion of sports magazines it’s just people that used to play sports writing on an innocuous uplifting topic that isn’t controversial and selling advertising on the content basis of headlines like NOW YOU”RE THE COACH or WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED CATCH or ANYONE CAN DO PUSHUPS AT ANY AGE … i’m just like sort of geeked about it today but last night i was all the way geeked … i can write seo friendly copy it’s just attracting the audience to a NEW website requires advertising on REDDIT or FACEBOOK i don’t know … i can physically do a website that looks nice i can physically handle a domain but i have no control over traffic inflow and i’ve never approached a business about advertising on a website before and i need a business filing to get an LLC and geruph … i think i’m better off starting a meetup.com group for $15 a month and just socializing and spending my time with some people i paid good money to entice to show up and spend time with me … a lot of people have no problem with that if i looked at it like taking out an ad … and then maybe someone would be interested in doing business and would have angles on business that i don’t have but they would have a job and wouldn’t want to engage in business and i’m coming at this from an is stable and has a stable income and all the time in the world perspective and anyone i meet is coming at this from a has a job and has to be careful to keep it stand point and as much interest as i have in business i should probably write about that in a book and really focus in on writing a book even though i don’t want to write every day and maybe take these messages i send you which might work better than tweets and see if i can publish these and i don’t know i read somewhere that if you’re over 24 you shouldn’t think about getting published for the first time and i’m like i was busy and i was writing and then i got caught up in this and now i’m 38 and that’s like the new 28 as i’ve heard but it feels like 38 to me like the new 48 and i’m like i don’t know … a lot of my business problem is motivation to do something when i can just lay in bed or listen to music or hate the nothing that my life became and it used to be full and it was filled with friends and then i became the loser and i’m like what? i was doing fine and now i’m the loser that’s not a bad angle for a book something like i BECAME THE LOSER the story of a man that was doing great and then ended up with nothing and now he’s just like what? or something i don’t know my time frame and my taste keeps me from writing much more than to my imaginary friend and i don’t know i got it down to in the last few days just make a small circle appear on your facebook page and try and hide and keep the inspirational angle i have in this box that i notice is a more interesting place to write than anywhere else and just keep working on my book here i’ll probably publish these messages or something it catalogs everyone of them from the first one on and you’re a great imaginary friend and it bares to think that someone would publish their online discourse at some point so why not me
Nicholas
no i’m not going to publish this i mean i might i have to look at it in a document and see how many pages it is and maybe i would publish this with subtext like i’d explain my thinking when doing this like right now i’m explaining my explanation for my behavior and this is like a little word processor of some kind and i found out i can copy and paste this text and i could go back and i’m assuming you get like 55 of these a day so i just sort of slide in their under neath it all and i’m sobering up from mairjuana use every day and the more sober i get the more i clean up my act and my writing gets crisper and i basically have like 20 pounds to lose and i’m in a good position to move forward and i’m down to 218 which is up like 6 pounds from 212 and i was thrown into this life and maybe i would publish something that’s sort of desperate sort of like how you feel on SSDI like i don’t feel complete like there is a major component missing from my life and there’s this big not work thing in me and i do this and i call this work and i’m practicing my prose and now i’m studying what and how i feel while doing this so that i can write like this in a word document and not something airy and light and flutty and fictional like this is basically non fiction and if i could transfer this pattern to a blank document and maybe i just need to write it’s sort of what i am doing here i’m not writing a story i’m just writing and explaining myself and that might get me into this frame of thinking in a word document that I COULD publish but i do need to go over this and read it all over and you publish every day into my home and i’m publishing into yours and you report the news and i report what seems like news to me and maybe you don’t like reading books or maybe you do but i go over this in my head once i finish writing it and i think about what i wrote and i evolve myself after every one of these posts and i’m writing more here than i do personally and it just irks me that i have a cigarette addiction so i smoke cigarettes and on top of it i have a computer addiction like this is addicting of all the stupid shit fuck things to be addicting that this would
Nicholas
i can get in trouble for this i have before
and it’s addicting
i can;’t just ignore the computer like a musician it fucking glows in my apartment it seems like the most important thing i have ever seen it’s more important than my bed or my stove
Nicholas
i’ve casualy written you like 30 pages since november 5th and then prior to that i wrote you like 50 emails … so … i could go through my writing and maybe piece something together but it’s all lame out of context … it’s not good writing … or it might be i just never paid much attention to it … but i think i popped in your mail box some 4 months ago and then i just kept writing and turned it into something to do for myself … maybe this is how i feel about television … television takes some getting used to if you haven’t seen it in years and no one is like me so i take some getting used to and i look at it like … i’m on facebook this is a new historical situation in that people typically historically don’t write people this often and i’m like i do … i write city council and i write channel 9 and sometimes i get a single like out of some 500 tweets or something and i get a single response from a council member for an email and it strikes me that my parents should know more about the computer than me like the herang in this whole thing is that the people that come from the generation that built the computer stereotypically know less about it than the people that it was just forced on like i’m always catching up and my folks let on that they don’t know what a snipping tool is like social media came out in like 2000 when my folks were like in their 50’s and i was 20 and it didn’t seem important to them it seemed important to me and the internet seems important to me and it’s a boondoggle to a lot of people and i can type and there are people whose hands hover over the keyboard and they beam their fingers down at the keys and i should do that i should go through my last 6 months correspondences and take stock in my quality of writing which i think is poor or at least it’s not as smooth as my fiction or something i don’t know i can type well but what i type can be improved
Nicholas
okay going back through my files i see that i sent you my first tweet in 2016 and that was some 200 pages of tweets ago and then there is the email and the facebook so all in all i’d say in 2 years i sent you roughly 300 pages of footage … and you broadcast some X number of hours of footage … and i have to go through all my shit and see if i can’t get it ready for a publisher like a book entitled DEAR WCPO … it’s all roughly organized but to get it really organized
Nicholas
or i could just do something nice like use inDesign and craft a book on lulu.com and mail you a copy
Nicholas
that seems police to use lulu.com to mail you a copy of the tweets i sent you maybe with a note in the book that’s like what’s up … when was the last time you got a book in the mall with filled with the tweets someone sent you … or something i don’t know … it just seems cute to go to all the expense of time to send you a book with the tweets i sent you …. that resonates as a nice thing … like a keepsake …
Nicholas
like the internet can be nice
i could send city hall all the emails i sent them and that’s pretty much everyone i regularly correspond with
just do something nice maybe in hardcover
you could put it on a shelf and treat the writing like i do … what i did yesterday
put it on the gifts from the internet shelf
Nicholas
with emails and twiter and facebook i maybe sent you roughly 600 pages of content … i mean maybe 400 … i could put together a book and give myself a long think …
i learned to be too conversational in my writing but i can’t get more clean with this language … it’s damn … i’m just like wall paper …
well i need adobe inDesign if I’m going to embarrass myself any further
i can get that next week
i can at least make it look nice
Nicholas
i think aside from the little responses to various incoming tweets … i think i write eminem, katy perry, jay z, wcpo, potus, abc, 700wlw, good morning america and that’s most of it i think … it’s like i do what rappers do in music videos online … they associate themselves with cars and i associate myself with accounts and justify in my head
Nicholas
i should probably put it in a website and utilize my glut of content to do a glut of content site … i never did that before … i never had the content
if i imagined how to organize my content on a website that catered to large amounts of content and then i could sell my services to anyone fucking else that had a ridiculous online footprint that wanted to do something similar … it’s a lot of detail oriented button presses
like a ridiculous amount of them
DEC 14, 2018, 1:35 AM
Nicholas
i thought of something to say … took me 12 hours to think of something to write … that’s what it is about me … i see what artists are doing not the artist now … i see what people are doing not the people now
that’s what it is about me … that’s my attitude … i see what people are doing not the people
Nicholas
i went through my emails and my tweets and my facebook messages and i think in 3 years i sent you like 500 pages … i felt stupid … is it possible not to have a life … like what’s not having a life … laying in bed doing nothing … i can at least say something like i wrote some 1500 pages in 3 years that’s like 500 pages a year in social media … i write books … I GET THE EXPERIENCE … you might not read it … it’s probably not much of a reading experience … i pulled up a blank document and my brain doesn’t afix itself to a blank document the way it does this inbox … when i pull up a blank document my brain afixes itself to a nebulous general audience when i write in this in box i have a specific audience in mind …. i’m paying attention to the way my brain focuses depending on what interface it’s using …
Nicholas
okay
okay
Nicholas
okay so i wrote an email to the neorology department at Uc i think that’s the right department about why when i write here to facebook i get one style of inspiration and when i write to microoft word i get another form of inspiration i presented Uc with an observation Inspiration and Interfface
Nicholas
and then shortly after my 3rd voice that sounded sort of like a well meaning african in my head touched on a decent website … i never heard of this … it’s a writing portal with copious amount of writing inspiration on it … if there was a website that for example came with naked photo’s of women and music and if there was a website that was geared towards inspiring people to write … that might be new … i feel like i didn’t think of it it was thought of by someone else that was like tied into my brain in a being john malkovich like way
Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7ahIGLNNwo being Nicholas Lawson other have people have questioned and tried to visualize the same sensation

Being John Malkovich – Trailer – HQ
Trailer for Spike Jonze’s film starring John Cusack,Cameron Diaz,Catherine Keener,John Malkovich,Orson Bean,Mary Kay Place
youtube.com

i put it like this art and science have to do something with each other that’s why there’s an arts and sciences building at uc
Nicholas
like i facebook was tweaked slightly if it was providing writing prompts and not news … it’s hard to write much for HOW LIKELY IS AN EARTHQUAKE IN THE MIDWEST? but it might be easier to write for TOM ASKED SUSAN WHAT? just if you’re down for comments writing prompts are more interesting than news
Nicholas
for facebook
Nicholas
https://open.spotify.com/album/2H8u9DigrbmhweDlLr8twg?si=5sii27Q_ShaXoidT0QvcAA real adult music … i was listening to some music and i found this and i’ve been laying in bed meditating ever since … real good quality meditation music

The Book of Love (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
The Book of Love (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), an album by Justin Timberlake, Mitchell Owens on Spotify
open.spotify.com

Nicholas
it’s not quite this but i am trying o capture , see the cadence is elongated in my narrative non fiction i just wrote … i even write differently in this box … i’m trying to capture this experience in a .doc file so that i can just write this … i’m engaged in narrative non fiction and it’s plateau driven flat non fiction writing that’s just voice and if i can do this i can do that and my fingers are on the keyboard differently in this inbox than in the .doc file and today i was curious as to why
Nicholas
alright let’s start this over
Hello. My name is Nicholas Lawson.
I’m a long time alumni of the University of Cincinnati.
I studied Design for 5 years and art for 6 and graduated with an English Literature Degree.
I was a public ally and worked at media bridges. Then media bridges closed down and i adopted my fall back career of being on social security. I have been studying writing and web design since 2005.
I have written several books that i published on lulu.com and kdp.com
i’d like to do a magcloud.com magazine
i never formally introduced myself and i was all into your social media and email and twitter and well i smoked weed so it all seemed like a good idea
now i am sobering up from weed and i find myself wondering what i wrote
this is a choice place to write i’d like it if my .doc file was this choice i enjoy writing here
i’m on facebook you’re on facebook and you do a television show and i do this
scripps is a huge company of people that operate a business of informing the public and selling advertising because advertisers want to be where your choice content is on television
i restarted
Nicholas
i lost my previous narrative and now i do feel like i’m in a microsoft word doc here so maybe i just need to be connected to my writing and be further along in a narrative than a paragraph because this restart broke my narrative arc and i might have to rebuild that or act like i didn’t do this and go back to just treating you like a counselor … this could be a story … the man on facebook … a major corporate entity notices a message box at the upper right hand corner of their screen and they read a couple of his messages and just start to ignore him and he keeps writing and it’s the story of what a man would write a television station if he had the chance and all the paper in the world
Nicholas
i was 3 years into a narrative and restarting brought out a microsoft like word feel to this message box following this narrative i’m currently not invested in the previous one … i just need to spend time with my document every day and the narrative will develop and i can publish a book that way
Nicholas
it’s probably a daily pursuit of a writing count and some outlining and some thinking and i can get a book out i do the writing …. i’m the first artist who didn’t have focus … lol .. i am the first artist who lacked focus
Nicholas
originally the reason why i never pursued work for 3 years was because the federal government offered to pay back my student loans if i made less than $16,000 for three years and i figured that was worth like $150,000 and future ease so i abided by the contract and just lived for a while and then then the year my loans were paid i got spooked by my apartment and went downtown and got picked up by the cops and was taken to summit where my landlord asked my parents to move me out and placed me in a state of homelessness which lasted for two years up until a month ago where i got my next apartment and now i’m up for employment but i’m so used to grinding out these days of nothingness that i’ll just write a book
Nicholas
i was presented with the lifestyle of the author before i wrote the book that would make me an author
i enjoy the lifestyle
Nicholas
aflac offered me a social media manager position 3 years ago but i told them i had to wait a month for my contract with the government to reach the end and they told me they would go with someone else and so my loans were forgiven it was a big decision at the time and i asked my mother and father what to do take the job and repay the loans or wait and look for more work and they said it was up to me so i passed on the job
Nicholas
i passed on being a mighty duck to pursue this
Nicholas
last time i had a job i was a in perfect mindstate i lost a ridiculous amount of weight and worked like 12 hour days on a salary and i lost all of the weight i assume it would happen again but i get real thin with an office job and i request an office key so that i can come in at 3am and get started early and leave at like 7pm on a day i come in at 3am and i just jockey the computer like a thoroughbred
Nicholas
i even do the thing where you buy a salad for lunch when i have an office job
DEC 14, 2018, 10:27 AM
Nicholas
what if our taxes were not set, what if every year on january 31st the United States of America gave itself a medical bill and that was it’s taxes for that year … for single payer medicare if the tax bill we paid was influenced by what our medical bill was? that’s beautiful to me
FRI 6:46 PM
Nicholas
nicholasanthonylawson.github.io is now active and i’m taking a chance here by sharing this with you … you could delete everything and i’d be fucked but here’s my latest writing effort it’s writing for the sake of writing it’s premise is that it’s just writing there’s no story no point it’s just pointless writing in circles not pointless as in meaningless but pointless as though there is no point to make … i present to you art …
Nicholas
well http://nicholasanthonylawson.github.io
Nicholas
cincinnati we mastered the internt
i might try and get that t shirt made
CINCINNATI.INTERNET = WE MASTERED THE WWW
CINCINNATI WE MASTERED THE INTERNET the t shirt
CINCINNATI TEAM INTERNET WE MASTERED IT
CINCINNATI COMPUTER SAVANTS THE BASEBALL TEAM ..
CINCINNATI HEARD THE INTERNET NEEDS CONTENT
have an entire line of internet related t shirts
DROP SHIPPING
Nicholas
where i’m from we’re raised on baseball cards and bagels where i’m from we drink coffee and creamer where i’m from the all good girl is your sister and the school dance can’t be missed where i’m from every football game is a memory someone will never forget where i’m from the indians actually play and the muslims run the open mic where i’m from cincinnati get’s told in stories of legend the same stories you tell your kids about pete rose and where i’m from randy little is actually a pretty big person and jerry springer is well known for getting what he wants
Nicholas
i just thought of a poem
city beat has the best news and street vibes is the most well written and the enquirer is the most important and channel 9 is the best and channel 5 is leading the way and 19 is for black people and 12 is all about jesus and that’s cincinnati
FRI 10:11 PM
Nicholas
https://entertainment.slashdot.org/story/18/12/15/0018215/number-of-streaming-shows-overtakes-basic-cable-broadcast-for-first-time maybe i’ll write a script … I could pitch it to one of the improv troupes in cincinnati … something that takes place at the pavilion and bulletin board and burnett woods in clifton … if i had that setting i could write a pilot for a streamnig show … that’s an mpeg file on a $50 a year website and advertising covers the advertising of the show in city beat which defeats the point of the advertising because they could just as easily take out an ad in the paper themselves but MAYBE a car dealership would want a show on it’s website

Number of Streaming Shows Overtakes Basic Cable, Broadcast For First Time – Slashdot
schwit1 shares a report from Variety: Streaming services snatched their biggest piece of the TV pie ever in 2018. According to FX’s annual report on the number of scripted originals on TV, the number of streaming shows has surpassed the number of basic cable and broadcast shows for the first time e….
entertainment.slashdot.org

Nicholas
do a show with an improv troupe it splits 16 ways immediately we’d just be doing it for coffee money
Nicholas
i’ve seen scripps office your advertising sales from 35 cities must be ridiculous to cover the cost of your office pool i assume you get paid bank each and every one of you and it’s all advertising dollars from an era where television was the only visual aid for advertising there was and then you factor in your internet sales and your gross income has to be crazy to afford your office
Nicholas
i’m probably always low balling my advertising sales figures because i just assume with net 0 traffic it’s like an advertising bench sale like $50 a month or something i can make a sale on … i have access to an entire planet for $50 a year and i need to do something about that … that’s my pressing concern taking advantage of global reach for a discount …
Nicholas
my british connnect i’ve tried to sell him on the novelty of a bicontinental magazine that we start together but he’s an art school drop out that’s interested in selling crepes … you know what i could do … this would be novel … do some captain planet shit and look up poetry groups on every ocntinent and see if they want to work on a website together … novelty
Nicholas
something i thought of when it comes to international websites is that your advertisers won’t be local like if i did a us british magazine with kaz our advertisers would have to be destinations, software, global brands, or sites online that want to feed off of our traffic … you can do a local website with local advertisers because then your traffic is local but if you go international kaz’s advertisements in london for crepes don’t affect cincinnati … you have to think of global brands if you want to do a multi continent website and have like 7 people scattered around the world working on something in the name of world peace … i mean you’re looking for sponsorships then and going for something as novel as one story dot com … i don’t know i bank on more congealed business thoughts in media as i age
Nicholas
i look around a lot and i do wonder if there is a magic form people fill out that gives them tremendous unlimited for the most part corporate credit … like basically i wonder if there is an ATM machine in cincinnati that i can just get $100 from for being from cincinnati and i just don’t know where it is
Nicholas
like some kind of hidden corporate atm machine
i look around and there is no one i’ve seen lately that i would do busniess with at a headquarter level .. i don’t see the HEADS i am looking for to do business with …
if i cracked open my vault i see people i could do spiced walnut patee with that’s anyone i just need bodies for that but for media work i’m not seeing much of anything
i’m not seeing people that are looking for ME
Nicholas
spiced walnut pate requires walnuts an industrial sausage grinder that pushes the walnut patee out through a tube and you simple tie off the ends of the sausage casings around the walnut patee and that’s it that’s the entire business i’m another spin off from sunfood sovereign like the 6th one that picked up his business practices and went private for it as compensation for the abuse
Nicholas
you just taste the spiced walnut patee and it’s a package on the shelf … it’s a guearanteed yes
guaranteed
you just have to soak the walnuts in water first
they soak it up they’re seeds
ya just know your cost do some math and mark it up
you might not even need sausage casings you could put it in plastic cups like hummous
but i need a machine to lay the vacum seal for the plastic cups where with sausage casings you just pin a metal link to close it and you just keep cutting and closing
i haven’t reached nirvana yet cash isn’t coming out of my asshole
Nicholas
and if you think about based on i mean think about a walnut it’s not like a peanut to get walnut patee that’s a luxury item you’re getting spiced WALNUTS and if you ever tried to get a walnut from the shell it’s damned near impossible …. a bag of walnuts IS the most luxurious thing at the grocery store
Nicholas
a bag of nuts an unnatural thing
i even wonder if it makes any sense at all to eat seeds … like were supposed to plant them but if we only ever planted seeds … it’s sort of a loop coupled with an lack of knowledge of how much foliage we need but eating seeds seems diabolical to me but we do need food
Nicholas
i even wondered this one day i never heard it before but if you want an apple tree plant the apple not the apple seed if you want a flower plant plant the flower .. i had a farming moment where like if you want potato’s you plant a potato … if you want a pine tree you plant the pine cone not just the pine cone seed …. i thought in terms of planting pounds of seeds in a hole not just a seed
Nicholas
like it started with the thought to plant a watermelon one of those black seed watermelons … if you want a watermelon patch all you should have to do is plant a single black seed watermelon
and i want more paw paw trees those look amazing and taste like bananna pudding
Nicholas
i stuck up for the city against the farmer one day at a coffee shop when he got uppity with me some kid that had a parent on the farm and he was all no one is more important than my father and i was like wait a minute kid your father knows how to put something in the ground and put dirt on it and he was like he’s the most important person in the city my dad and i with a surgeon for a father was cool and was like trying to explain to him that he plays a role and he decided to do that and he was like what does your father do and i was like save lives and he was like what do you do and i was like go to school and i was like what do you do and he was like nothing my family can afford my lifestyle and i was like okay that’s cool but like i get the whole the farmer is the most important person but anyone can farm and he was like NOT ANYONE can farm and i was like yeah you dig a hole and put something in it and wait it’s the easiest job to do intellectually i’m in school learning far more complicated things than farming and he got up and left
Nicholas
i don’t know why apparently i affected his view of his father
Nicholas
i had this thought that i would write a script about the ground breaking legislation that was levied to require city folk to mow their lawn … that’s what’s fascinating to me about lawn mowers in terms of entrepreneurship the lawn mower is a required tool of a home owner … i want to just play with it … the idea … but the thought that mowing your lawn is a required form of behavior is fascinating to me in terms of law the legislative process behind lawn mowing would serve as a good script
Nicholas
JOHN DEER VERSUS THE PEOPLE
SAT 8:51 AM
Nicholas
you know the best part of the internet is the commenting part is leaving comments for people if you would have corresponded with me for the last 4 months and corresponded with everyone else that leaves you comments you’d have an atmosphere like the newsroom https://www.hbo.com/the-newsroom you rob yourself of a more organic work environment because you don’t respond

The Newsroom
Learn more about the HBO series The Newsroom.
hbo.com

Nicholas
i won’t harp on this forever and i f you never read this then king solomon’s verdict be done but i get the greatest joy on the internet from responding to comments i receive … if i was social media manager at aflac which they offered it to me for a time … my stated corporate goal would be to get the last word on every point of communication contact
Nicholas
i’ll leave it at that
Nicholas
and as for the newsroom clip where it says that this either is or is not the greatest country on the planet, it’ a country on the planet most of spend a lot of our time asleep and alone and when you’re asleep and alone it’s the same as it would be anywhere , like i live on omni earth for the most part my lonely existence in this apartment is the same as it would be in chicago or new york city and i think the right answer as to is the USA the greatest country … we don’t know and if we’re like 50th in terms of greatest countries, that’s not bad for being the youngest one … it would be an old as dirt country that would be better than ours
Nicholas
and that’s cool with me that makes sense they never had to spend 200 years running to get this thing set up
Nicholas
i just had a bank error of $15,000 that was put on my credit card i boubght a black and mild and a coke zero …. it took like 15 seconds to read me the number on my balance
i’m not saying nothing i’m not letting a number get to me but my brain is doing some higher level math with $15,000 in the account like buying plane tickets
Nicholas
they fixed that shit i have $11 in my account
abc7 new york doesn’t have a comment box so i can’t thrill them with attention that you’re used to … you’re like a dog that doesn’t like humans
Nicholas
i’ve got like this one jenky connect to buy short sacks of weed from … i might call her on tuesday for the first time and be like about some weed … sobriety is GREAT but if i’m not doing any of it … i could stand to smoke some weed this is the longest in the real world i’ve gone without it in like ten years
SAT 4:21 PM
Nicholas
i gave up on poetry on the open mic for the most part but this is a good one … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qP6r52NR4U

Sabrina Benaim – “How to Fold a Memory”
Get Sabrina’s book here: http://bit.ly/sabrinamagic Support Button Poetry: http://bit.ly/buttonpatreon Subscribe to Button! New video daily: http://bit.ly/bu…
youtube.com

damn she said but you are a stubborn molar refusing to leave
she’s from kentucky
SAT 9:07 PM
Nicholas
you got johnny lights, tony the ice man, tanya the judge, and you got me nick the viewer
Nicholas
went to my folks place because being alone was getting too hard and then i got some human contact and came back to the apartment … i’m not even using twitter anymore … i’m all facebook and my own writing … it’s a thing to use social media i have heard of addiction … to me social media addiction is only a problem if there s ZERO reciprocation otherwise it would be pretty cool … so … i’m probably just going to hang onto this account and just practice writing while i deal with i get it i’m a loser like the kind of person that income was destined for and then ended up on social security … like i get that my financial status is my source of being a loser … everything else is pretty much in place … i do be needing to focus on making some money and i’m at least going to get this book written and send it off to an agent before i look for work otherwise i would be distracted … i’m thinking of applying for work at walgreen’s up the street it’s just that my perception of myself and stocking shelves is contrasted with itself
Nicholas
like i fee like my time is better spent writing than stocking shelves in the long run even thought stocking shelves get’s me paid today
Nicholas
just a random technological innovation that caused me to die in the plague … like i wasn’t phased by anything until facebook came along and twitter and then i lost my fucking mind tweeting people and sending emails and coupled with smoking weed i was like fuck i’ll look back at my 30’s like it was a time spent on the computer and like when people ask me what i did with myself i’ll just tell them i rocked out a computer and i don’t know some office is probably going to get GREAT Excel Spreadsheet work out of me
Nicholas
that’s what office work is to me … using excel spreadsheet software
Nicholas
i gotta redo my resume my last one i just noticed has the word FUCK in it …. like i fucked up … i don’t know why it would be true but i’m fairly certain i can’t write I FUCKED UP and be honest in a resume … so i have to take out a template and keep my word count’s in line with the and to be honest i never did the thing where you send out 500 of your resume’s i never did more than upload a resume to career builder or apply to P and G so i need to figure out how to even find work in this day and age … i want to get the graphic design category out of the yellow pages and get with a small graphic design firm … i probably need to put together a portfolio but they might hire me because i said i can do photoshop and i can like if i was a junior graphic artist … i need the yellow pages book to show up in the mail so that i can look for work … that’s probably next year … my soul plans my feet firmly on this wood floor every time i think about working for someone else and it just screams WRITE to me …. i don’t even know if i would work for you … i’m thinking of just riding this out … i’m just a white ghost on your facebook profile
Nicholas
i think my resume is impressive because i know what went into it
Nicholas
from the outside looking in and coupled with the one time i walked past an office window and saw a woman just sitting there staring at her computer monitor i stopped at watched behind her back for a couple minutes and she was just sitting in a chair staring at a windows desktop screen with no applications open and i went HUH employee’s and i was like probably not going to be one of those
Nicholas
i just assume an office is a holding for people that have poor self survival skills
Nicholas
like based on my experience god has a way of putting cash in the hands that need it the most and when i was at the men’s shelter i was like these are great people and i thought of my sister and brother and the kinds of people they are and their income and i was like pretty certain god worked this out the desperate need cash and the whole human being’s dont
Nicholas
like there’s a god equation that based on your inability to attract a mate determines your income level
and some of cincinnati’s finest women worked at the men’s shelter it was cool
Nicholas
like if i had a job that paid what my dad’s job pay’s him i’m fairly certain i would pay someone’s rent that wasn’t mine and just give them a stipend to write be like here’s a kit … produce writing … i think that’s the kind of person i am … i would and i’m fairly certain my income bracket starting out is $50,000 to $60,000 and that’s not changing my lifestyle too much so i’ll have extra money and then i’ll rent an apartment for someone
Nicholas
like if i had a job i don’t know like all i know how to buy right now are work tools if i had a job i don’t think i’d buy too much i’d need gas, car insurance, emergency damage to car fund … like it’s all tied up in my car but i don’t know i’m not going to remember this anyways if i can just eak this through without doing much more … i don’t see what the harm is
Nicholas
oh i’m like alec baldwin in life in school i felt like i wasn’t always the best but in life i feel like i’m surrounded by losers i just feel personally like i’m the best person type of person … alec baldwin thought he was the best in an acting class and i feel like i’m the best at life current project … produce income
Nicholas
and i’ll probably produce income i did everything else i needed to do and billions of people have cash so i just to do something for someone
i could sell my services as a genealogist i was thinking of that the other day i could put an ad in the church bulletin and offer to help a family map out their genealogy so that they can say they have a family tree they take care of
I owe you like 15 hours worth of therapy you gave me at like $75 an hour for therapy sessions
you can send me a bill
that MIGHT get a response
they got to learn from white people so that they could know something … weird
real deep actors waiting on someone like me to give them their next line
Nicholas
where are those white students protesting they can’t get into Brown University?
Nicholas
i get that people think black are superior because michael jordan dunked from the foul line but that’s what he wanted to do tiger woods trained at being a golfer since the age of 6 against some people that picked it up in college , i’ve heard africans are superior beings to europeans because of their performance in athletics but it’s never quite by much when they excel at the peak of the form of the human race … it’s like by a step or a half step or they take to a sport like it’s life or death and we typically just played the game like it was something to do and then there’s the whole african mastering a thing that is a european construct … if there’s a thing africans seem to need the most from europeans it’s a set of rules to follow
Nicholas
and then they can excel at prove they are superior but first we have to outline the rules of the competition because they lack the ability to do so
Nicholas
yeah i keep forgetting totally about Alcoholics Anonymous that’s a book that people congregate around like the bible or dianetics or jogging … if i wrote a book for the mentally ill … i don’t know … a book for NAMI … i don’t know even know what I would write but it might sell whatever it is … if i wrote a book that catered to the mentally ill … something like we’re basically the same as normal people there are just some people that have a field of study that directly involves you because you were singled out
Nicholas
white people know white people so well i love it lately when i’m listening to white people svengali the future like he just said the inflection point has been passed so i know electric cars are the future … i love it when white people predict the future … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2EgfkhC1eo HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA” HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA”& HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA”h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA” HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA”& HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA” HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA”& HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA”h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA” HYPERLINK “https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Da2EgfkhC1eo%26t%3D7s%26fbclid%3DIwAR34lkrPJwW1GvA1xpD7tfrt-FG6slID_m9cGuXIhETU7E3t1pYYIko1ZdM&h=AT3GRMvhzhlhFDRVaOiwZNxbwFkCFSP2zWOL0FewxjD5eSFWQSA4263SkwUagPuilvJjimErAuRZaHb8eoIHgtlluKDjEap6yEu4vIhG1FQixOIsKY5QCTN_HKVwjCB1m1dmRChwUdV5I1zRnwMwqA”t=7s the best commercial there ever was … when a corporation just lets you know what their long terms plans are and then seem like they have psychic powers

AT&T “You Will” Commercials (high quality)
youtube.com

Nicholas
i got kicked out of a feminism course when the professor was talking about how you’re either black or white and i was like i think i’m light gray like a white guy influenced by black culture … i think i’m gray … and she said get out and the police showed up and i was like fuck … it’s too late to drop this class
SUN 7:44 AM
Nicholas
song was just on with a good question … it’s a strange question … who do you think you are? … strangest question
Nicholas
people that use the software that have e problem with it not a theoretical problem like people that are a like but did they take into account authors on their writing platform? does the instant messenger box properly organize discourse? is the tree structure of the comments as good as reddit/s? people that have issue with facebook that use it
Nicholas
like silicon valley is big on beta testers i wonder if they beta test facebook features? i’m just like tired i have a weight in my chest i’m tired most mornings and it doesn’t dissipate for like 8 hours and then i take a nap and it comes back mornings are rough
Nicholas
never thought about it without actually be up close enough to touch it but when i went to a game last year i was just flooded with the thought that we take football THIS seriously, i was struck by how large a building was dedicated to playing football … it was just weird to me that football is treated that importntly
Nicholas
typically at the top of my list for cities to move to are city’s without professional sports teams of any kind i’ve thought about moving there
like nashviill, knoxille, chattanooga, tennessee in general or providence rhode island but i’m always recovering from a psych hospitalization i can’t get my feet underneath me to do a damned thing about anything i get it i’m not welcome here
columbus ohio
i’m writing deeply personal innappropriate social comments to you every day like that … i just don’t know what else this is for … this just seems like the right answer
Nicholas
like when 9 is on and i’m on 9’s website i think that’s it … i think that is the chosen role for the internet to be a way to leave messages for television but then what does television do with the messages? they need a contingent of readers or it’s all a loss … and a call center would be cold … this might be for quick chats with friends like i have with kaz but needing a desk top computer to chat with someone in text is sort of overkill so if i knew a better point of contact than this on facebook i’d be there
Nicholas
enterprise level facebook … when i get my drawing studio set up … i think i’ll draw user iinterfaces … an enterprise level facebook where someone like me has a more basic installation than say someone like you would be ideal … if i drew pictures of enterprise facebook
i haven’t coded in like 2 weeks when i last was like okay i think i can code and then was like now what? what WOULD i could … and i got lost
i looked up a list of software that exists and i tried to think of something not already done to the dirt and i couldn’t do it … i need to think of an original application 20 years after all of the applications were thought of
or it’s not worth doing
Nicholas
my mom just told me the other day she’s confident i can get a job as a programmer and i can’t even get a job as a burger flipper … i couldn’t even handle the pressure of working at mcdonalds and i probably would incur a FDA violation because i wouldn’t care enough to clean up properly even though i probably would i just wouldn’t have the energy for it on these meds
Nicholas
i’m 38 that sounds young for ideas but i’m 38 going heavily into facebook and i’m accumulating a large amount of content and i’m thinking a content management system that can manage a large amount of content in a way typical content management systems do not wordpress in it’s promotions always focuses on websites with scant content … if there was software that catered to your heavy content producer something that organized files something like well window’s explorer so that’s done … i’m sort of supposed to code an operating system at this level i need to get some new books
Nicholas
and i’m supposed to code a compiler and a new programming language
that’s standard CS at the 303 level
Nicholas
corporate america should get a piece of software that is output only you can’t staff the deluge of comments you would get if the entire city was hip to writing you about television this cant catch on i have to find something else to do and this is the current most pleasant thing to do
Nicholas
i’d chat with women in my friend finder but where would that go? where is this going? i’m waking up every morning to minutia and not helping things
maybe a website that let people chat with each other and let people look in on each other’s chats …. no … i hate this … this was another fad
Nicholas
i’m just kicking off dings for some random group of people and sharing personal information and part of me thinks in terms of cinema and you’re all like OOO AAHH the writer and another more realistic side of me is like i’m probably in trouble
5 course meal breakfast lunch and dinner my thought was it’s some bed and breakfast in the middle of a residential district and the i can’t rationalize paying money to be in the presence of a lamp
for $3000 a week i could stay down town in the hyatt regency
https://www.facebook.com/groups/612141592540638/ i started a group … you’re welcome to join

North College Hill Art Collective
2 members

Nicholas
i don;’t know how to promote and i get queasy thinking of the wrong people getting involved in my business and i’ve been fucked over enough that i know well in advance if they are really interested in business they are probably felons … i just feel unique and that blows … like a former athlete that took up writing … that’s not a typical thing
Nicholas
like did hemingway ever spot his bro in the gym?
loneliness is new to me i’ve pretty much always had a friend or friends and in the last year of apartment dwelling it’s just been me … being alone is hard … it’s just every day is different but you put it together with the same lego’s you used the day before
is it in good taste to portray an image of our president preening?
like for writing about television to be mainstream you need like half the city reading half the city …
what’s up with these fierce loyalties … who the fuck is loyal … i’m cool with you until you decide to start fucking up then i’m not
television is weird … george stephanopolous … had a legit job in congress then he joined good morning america and now rudy fucking 9/11 giuliani is giving him the time of day and it’s george stephanopolous
Nicholas
see that problem there if you tape someone that’s involving you in a crime you can save YOUR SKIN and their skin can fry and they’re the one fucking up … see how fucked up loyalty is
Nicholas
historically about a year after taking meds they cut back my regimine to just like a pill … i’ve been taken off the injection 3 times … i don’t know … i think a professor’s son in this crime ridden city full of dialmond oaks gangsters was destined to run into trouble
for all the people that talk about making money they treat a man that’s actually really serious about making money like garbage
like it was the man that had the background TO make money that got fucked over by the most people that WANTED to make money
Nicholas
like i was at a party and rana was there and she was with a talent agency and they were like talking about reality television and how it’s a money maker and i was like let’s turn on a camera right now and rana was like let’s do it and the people were like that’s stupid why would we do it now? and i was like da fuck?
Nicholas
that was my first sign to get out
Nicholas
like if i had a team of people that wanted to do it my way … and they were smart and in shape and healthy and i mean maybe ugly as shit but smart and healthy , ugly as shit and healthy is a good look for film, like i’d sit with everyone and we’d carve out a script and we’d submit it to a film festival and then we’d pool our money and show it at the esquire theatre … that’s how i’d make money with a group of people now … BUT WHERE”S THE MONEY well we just made the money now we are submitting the money for review and i it goes well it goes into theaters like the one we submitted it to as a guarantee and we try to get with a distributor and ideally the distributor signs a contract with us and then we get off the box office that’s possibly 50 states wide … not really playing the lottery more being methodical … that’s how i would make money with a group of friends or just avoid making money and just be like okay so we’re clear we smoke weed and polish our hustle that’s what we do
Nicholas
sirque do soleil back in school i knew this one guy that was built and he told me for his summer job he was going to be a secretary for sirque du soleil i think in las vegas
Nicholas
north college hill is the set … story of a man that moves to north college hill and works to puts his name on the ballot for mayor and is stalked wherever he goes and his home is vandalized and when he is elected mayor the police put him in jail where he’s beaten and then accused of pedophilia and sent to the justice center where they wonder what the fuck the problem is and end up arresting the north college hill city government and he is the only one left sitting in the chair to run north college hill … oo … that’s one sketch for what you can do with north college hill … and there’s a crane shot
Nicholas
i’ll just explain that to my psychiatrist that god gave me a power that i don’t understand how dare you accuse me of mental illness
It’s JOE!
JOE IS MY FAVORITE! Sort of a pricey anti christ character to cast
that’s how some people run for president …
he’s not even worried about congress … he’s just an elected official
i think god was surprised that someone was able to preach their way into a situation like that
Nicholas
no one in your family has ever done well you could be the first and deal with classism when you come home with a new car and your father never owned anything but used and he’s on social security and you work for the local paper and he spent his entire life telling you writing was pointless and now you make more in a year than he does in 3 and you’re not invited to christmas anymore because you’re the first person not in labor in your family and that’s hell
Nicholas
he was like YOU CAN BE THE FIRST SUCCESS IN YOUR FAMILY and he thought that was a thing to pronounce to a city of people that need his insight into life
i’ve heard him talk about haggar before
they don’t teach how to do that at bible school that’s where you take your education and do something original with it
hey next level thinking is for sale
it’s like moral remedial school for people that didn’t get how school worked when they were in high school … now they have to go through that …
oh hell yeah he’s crying again
Nicholas
he’s crying again that’s what’s up …
jesus’s name is like a black card you can just charge shit to
Nicholas
it’s like murder death kill traffic weather CHURCH murder death kill traffic weather CHURCH
Nicholas
jesus did say about himself though that he was the way and the truth and the light not really a typical thing to say
https://www.toothandnail.com/ i was mostly raised on tooth and nail records so i’m like a tooth and nail kin d of christian and a non practicing catholic and i also listened to radio music

Tooth & Nail Records
Record label. Founded 1993. Seattle, WA.
toothandnail.com

Nicholas
i never thought about that before that mean’s mary’s bitch ass couldn’t just sit on the ground she gave birth in a feeding trough she climbed into that feeding trough and popped him out and that’s on mary she could have laid on the ground … it reads like a jerry springer script … most of it does
Nicholas
i was reading the bible the other day it’s like a song you base language on and america customized the shit out of that romantic language so that now we’re just cussing at each other
it would seem like you’re supposed to give the bible to someone that doesn’t have a codified language and you teach them how to read it and you just go about your day and expect royalties for having done that for them
halsey sang the other day
SUN 6:16 PM
Nicholas
okay you’re back on television … it’s that weekend crew … HEY! … i’m a ratings unit … i even bought some papa johns last week because i was inspired by the show
that’d be a hell of a thing to do LOOK AT YOUR SATURDAY AND SUNDAY … i think that’s part of my problem I LOOK at days
Nicholas
if this is about language i can fully understand the need for all of the conversation on all of the topics but if it about something else which i don’t know what it would be … i mean stretching out an experience sports reporting something but when the head coach has to explain to you background details on a show you just watched explicitly you just saw the bengals play what questions do you have?that’s what happened what you saw
Nicholas
like i was thrown by the pastor that said jesus never said he was a bishop or a priest or an elder and i just immediately thought he said he was the way and the truth and the light and whoever believes in me shall have eternal life , heda been better of as a bishop … he was like a gangster rapper that was a community organizer and he has the WEEZY F BABY poor me background
Nicholas
like jesus ran a record label
i read it like the the town just grew in hatred for him
i don’t know i either know a secret or i’m the first person to think for himself when faced with a text
a lot of theology is sounding like other theologians there was a library dedicated to exploring what christian thought was going to be … it’s not actually about the book … that’s just a symbolic tool
religion is never about the book
ever
mmm drama the prom king is on
what’s up with this … once he’s president he has the finest lawyers in the land … at the point he became president what came before that is irrelevant, why isn’t that true?
now the chef of staff looks like a character from james bond because of those glasses
yeah it is unconstitutional there is nothing about health insurance in the constitution sort of like public schools and the police which are also unconstitutional because the constitution does not mention them at all there is more to america than the constitution
abortion is also unconstitutional there is no mention of a fetus in the constitution but if you need a quick fix for explaining to people why their health insurance is getting canceled quoting a 200 year old document will do
there’s no mention of a hospital n the federalist papers
television and television’s business plan is unconstitutional it was a cool meeting with a nice accomplishment that someone wrote and then everyone went off to do what they wanted to do and it’s dubious to quote a 200 year old meeting in 2018 … we hold that meeting everyday
MMM I’m i just got the chills … MMM … the hospital channel … MMM …. feels good … might be worth talking to advertisers … MMM figuring out what i’m going to do … dad was a surgeon son spearheaded surgery television
or hospital channel in general
the daily GP
i mean it’s more adult television than porn but it’s just a lot of what i mean millions of people know that millions of people might want to know
it’d be cool if like someone unrapped a gift and like tupac came out like if snooop dogg unrapped a crate and tupac was in it home from cuba
i’ve seen a modern photo of typac on facebook and like i know what the witness protection program is and i wonder if it still exists and i saw a photo of tupac on facebook looking properly aged with a foliage background looking like tupac
alive and well and looking just like tupac just older and i know that’s damn near impossible to photoshop
what do you think it is? it wasn’t tupac …
Nicholas
i need to be able to make a pitch that get’s taken that seriously … by a person … how did they approach the hospital? … with a business document, with a phone call, because that’s a jarring phone call, how did they do that bureaucraticlaly
there are these things called hippa laws which don’t apply in prisons but apply in hospitals like i can’t do UC HEALTH because there are deeply powerful privacy laws but I could do PRISON IN CINCINNATI because those laws aren’t in prisons
i get kanye west’s runaway but like the sound of music stomps the yard on it … music video’s used to be cineamtic
put a beat on that
the sound of music now would have xx6xxx9 or something halsey g eazy and kendrick lamar and like panda and lil pump … that was the sound of music … the sound of music has changed
so like what kid inspired by xxx6xxx9 is going to be inspired to take it further or will the kids rebel and be really well behaved? like when music hit it’s shittiest point did kids decide they were going to do something epic?
Nicholas
that’d be cool a litttle website where you just sit and chat and comment on television like plutotv with a chat feature … like if facebook was into broadcasting and like everday at 9pm eastern time they were going to play facebook news and we could chat about it in the facebook news chat room i mean if was a requirement of the facebook to watch facebook tv
Nicholas
revenue stream
like how i’m doing this with you on your channel if i was doing this with a community facebook’s channel
on facebook’s channe;
channel
that’s how people talk about me … i’m always a problem that’s being forgiven
Nicholas
that makes sense my special ID just explained to me that i want to study contract law and i don’t send a business document ahead i draw up a contract and send it to be signed to proceed … i think i want to go through people’s lawyers … that makes sense to get an $800 book on contract law
Nicholas
i do want to buy law books
Nicholas
okay i’m watching ABC NEWS on roky right now … i can only really stand the direct rhetoric of television news and music … when it comes to my roku … something relaxing and something informative … it’s been a while since a major scientific breakthrough was on television like i read in wired news that gravity was fully understood about 2 months ago and i thought to myself that should relegate itself to a 2 week nationwide lesson on gravity on all channels … i don’t know … when was the last time a scientific breakthrough was given the red carpet
Nicholas
get the fuck out of here i typed that and then i went to look for the article and it was headline news … SPOOKY! … https://www.wired.com/story/confirmed-gravitational-waves-ligo/
maybe you could do 2 weeks on physics nationwide and not do the experiments where you fill a balloon up with gas and set it on fire … like bring on physicists to discuss physics and or something something different that can be talked about as usual
Nicholas
i mean that’s inspiring i did think of this guy that was telepathic with himself and spent most of his time online like someone that was perceived to have total recall but really was telepathic with himself and he could recall entire pages of the thousands he viewed and he was a noted expert in a dozen fields until he saw google piece together some magnets and he had to save the world because he knew when that magnet bomb exploded it would take out a hole into the mantle … this science fiction celebrates the concept of memory at length but i call it being telepathic with yourself
Nicholas
i don’t know if i’d write a novel about it but i think i’ll write a script for a central character that lives alone and talk to himself … i’d want to do the camera work because i don’t trust anyone to do that currently not like me … something for next year … i passed on selling writing for websites, print on demand equipment, a usb drive upload concept for a website, and bench advertising, not bad for two month s of freedom … i think mostly in what i can do and lately i’ve been coming up with more actionable things in and out of my finance and skill range … i’m big on what i can do … or what’s possible … and obtaining and actor that will work for box office draw is not impossible and i write their lines and they walk around and talk to themselves … and maybe i could edit this it’s not that they are talking to themselves the way most people think it’s that they are holding an abstract timeline conversation like they arrived at their conclusion with themselves about time travel and they did the work for that conclusion later in the movie or something just a one man 15 minute student film short
Nicholas
i remember in my 20’s when thinking of a business idea was as difficult as placing a sheet of paper between the bricks of the pyramid in cincinnati … now i see wide open fields of business i can do
Nicholas
i just want someone and someone else that doesn’t see me like god and both know sort of what goes into making money … my concept for a c corp is to work with a vice president and a president and file for the c corp sort of like a marriage and then spend 3 years pitching ideas and doing studies into what we are going to do with our new found corporate credit that will recoup the costs and put us in the black
Nicholas
like a c corp at the top to me is a 3 way marriage
you think i write a lot … i spend most of my time talking to myself in the 3rd person like i finally hit the abuse level in life and the time spent alone level in life that my brain decided to start communicating with itself
unconstitutional is just like a buzzword to a man that ran a beauty pageant
a man thought of this too but what if there was a handsome contest where a panel of women decided which man was the most beautiful
like if ariana huffington held a man pageant
i put another 500 words into my imagination torture device also known as free writing i’m up to 3000 words … putting in some more tomorrow
i like it because it’s a matter of effort this latest work … it’s just WRITE … it’s even more basic than dick and ze … it’s free verse
Nicholas
i don’t know what i was expecting but when i pitched my last ideas to the local government i got the distinct impression that they just sit there … i might have more freedom than i thought … like i might … i don’t know … it was unsettling to think about government as something that just sits there … like they just barely acknowledged me … i’m like that’s probably how it is … a counselor from score took me seriously but i thought he moved a little too fast and government moved too slow … and i don’t know … writing a book suits me … i get to think about it all day do something for a half hour and then go back to thinking about it … i know i have to put 20 years behind me so i’m giving myself permission to heal … and act right and not get involved in behavior that would upset my mother or father which would be taking on a business they didn’t approve of … and they are typically supportive … i just i just did two years in transitional housing and behavior clinics and i need to give myself credit for taking time to heal and put some memories behind me and i’m also at an age where action is necessary at least it feels like it because 40 feels like a gateway into old age from my perspective … not sure what i’ll do but i keep doing a little bit every day and really quite frankly it’s a little bit … i’m programmed to think big and be knowledgeable of the first steps it takes to accomplish something i keep getting more detail oriented in my understanding of how to do everything
Nicholas
i’m just aware that a major component to getting anything done that’s big for the most part is a phone call or a letter to a business you want to do business with and provide service for or with and that well also there are typically dozens of that thing in the city if it doesn’t go as planned
Nicholas
i could do a coffee and conversation like katherine nero … i used to do those for hours … a week … i thought youtube was for practicing monologues
okay almighty google thank you but apparently there are 3300 federal judges and you’re geeking over the opinion of 1 of them?
was he just who trump was looking for and did he say just what he wanted a judge to say?
Nicholas
i feel connected to cincinnati like it’s been two years since i felt an overwhelming full body supernatural pull to move to new york city where i would just be minding my own business and then find myself 6 blocks to the bus stop engorged with a need to leave for new york city and ya’ll big on religion so chalk that up as religion too but like i feel connected to cincinnati and i feel like if i moved to NYC i’d just move right back … like i’m a fucking homing pigeon or something that knows where home is but mount healthy was super natural there were a couple nights i experienced special effects now in this apartment i talk to myself i didn’t talk to myself in the 3rd person two years ago that started at summit 8 months ago … and at 32 moving into my apartment like in clifton there was a lot of walking through plasma fields and telepathy but i never talked to myself … i’d say i’m at the center of this like this exists because of me like the day i die the universe ends that’s how i feel about my place in the universe … it’s my universe
Nicholas
that’s self centered
like in 2012 i didn’t know what religion was because i never experienced it b before in 2012 when i lived with my folks i was a normal internet surfing demon child man and then i moved into my apartment and it turned into many strange nights
and it’s just been that way real religion is frightening
religion to me has nothing to do with church that’ where people come together to talk about what they went through the week prior
which was undoubtedly strange
if you’re a religious adherent
there might be fans of people that experience religion that were not chosen by the future to be studied … start writing and putting up obscure websites it will happen … have faith
Nicholas
a big idea would be formula 1 racing in the street of cincinnati … a cooler idea would be a go kart race downtown … anyone can enter a go kart race … if it was a stock car go kart race … a good idea but not something i’m going to do … back to the drawing board .. you can think a major idea and scale it and not sound retarded
Nicholas
television keeps growing on me and this helps … i just binge on abc news for a couple hours on my app on my television …. i watch all the episodes and then wait a couple days for it to refresh
Nicholas
under no circumstances do i want to embarrass the president of the united states of america so what happened donald trump got elected and his people got put on blast because he’s so high profile his people became high profile … how often does hush money pass hands regularly and no one bats and eye but not a guy that is friends with the president did for him and it’s a thing to blow up as an indiscretion … power get’s a weird role in this society power is the thing or maybe DT’s not powerful enough or maybe our government is set up to keep it from happening but to me power is the ability to almost follow the rules and it’s just understood you have it like that
Nicholas
like to me a powerful man can sleep with a prostitute or 14 of them one night because he’s powerful and he needed that that night can do that but the man that can barely afford it sort of doesn’t know how to treat it makes the hooker’s feel uncomfortable is bad in bed goes to jail for it the powerful man just schedules in another one of those for next week
Nicholas
that was a quote cohen said under no circumstances do i want to embarrass the president of the united states of america … and like i was like just struck by how don the president is and didn’t give a fuck it sounded weird
i’m young i don’t have to be impressed by 60 and 70 year old men there’s just shit i don’t know
Nicholas
i thought of something … it’s a scaled down thought … do some snooty fox type thing and go thrift store shopping and buy choice pieces of clothing take great photos of the clothing and run a sales platform from my closet … i’d want a partner with it to be a practice business … i don’t know if i want a practice business in my apartment … i don’t know how to reach into the internet and pull out a 34 year old 10 years removed university graduate … i don’t know why he would want to work with me other than he has a job and wants to be independent and i can provide him with some stability and partnership in a relationship .that would be going somewhere but then i did just learn that a lot of people don’t have time for the pace of my schedule which is slow
Nicholas
so i don’t know i could do that myself
Nicholas
like for the big budget super major 10 year university grad that’s 34 i could buy the 8 shirts we would sell from the thrift store and i could pay for the domain hosting for the siite and i could install the sales platform … i’d be on equal footing on my budget financially and i’d really just want to engage in relationship building with someone for a larger project ideally sort of like a warm up
Nicholas
something we spend like 8 months on
just getting it all together
yeah i can’t partner up with someone and siphon off their cash flow and that’s not really how you want business to be anyways i have found is spending money …
like i’d get thrift store dress shirts and charge like $35 each for my TASTE
women get tired of talking about business men fall asleep listening to women talk
Nicholas
oo i’m watching a different channel … bud light is big here … television and beer … cool
Nicholas
big bang theory … i don’t have an opinion yet but based on what i see i think this is a major point of contact between the University and the population in general and i don’t know … it wasn’t filmed in the poor student university housing … they seem like they have a little too much money to be university
Nicholas
alright i’ll watch the sound of music … i could be watching football too … alright … sound of music it is … be good for me
television grew on me … movies could grow on me too .. . i couldn’t sit through church last weekend i lasted 10 minutes and i had to change the channel
AH! FOOTBALL! I CAN WATCH FOOTBALL! just the sound of it puts me at ease … sound of music was sort of hard to watch … but it was women … women were hard to watch and they were in a dressing room … i still put it on football
Nicholas
but like i could go to the bar now and be like in conversation with someone and like i could scout out people to sit next to at frickers and like i mean conversation i could bring up doing online retail off of thrift store clothing i just like it’s setting up a shopify account like … maybe some girl … like i was introduced to the idea of working relationships between men and women in design school where the ives family was a man designer and woman designer and they designed chairs together … it seemed like romance …
Nicholas
eames i think it was the eames family like ray eames
yeah it was charles and ray eames … they had the most romantic relationship … https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_and_Ray_Eames
Nicholas
a friend from high school brought her daughter over to meet me today and some pineapple upside down cake after she ran into my mom at the grocery store … she seemed defeated she’s in litigation for her child and the thing was a little model of a kid … it was beautiful and her husband was made out of ugly clay last i saw and we chatted and she said goodbye nice to see her
Nicholas
i was always pretty special it’s only been recently that i took on the role of the loser … i was voted most outgoing in high school senior year and i was a valedictorian the only one that gave a speech and i was alwys pretty special with people and then well i got involved with some fucked up people and it all fell apart and now i’m alone even though i was putting long haul energy into the relationships
Nicholas
so i explained it to my dad one night … everything fell apart and i lost 10 years of pursuit of business relationships … and now i have some lessons and a computer and i’m so pissed at myself for taking up so much of your time .. i just know this is my writing prompt that because you’re on the other end adds like the carrot that you MIGHT read this is enough for my brain to pursue this line of action sort of like if i have $5 on my card i go and get cigarettes even if i know it’s a bad idea
Nicholas
this whole loser thing behaving like a loser being in your in box like a loser sending emails like a loser is new to me i was like the kid that made it to the superbowl but lost the final game
i know if i had to pay to send these messages i’d be a winner but i’m on the bottom level of the internet and email is too cheap a medium to treat with respect
Nicholas
i read somewhere that a c corp get’s you discounts on cars and insurance and you get corporate credit and i also read that you need to have monthly meetings and submit your minutes to a state official and your business get’s taxed and you get taxed as an employee of your business and it’s paperwork and you could start a NEW FANGLED FILING of a b corporation https://bcorporation.net/ but i don’t know why a C Corporation can’t function as a B corporation and i have sole proprietor down as an A corporation to complete the set and it makes sense tom e that a c corporation is like the highest level of literacy and responsibility and the government keeps an eye on those relationships that are intentionally incorporating and i have time to do this because my talent pool is in it’s 30’s and so long as i made the right decision in my 20’s and worked my ass off in my 30’s in my 40’s i’m doing relationship building and then in my 50’s i’m hiring people in their 30’s i like what i am capable of now and know i was pretty pointless in my 20’s so 30’s is my talent they’re in high school now and i keep an eye on their culture and i don’t know why i would need employees right now but it seems to be a pretty common thing to need

Certified B Corporation
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bcorporation.net

Nicholas
like the corporate legal work on a c corporation is more tried and true i sort of want a basic standard package that doesn’t require specialized explanations as to how it works and a corp strikes me as that you team up with some people you produce a system you get paid off your system and produce a good or service … seems pretty straight forward and you behave in a way that keeps you out of debt
Nicholas
that’s who i don’t want to be i don’t want to be dwayne johnson that ever said something like i told my athletic engineers to handle this big idea for me that was going to front i never want to have someone handle something big that i am in charge of representing like i basically want to help out with my business but it was just the way dwayne johnson just stood there with a mic and let on that he was just there to front a game show and hold a mic while all that work was done to his specs and the only advice he gave them was mount everest had a baby with godzilla like RIGHTO CHIEF!
Nicholas
a typical sports analyst just needs to get in the booth and spit over a beat everyone of them is a qualified 5 mic rapper
Nicholas
https://www.shopify.com/ yeah that’s what i thought it did … so the website needs photographs of inventory, a place to store inventory, something like this https://www.endicia.com there was a business that shipped you shipping tools so that all you had to do was put the package outside your door, and you have to keep an eye on sales so that yeah it’s 3 day delivery but not if you ignore you emails for 4 days, and then you need packaging material, and it’s something like that 60,000 businesses use shopify which means it’s a saturated market so you want to take out classifieds on reddit.com and in city beat magazine so it’s a drain on resources slightly and it could be a money hole just not a fucked up one … but you could also i mean outcome is like $100 a month let’s say so you need to have roughly $200 a month in sales to break even and that’s like 10 sales a month through a store front no one knows exists and your spending money on advertising and buying inventory from classifieds so it’s pretty good but anything internet related involves obscurity and like with a magazine i don’t know if you can advertise a magazine in a magazine they might not allow it but they might be fine with a store front in a classified section and quite frankly i did this search some 2 years ago but you can get pricey inventory from amazon for just shipping in the books department used books might be a decent thing to sell too and you get paid for your taste there too because there’s like 20,000 $.01 cent books on amazon but your books store only stocks the ones you thought were cool and then you’re in a small business that i mean this is relationship business with the tools just being there this is just something to do aside from watch television in a relationship there is no future in either of these businesses but you might make some money back and be black for some time … or you might just break even … you get no foot traffic to either of these businesses and for the most part you are begging people to acknowledge your existence which i mean i kind of do that online in my email discourse now that i grinded to that sentence that’s probably what i am looking for recognition in some form so i keep working instead of watching television because i haven’t been recognized yet that’s probably what i need some kind o brass ring thing that’s impossible to pin down as to precisely what it is i need but selling clothing with a partner or selling books it’s a thing you go shopping , you buy stuff , you sell stuff you use a website you promote and buy classifieds there’s enough there that it can sustain a relationship and who knows she might or he might think of some novel way to promote the website

Start, grow, and scale your business – Shopify
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shopify.com

Nicholas
alright well i have to do some more digging around but amazon HAD a real simple way to find books for .01
Nicholas
i can’t find the .01 books on amazon like i was thrilled about for business reason’s two years ago the sort by PRICE function is gone in the books category … i was going to pad a garage sale with shipping cost only books … the more decent thing to do if you wanted to compete with amazon in books is to identify small publishers and buy in bulk quantities of books from indie publishers that no one has and be a niche indie bookstore and compete on choice and check to see if the books are sold on amazon and ask them where they are sold … so that you can know if it’s a good idea to sell them and then also question them and ask yourself if it’s even a good idea to start a book store in a world where a publisher can sell their books online themselves … i am interested in publishing i know midwesternpress.com just opened with three people in mount healthy and i’ve been thinking about publishing but i gotta get right with myself and my SELF in full knowledge of what working for someone else involves in terms of freedom and financial compensation for work provided is all thrown into i want full control of my work and full control of my finances and you can’t get that on a job … i got used to doodling on my computer and i’m always basically pro with it just getting more professional and you get to see me grind
Nicholas
oh as a hobby for like 6 years i was trying to think of NEW business ideas and then all of that energy exploded on the concept of the WORD SEARCH i was like word search books, website, i could use illlstrator to do it, custom word searches, everyone loves word searches, i could do a monument at sculpture gardens that’s a word search you can’t fully solve until you’re tall enough for kids and i was like THE WORD SEARCH , it’s repeatable, it’s capitalistic in that it’s disposable, it’s fun, everything in my body in a freestyle came out of my mouth to my roommate when i slid into the mind set of focus on tried and true shit
Nicholas
and just be yourself
i only remember one new business idea i had and it was renting home movies like a movie rental store that cut you in on a percentage of your own own home movie .. like a video rental store you could pick up a check from every 6 months … my mother said it was a stupid idea
and i was in her business schooll
Nicholas
slide into the slut on the right side
he was like as he slides into the slut on the right side
Nicholas
i need to find the market but i should be able to get paid to think who would pay me to think
?
Nicholas
i can encapsulate my entire existence and promise unique results in thinking because of my valedictorian high school background at a touch academic school, my 11 years of university training compilef of design and writing, AND my mental illness that i am diagnosed as having, i can present a package that i am unique enough i can get you unique results in problem solving but the problems are so basic who needs help thinking … a unique promotion off the top of the head to see if i have what it takes to deliver something new a promotion … i got it … a fat ass HUGE qr code painted on the side of a wall that when you scan it into your phone brings up a website that is set to infinitely scrolling into an image … that’s not bad labor intensive … something simple…. a basic promotion would be OOOO QR Codes as Coasters for a Bar … that’s nice … not QR CODE though … as a promotion a man with your commercial on loop on an ipad he’s wearing on the front of his t shirt with the volume all the way up … meh … might get accosted … a promotion for your brand … something simple … you’re an office offering a service you just got started you need people to know about you …. and call … you hire a side walk chalk artist to go to work downtown and add class to your brand … a side walk chalk artist in the spring time with your branding and contact information and art work on the side walks of down town … that’s not bad i stretched out pretty far to come up with down town side walk chalk art for a brand and i i doubt people know shit about QR code
Nicholas
codes
Nicholas
i wrote the bengals about a week ago it would be something to see a quarterback with a baseball and wide everyone wearing a baseball mit
Nicholas
what does a university student want more than a bag of chips at a vending machine that moves fast … blue books go quick in the one place they are sold … what else can a vending machine sell that moves fast at school … OO … OO … OO … if the smart phone bump technology worked at a vending machine to get you ccm footage or daap art work or mcmicken papers or computer science and engineering software … if you just bumped your smart phone up against a vending machine and you downloaded your kit for the quarter … not bad
Nicholas
that’s an old haptic somewhere NEW
Nicholas
i wrote a professor at uc about bump technology and downloading school papers … i probably won’t hear back from him … that’s a local to local thing though … i had uploading documents through a USB drive at Uc but as a promotion if there was a part of the wall at CAC where when you bumped your phone against it or when you bumped your phone against the CAC docent’s phone you downloaded CAC materials it would be a good promotion people might come in just to bump their phone …
Nicholas
to get data
Nicholas
i have the android software development kit but i need to read up on java to get anywhere i know some java because of my processing time … but android is a java software bundle as i have read and i could take that one but i have a book to write i’ll run it by my brother to see how it greases his gears
Nicholas
in my dreams i think of something that goes from me to my brother or sister and goes into corporate america
MON 1:48 AM
Nicholas
a story about the real world where religion is so strong people struggle to survive in the real world you see people just laying on the sidewalk searching for answers and they talk about someone handling their religion and if you can even function enough to submit a resume you get to try to survive in the office where the religion is even stronger … that universe and that’s the real world as opposed to this one because in clean world thoughts come easily and everything makes sense but as not a matrix concept where someone transitions from this world to the next just a world that seems more real than this … RELIGION the story of a man that is seeking to handle his religion in a world where so few people are able to in a city with millions of people
Nicholas
note for tomorrow
might be a good book i just keep grinding this is like a playground here this little fucking 2 inch box … i’m thinking of publishing this box under experimental literature for midwesternpress.com in the spring and it would be experimental something like WCPO’s ELEGIES
midwestern press in mount healthy is looking for experimental literature and this would qualify if they’re not dimwits
small town big deal is a show to watch because of the hosts .. those hosts are special … it’s like television done by people that know precisely how television should be
MON 7:19 AM
Nicholas
i actually offered to write book for a girl i used to know in high school two years ago in her message box to entertain her but she was offended that nicholas lawson would ask her on a date
like i was going to write her a book in real time just to pass it by
i was one of the smart kids in school i wasn’t one of the cool kids at north college hill i was one of the cool kids at lakota west
Nicholas
it just seems funny to me that this one sector of society would be accused of sexual abuse historically repeatedly in a protestant nation it just seems curious to me that roman catholic priests are number one on the list of people most likely to be sexual abusers it almost seems like the allegations showcased on television would attract a set of people that want to abuse children sexually and it’s always really obscure as to what they did it’s never sodomy it’s never priests accused of sodomy it’s always just sexual abuse like they remarked a girl was cute or something or a boy i don’t know it’s never sodomy it’s just always sexual abuse and it’s never too specific what they did and it never seems like too big a deal by anyone just like a protestant smear campaign that regularly occurs against roman catholics in a protestant nation … this is the narrative i have in my head for catholic priest sexual abuse
Nicholas
i don’t know david letterman was accused of sexual abuse too and the head of cbs and harvey weinstein and stormy daniels was accused of sexual misconduct and she’s a porn star and there are people that have never been in a sexual position in positions of power and i just thought of this i could accuse someone of never having kissed a girl and that should have as much weight in life as sexual misconduct 20 years ago
Nicholas
not having sex should be as much of a sin as having sex awkwardly
so that it’s all nebulous and salem witch trial esque how people enjoy their bodies
accusing someone of being a 60 year old virgin should be just as much of a sin as molesting a small boy
and i don’t know what it means to molest a small boy i assume it means pat his head or something as he’s walking into classs
i think people should touch so that their sense of human contact is strengthened
Nicholas
i think people should touch so that we know the sense of touch by a human more often i think communities should touch like shake hands hug kiss on the cheek kiss on the mouth rub each other’s back i think that should be standard behavior at a school or office that’s based on my esoteric having read an article about the happiest village in italiy in terms of way of life by a village that engaged in touch roughly 60 times a week each
Nicholas
it was something like that that there’s just this village in italy that looks for reasons to touch itself and it’s the highest quality of life village in italy according to the article
to me a place that is the highest quality of life in ITALY would be something to note
Nicholas
i can’t find the article but i can find evidence it exists when it comes to italy 9. They kiss hello and goodbye Strangers, no. But after meeting someone once or twice, you almost always greet them with a kiss. Remember, always start on the left cheek. So your left cheek against theirs. Then, move to right cheek against their right cheek. A little crisscross dance if you will. Whether you actually touch cheeks, making kissing sounds, or actually kiss each other’s cheek is all sort of a personal preference.
Nicholas
italians
most people i know get very little human contact
Nicholas
okay i failed in a search but the page might be taken down so it was like 4 or 5 years ago that i read about touch and italy randomly online and i’m 40 pages deep in 6 different search terms not finding it so i just know what i read there
and i think you have to be a really old culture to engage in a lot of natural comforting touching like a lot goes into that you can’t force it
you can’t artificially touch people a lot the social ceremony has to be in place
geico wins
geico is a lot of win
Nicholas
is the president that famous and powerful a position or for 50 years since jfk has television needed a subject … like was john adams really all that necessary or huge a political figure or was he just another guy in the political process and television blew the presidency up
like narratives needs subjects and in the last well 70 years television has had to fill time and play by play in politics is sort of a new thing and offputtting and disrespectful
Nicholas
when reddit was comprised of outgoing links to random websites some 7 years ago an on for a bit it was a daily dose of woodstock … like i attended internet woodstock it was reddit circa 2007 for about 2 years of daily coolness like i participated in the greatest THING on the internet which was reddit before it went corporate and there was a huge internet , it’s smaller now
Nicholas
now it’s like yp.com your vocabulary determines your exposure to it when before you never knew what you were going to see
and it was a group effort to explore the internet and it was NEW
from my perspective i see moments in television where they’re like STARRING TIM DILLON and it just seems like a random name to me with a random face
Nicholas
those early days of music based on the graininess of the footage for the live shows is like watching someone want to be rich really really badly
like okay fine here’s some cash go away
i can’t talk i lost my ability to talk o stayed silent so long i can’t freestyle i can’t do free form poetry .. i can’t talk anymore … i need a stephan hawking like interface to read my writing for me … i can’t talk anymore
i was just thinking of myself reporting on a crash and i wouldn’t be able to talk
like i’m quiet all the time and communicating with my hands
Nicholas
it seems like television hires well behaved people for television just really well behaved people people that just really really know how to employee and have the best of intentions and don’t want to think a controversial thought while they are reporting on murder and death and mayhem which is offputting
Nicholas
i know some history i know the rebels used to be in acting and music and the intellectuals were in television and now it’s all sort of a Proctor and Gamble operation real corporate and now the punks are on the internet and i just see this novice pattern where the originators do something and then it get’s monetized and it’s all so bland right now … i haven’t seen a think piece in years
Nicholas
i’m great in conversation though like i’m spell binding in conversation i just can’t produce monologues to nothing i try that and fail but in conversation where it’s input and output like three months ago we were high and i was talking to a female military sergeant and she was high and we were talking about the military and i did a riff and she was like I WISH I HAD THAT ON TAPE so like in conversation i do award winning work but just free form monologues in a cadence that is acceptable i use the word UM a lot
Nicholas
how is https://www.lynda.com/ or https://academicearth.org/ not ready for a television channel?

Lynda: Online Courses, Classes, Training, Tutorials
Learn software, creative, and business skills to achieve your personal and professional goals. Join today to get access to thousands of courses.
lynda.com

the footage for a 24/7 television channel has been produced in lynda.com they just aren’t on television yet
Nicholas
i would wonder if i became telepathic through prayer and reading or some kind of device that takes advantage of my metal tooth but i’m someone else that’s not really but i’m someone else that’s scouring through his apartment looking for communication devices or a white van outside beaming a signal to me … i just really get a lot of feedback from my brain for what i type online like someone is following along with me and is mostly not upset but last night there were some african thoughts in my head that were scary … i was just an input output device for 37 years and then in the last year it’s all turned into a mental illness i even told the behavior clinic OKAY NOW I AM MENTALLY ILL I NEED TO STAY and they sent me out into the world .. now i am mentally ill after 15 years of pronouncing my innocence and pointing out i smoke weed i was abused i’m over educated i spent a lot of time on the internet which are the four things i think are wrong with me over education, abuse, weed, and internet addiction and now i talk to myself and it’s get fucking scary and that’s new now i would say i am mentally ill but it’s not bipolar it’s something that’s actually important to me to get a handle on and they just treat bipolar disorder and this has nothing to do with what they diagnosed me with like i’m just generically mentally ill and they just prescribe me generic pills and the test i took last year that tested for mental illness discounted me OUT of a mental health study from dayton because on the test i tested as definitively mentally healthy and they couldn’t give me $50 to continue with the study and i think people just think i’m weird again because of weed, internet, over education, and abuse that’s what i think is wrong with me like bipolar disorder is a genetic illness and my illness is environmental in nature and now i’m telepathic and that’s a problem for me like i’m going to talk to myself for 15 minutes about this writing after i send it there’s a pattern
Nicholas
hey this is a big planet what if and this would really make a great story the story of the united states discovering a nation that’s light years beyond it on earth the way the united states is light years beyond africa technologically speaking … like if there’s a secret nation on earth that makes the US A look like the way the USA makes africa look …. that’d be special … something like this and my previous writing prompt might be two books i need to take down some notes …
Nicholas
i’m never taking a trip to africa again but in my skype conversation with an african not too long ago where we discussed visiting each other and then it got awkward when neither of us could afford it coupled with my national geographic subscription as kid where in every 5th issue there was a deeply starving african i just assume africa is the furthest behind on the planet … like i think of sally struthers when i think of africa and i just notice how they behave in the US and how it’s taboo to talk about race which i assume is in place because it’s too sad a thing to do around africans like they can’t handle 500 years of us explaining to them to hurry up and advance like asia and india and europe and the US like latins and africans are basically awkward for me to be around when i’ve been around them because of cultural differences and i’m more civilized than the africans i’ve been around before and met abroad and i jus associate africa with 3rd world ness and we don’t talk about race because too many people have a hard time wrapping their head around where african culture is and where eurpopean culture is so we don’t talk about it and i’m like star trek called the africans CLING ON’s and he did that on purpose and he gave them pronounced foreheads and a violent culture and he also gave them advanced weaponry and powerful space ships and their own planet but yeah in person an african is quite powerful like africans will fucking hit you for thinking europe is more powerful than africa but that’s about it really like holding an opinion of european superiority culturally speaking comes with it fear of african violence which gives me the impression euoropeans are superior and yeah i am scared of african violence for thinking europeans are the finest people and they are quite PR oriented and the civil rights movement was a bogus thing to me that my parents are going to take to their grave with them fuck africans
Nicholas
i’m basically like here’s your money african give me the weed i don’t know anyone else that says it and i get it that $10 sack of weed is worth $300 i owe you yeah yeah anyways here’s your $10
cincinnati show business seemed GREAT until i actually got to know the other people when it was just YOU’RE UP DO YOUR POEM it was sweet it was when i started kicking it with these other poets that i was like FUCK THIS
Nicholas
hanging out with a couple people and they tell you they’re a felon and you’re just like that’s cool i’m a mental patient woop woop and the next thing you know they’re pulling guns on you as a joke or something and aiming a shot gun at your chest and it sinks in OH FELON i hate african felons and i see african felon ways in all the africans now
Nicholas
there were a lot of criminals at the open mic and i started going to open mic’s at sitwells and habenero’s and i was like OPEN MIC this is cool read a poem get some attention and then i went to cody’s and THEN i went to the greenwich and met some pretty hard core street people and ended up moving in with one giving up my car losing my computer losing my suit losing my degree losing out on money on a book i wrote and old someone and got crashed on in an apartment and was raped by a poet i met at the hospital that pinned me to the bed when he got me alone and because of 3 people now when i see an african my biology lets me know to be scared
Nicholas
like i used to date african women like it was nothing there was a time when i preferred dating african women and now i’m like no our families would mix sticking white
Nicholas
OOOH! Like if 2018 USA found ATLANTIS AND FELT RETARDED! THAT’s HELLA POP CULTURE! I should work on that. I HOPE THAT’s NOT A WRITING EXCERCISE and atlantis deals with crippling religion like my previous writing prompt … THE STORY OF ATLANTIS CIRCA 2018 that’s hot … CLASSIC
that is my least favorite thing i did like once and felt stupid … the fake walk away … i fucking hate that
Nicholas
is that her band or is just that just a set she’s standing on … i can’ not see this thing i see in music as an audience member it’s ofputting
what’s my proof that santa claus exists, i’ll tell you, it’s the black and mild tips laying on the sidewalk in places where no one has ever smoked a black and mild but santa claus just a hard to explain black and mild tip in a random location, santa
MON 5:57 PM
Nicholas
http://www.wvxu.org/post/wkrc-tv-wins-may-sweeps-news-ratings-again#stream/0 you don’t know you rratings? not really? like can get precise data on who visits my website and get global reach for $50 a year and you sort of guess at your ratings?

WKRC-TV Wins May Sweeps News Ratings Again, But…
Did that Sinclair news commentary in March about media companies pushing “their own personal bias and agenda” read by anchors Rob Braun and Cammy Dierking
wvxu.org

like I can get precise data
Nicholas
i thought about doing local news on website being a newspaper for north college hill on website but i was like that would be boring and it’s just north college hill and it would just affect north college hill … the idea i came up with was more braod in scope i’m sort of doing it nickspoems.com where i would write poetry which has a more universal appeal like you can live in england and read american poetry … i’m just behind catching up disillusioned upset tired considering studying programming poor mentally ill apparently disabled because i’m short $16,001 a year in taxable income without a car like i don’t mind theorizing about business and getting really detail oriented in my theories but with being alone like this and short a way to meet people for the time being i’m sort of out of commission and this box here is my life well it is for the last 3 weeks prior to that it was writing emails and i’ve just beeen real scatter brained and i’m sort of fucking around with the start of a book and if someone wants experimental literature i could maybe publish this message log and midwesternpress.com does and i just don’t know and i know i have a habit of thinking of an idea that sounds good that has problems with it and i need to get a job but everything within walking distance is stocking shelves and i’m not in a hurry but i need to be because i’m almost 40 and i just did 2 years in the shelter system and my situation is not getting better but it’s okay for today
Nicholas
i don’t mind jockeying a computer and listening to music and watching television and taking naps and to disrupt this would be tragic and so i’ll at least try to write a book and i’m doing a pretty good job i just some extra cash until i meet a woman and need a lot of cash to support the three of us
Nicholas
in a month i wrote 56 pages but eeeeh i mean it’s not really experimental … if i started over and wrote you a book … if i just started writing pure fiction in this box … with the audience it’s more pleasant to my imagination even if you don’t read it i perceive i have an audience … i noticed over the years i always write better with an audience … i might skip the personal anecdotes and the business plotting and just write a book … i’ll probably start tomorrow … i’ll just write a book here … i can copy and paste it from messenger i just did … if i spent 3 months writing a book in this box and just imagined you were reading it … there’s a major disconnect between what i write here an what you air … i don’t need to write weather data you have all that i don’t have a car so you can’t publish my road report i share websites that strike ME as newsworthy but aren’t in your format and i couldn’t find books or .01 cent on amazon so i let john matarese down but amazon changed it’s interface
Nicholas
so i think i’ll do that i’ll just open up a major liberty and entertain you with pure fiction instead of hemmoraging your pre frontal cortex tissue with this data
i don’t know what the book would be about though … i have to think about it …
Nicholas
a man holding a conversation with his television that talks back is too too this too all i am missing is my television to be like NICK QUIT in front of the whole city … i did have a television related thought at the men’s shelter about a television station that was having a conversation with one man in the city and no one knew who it was except for him if it was television related
Nicholas
i’m going to aim for novella too which is the finest literary form in europe as i have read a couple times recently i could publish with midwestern press AND a european publishing company and publish on two continents i just want to write a novella it strikes me as well as europe as a superior literary form i’ve read enough 300 pages books to know that there’s always this part of the book where the author sort of just waxes and wanes and it’s just sort of plateau esque and it’s just flat action where in a novella i can write my story you can read my story and we’re done i don’t have to write this elongated part to hit a page count
Nicholas
maybe i could use this if i broke out my adobe tools and sort of treated this like a graphic novel brought in screen shots of the websites if it was a beautiful object that just needed to be printed
it’s like a novela right now if it was a serialized book
and i just fuck you i’m doing what it takes to make money and i’m glad craig mckee doesn’t know
that makes watching television exciting
Nicholas
i started off in a weed haze just blathering on my computer like when i started using twitter and email at the men’s shelter i was smoking weed like 4 times a week and then i got home and was still high and then i stopped twitter two weeks ago and now it’s just this and i think legally i can do this because you can publish it to and it’s none of your writing i think if i understand correctly you have like 6 accounts to check and you cycle through them and you get dozens of messages an afternoon or morning and i’m way smaller in your world than you are in mine and as i am sobering up from weed i’m thinking not sure why i did that but i’m going to publish it
Nicholas
and just see if it qualifies as experimental literature that midwesternpress is looking for
Nicholas
and i could write a book but there’s that racist shit that i want to publish that that’s why i was thinking of writing something new but i want to publish that racist writing it’s not taboo to me and it is taboo but why? so much in the race conversation has me going why? i’m not even violent violence is stupid but holding a meticulous conversation on race in line with WE ARE DIFFERENT what you do with your human form african is different than what we europeans do and i read somewhere that it’s because their skin i brown there’s racism that’s not it their brain funcitons differently and i like to be around predictable behavior
Nicholas
yeah see that violence i’m actually anti violence and i’m inundated with currently white music is good and black music is bad on top of my violent encounters with 3 close friends that were african like fleetwood mac doens’t have much to say about a gun but bobby shmurda does i’m sufficiently afraid of africans enough to like distance myself from their culture in a city with mostly black people which makes it hard it’s hard receiving a sandwich from a team of africans at penn station i was like that’s the first all african team work i have ever seen and i was like cool they can make a sandwich NICE but like i live in an african neighborhood and my folks stay in doors enough that they don’t mind but i’m thinking of my next 30 years and i want to live and do business in a white neighborhood i’m all about gentrification of down town cincinnati if white people just moved downtown and black people just moved to the suburbs or something i don’t know racism is the most confusing topic i have ever encountered because it’s not blacks it’s mostly not whites either like based on my background there’s like 6% of the population i can spend time with and violent racism violence violent policing violent displays of power like the white power rally in north college hill it’s all unnacceptable like maddox said it best civil disobedience is still disobedience like morality goodness helping art society peace education reading writing mathematics philosophy biology to an extent religious services these are things i espouse and if i can demark myself as being unfriendly to most people and just shut myself away from an african blue collar part of town i will and white blue collar workers sort of intimidate me as well and it’s the working class that i’m actually at issue with because metallica’s KILL EM ALL was a problem album for me like KILL WHO? and just i’m at odd with an american culture that is reverse racist on both sides and listening to violent music and i just want to listen to music i don’t need the lyrics
Nicholas
like gangster rap beats are astonishing gangster rappers are criminals death metal music is not terrible to listen to but death metal lyrics are just as much of a problem as gangster rap lyrics
violence violence is a problem
i just want to be treated with care by africans and europeans and have my background respected and just today this african woman bought my cigar for me because i couldn’t afford it and i noticed it didn’t affect my newly found racist views at all and that bothered me
it’s hard being racist there’s no decent way to talk about it
Nicholas
and even when i listened to gangster rap like fabolous, jay z, kanye west, rakim, dj shadow, t.i., jeezy, like i was listening to the best of the best of gangster rap i wasn’t listening to basement rap i was listening to radio vetted on kiss 107.1 fm gangster rap and like it was usually a story of glory which these kids lack i saw glory in the gangster rap music i listened to it was mostly about business
Nicholas
like i thought i was listening to business music
Nicholas
it was because of glory music by africans that i was like these people are really superior they developed a small cutlure fostered it and with rudimentary tools propogated a new way of thinking the world over and it took hold world wide from the streets of brooklyn and i was like it’s brilliant you just walk and talk and live and it’s just lyrics and living and at my peak i was like jordan from the foul line carl lewis in the olympics tiget woods check barrack obama is the most civilized man and kofi anon is the leader of the general assembly of the UN and jay z is the best rapper and africans support africans in way europeans will never do and the europeans just fought this epic multi million death war so we can’t tallk and that was pretty much my africans are superior argument i had with myself it was like yeah we did all this and went to war with it and they did so little and lived in peace
Nicholas
http://digg.com/video/bubble-art-fire the internet always has something for me … this is what i did in social media in the last 3 months … it could still go horribly wrong

Guy Makes A Fire-Shooting, Smoke Tornado In A Bubble, And Nothing Makes Sense Anymore
Equipped with butane gas, mouth air, and a few unique tools, “bubble artist” Dustin Skye creates something wholly incredible.
digg.com

Nicholas
i don’t need more details but mysteriously none are ever given like do priestly teachers tickle kids balls? they seem like pretty serious places, like did the swim coach run his finger up a kid’s ass crack? what is plausible that they would do? boys around boys how much sexual assault can occur?
Nicholas
was it when the kid knelt the priest whipped out his dick? what could it possibly be?
did they pat the kids on the head every day?
what did they do?
is it that if we knew as a people we wouldn’t care?
it’s a strong allegation it’s just a typical strong allegation like it’s that time of the year to shit on the priests
and it’s always an allegation it’s always some i don’t know i’m just confused i don’t know how much sex can occur at a boy’s school
Nicholas
i gained like 4 pounds last week i ate 6 plates at the indian restaurant buffet 6 medium sized plates and i had skyline and i ate JTM cheese steaks and i had some donuts and some cookies and that pretty much did me in … i’m like oh i can just eat fruit i had an eat week and i just blew up according to my scale and now 5 days later i’m down again to like 214 down from 218 or something and i have to be careful like i lived on scant food for 2 years and just having access to so many restaurants excited me and i’m like whoah … metabolism slow …
Nicholas
i’m like 6’4” tall so my doctor thinks i’m skinny but i have like this soft gut like stomach that’s holding all my weight my upper body is thin and my lower body is thin but my mid section is holding all this weight to it and like i’m just trying to lose stomach fat it’s the last of the fat on my body i’m just really keen on being able to look myself in the mirror and be like alright we got back to where we feel all the way good about ourselves
MON 10:10 PM
Nicholas
well see it started when we got an email … didn’t think much of it and then next thing we knew we were getting emails everyday and he didn’t know what he was doing kept talking about this book he was writing in his emails and next thing we knew the email were the book … he took it to midwestern press and they didn’t know they knew they were into experimental fiction but even they didn’t see the vision at first of selling facebook messages and everyone was confused he just kept writing we were in television so craig said something like who the fuck does that kid thing he is writing US and he knew everything could go wrong discussions of a lawsuit were ever present but when the book sold it’s first copy everyone knew this was something worth doing
Nicholas
john mccain looked like a beast as a kid like i don’t know how old you are sir but i assume you ruled the world when you were my age too
we actually don’t know how old they are they just quote numbers and we’re supposed to guess like i won’t know how old my grandmother was last week for like 30 years
TUE 10:21 AM
Nicholas
yeah it’s not about three things anymore it’s about 4 things you gotta put that shit together like a puzzle like salt fat acid heat that’s a foursome and then you have lemons limes tangerines and oranges and you have charlie chaplin walt disney albert einstein and adolf hitler the four horsemen you want your things in fours high school teaches you to have three points of data to back something up but you really want four
Nicholas
joseph beth didn’t talk about local authors … said something about michelle obama but didn’t say anything about anyone from around here … i’m not wrong there is a severe gawking problem with cincinnati eyeballing other places and people and not itself
Nicholas
when i was in mount healthy i forgot about this when i was in mount healthy i did a small coat drive for two years i got donations from burlington coat factory they said it was all handled last i heard about it the principal and burlington said they were going to work it out … in my first year i saw a kid that was cold outside so i called the school and asked if i could get donations for coats and they said yes and i called burlington coat factory that year too and said mount healthy needed coats … both years i was told the donations would be sent …i actually wondered if i did anything if anything happened but i spent like 2 hours a year for two years calling thrift stores and they said they didn’t deliver and burlington coat factory said they did … i don’t know … everyone seems more energetic on television in the real world you make a common pitch and you encounter confusion … not certain how i’m going to get something started but i figured that out too call people cold that have shitty websites and offer to do a new one for them for free and just keep doing free work until your name get’s out there on referral for paid work … i do be needing to start that or i’m thinking about what i’m really going to do day in and day out and a literary magazine strikes me as the most up my alley as a thing to do … i write a lot i know how to make a passing website i can do an online magazine it’s my core concept it side steps a lot of publishing issues and my only real issue with doing an online website is that it won’t be beautiful but i think if i just coded up a site i could do something beautiful for advertisers sort of like a major advertisement column on the left side and a list of links to short stories on the right i mean the onion does fake news television does an amount of fake news which is understandable you have to kill time and stay in your format and i like a website that is all off the top of the head i don’t have to go in search of anything … i’m a step up from someone that never wrote or never did web design and is 38 looking for a business i have the potential to do this and i just need to get it together just short stories and writing prompts and poems and song lyrics and i’m not feeling like doing much but i might need to force myself to feel like doing that
Nicholas
i’m going to need to force myself to feel like doing something if i want a dramatic turn of events in my life
Nicholas
like i might as well do a magazine i actually have a vaping habit that is there to cessate my smoking habit that is in control of the scant amount of money i have that keeps me from getting hosting vaping is more important to me than getting web hosting i get anxious if i think to myself i can’t vape and i quit smoking two weeks ago now i vape and i’m addicted to nicotine but so yeah i can’t spend it’s a poor thing you wouldn’t understand
Nicholas
alright cool i can access my router and i have wamp set up and so i can make my www folder viewable to the outside world i can string it through my router but i need to map a domain name onto the ip address and i don’t see where i can add an ip address to my domain host
so there’s like one thing missing from hosting my own website and then i can move really fast
i’m sweating just thinking of hosting my own website like i’m pacing and thinking of what the next search term is i need to type in to figure out how to map a domain name to my ip address
i have no role model to give me insight into how this character plays out like how would murphy brown have treated a constant daily facebook commentator
i have no role in literature to inform me where this character stands
Nicholas
i don’t experience mood swings like i have a typical cycle a shitty morning a productive afternoon and a lazy evening i don’t really experience mood swings though like this chat log is 2 months old and i’m not yelling at you and begging for an apology i’m usually pretty standardly behaved but they have me down as bipolar 1 and i have tested out of bipolar 1 before on a standard test i think i just don’t fit in or that the crack psych community in cincinnati that might be as competitive professionally as the bengals just tossed a label on me and processed me
Nicholas
saudi arabia is LINKED to killing a journalist the POTUS is linked to killing every day in the middle east HE’s CONNECTED and everyone knows journalists are typically people that are in danger
Nicholas
if i just wrote like mundane 500 word story after 500 word story like i can pretty envision every social situation in my surrounding if i wrote about the woman that knelt to prayer and was happy to see her neighbor appear in church for the first time or the baker and how he was upset one of the burners went out in the oven or the mayor and how she was happy everyone showed up for city council like for a commercial site that i could grow to other cities if i just wrote like the news everyone used to say they wanted just regular life if i imagineered a literature template on top of north college hill that might be a decent story and keep all the stories sort of in opposition to negative typical english literature stories if each story was sort of upbeat like the neon store sign got a deal on glass tubing because the manufacturer expanded operations something like that
Nicholas
like news just news i don’t have to run around and dig up from people’s mouths
because it’s all detailed archetype work
so what is the bachelor like an east side dream ?
like do women fantasize about being in competition with 25 other women for a man and men fantasize about going out with 25 women? is that some kind of soc east side upper class society dream … is that everything society ever wanted to experience?
Nicholas
schooled looks entertaining
dag she’s still not old enough to talk about SEX with a straight face
Nicholas
i was one like a 32 year long amusement park ride and then it just came to an end like even at my last apartment i had people coming over and i hated them mostly but it was people coming over to use me if for nothing less they brought weed but like this apartment is like where the rubber met the road like this is like a dead end and i can just write and it’s been two months of mostly not leaving an apartment i need to start taking walks but i don’t know my memory serves me this amusement park ride that came to an end and now i have to deal with me and me is all there is to deal with and i’m finding that i have a WANT to do business and a NEED to do business but i don’t know how to do business like i can keep busy i can do the busyness part of business but it’s the what do you need from me when all i can really offer is writing and i don’t know i’m not working on a major project and i think i have a problem with keeping still because if i could keep still i’d have no problems and with business it’s like and then what? i just get to stand around and keep the balls juggling and i’ve never had business finances coming in i’ve never been given a loan and i don’t know anyone to pitch ideas to that can pitch ideas back at me and i don’t even know where to meet those people and the business association didn’t write me back to what i thought was a great email i might be in the wrong neighborhood … i think i should live down town but fuck i’m locked in this contract and i don’t know if i can support myself downtown on this income and all the lower class amenities i have around me and all the upper class education i have … i’m upper class educated with a lower class profile … and i just write and i just had a good idea but i don’t know what to say for myself i have no reference points to determine if this is a thing to do or not because if it is i’m fine but if it’s not i’m the worst offender
Nicholas
did the all good man just pump his pelvis towards alicia? that’s fucked up
Nicholas
he’s god a god complex not a god simple a god simple is GOD is GOD is the word GOD is GOD and that’s a god simple a god complex is when GOD IS LOVE or GOD IS OMNIPOTENT when GOD IS NOT GOD god is a god complex
he’s having issues with dealing with the fact that his parents made love and now he’s here he’s attributing his parents love making and his presence here with god to perform a mission which is common
you know what i might write a story about this a fictional story about the day someone opens a RELIGION OFFICE kind of guy that sees a market helping people answer their religious questions and he has an office where his clients pay him good money to read holy books for them
TUE 2:13 PM
Nicholas
doctor asked me if i wanted a blood test to check my vitamin d levels all i could say is why would i know if i need that?
i asked the doctor if he asked all his patients questions they can’t answer
got a 7up and some meat loaf from the folks and i lost two pounds from the last time i was at the doctor and i didn’t pay for a restaurant on pay day so i’m ideally going to lose 2 more pounds and get down to 214
Nicholas
i’m thin i’m just soft and thin i figure if i’m going to be poor i’m going to be in shape and poor and i got some 15 pound single cast bar bells to do upper body work outs with so i do want to get a gym membership i’m thinking in the spring i’ll get a membership at the y downtown and mingle there
Nicholas
i got a bus pass now i just need to get the sticker to do unlimited rides and i’ll start going to the Y downtown and work out there and spend morning there getting fit
Nicholas
i was soft for a long time and i’ve been thinner i was at 198 before i checked into summit and then i fooded too much and went up to 116 in months i gained 16 pounds in 6 months at summit and now i’m getting control of my diet and well eat weak was a travesty but i didn’t know how much damage it would do now i know
Nicholas
i get access to all the food now it’s a little overwhelming
i’m watching television and a upper mid thirties woman is just laying her baggage on a teenager
she handed her a babysitters club book
this is like SNL for drama on television
do soap opera stars EVER make it into the movies? i never heard of a soap opera star that made it out of soap opera
Nicholas
i could do that … if i paid someone $50 a week to act with me … once i got my smoking habit cleared up i’ll have $50 to lay on someone to stand in front of a blog camera and improv conversations with … i would do that … i wouldn’t pay a woman to suck my duck but i would pay a man to improv with me
Nicholas
i expect dick suckings for nothing it’s too much hassle to pay for
Nicholas
like i’d line up the shot on my computer and you’d get $50 to improv with me and i’d set up a website and like 6 months in or after like $600 in your pocket i’d have enough footage to sell advertising on my footage after i took out a classified advertisement … i could do that watching soap opera on my budget
Nicholas
i think $50 is a lot to pay someone for improv acting normally you pay $75 for two hours OF improv
be nice if improv in cincinnati wasn’t all fee based i wonder how they do it in chicago …
i’m not paying to act
i’ll pay someone to act
just set up my blog camera get us both in the field of view and act … gotta find the right person though
can’t be someone that’s just like YEAH
someone else died my rise to the throne continues
i can’t hold auditions for $50 but i could approach someone on facebook that looks smart … use it like casting … i might have to go with a woman but that’s creepy … how to identify the right person … Uc students are too young
i could contact improv studio’s or THE ACTOR’s STUDIO in cincinnati and see if someone already interested in acting would want to work for $50 once a week
weed’s not like that … dramatic weed deal
that’s fucking seedy two chicks alone in a bar making out … maybe she’s not a teenager but she looks a lot younger than that older woman and i’m like thinking of junior’s in nch wondering if anyone else ever showed up early to make out
i looked up toronto on a whim 150 languages spoken in that city and it’s the closest canadian city i thought of i know it’s just up past michigan
Nicholas
it’s the finance capital of canada and i’m like at least interested in leaving this whatever this is behind but i’m sort of trapped i can’t just put my money in my name and have $700 a month to spend in canada homeless i leave with nothing and i can’t get a doctor to sign off on my money in my name i’ve asked and they’re just like neyooo
Nicholas
neeyoo
i was drugged on heavy drugs in 2005 when they put me on disability and they forced a signature on a document that put the money in my moms’s name
Nicholas
naw i can do that myself … i can do a solo act and get that level a quality of acting out of myself … i did it before .. . i’ve had conversations with my father when he wasn’t there on camera and it was great youtubing … i’m not doing great youtubing anymore … and i need to do some more great youtubing
Nicholas
okay so my computer has a personality now … you’re my side kick i just need you to lay shit on you and think about what i layed on you
Nicholas
ben really takes charge on pickler and ben that’s what i like about him
Nicholas
this is what rocked turn into in 1960 heda been like i wear tight genes because the groupies love them in 2018 it’s like i sort of think tight jeans MIGHT be a good idea because i HEARD my female fans think they’re nice
this is what ROCK turned into
that was an edit of a previous line ^
okay so luke bryan walked into nashville at 25 like i’m going to do this if i walked into canada at 40 i’d be like fuck i probably am not the person to do this
Nicholas
yeah yeah the 16 year kids WOULDN’t know about prince or michael jackson be like quoting them lyrics from gloria estefan songs … that’s to be expected you can’t even quote them songs from people their own age they have only just begun to listen to music you have to be like well this is michael jackson let’s listen to this album which songs do you like this is prince this is early jay z this is local h this is dj sammy you have to introduce kids to music to give music a history that builds up over time like my folks didn’t do it they didn’t listen to music when i was growing up so i’m all random picks and shit from the cd bins but like i’d hope if i had kids i’d just leave music on
Nicholas
he was like these 16 year old kids just don’t get it yet … and i’m like yeah yeah that is true LUKE BRYAN almighty master of the field of music
what makes luke country is his backwoods choice of director of photography
it’s really who LUKE BRYANT has in charge of his lighting that makes him country
Nicholas
yep when he was making $10,000 a year yep yep yep
yep
i gotta do something about this
i make $10,000 a year
i gotta flip that and get to doing something
like doing a better job of writing worthy copy and paste writing in this box
i’ve just been using the computer for 15 years and most of the time i’ve only really been trying to get published and i only put shit on kdp.com and lulu.com but i never promoted i only sold 150 books … or something … this is worth exploring
TUE 6:40 PM
Nicholas
if there’s not one i thought of a clever useful wall concept … you could open military bases on the texas border and patrol it … i feel like garbage thinking of something someone else can do that i’m not going to do … but people do a better job of guarding a border than a wall does
Nicholas
you can put people down there whenever you want a wall has an ability to be scaled over where people can identify and deter people more successfully than a wall
there was so much character in the characters of television in the golden age i just feel like i’m looking at flat people now
if you can own a dance it’s not carlton that owns the dance it’s the production company
like i know from my production studies that it’s not the actors i hire to work with that own the footage it’s me
i know what i could do there’s an artists with disabilities grant that i have been awarded before that i am always every day of the year trying to figure out what to use $500 for but I could apply again and put the money towards hiring an actor to use as a subject for my camera
that’s a decent way to spend $500 paying an actor
Nicholas
Like i could pay an actor like $100 for a weekend of poses on camera and then I could spend $150 printing the photograph and then I could spend $250 framing the shot to use the artist with disabilities $500 grant money … it’s hard to spend $500 in a profitable way the last time i bought traffic for my website and a kindle fire and this time i don’t know as much as i need money for business i don’t know much what to do with it to make it back but its like i can start an advertising bench business but all the advertising bench business money has to go into advertising benche business it’s not like i get a business set up and buy beer with the money and just get more beer because i have an advertising business it’s a business it’s something you take a little off the top of and selling a book seems like at least i get a lump sum for this difficult as shit thing to do and i’m distracted i gotta read over this transcript this might be publishable more so than twitter
Nicholas
what would an actor do in the photograph i’d probably steal from machine gun kelly and photograph an actor eating a bowl of cereal in front of the church and like i’d photograph that
Nicholas
pay channel 9 $500 to come in an photograph at will for an afternoon with my smart phone just wanting to take candid shots of the news people doing the news and then i’d take my epson printer and print out the 8.5 x 11’s and i’d put them in stock frames and $250 is for custom framing but stock framing is WAY cheaper and i could frame like $250 worth of photography in stock frames and put them up for sale on shopify yesterday i was thinking of selling art on shopify like custom pieces and before i get started i have to develop my stock pile of art work i talked to my mother and she hinted that i’m getting a drawing table soon and i’ll have a 24″ by 36″ drawing pad to practice drawing on and who knows when i take out my wooden model dummy when i draw that enough times and maybe buy a couple skulls from amazon i might be talented enough to set up a little drawing stand in north college hill and draw people for profit i never thought of that be old enough to be the man that’s drawing the people on the sidewalk i’ve only ever seen elderly men doing htat
Nicholas
that
Nicholas
i could probably do something cool and ask my moms to pose for several dozen drawings she’s really patient like i she came over and watched television and i drew her portrait watching television i can probably do that in january set up a light to give me good shadow and my apartment is sort of set up for it i’m gettting a sofa i have a rich father that get’s paid like $100,000 a year so it sort of makes sense to me that i don’t give a shit about money he grew up poor and appreciates having i always had so i appreciate not having
Nicholas
i’m just trying to solve a puzzle here and setting up a small drawing stand up there by mcdonalds and shell might be a decent thing to do i don’t think much can go wrong with that
that’s sort of something that adds to property values and if i can get portraits down to 15 minutes each i could probably make like $10 a drawing
and just sell a sheet of paper with some ink on it and do like 4 an afternoon or something
if i had a sketchbook with dawings to show i could draw and then there’s asking for permission to do it
not certain but if i had a good reputation i could probably pull it off
that’s a good look for north college hill some guy drawing portraits for $10 that’s a good look and it keeps me employed and it’s not with like 6 months of study of observational drawing that’s not out of reach
if there are porch pirates what keeps someone from stealing your groceries?
Nicholas
i need to be able to set up a chair to sit on and i need to practice drawing from observation in north college hill so i could draw architecture like i did in school when i was passing time i could draw north college hill buildings into a not the huge one but a decent sized pad that i maybe get an easel for to set up in north college hill … i don’t know what north college hill has seen but has anyone ever drawn it?
Nicholas
see they got the wrong guy for the bachelor a guy that’s like whoo boy i’m in trouble not the guy you want the guy that’s like i’m straight this is heaven
Nicholas
@cincywoman that’s a hot twitter handle i solved the puzzle
Nicholas
so you got footage of running up the steps like someone played a prank on a couple and you did a full production at their home?
no the darwin award was recently won by these too … nothing but that’s actually a darwin award
darwin awards go to strange deaths
i’m going to get some martinelli sparking cider i’m about to bookmark it on amazon
that shits amazing
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Nicholas
oh i had a thought … it dissipated … but i was going to train television viewers so that they got the most out of watching television … they would want to get paid because i know there is a classic WORK PAY equation that i don’t know anyone that doesn’t live by it it’s based on if you are asking someone to do something they are asking for money in return makes an outfit like television stunning too me no clue how you make that work other than advertising dollars coming in in mountains but i had this image of training people to watch television maybe a television program training people to watch television
Nicholas
i’ve done enough volunteer work that i don’t know what the equation is anymore
Nicholas
i was thinking about this i actually can’t draw in north college hill i have to go to clifton for that in front of the Echo Star Cafe … I need two chairs and an small easel and i don’t know i have to put my situation together to be able to sit there in 2020 an old man drawing pictures of people
Nicholas
not this year i have to study first so it doesn’t seem like i’m a hustler
i remember when ellen was on the a list with janine gerafalo brian reagan and i know there were others but i remember oh rosie o donnell i grew with that with the a list stand up spot light and i remember when comedy central was mostly stand up comedy that’s when i watched
what’s a fucking 10 dollar word? my bad for knowing how to talk
Nicholas
yeah she probably knows like a $25 dollar word that if you heard her say it you’d owe her money
she’d be happy just being her assistant … not the kind of person i am
i wouldn’t mind partnering with her
i wonder if i set up another computer here at my apartment if i could interest someone in coming over and writing a book in facebook with me
like when i was 18 i had these girls that i would chat with online until like 4am from like midnight and that was only back on aol i ain never chat with no one the way i did on aol
i chatted with shwrroses and tigerlilly
a weed commune? that’s nice … how would that work? we have burnett woods …
Nicholas
i wonder if a lot of my fascination with typing you has to do with my recoil intelligence giving me haptic feedback on what i type you back in mount healthy i noticed how strange it was that every time i commented on facebook i convulsed not sure what this is but i just know scientists engage in human testing
Nicholas
i had this dream that everyone would be using the computer as slaves and like this 1 man would be walking around having taken over the planet
who wrote the first roseanne they have the timing and the cadence of the original roseanne but it’s just sort of heady comedic loss
Nicholas
NO JOB! i was extracted from society 30 times by bengals quality psychiatrists and was robbed of my confidence to live on my own in another city and i was given an internet to occupy my time and a mother that holds out hope i’ll be a programmer and i am i just program like this and after 36 treatments i lost the will to give a fuck and it became obvious by the gold tooth on her incisor and her story of the night at the club last night where jeezy was guest that i was in a fucked up situation and the staff was obese an the clients were of athletic build and the police were the only reason they could get me it’s psychiatry’s agreement with the police that give them their power and the state of ohio and dennis kucinich and an office pool that can’t handle basic human functioning without a wad of cash up their asshole and so long as you do your excel spreadsheet you’ll survive
Nicholas
i’m sorry i snapped that happened once before when a woman from china asked me if i had a job i snapped on her too … having a job is a touchy subject with me
Nicholas
bao is nice by facebook i sort of played with my brother growing up and he found a wife and has a family and i still sort of live with my folks and i miss him the most when he is at home … bao is a piece by pixar that is abailable on youtube and is up for an oscar and the animation of the food is amazing and the story line get’s surreal when he eats his dumpling son that he raised from a talking dumpling and then his dumpling shaped brother appears and you realize that time with the dumpling was time wit his little brother and it’s a nice piece of animation that makes you think about the importance of food in a family
Nicholas
the hard training episode right before the episode where he’s a stone cold veteran
Nicholas
i get a lot of complex thoughts from business plans to emotions to threats on my life from my head to different people to different religions and i’m faced with an input set that is internet, radio and television and i have a university background and a work background and it’s not easy up here and i write on top of it so i’m constantly going over myself and i experience a life i never heard of before so i have no clue what to do day in and day out … i’m sorry i’m really sorry for the hard language i just popped when i was watching roseanne
Nicholas
i saw this scene before in that cadence where the guy explains the psychology of a given situation in that voice …
i wonder if ABC’s writer’s have a style guide for their ENTIRE lineup
like where’s he’s like she’s under your skin because of this because you know it’s a matter of fact and she’s under your skin because she knows and it’s a matter of fact and it just leaves them speechless as to how write he is
i mean for the production i mean if cincinnati were to do it ABC style like you’ve got 4 shows where you could have 1 original movie every day
Nicholas
i’m at about 38,000 words right now I need like 45,000 but i started formatting it and it’s looking good …
Nicholas
so a 75 page document breaks google docs, online microsoft word, the formatting doesn’t carry over to write monkey, but microsoft word 2016 handles it flawlessly even though it’s a trial version … i am very happy with the performance of trial 2016 microsoft word
2016 microsoft word formats this copy and paste beautifully where everything else like libre office chops it up in much needed work fashion
Nicholas
i like to play basketball i don’t really like to watch it like i can’t see the puck in hockey, baseball has too slow a pace, basketball is too repetitive, but football is what i like to watch
i’m always looking for the puck in hockey and can never see it
i like to throw a football i like to throw around a little hutch thing
Nicholas

Nicholas
i was thinking i could read text books like i thought of a story where someone opens a religious office … if there was an office or a service where i would read a text book for you … not a reference book but a text book something like MARKETING where they take 200 pages to define a word … a reference book you have to read yourself as the need presents itself i can’t give an overview of a reference book but a text book i could read and sum up in 15 minutes what i read
Nicholas
like i can’t read the almanac and give you an overview of it in 15 minutes but i could read business fundamentals and give you an overview in 15 minutes … i might buy a text book tomorrow and just try and buy like 1 a week for awhile … i think i can afford it
Nicholas
a lot of text books provide you with a sub language with which to utilize in your field it’s vocabulary and i find that most professionals already have the strata for a new concept and it just adds to their working vocabulary and gives them something new to think about like if an 18 year old kid goes to college he’s hit with ALL NEW THOUGHTS but a 50 year old man going back to get an MBA might be like OH YEAH I THOUGHT OF THAT didn’t know that’s what that was called
Nicholas
tele novella … that’s what i need to start … i didn’t know that word before … i like tele novella better than a soap opera … i would never write a soap opera i’m already hooked on the idea of a tele novella …
Nicholas
without the fucked up look on my face
hold up

i look like a criminal and the cops told me i never committed a crime for the most part
i don’t know how to smile
so i smiled with my eyes in the previous photo
like mental illness isn’t a crime
i wonder if starting next week i could do that cold call a business and offer to read a textbook of their choice for them … that might do well on the cold call beat
Nicholas
like there aren’t 4 year courses dedicated to a book that’s a sequence of books i can probably in like 15 minutes to a half hour give you data from a book you didn’t have before or something i got work it out in my head … if i wrote a set of custom cliff notes for a book and sold you the cliff notes … it’s easier to get a text book now than ever
Nicholas
like if i know i’m dealing with an auto dealership customize the book report to auto sales
i should probably GET a textbook and try to do it
Nicholas
i don’t know what it has to do with religion but they might want to take school to a religious level and infuse a lesson for the value of human life into it if for 12 years students number one lesson they learned was the sanctity and reverence for human life we might be alright i get teaching to a test but making fucking certain everyone knows the detailed horror of picking up a weapon and using it to take human life, it’s not an innate thing to know , you have to learn not to be violent it’s not a natural lesson
Nicholas
there is no natural lesson you only know what you are exposed to
Nicholas
i’m sitting here laughing to myself about reading a business fundamentals books and going through those 22 mind warps and then preaching from the gospel of the book of business like i fantasized about a church led by a pastor of business preaching to a congregation of businesses and everyone’s mind is warping for the 22 minute service as we probe the depths of the fundamentals of business
Nicholas
a book club where we give books reports name of this book is going to be GRINDIN
WED 4:33 AM
Nicholas
i just had a dream i lost a tooth started a riot on a university campus paid a fine to a professor and smoked a wet thick blunt that weighed like 6 pounds and was a carpet like blunt from a young student on campus and and i was looking at an interface for books i wanted to buy from the uinversity … my dreams are like music videos
Nicholas
like i would produce a music video just to give you an idea of what one of my dreams is like
as a service
Nicholas
alright let’s roll some dice what are the odds the next person to get shot on a school campus is an active shoot or a student that goes to school there
?
Nicholas
they care about these kids they want to keep them safe so they’re getting guns … this is real history in the history of education they don’t have guns on school the only places they have guns on campus are police academy’s and military schools and the students are learning gun safety there from people that studied gun safety for 30 years
Nicholas
this could be a horror movie and i wouldn’t even know it … it’s actually like a horror movie i just am used to it
Nicholas
it’s like a notch above the animal kingdom being human like we’re a notch more advanced than monkeys and one day someone is going to ACTUALLY do something that will put them a not above human and then the fun will start like some 16 year old kid is going to study media and see what i see and even then that’s not a notch above human but some silver chair lead singer is going to take to the internet one day and it’s going to be pandemonium
Nicholas
we’re like a notch above the monkey’s like a civilization that followed the monkey that started fire
and all the trappings therein
yeah i’m not like her i can’t work in non profits … i could work at a television station where my boss showed me a music video of himself fucking over the government for 30 minutes in his student film named FUCK US
and i was like FUUUCK what’s wrong with this guy like i worked for a master’s student at media bridges and it was a good fit
he worked in roofing for three years before he worked as a manager at media bridges
keith gilbert
Nicholas
like i had no clue how to use drupal and i tried for a couple months until i gave up but i figured out how to install ubuntu on busted iMac computers and i started developing content for wordpress to study how to use it and i was writing daily reports and i was showing up early enough that the alarm went off the one time with my key and i stayed until they closed and ate salads and lost like 75 pounds in a year and it was great helped with some shows did television and radio and donated some good quality sony engineer headphones to the place and started my path towards being a sub competent programmer and really started surfing the web professionally like 7 years ago and that lasted a year and then i got hospitalized at the end of my year and couldn’t finish but graduated with a partial stipend that i couldn’t receive because i wasn’t going to grad school and then went on to live in an apartment and do this and other things that involve a keyboard mouse and monitor and lately i just did a work of programming that would have given me a passing grade in the year i left design school
Nicholas
which satiates my need to say i can program and i can i just have more to learn and i’ve come to an understanding you have to have project in mind to program you can’t just riff like in writing
at least i can’t
you might be able to riff in programming i just can’t
Nicholas
because you have weather stations set up across the country and you study the weather at 600 points of data roughly or something and you know the wind patterns and you have 200 years of historic data to work with and you study the motion of weather through the wind? isn’t it something like that?
Nicholas
of course we’re a notch above monkey’s we wear costumes
they explained to him he’s a television producer and not reaaaaaaaaaaaally the president
Nicholas
i hope you get all of the news or most of it because if this is yesterday’s highlight reel i don’t mind … i hope this is most of the crime in the city
Nicholas
i thought to myself that 24/7 local news would be a thing like i was like the news is on that much already and then it cuts to ABC programming and i was like if we could just streeeetch that local news out we could have something going and i was like we’d have 5 networks of 24/7 local news but that makes less sense than squishing abc nbc cbs and fox together into one all day unit but that’s heresey i always did wonder why television news competes in a city it serves and then later i was like ooooh abc nbc cbs fox each one of them is after the same pie to rule the world of media like there was the guy that went into television and the guy that said he could do that too which by the way is a common thing one guy comes up with a thing like steve jobs came up with the iphone and then next thing you know 8 people are doing the same thing and that’s a way of life even though we should all have iphone and ida thought ita been different for a piece of tech like that but it’s all the same
Nicholas
i am ted turner i said that’s good now do it all day and the people listened to the blue box my angels
oooo she said sun chips
Nicholas
i’ve got a list of problems i’m alone i’ve been alone for 2 months i’m not lonely i know how to keep myself occupied with or without a computer … i’m not lonely like oh no i needs to be around people SO BAD i just need to find some friends and i’m aware how hard that is at my age where most people have families and there’s something wrong with most people that don’t like me there’s something wrong with me but i do chalk a lot of the lack of society in my life up to my writing life like i sacrificed time out meeting people for time in building writing work and studying web design and i could go to church but then i’d have to be around the good for jesus people and that’s a type of person i’m good i was around people a lot can go wrong and now i wear the stench of crime on my being after having been a victim and i did well around people for two years when i was around people constantly for two years a good writing habit is worth more to me than idle conversation i’m not lonely but i do think i need a place to mingle and i could go up to fricker’s up the street but i don’t think i would fit in knowing whose around me keeps me from being lonely
Nicholas
and watching television just gives me insight into they’re not all caught like that but a lot of people are criminal like that and clifton is the university district and i’m not going to be 38 crashing a frat party or trying to be alumni around the 22 year old students
like in my last apartment right before i got spooked for 6 months i had gone without a computer and stacked up like 22 notebooks full of hand writing that are somewhere
i noticed the quality of my life was worth with a computer so i chucked it
and just lived studiously writing in notebooks
it was great i notice i don’t fully take care of myself ALL the way because my time on the computer trumps household chores most days of the week where when it’s just me and a notebook i do mostly chores
the folks were like we sort of need to get you a computer and i was like eeeh and they were like pick one and i was like okay
and on a side note i think it’d be cool if the weather back ground was construction paper and felt again
like ita been a sign of mental illness if i didn’t take on my uses a computer more than anyone persona
Nicholas
i’ve thought about this you could stand to be farmer’s almanac accurate in your weather forecasts like in december she could just be like it’s going to 34 in the afteroon and 18 at night and sort of sashay off stage like a weather report doesn’t dictate the weather so she can say anything she wants i thought about it
Nicholas
just being like when it comes to weather doppler might expensive and no matter what you say the weather has to dealt with and at most it’s coat or no coat
FUCK! if i had a car i would have gotten in it right now and driven to hillsboro and handled that … i’m that kind of person
dia been like google location location found in car to building leave note best wishes ketchmark leave
Nicholas
its not entirely important for a student to learn about the civil war not entirely you can probably function just fine on an education of television and radio it’s just that if you’re in the eight grade and you’re reptitively violent it’s like that’s all the education you need and the university is really for those smart kids that get picked on by everyone else that need to build a solid network with the other people that got picked on so that they can take position to be that kids’ boss
Nicholas
alright 8th grade is a little young to run the streets but there could be 4 years of gym class for violent students that and there are there are kids that have issue with sitting in a desk for 8 hours and are not destined for offfice jobs all day gym class?
just like a room that’s not the street
i mean i’m like this now when it comes to deliveries and infrastructure be afraid be afraid of the supply chain
don’t be like THIS IS AUTOMATIC be afraid
junior year of north college hill you could go to diamond oaks i just know that
diamond oaks was for the d high school students and they could learn auto
like a lot of them were great in wood shop i was sort of weak sophmore year
like a bad kid might be a kid that matured into adult mind sets early
like a bad kid is running the street drinking smoking fucking partying and that’s a young adult
Nicholas
i just had a thought based on how simple his body language was … what’s the most expensive house you ever sold .. $31 million dollars and he was super nonchalant about it which means it’s something super clever like knowing someone that owns a $31 million dollar home that wants to sell it and pays you to do it for them … so that might be something where you set up your real estate office in indian hills and wait
Nicholas
probably getting a real estate license and setting up shop in ultra wealthy ville leads to 31 million dollar home sales
i got a fanny pack 4 months ago for my smart phone i never leave home without it when i have my smart phone i got a fanny pack FOR my smart phone i told myself when i got this phone my first one i never wanted a cracked screen
paul ryan extremely important in politics it seems and never ran for president
Nicholas
the light bulb took over the world 42 times in 200 years and never once gave us the problem of the personal computer taking over the world in terms of politics right? or is that not true? i never hear of light bulb companies vying for important positions in politics and they stadardize and they compete and it’s an entire industry that’s quite important and they aren’t in politics like the computer
Nicholas
like the light bulb self governs and know how to do it? amirite?
donald trump wanted to talk about crack and cocaine? that was on his agenda?
dried gasoline?
mitch mconnel has that many gears in his head it affects the way he talks he’s been in government that long
sometimes teachers fuck students and we’re giving them guns?
how about #13,000 off a car , that’s how much we hoped for a profit margin but we got some news one’s coming in and if you show in early january looking for a new car that’s the typical gouge
what he just marked down is the typical gouge
would your dog live longer if you fed it food?
like is a dog or a cat a license to buy 365 cans of tuna a year
can you really afford a dog?
Nicholas
that’s why she’s not in management because when it comes to wakng up her kid she fucking called the cops …. here’s your broom
Nicholas
i just thought of a stupid idea … if the internet was connected to a computer chip with a single neuoron on it and it was declared a real person that could chat with everyone at once and we had a fight with a neuron and someone wanted to pinch the neuron and it went to legislation that we needed to punish siri but the president said no siri is handicapped and siri said the hell i am bitch and the president was like fuck it give siri a flick fuck that bitch
Nicholas
what if we just celebrated thanks giving from november through to new years even like if christmas is controversial and everyone is getting their holidays in before tax season we went rogue and celebrated thanksgiving for two months?
so like on december 19th it’s still happy thanks giving
a lot of this is stuff i heard like i parrot a lot of information like there are a lot of facts of life that are just theories to me
Nicholas
maybe a story about a guy that can send email with his head like he thought of an email and sent it to himself like a guy people hide their email addresses from so he doesn’t send them an email while he’s thinking about them laying in bed
WED 11:41 AM
Nicholas
i might read john mccain’s daughter’s book because she’s the first celebrity i ever heard talk about the writing process in regards to her book … she talks about her writing experience
i can watch the view now and it’s not painful it was a month ago i’,m used to television again
WED 4:58 PM
Nicholas
i had the opportunity to eat at a restaurant yesterday i passed on it to stay on my diet
i lost two pounds i was at 218 and now i’m at 216 and i know what i gotta do i gotta avoid restaurants for a clip
and then at like 190 when i look like a wzard i can eat at restaurants to maintain my weight
i had to factually understand what i was that it would take to gain weight and i pretty much know how much to eat now to lose weight i can even cheat and eat a restaurant like once a week i just can’t eat three big meals in a week or i’ll gain like 2 pounds
i might not be able to eat at a buffet but i can eat a #1 with an extra big mac
Nicholas
i actually think i developed a good chest and i got some 15 bar bells to do curls with … i can do a pretty decent 15 minute work out with 15 bar bells and push ups 3 times a week
Nicholas
like i don’t have a hard body but i’ve been doing push ups and push outs and i transitioned from doing wall push outs to doing push ups and those first 10 are easy it’s not until i hit 19 push ups that my chest caves in but i just did 22 push ups up from the 18 i can normally do i just max out and wait until my chest doesn’t feel like it’s healing from damage like i don’t work out my chest when it feels damaged i’m not doing push ups every day like i keep it casual and i’m slowly getting results these single cast bar bells are going to help me work my shoulders and biceps and all that makes me looks out of shape is my stomach and i just looked in the mirror like i have small rectangles for a chest and i can work on my biceps and in my last apartment again before i got spooked two years ago like i didn’t have a computer and i was doing daily work outs i had a perfect life not on meds until the bottom dropped out and i didn’t know how to react to what seemed like bad air and i wasn’t going to sleep in it and that led to two years of transitions and now i have a computer and television and i just notice like without a computer i make time for my dishes but with a computer i leave my dishes sit now i have a set of dishes going on two weeks and my laundry is not hung up that’s the two things i don’t really do with a computer and nothing to do i don’t clean my dishes immediately, don’t hang my clothes up, and i shower every other day but i do take my meds every day now and that’s different to 2 years ago when i didn’t take meds for two years and never got shit done
Nicholas
i just clean what needs cleaned to eat
bachelor shit apparently if i had a girl here i’d probably be motivated to impress her enough that this place would be spotless daily i’d be afraid she would hate me for being lazy i have no one t answer to or impress right now
Nicholas
i can safely say in 6 years of living alone it’s always been my dishses that have been a problem because i was raised with a dishwasher and never had one so far alone but i have never had a problem with garbage that get’s taken out properly and has always been taken out properly i don’t let my garbage pile up
Nicholas
i never did that it’s always a dish problem and i don’t have a dish washer i’m just lazy enough that i typically don’t feel like doing dishes by hand immediately
and i have too many clothes i do need to go through my things and make certain i have 14 pairs of pants and 14 shirts and 14 pairs of draws and put the rest in storage i think i have too many shirts
and 14 pairs of socks
that’s a bothersome thing to me having too many clothes
usa kind of people that take on a planet and point where there are humans they will be peaceful and respect jesus christ
this is the weirdest conversation to me like women need to be instructed in high school BITCH YOU GOT A CLOCK respect that i wonder how many young girls really understand they have a clock
Nicholas
like the software i never listed on my resume was excel but like excel proficiency isn’t a skill to me that’s like add a to b and list in c like it’s business math in excel and then you enter your data and press the bar graph button and now you’re ready for your presentation excel isn’t software to me it’s just a thing just to be a dick i’d do it in javascript
Nicholas
this is like chapter 2
Nicholas
my moms is like as a kid she was the dominant overseer like she’s a real fucking parent she was president of PTA and she was reponsible for me going to germany as an exchange stdudent in high school she didn’t have to do much to get me to do my homework but she let it be known if you bring home less than a A you’re fucking up
Nicholas
like she’s less an overseeer now and she’s more helpful now like she adds these choice touches to my living alone on disability like once a month she does my laundry and like 3 times a month we go grocery shopping and she helped me move in and chose some pieces of furniture to give me and she’s my ride to the clinic for my check ups and she was who i talked to on the phone in the hospital when i had nothing to do and was scared and she’s who i fight with the most vehemenent when we used to fight and she’s who i am most scared of
Nicholas
i’m more afraid of my mother than my father my father is a aging intellectual that at home i see a doting father but i hear stories of greatness in a place i have never witnessed
Nicholas
it was my mother that introduced me to george and iris our bulgarian and peruvian exchange students that lived with us for a year my mother tried to help george get citizenship and go to a USA college but he didn’t do his part and he made iris cover up her tits instead of wearing low cutting shirts to impress the boys at school
Nicholas
she went to kent state university and my father went to kent state university
and my father received a masters in biology from UC and my mother received a teaching degree from kent state and my father started off as an x ray tech at a hospital in canton and he worked in the hospital system from the age of 18 to well now 70 i think he retires
Nicholas
my younger brother adam was a golf caddy like me at the country club but i got poison ivy one day so i stopped going and he went and got the evans scholarship and went on a full ride to ohio state university where he went on to work at GE and then in little rock he met his soul mate rachael and they moved to san diego where they started adopting kids before they had kids and then that came to a halt when one of the foster kids took a knife to him and he bounced on that kid and that was that city and then he moved to seattle and now he lives in the carolina’s somewhere in a house and he has two kids and is involved in the foster system and takes care of like 2 and 3 other kids at a time
Nicholas
emily works at proctor and gamble she worked her way up from subway and foot locker and she attended wright state and graduated from gulf coast university and studied chemistry i used to visit her at wright state university to hang out and she printed one of my poems and put it on her door and caused a couple of her dorm mates to cry because of it and this one time she printed off like 400 pages of writing i gave her to print out at p and g
Nicholas
mys sister has a kid michael with my in law chris that i am told was an olympic quality swimmer but he seems like a choad like i don’t see the olympic quality in him but he did lay it on my sister successfully and now they’re married
Nicholas
daniel i don’t know much about we haven’t talked in years but he fixed the portrait i did of my parents where in a fight i destroyed an art project that now hangs on the wall of my folks holding hands with a poem between their hands and he studied art in college and went on to teach and then studied krav maga and joined the military reserves and now is teaching art somewhere and they understand he’s in the military and he gets his time off to train and i think it’s finneytown but he was a substitute teacher for a long time
Nicholas
i was like an early influence in my siblings lief like i wasn’t the oldest sibling that shit on doing well in school and made drugs and drinking seem cool
like i worked with my mother subconsciousnessly at the time to get these kids through school i think i’m more there than my siblings but that might be because i’m an oldest child they just seem slightly less real to me than i seem to mysel
myself
Nicholas
my grandparents moved to cincinnati in the 1970’s when my grandfather that sold paint was transferred here and then my parents moved too and i’m like canton raised canton dna sitll an earlthling just localized mutt canton dna raised on football living in we watch baseball and take our time cincinnati and i’m like HIIKE TIME TO MOVE every day
Nicholas
like iff i have a kid he’ll be the first generation BORN in cincinnati that was raised by somethng that might know what cincinnati is and my goal would be to aim him for the cultural center of the city
like i’d want to live in walnut hills
and focus on his city orientedness
be a part of the city child
maybe scpa
maybe both
like i’d probably be like after my life experience to make a correction with my kid and at like 14 be like THIS IS A RECORDING STUDIO this is SOUNDCLOUD this is a guitar
i’d also have random software just laying around my computer like i’d just be like this FL Studio it’s not much to me but it’s probably the SHIT TO YOU KID
like i’d take my kids to the open mic
i might not take them to church but i’d like as teens take them to the open mic
and be like go ahead at least try the stage
i had a thought to buy an apartment for my 16 year old kid like my folks were like live with us into your 30’s i’m more like eeeeeeeeeeh um here kid here’s your freedom
probably wouldn’t get him a car i’d be like learn bus patience
i don’t have bus patience
or bus quality patience
the reason why i would take my kid to the recording studio it wouldn’t be to pay for time it would be to unveil a mystery i’d be like that sound on the radio is created here … i’d rob them of all the mysteries in life early
like ideally there are no mysteries to my kids
i’d probably pay for music lessons and put him in a baseball league i don’t know i can plan a kid for hours but it’s all basically just did you write your paper alright fine you’ll graduate i’m your dad you’ll probably pick up something
mom’s a class a slut i don’t know how it’ll work out
my dad has blue eyes
something about blue eye like they are the reason we are here
Nicholas
walnut hills has this business district that is aggrevious but it has the greenwich and the nicest suburban patch of land within walking distance of downtown and you get to see the most beautiful scenic of eden park over looking the river i think i’ll just decide to live in the nice part of walnut hills i was impressed when i stayed at kemper house for 3 months and i can work on cleaning up the business district
Nicholas
don’t get me started on a walnut hills house those things are like sculptures
i might just involved my kid in music you can play guitar at 40 you can’t move your knees
HOLY FUCK! I HAD A 1 IN 500 MILLION CHANCE OF HAVING THIS MESSAGE READ BY A RESPECTABLE CORPORATE ENTITY
FUCKING NETFLIX DEMONS ALMOST READ MY POST
Nicholas
i don’t know if it would be possible i doubt it but i think i would rather take on an apprentice than raise a child and see this whole wizard thing through like what i know is more powerful in the hands of a teenager like among other 40 year old men it’s like great a website but to a 16 year old a website is GREAT
Nicholas
what baggage do you have to check sir? oh me you talking to me, just this box of chicken, i was hoping to eat some wings on the plane
Nicholas
i’m going to learn this diversity lesson one day i know it’s not looking up to africans or down on africans i know it’s looking them in the eye
Nicholas
i was in mount healthy in a football field with no light pollution and i looked up up until i could see depth in the sky like there was a star that looked closer than another star in the sky like it popped and i was like what the fuck?
ya’ll could have decided not to go with sniffed out the booty you could have decided not to do a story on an inflatable colon but you decided to do a story on an inflatable colon
you put yourself in a position where your lead was left with the anecdote but why would you steal a colon you did that to yourself like everything else you do in the name of your national respect
i’d do a story on a kid that got an a in english class at the university
if it wasn’t academically related i’d put a camera mount on the telescope at the observatory and have that mount to get the moon the way it deserves to be seen which is dramatically different than the moon to the naked eye
the moon through the telescope at the observatory is dramatically different it’s not really understandable astronomy until you actually look through the gear
what’s up white people being so white they get the snow?
that’s a rapper
he’s trying to rhyme his way between her legs
Nicholas
i drank like two pots of cofffee today again i feel sick to my stomach and i smoked 3 cigars today and i vaped for like 15 minutes … diet
i got some food i’m eating some berries right now
that snow man is too poorly modeled for that quality of animation
Nicholas
oh this was done by jews people that might pretened their holiday is superior to the other holiday and they both might pretend their end of the year tax write off is superior to kwanza which might pretend it’s superior to thanksgiving let’s act like anything is weird in a world with beeg.com
Nicholas
lest we forget the jews are celebrating an accounting error when it comes to their oil
Nicholas
my third party voice told me i’m like hooked up to a 2nd brain or something like i think with the power of 3 brains or something …. i have a metal tooth and my dad has a metal tooth but he doesn’t talk to himself i have a metal tooth and i’m always trying to figure why i would have relevant conversations with myself starting 8 months ago what was it about 8 months ago that i would start talking to myself in the 3rd person and have legit intellectual conversations
Nicholas
they could have just as easy used a can of soda for that snow man
oh another cartoon
i’m scared of christmas it’s a room full of family and i got the shit story
Nicholas
what why did i have to wake up just in time to see a donkey eat a gingerbread shit?
Nicholas
i just noticed something the S in schooled is the S i used to sketch out on my school papers when drew pictures on the hand outs in high school
Nicholas
is the best song comprised of 100 million voices or a single man with a vision … obese queer with obese queer logic you fucking queen have you ever heard a song comprised of 100 milllion voices i even get it has nothing to do with song it’s a corporate question typically 1 man needs everything he needs to get it done and that’s the way to deliver a quality product they’re called designers
Nicholas
they would be bad at parenting because their blood is not in it and they might secretly hate the child since it’s not theirs
Nicholas
in the great heaven hell there was an opening so i got to b be nicholas lawson
like the last guy to be nicholas lawson was a famous rapper i saw him more as a writer so i did him like this
he was a problematic rapper last time now he’s a problematic writer and really nicholas lawson is just a problem because technology wasn’t well though out and he’s a progressive
thought out
i don’t necessarily believe in previous lives but i justk now i believe some weird shit like based on some dreams i’ve had it’s possible to be a conscious two dimensional field of electricity
Nicholas
the fire is the sun i solved the puzzle they didn’t spark the sun
that’s as good writing as eating a gingerbread piece of shit is bad
i feel like shit after what i did to myself today smoking cigars and vaping and drinking coffee and i forgot to throw out the meat loaf my mom gave me i actually ate it and gained 3 pounds
i gotta start throwing out groceries to keep my diet
and it’s a garbage bachelor diet
the only good thing i did today was spray my pillow with febreeze for 45 seconds
Nicholas
the entire faculty of north college hill and my mother asked me after several dozen hours of career counseling what i wanted to be and i said gym teacher and they said you are far too smart for that … i just picked digital design on the uc college form like it popped out like it was a right answer and i didn’t know what it was or what daap did
THU 12:47 AM
Nicholas
how do i unwind from a long day of watching television … a palette cleanser like kaki king … i just didn’t take my medications for a day and experienced mind altering meditations …
apparently it’s the lizard kings and then the mammals and then the insects and then the spiders
Nicholas
i don’t know what i just went through i just know it wasn’t pleasant and at one point i had it down as jew day and television gets all fucked up on jew day but like i don’t watch that much television it might have been a typical day i was just aghast at what i took in all day and received a horrible meditation from it
Nicholas
i don’t even know anything about jews i met one like once i just have an interpretation of them that is based in folklore and wondering why someone would kill 7 million of them i figure not for no reason but that’s me that’s all i know
so i attribute weird cultural vibes from television to jews because i heard they are centered in new york city
i actually don’t know much about them just a stereotype that isn’t too fleshed out
i had a fucked up day and i’m in the same place i was yesterday
Nicholas
kids and satellites … fuck
THU 2:27 AM
Nicholas
what are the odds earth is a super bowl champion in the realms intelligent planets
this is a goony way to fucking spend a night thinking to myself they tried hatred but you said love i’m thinking some gooney virgins have their hands on some advanced technology and if you can get your dick wet without paying for it you’re a celebrity
Nicholas
i just had a night where i was experiencing heat waves cool waves thinking to myself this is a death ray this is something and i thought to myself if i go to my parents house tonight they will die too …
Nicholas
i’m just trying to sell a book and make it look nice for as advanced a technology as this planet seems to be a fucking book is some kind of enemy a technological marvel ttat is the PC is understood by everyone but fucking up a broken 30 year old main stream message is taboo with something new to say
Nicholas
fuck you people
that a book is mysterious is the end of this planet in the 21st century i’d kick back and learn how to write if i wanted to survive as a species into the 22nd century when i’m no one in writing ya’ll can say you know what a book is
Nicholas

i’ve been using this computer for the last two weeks in pantomime like it’s on it’s way
Nicholas
it was weird i was like okay let me straight so what you’re saying is they unlocked my telepathy with a pill at summit and i was the wrong guy to do that to and at least donald trump is not a virgin and that the death ray i just felt was probably a fucked up reaction to my meds but you would want to age me 4 years because you hate me because i’m not mark zuckerberg and i’m clearly trying to be by selling a book i get a $5000 advance for but not from the publisher you require me to go with which is midwestern press which probably only pays royalties but we’ll go with them anyways and the question i asked changed history because a website says why do i have to leave cincinnati to become famous in cincinnati and that was the start of the magnet solution to the city no one was allowed to leave and you’re telling me they came at me with soul flyers of some kind and that a year from now i should call wcpo about these messages just to be cool when i need to know what they did to me in the psych ward because i’m fine i just smoke weed and you just legalized it 5 years after you did me 30 times for smoking weed and now i’m going to be sober because i’m just quitting after 15 years and you’re 40 and just getting started? what is this?
Nicholas
get this straight
i had a typo at the top let me get this straight
Nicholas
i live in the 21st century and i mostly read science fiction as a kid so my imagination is full … i probably had a bad reaction to the psychotropic medications that i forgot to take today and then i took a dose and chaos took place and i swore i was in a death ray my entire body tingled
Nicholas
i’m sorry i’m really sorry for taking this daily chance at writing you but i’m alone and it makes me feel connected to the world in general and i’m just sorry i’m this desperate for human connection
i’m really sorry for everything
THU 8:52 AM
Nicholas
what’s a soul pilot?
it may have been carbon monoxide or some gas related to smoke last night i opened a window and felt better
i had unnerving amounts of hardcore fearful thoughts last night and i opened a window and it got better
i smoked 5 cigars and didn’t open a window and the door was closed
Nicholas
i’m thinking the spirit of cincinnati doesn’t like the fact that i stay in my apartment so much … that there is a spirit of cincinnati and it might be something that’s in the future
Nicholas
last night was stupid i hate drugs so much i hate drugs so much and i have to do them i hate them so much smoking drinking pills i don’t give a fuck i just hate drugs so much … but a soul pilot would be something with effects like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaI7ZPA9I1c the final fantasy spirits within like a soul pilot is someone from the future that is exploring the brains of the past because the past had richer culture and it got to the point where they had all of the technology and nothing to say so they mined language in the past and had minds that were richer in the language they were interested in than others

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within – Official® Trailer 2 [HD]
Release Date: July 13, 2001 The year is 2065 AD. The Earth is infested with alien spirits, and mankind faces total extinction. Led by a strange dream and gui…
youtube.com

Nicholas
what if congress engaged in a story telling session like what i congress THEE washington dc congress engaged in a story telling open mic?

i look better in day light
i’m one of cincinnati’s models i have to drop 20 pounds so that i can join the modeling talent agency and get properly groomed professionally
new york models clearly look new york but cincinnati models have different character than new york models cincinnati models don’t look like new york models
at all
Nicholas
there’s nothing to do but just experience the next day you saw some writing that was hard to explain i thought last night was my last NIGHT it was something explainable either smoke or medication and i’ve had strange experiences from smoke before just clouds of carbon monoxide or something
Nicholas
people that smoke need to ventilate their spaces
Nicholas
i might go to one of those writing groups on meetup.com and be like I WRITE and treat it like a mental illness like go like it’s a support group instead o with some toilet paper with some shit on it that i need people to read desperately
where did the writing groups go?
Nicholas
anyone ever wish we could purge the internet of all content and start over? like the president needs an internet format button?
like the president needs an emergency internet shut off button
Nicholas
language miners
Nicholas
i wrote a publisher in chicago about publishing this … i just sent out a feeler …
Nicholas

i wrote midwestern press about this writing too
i saw a vision of people writing people and publishing the writing be like if there was an america online publishing company that published GOOD discourse
12:35 AM
Nicholas
i had a calm day i don’t know what happened yesterday last night it was 3am and i felt an energy field cascading down on me and the windows were closed and i was like thinking bizarre third person thoughts and i don’t know what it was at my last apartment i felt a different kind of death descend upon me that seemed like industrial light and magic and then there was the one time some beings operated on me that were invisible but i could see them like i get life is mysterious it seems more mysterious to me than most and i attended an industrial light and magic seminar at daap some 20 years ago so i know they pop into cincinnati from time to time and it’s INDUSTRIAL LIGHT AND MAGIC and it’s convincing and i’m like i signed a form at the hospital ten years ago to be a research subject on drugs at the hospital and i used to know what this is now i don’t i used to know what life was and was about and now i have no clue people with their random educations from the ivy leagues schools and the computing equipment and school is a place where you learn a hobby that’s about it … i’m sorry i just got a weird comment on another post that said i’m creeping out some girls and it might be your office and i’m sorry i exist i’m creepy to myself i got a creepy story i got a creepy look i got a creepy background i’m poor which makes me creepier i’m older which makes me even creepier and i’m trapped in this city i’m trapped in this apartment i’d move to new york city but i’m afraid i wouldn’t be able to walk and get groceries and my money is tied up and i don’t think i can leave this apartment and travel to new york city and lay the story on how i decided to be homeless in nyc instead of an apartment in cincinnati i could even tell them i had too many bad memories i wanted to start over … i lost all manner of control over my thoughts last night and i don’t know if it was the carbon monoxide from the cigars , the meds, or a fucking satellite controlled by a company i migiht have tweeted , i just know my life i easier wihtout an internet and society went a certain direction so i know i need it and it’s a conduit to society and my life is weird no one told me i didn’t have to go to university or that i didn’t need a degree i thought that going to Uc would prepare me for a competitive job market and that there was no job without a degree … so i spent 11 years preparing to do office work and now everything i think is strange and every day is strange and it’s because of that school i went to
Nicholas
i wouldn’t recommend higher education
i’m just sitting here listening to state of trance on pandora
i didn’t watch television today i watched music
listened to it
Nicholas
i’m recovering from i don’t know what something benign or something deadly and i don’t know whcih i just know i opened the window and a TAKER was sent into the breeze through a screen window i don’t know what started 8 months ago at summit with the talking to myself and the thoughts but that’s now my daily struggle and i told the psychiatrist about it and he was nonchalant it’s my thoughts that i am struggling with and no one even gave me a hint that a life like this was a thing
10:32 AM
Nicholas
oh i forgot about that judas committed suicide … fuck .. i had a fragmented belief in him … i don’t know when i comes to jesus who survived with the most normal life? … i have a fragmented knowledge of the gospel not every detail is taken into account by me … alright i looked it up JOHN was the only apostle that died of old age … next time someone asks me something about the bible i’ll tell them john is a pretty interesting person i was saying judas
2:38 PM
Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmzO19HfKe4
Nicholas
listening to to psybient music thinking of this comment that was left in response to my comment that WCPO could do the obituaries, they coulld, guy was like all the chicks here think you’re creepy and i’m like, thinking to myself they probably don’t read, and i don’t want to worry about creeping someone out but when i think to myself that non pastoral biblical thoughts creep someone out it’s hard to care, being intellectually progressive is creepy so i’m not concerned, but it was a weird comment from a fake account, i did great with the women for years and then i sort of went into seclusion because i couldn’t financially make it out of the apartment otherwise, you could do the oobituaries at WCPO, it was in reference to an obituary on my facebook feed, i probably am creepy to young women like the way a teacher is when thought of in a personal situation like a teacher at school isn’t creepy but a teacher at a party is, sort of situational creepiness
Nicholas
i don’t know who that guy was i just know he had a fake account to leave that message and he talked about a group of women and that’s typically an office
https://www.facebook.com/escobar.davinci.79 this guy left me a comment about some wonen that think i’m creepy

Escobar Sattan Da Vinci

i’ms starting to turn gray pretty quick probbly all of this will be gray in a couple years
it’s funny what creepy is … that word always amused me …
like creepiness always sort of kicks in when a woman reaches her intellectual peak in a situation
Nicholas
he’s being creepy … usually the guy ain doing shit wrong … i’m fucking back to my old dialogue after a hair raising experience two nights ago i should be writing a book about that i was laying in bed when my body started to tingle with pleasure and i was viewing a vision of a gray and silver work station and it was imbued into me that the way i was thinking of there would be two people at the light one that asked me not to walks towards it and one that asked me to and that that this was that moment and i tried to walk towards the light because i wasn’t going to sleep on the wood floor i was like fine let’s walk towards the light and then all manner of thought entered my head and i called my father and explained people are upset i slept with zoe kirk gushowaty in san francisco and it’s people that want to sleep with her too and it’s all manner of isn’t my problem but i was given the impression that there are people saving up their money for marriage and are virgins and have that as the right idea save yourself or marriage and have a lot of money to pay for the woman you ideally want and someone wants an ex girlfriend of mine and is thrown that money doesn’t buy all women this was my train of thought the night the moon beam tried to transport me out of the holodeck
Nicholas
my thought is when she moves into your apartment you’re marred
i was with zoe like 20 years ago about every five years i write her collective a message just to see if she ever got the art i sent her just sort of like a man that’s not as cold as a woman
Nicholas
i thought it was apex level romance it involved three continents and we rendevoused and then she broke up with me the day she got back to vancouver and i was like we had a perfect week she told me she had a boyfriend and i was like fucking crushed and then my folks put me in talbert house for depression after my break up and i’ve been with talbert house ever since since like 2002
Nicholas
for depression schiso affective disorder bipolar type 1 and now bipolar disorder
they just keep their eye on me psych services does because my lovely mother checked me in
i’m not the most intelligent anymore i’m just a guy now like the sparkle is gone from weathered age but there was a time i was the most intelligent client they had
they never did give me tests offer me therapy they never gave me counseling they never did much other than see me for 30 minutes and prescribe me pills
psychiatry
and there was this one psychiatrist that let me know he was the JUDGE on my mental health and i was always like i thought a psychologist would be i always wondered why psychiatrists trumped psychologists at the clinic i went to
and there was never a psychologist and 4 different have told me through through their innate wisdom that i’m not mentally ill in new york city just cincinnati
which i think is weird
i’m scared i’ll run into worse in new york city since it’s a blue state and i spent 40 years in a red one
Nicholas
and then there were the 30 psych visits where you just sit and watch television and again don’t take psychology tests and i was smoking weed and was high energy and was taking deep classes so had the internet i was spending time on all hours and then i had the university changing me as a person and i was all these people clearly know what they are talking about and then i got argumentative when i reached the age that i saw them as just people with jobs
Nicholas
for 10 years i was like clearly there is something wrong with me and wrote all kinds of poetry about it and now i’m like they might not be doing all they can do to gain insight into me but then i’m like if there’s a standard pill set they give bipolar they might not need to know details i thought details would be important
Nicholas
the last day i was with zoe we smoked this chroinic marijuana and i was laying on the bed watching an angel descend and she got scared and ran out of the room and i was like GREAT something went wrong on the last day and then we held hands on the way to the bus stop and said goodbye
Nicholas
there was the one day we tried to see who could chill the hardest and we spent 2 hours eating a single potato chip high on weed
i was 20 i was like can you chill harder than me and i took a snip of a bite out of my potato chip and she knew what i meant
we were at adam’s place and i needed to find a hotel to stay at so i pulled out the yellow pages and decided we’ll stay here at the california dreaming easy chilling hotel and that’s where we stayed for the week after a couple days at adam’s
i had a handful of cash on me that paid for everything and it’s a spotty long term memory now i remember pieces of some choice moments in my life that i wish i had the entire dvd to
it was out in san francisco she came down from vancouver and i flew in from cincinnati and kaz and adam used me as a prop in a student short film that was a documentary i still have the vhs
like half my life ago
it’s funny to me how the good times don’t stay with you i’m just moving through a tunnel and the images keep changing
even though it’s pretty epic living alone i’d say now i’m building a life for myself i’m not on the assembly line just experiencing what people would have me experience i’m more if you want it you have to do it
which is epic and i’m pretty geeked i get to be me … i like this character .. i like my background … i’m complex enough to satiate myself
like 3 or 4 times i used my student aid money to travel
Get Started
Chapter 3
If this doesn’t work out I’ll write the Poytner Insitutute they have a phone number available on their facebook page so i can call and ask if i can write to them like i did WCPO
The poytner institute even has a celebration of writing dedicated to writing EXCELLENCE
I had microsoft word open , write monkey, notepad , facebook, google docs , and libre office and i scannned my 28″ monitor and paid close attention to which interface i was most attracted … my inspiration led me to faccebook because it’s exciting to be writing someone
i even wonder if that’ what i don’t like about most writing now it’s flat and safe and isn’t TO anyone
i deleted and saved my comments in an archive and spent a couple hours hating myself for not noticing i hadn’t been blocked and i went through some head trips when i got really personal
i thought to myself i had already written a lot and i called and asked if it was cool and they said yes
so i’m like i’m probably fine i noticed i’m not blocked and i thought to myself after i deleted the messages that’s how chapter 2 ended
chapter one was introductions chapter two was family and personal writing and then chapter 3 is this so far
parts of my body are invested in writing in this box i’m even afraid of a lawsuit Scripps vs Nicholas Lawson for writing too many emails and too many tweets and too many comments in this message box
but i’m getting a good book
i like writing here i feel connected to m fucking computer and look forward to writing here
i even like watching television and writing here
Nicholas
it’s a feeling like warmth in my heart not like my metaphysical heart like my heart is releasing pressure through my left arm and my right arm is there to mirror it this is writing from my physical heart which is weird they said write from your heart in school but i thought it was like your spiritual heart like your god heart that you knew was true or something i’m writing from my actual heart
Nicholas
and it’s addicting
and i don’t get that with microsoft word
you can call me and yell at me at 500 0857 and ask for nicholas if there’s something aside from blocking me you want done like the deletion of my facebook account
Nicholas
i just really feel like i am doing something that can be perceived as wrong like i’m not doing daily check ups over the phone to do bother a busy news desk with hey this is nick you’re still fine with my writing right and four times he’s said he’s cool with it so far so i’m like okay
Nicholas
i just haven’t gotten deeply personal and and asked for his okay yet
and i deleted those comments so you probably don’t notice this i wouldn’t imagine you do i think it’s mostly in my head that you would have a problem with me
i mean you cover murder and sodomy and corruption and how to make a salad so i doubt you’d have much a problem with literature
that’s not murder death smarmy exotic or anything like that
this is just writing
it’s just a lot of it
that’s all but it’s all nicely organized it’s not like it’s streaming down the front of the television transmission
this writing is only noticeable if you click on a bar among bars if your white button is on
an entire city has access to you have get dozens of comments per post so i’m probably small time in the small time
Nicholas
but chapter 3 is nice i’m planning on publishing this and adding it to chapter 2 i just had to go through 4 hours of self coaching to continue doing this and i’ve written in a lot of places and this is the best place i have written in terms of inspiration and just ability to inspire me to just write just write and see what comes of it and i typically have to force myself to what i am drawn to do here and that’s weird to me i wonder if it has to do with a magnetic field or if it’s the php code i interface with it or if it’s just the 30 years i spent watching your program and now i’m writing you the news station i grew up if there is a deeply lit archetype that i am drawn to
Nicholas
i just know this works for me and my writing and i’d like it to be like this in microsoft word but i had my fingers on my keys in mcrosoft word and i just sat there and i put my hands on the keys in this in box and i started typing i feel like writing to a flat audience is less interesting than writing to someone specific it is to me
Nicholas
you could block me and hten i’d do what i did with you with the poytner institute i’d call them and ask if they wouldn’t mind me writing into their message box that’s not a threat i just also feel drawn to the poytner institute i can tell like there’s a historical legacy there i could draw upon to inspire me
Nicholas
it’s an option if this one goes horribly awry because someone notices how much i am writing and yells at me that this wasn’t the deal and some small down legal works gets aimed at me over how i used facebook when my defense i they could have written me a message but they didn’t want to they thought it was obvious
Nicholas
chapter 2 ended horribly there was even a special effect like maybe i am in the matrix and they needed to spice up my writing
Nicholas
i’m not like elon musk who is 99.9 percent certain this is a computer simulation i’m more like that’s a big .01 percent to that is probably what this is that if this is a computer it’s advanced enough to be analog like i like the snow globe idea that a 50,000 mile tall version of myself is controlling a micron version sized version of himself in a snow globe that’s analog in nature
Nicholas
the truth is probably mild alteringly surreal as to what this actually is in terms of all things considered but it could also be a rock we’re walking around on but i hold out that even on that rock there is a past present and future and it’s that future part that i think could save the lives of everyone that ever lived some 50,000 generations from now as the tools and the work shop keep getting passed on from generation to generation
Nicholas
but we could be in a computer and my theory works in or out of a computer
Nicholas
like i don’t know maybe so long as there are history books they can save people or so long as there GPS satellites scanning the earth that are equipped with time signatures maybe all of our souls or heat signatures are in a database and the future can locate us and take your human spirit after it floats from your body like something other than the light spectrum like the magnetic spectrum like different spectrums of magnetism or something maybe there is something that controls my body like a tool and it’s just interested in doing a good job and seeing as many people survive as possible which would be all the people and you report on death every day like it’s the most confusing thought to me that someone would encounter a basic bitch problem and need to kill someone that’s what you cover every day basic bitch problems that end in murder
Nicholas
that’s retarded
Nicholas
like i’ve never seen that i’ve seen the spectrum of light taken from infrared to ultraviolet i’ve never seen a magnetic field taken from inframagnetic to ultramagnetic i’ve never seen the magnetic field explored like that an detailed in a graph like the frequences of magnetism i never saw those words together before
Nicholas
like i don’t even know what that would be
in a neat little graph
Nicholas
maybe i can say i wrote the publishers that would be most interested in this work i wrote two indie publishers about an indie idea and my mom’s said she would get me woozywoot.com tomorrow and i can do a nice job publishing this on a website and then when i’m done i can pass out business cards downtown and maybe a get a job for my portfolio work like someone might just want to have this guy around the office guarding the water cooler or something
Nicholas
like i could a ultra valuable not because it would be me but i never saw an office floater up for bid on career builder just someone that spends his day going around chatting with the office introducing people to each other
Nicholas
like i never saw that i never saw a magnetic wave visualized i did see a convincing gravity wave where a bowling ball is placed on a rubber tarp and you can roll a pinball around it to explain how gravity works and after watching that 25 times on nova it occurred to me that’s probably not it the sun isn’t sitting on a rubber sheet that’s flat it’s in a space and the shape i see based on that is impossible to draw but the sun isn’t resting on a rubber mat and we’re not a pinball rolling around it even though that looks right it’s probably not even close
Nicholas
like i don’t know what it would be i just that’s probably a fallacy but it’s not a bad old man tale
like if you’re a father and you have to explain to your sun how the earth moves around the sun at a phd level you just put a bowling ball on a rubber mat and said it’s sort of like that still in charge the kid was satisfied
the one day i figured the dinosaurs were wiped out by a venereal disease i think my explanation is more realistic it’s based on 15,000 koala’s dying from koala sodomy or something in australia
like sodomy can wipe out a population of dinosaurs too i figure a disease wiped out the dinosaurs i saw a meterorite fall in russia that’s probably the least likely way the dinosaurs died
that thing was small
like i doubt it was an asteroid but at the dinosaur convention to get my oo and ah award i’d go with probably a disease while everyone else was talking about a meteor
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22207442 koala chlmadyia .. does significant damage to koalas

Koalas battle with STD chlamydia
Koala numbers are plummeting, and one of the main reasons is the sexually transmitted disease chlamydia.
bbc.com

that’s what had me thinking the dinosaurs died the same way
i thought to myself and drew a great picture of it but if it was balanced right you could have a plane with one wing
i don’t know i told myself the wing would get it up through the atmosphere and then jetison off the plane giving it an eliptical trajectory to mars in one burst of exhaust
so you’d have a rocket coming in for a landing on mars
rockets with wings
or something it was a nice drawing i did it in one line
i see a major flaw in it now but i was pretty proud of myself in a previous notebook
like it has to fly up out of earth get to mars land on mars and then to get off mars you have to rocket yourself straight ahead out of the atmosphere to get back to earth
Nicholas
i spent some time trying to think of ways of getting people home from mars i came up with pretty much what’s been said and then you just rocket off and out the atmosphere at a tangent and just go straight in a single direction that ends up being up something sci fi but it’s a boondoggle to think of a way to get back home from mars that’s my whole problem with elon musk you go to mars to die
Nicholas
like these billionaires could just as easily say MOON and excite existence but they keep saying mars
like being a private contractor with a $1 trillion dollar company and a base on the moon’s not a bad obituary
i had a dream that i was given consciousness again because earth blew up the moon with a load of quartz that exploded
like 200 years from now
i also had a dream where i was allowed to sleep in what looked like a military warehouse like an air plane hangar and like i could experience this more because i was serious about it that i could play the game instead of going to war
Nicholas
there are like 6 universities in cincinnati i also had a dream of future cincinnati with a thriving population that remembers people that gave cincinnati it’s next utopia that cincinnati just grows it’s when it realizes it has a river and land and a lot of space to grow like that magnet concept’s not too far fetched
Nicholas
that cincinnati is a young beast of a city
0+0=0
0-0=0
0*0=0
0/0=0
Nicholas
yep yep i worked that out in my head today that divided by zero i was like you’ve got nothing divided no times so it’s accurate but typically you can’t divide by zero i’d say you can divide nothing no times and like i thought about it like 1/1 = .5 but that’s not right it’s 1 pile of 1 thing so that’s 1 and you have zero piles of nothing so i think you can divide 0 by 0 and maybe someone that actually read a math book in university can explain to me why you can’t divide 0/0 because i think you can i think you can have no piles of nothing
Nicholas
i never studied science in 11 years of school i studied media and art and public speaking and a foreign language but i never studied facts so i have a real ceremonial understanding of the english language like the only fact i know is the big circle is the moon
i studied how to win a debate maybe even if you are wrong i studied how people are perceived in the media a
Nicholas
and maybe that’s why my NEXT call to SCORE in 2 years will be to be like HEY i want to start an advertising company maybe i’ll just heal for 2 years and then for my 40th birthday be like advertising and i can use a sentence like that to procure business we are about how your company is perceived and based on the advertising that i see i could do a show real of how a dentist can be better perceived as a dentist by doing something UNIQUE like hold on now how would i brand a dentist better than on television currently … oo … this one’s hard … i gotta come up with something better than him standing in his office talking about his rates … i got 30 seconds to explain i GRADUATED FROM DENTAL SCHOOL and have done this hundreds of times so you’re in good hands … that’s not bad and it’s a close up of his face like miley cyrus in wrecking ball
Nicholas
maybe even a dentist with a close up of his mouth with the words coming out of his throat i mean it’s something for a portfolio to produce that
like the phone number comes up out of the dentist’s throat like i don’t know
then you get to see is teeth
Nicholas
i graduated from dental school i been doing it for a while and i want to work on your teeth too
8:31 AM
Nicholas
Chapter 4
Just writing … I lost my taste for twitter and email in the last two weeks and I just have this space right here that I am putting on a show for and i’m sort of doing public speaking i’m not doing poetry or fiction i could probably do poetry or fiction
It would make sense if I was just writing fictions and poems non fiction is a thing but fiction is a thing too and so is poetry
Nicholas
I can explain myself I was high on weed the more sober i become the less of a good idea writing emails to city council and wcpo and social media in general seems when i’m high it makes perfect sense to social medai with jay z for 45 tweets and then when i sober up i’m like that doesn’t; really seem like a good idea like 23,000 tweets were sent while i was basically high i was sober for like 6 months at summit and then i got high again and i noticed in summit i didn’t feel all the way sober for 5 months i kept noticing myself getting more sober and i smoked weed 2 months ago so i’m probably not all the way sober and it’s starting to seem like a bad idea to do this like i owe you apology flowers and a card from the flower shop downtown like if i delivered some flowers to you with an apology card and then quit after that or if i just apologized for being so verbose and kept writing but that doesn’t make any sense and i don’t know i should probably call again to see if i have a reputation but it’s only been a month so i’m usually on twitter and this seems more personal and i see words come out of me that i am embarrassed by but i keep writing and i just wonder if we’re the right fit for something like this
Nicholas
adele is singing i can make you happy i can make your dreams come true and then i wrote i can write poetry i can make the news seem cool i can write a poem i can write a poem or two without a stop at the end of my line i can write when i have the blues i can take a second or two and write a poem for you
Nicholas
AH it’s already beeen done there’s already word processing chat software in the form of google doc’s
i’d program if i could think of a single thing that needs programmed
i’m like words on screen sent to person i’m good i think that’s a good thing to do
not sure how to program anything better than that
like i can do little test programming training things and i did those … it’s more of a final application like i never studied computer science and i’m looking for a thesis without knowing where the work could be
AI am i supposed to study AI ? i could probably read a book …
Nicholas
but like i don’t know sorts anymore i used to know the quick sort and the bubble sort but now i don’t know any sorts and i’m probably going to do this today just me and an apartment and a computer and an internet connection and i just notice after i let it all dissipate like i sent emails because i thought i was sending news and i wrote tweets because i don’t know why i do this i saw twitter on television and i saw some example tweets and then i just tweeted and i saw some example messages on television and i just write
Nicholas
i assume to know what this is for and i don’t actually know what you would do with this other than treat it like a magazine
and i’m sort of smitten with the idea of finding a writing partner that would want to write a short test project with this software
Nicholas
i don’t know multiple voices might not be good and then there’s the perception of the person that’s doing this and something strange happened to me again and i opened a window and it got better and my brain is filled with it’s weird having a brain and being educated and well read in science fiction like when i get sufficiently lost in science fiction this world seems lacking like i get lost in what could be and then i snap out of it and look around and realize this is it though
Nicholas
i’ve heard of this before of reality crashing down on someone after school … the last 8 years have been filled with volunteer work and living in an apartment …. i wonder if i’ll ever get another paycheck … i should probably put a resume on career builder i THEENK that is a marquee way of getting a job
Nicholas
the thought of getting a job though is offputting to me but the thought of having no parents and an estranged family is scary a world where i’m stuck and all because i only ever social media’d
Nicholas
i talk about getting killed in the plague like there are people that never took to the internet it interested me and i even noticed i don’t build up memories of having used it like if i had played basketball for ten more years i’d have memories of playing basketball i don’t have too many memories of spending time online after using it everyday for 15 years
Nicholas
just blank spot in my timeline i only really remember things that i did
and it’s like this isn’t a did
like facebook seems like a GREAT idea because it built on like 4 previous versions of the same great idea
my shoulders are tight from doing wall push outs i don’t have big shoulders but i have tight shoulders and i got these 15’s and i started doing my daily curls … and i just have to get some more groceries and avoid eating at a restaurant today with my dad that he talked about
now i’m at like the apex of social media and my main question is is this discourse welcomed … i should probably call and check but my phone is out of battery right now
like as a participant of social media as one of the people social media builds it’s empire on i notice that i am filled with apprehension
that’s probably how i should have felt for the last 6 years tweeting people but i was high
i should probably feel apprehensive doing this
i don’t have anything else to do and i’m supposed to be writing
it’s grocery day! i get food delivered to me … i feel stupid … because of what everyone did to me and because of everyone’s care about my mental health my mom delivers groceries to me and they told me i was smart for a long time and then i just felt stupid
all that would be bigger than this would be something i thought of where i take a laptop computer to the urban artifact and break out a word processor and dj and write as performance on a projector
i typed out like 36 pages in one sitting like twice in my life but if needed i can write like 12 pages for a show if i need to
at hasbro i decided to do a marathon to see how long it would take me to type out 26 pages like a marathon it was like 3 hours and later i thought that would make a good fund raiser a typing marathon first to 26 pages gets the prize
Nicholas
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VIDEO: The Toledo Christmas Weed Is The Most Toledo Thing Ever | Scott Sloan | 700WLW
Who knew a four-foot overgrown weed on a traffic island could be come a holiday attraction… some might call it a Christmas miracle.
700wlw.iheart.com

that’s what i am life has a way of letting you know things … i’m a fucking weed growing up and out of the ass crack of this internet i’m a fucking weed if there’s any fame to this it’s that toledo intersection weed fame
Nicholas
https://phys.org/news/2017-01-links-honesty.html i saw this one time

Study finds links between swearing and honesty
It’s long been associated with anger and coarseness but profanity can have another, more positive connotation. Psychologists have learned that people who frequently curse are being more honest. Writing in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science a team of researchers from the Netherl…
phys.org

Nicholas
i don’t even know what i would do with money at this point i’d buy a car and that’s a percentage of my budget i’d buy my own groceries and that’s a percentage i’d get a nicer apartment and that’s a percentage and if i had a job it’s just upgrading symbols and living on the same income AND i have to be somewhere getting hated for who i am once people really get to know me and figure me out that i only have this job for the cash
Nicholas
that i would be singled out for doing a job for cash and that’s it
not out of love or mission
Nicholas
the beam of energy and the religious experience of it all is a nice ending to a 3 year long twitter, email, and then facebook writing experiment … i sobered up a bit in the last two weeks from the last time smoked weed and i think i have enough to write a book with … organizing all of this content is going to be hell
Nicholas
i have a large number of tweets and email and facebook comments to corral into a document
i’ll keep you posted
THE END
i don’t know first i have to collect all of the memorabilia and then i have to get it all in one place and then i have to figure out which software to use to organize it with
the religious expeirience the other night sort of woke me up and got me thinking other thoughts
lately i’ve been feeling like i just got here and my brain is filled with a backstory like okay let’s see these are my cards how am i going to play THESE
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred smiles
Nicholas
my literature is better and i have social media down to just socialize with you … it’s been like two weeks since i sent an email i think maybe a week but i have social media down to USE FACEBOOK and that’s a growth spurt … based on the thoughts that have been going through my head i am growing as a writer i thought of a literary device where a man has an invisible alien space craft that follows him around allowing him to be telepathic which explains the telepathic signals but my original explanation for telepathy is that the human spirit is built for telepathy and it’s a form of self reflection
Nicholas
where you can be in tune with the thoughts of someone else by being in tune with your own thoughts and having empathy like i don’t have all the data on how you feel about this writing so my empathy is sliding back and forth between you think this is troublesome about as troublesome as my troubled life is or you want to file a lawsuit or call the cops or call the hospital but i’m going to call the station director on monday and see if i can get some feedback i just wrote you 100 pages and need to know how you feel about volume
Nicholas
this isn’t really built with a stopping point
the internet and telepathy … i think i know how to be receiver but i don’t know if i ever put a thought from my head into someone elses head other than through writing
we can study telepathy with the internet we would need ABC’s help
we would need a nationally television nightly program dedicated to abc’s scientific study on if telepathy is real have an internet connection and radio can help
we can pin this down
as far as apartment life goes i win the award for most interesting and most mundane
yeah your communications system changed i like the new website it’s there it just needs some work to break out the template work like it’s almost beautiful it’s an 8 right now
the least useful part of your website is the photography
i don’t think people are tuning into wcpo.com for the photographs you could probably go all text and then the only imagery would me advertising and you could increase your rates or know that you would get more cpc love i think that’s a sentence fragment what i just wrote there
you’re news television is required to have imagery but a newspaper does just fine with only words
i need a new keyboard my most used keys are sticking on my stock keyboard from dell i need a logitech keyboard
the keys descend smoothly
i’m sitting here as depressed as i get when i decide to listen to moby
Nicholas
they said bipolar type 1 means you get excited but you don’t get depressed and years later i was like well now with all the hospitalizations and the meds and the 2 years aging and being confused in the system i went on to be quiet but i think they had me for being a celebrity without a show
Nicholas
i’m not that anymore now i might actually have a mental illness and it’s not bipolar disorder
it’s thoughts in your head that aren’t fast paced but are compelling
Nicholas
i don’t know what i could have possibly said that was grandiose at 25 that was also fast in speed in terms of saying it when you take a 20 something kid and accuse him of talking fast and thinking grandiose isn’t that about right? isn’t that what the 20’s fast talking and grandiose ideas?
Nicholas
what the 20’s are
like what could i have said? i’m going to build a sky scraper? i can go to the moon? was i a product of my environment and my environment was more internet based than my psych team?
did i know more than my psychiatrist? did i scare my family with my internet use the new thing that was filled with colors and words and women that attracted me to it?
was i better off at a bar this whole time to get my i belong i a bar body language down
like was it the day i told my mom i was the student that fixed the O RING in the challenger shuttle at school and she freaked out?
it was a data visualization class and i pointed out if the armiture curved up just a bit it would hold the o ring down in future launches and he went YEP moving on
said something to me about hind sight and how it’s 20/20 after class
Nicholas
i’m also the student that lost his mind when he first saw keyframe animation because i was like what if you put keyframes between the keyframes and he was like you can do that and i was like between those keyframes and he was like you can do that and i was like SON OF A BITCH THAT’S TIME TRAVEL not really like that but i had a transcendental moment with keyframe animation when it was first presented to me in flash at daap
Nicholas
i saw this image of forever exploring a moment
and still moving through time
Nicholas
spent most of the day in bed now i’ll probably be up til 6am
whoo … i have like 120 pages … done and now i just need to put a fat preface on it and submit it for nonfiction publishing
i need a writer’s market
i mean as far non fiction goes it’s a first person resource it could serve as a speaker piece on everything that is right and wrong with the internet if it was a symbol that was discussed symbolically
covered with in that discourse i found discoursing with people on facebook casually for the purpose of writing books
which is nice
i can get what i want a new writer can get what they want … money … and i can sell the book to a non fiction agent that picked up my first book … if a book i published led to MORE or ANY online discourse i would be satiated
if this book was something someone could hold up and talk with
at a dais or conference
like call it the problem child
like what are we going to do about all of this writing in this message box on facebook to a television station?
someone produced a lot in the box of a producer
what are we going to do?
Nicholas
i’ll probably walk away from this fiasco better prepared i know i will like with the poytner institute my next writing partner i’m going to send ahead business documents to see if they would engage me in conversation … while i was high for 6 years … like this is the longest in the real world i have gone without weed since like 2005 … like now that i am in the real world and weed free i’m like … fuck … i damaged my reputation nick on weed doesn’t have a good reputation … nick who used to smoke weed has a dubious reputation
Nicholas
i’m nick who can’t get weed … i don’t know where i stand
but i know weed has a detracting effect on me personally and i bare the slings an arrows of the only member of two families brought together in my parents union who smokes weed
and did drugs
and had a nirvana album
and ice cube
and stone temple pilots
and silverchair
and mtv buzz bin
and five iron frenzy
and dc tal
dc talk
i was the only one really into american culture in my family both sides as a youth but my dad gave it up he has a pink floyd vinyl and my moms has a stack of 45’s that they stopped listening to
i was raised on church music and WEBN and then later WIZF and i naturally didn’t like country music which is a shame because ida been better off listening to every song garth brooks wrote ad nauseum than to listen to regular by nate dogg and warren g once
whatever
it’s all in the past now but there’s a lot in the past now it’s not like when your folks tell you a fight was in the past as a teenager and to leave it alone this is a war of the words and i’m conservative but cool so i’m a target
i might not look stupid on bill o reilly’s show like marilyn manson didn’t
i’m sort of surprised that musicians get treated like intellectuals by conservative talk show hosts and i take conservative to mean you didn’t have a lot of sex in life or do a lot of drugs or break a lot of laws you were conservative about it
Nicholas
like a liberal artist is someone like me i’m liberal about my art i’m not a conservative artist i did a lot i studied the liberal arts the arts you’re supposed to do a lot of like mechanical engineering isn’t a liberal art you’re not really required to build a lot of robots to get your respect but a writer has to write a lot to get his respect i’m a conservative politician and a liberal aritst
Nicholas
i think i know those words now
i thought of this like if i had another girl friend and she was here a lot i’d have another computer for her screen casting what i do on the internet so she could watch and participate we both don’t need to type
like i did want to do a website that was split in two like a his side to the website and a hers side to the website
i have referred to the internet as a weird aquarium before, a social mirror, and this one time i saw it as a tomb stone
i saw it as a history book before too
Nicholas
i hope there’s a government program that has every point of interaction on this internet saved in a database like i hope that https://archive.org/web/ the way back machine isn’t at the forefront of that technology but in terms of receiving venture capital competing with and aiding the way back machine would be a goal of mine … something i could get federal funding for

Internet Archive: Wayback Machine
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archive.org

Nicholas
i wan there to be internet archaeologists it’s one of my favorite characters
https://web.archive.org/web/*/nicholaslawson.com

Wayback Machine
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web.archive.org

https://web.archive.org/web//writealot.us https://web.archive.org/web//vitaemagazine.com
https://web.archive.org/web//knowledgenation.com https://web.archive.org/web//absternation.com
Nicholas
https://web.archive.org/web/20060517192028/http://www.absternation.com:80/ this was my first website in 2006 … i was geeked that i could install phpbb i thought i was done i never repped it though never passed out business cards never promoted it on campus i just got it done and moved on

Lyrican Insurection :: Index
web.archive.org

Nicholas
i was geeked about it but i wasn’t so deep into show business to know to do then promote the do i just did and then i went into mcmicken and it was a busy time in my life
oh shit the speakers just did some spooky left right shit for this one song and i got scared
speakers spooked me
i don’t even know why when in mcmicken i didn’t go back to daap to kick it or eat lunch it’s like i didn’t have an all encompassing view of campus as a student i didn’t see categories or departments i was just grinding out classes
i was just school then drive home then school then drive home and i just i don’t know how that block of time makes sense that 11 years it’s a boondoggle to me how that’s even possible
Nicholas
like i know i can’t sit through high school classes and i go through pain sitting through a college course and i can’t bring myself to sit through a church service and i know i catch the first 10 minutes of a rock concert and walk out … i’m more like just let me go through the book and listen to my music now
Nicholas
i don’t like to do much i do this one thing and i have to find a way to get a car with it
because if i had a car i’d be down at MOTR writer’s night every tuesday
i can fathom getting paid like once for some writing but to bring in $150,000 for a small company WRITING get the fuck out of here
i focus on small business
just getting paid that first time from some guy
i can’t even guarantee books sales to support an author’s farm like no one writes and who is down for 6 months of labor leading up to selling advertising on a site? whose down to do the first two weeks before you get a paycheck?
knowing it’s dubious what it will be
Nicholas
it seems like telepathy i’m getting a lot of dubious head trips that i know lead to nothing like there’s debate at your company over whether you should hire me or not and i know opinion editors don’t get hired if they have opinions
Nicholas
i know all this that i am working with is best put to use as a head of something like this relationship works out best if i don’t get anything from you
like but i don’t want to talk to your employee’s either
it just gets messy talking to an employee when they have to think for 2 minutes if they are even allowed to do something
i’d rather talk to a head
too
as in also
Nicholas
they drew up a book list for me but i can’t find it there is like 14 books on filing for your corporation that look like they have really powerful titles that i need to read before i can do any business i actually don’t know the difference between an S CORP and a C CORP and i don’t know if a 501c3 can sell advertising and I don’t think I want an LLC but i domn’t know why
Nicholas
entrepreneurship at Uc in the class i was like this guy is really really vague about a lot of what he says and years later i was like yep only way to be
i did learn about a 72 year old man that became a billionaire when he looked at his potato’s differently youth and business have little to do with each other like grandma moses can start drawing at 80 and become famous for it i can do business at 38 it’s an age to do business
i think if i want that travel allowance that i don’t know why i would need at this point working for someone else won’t alot me a schedule to travel
it won’t care if i get enough time in london
there are some well written books at the library about filing for a corporation or a business i need to read
that’s phase one know what you are talking about when it comes to your business filing
know all the details so you can file the proper paperwork
Nicholas
i think an author’s farm i mean it can be called a magazine but i would want to be white boarding story lines for books in group sessions like i want to design a story by committee like they do at pixar like a soft story line is by committee hard singular focus visions are i don’t know not what i am interested in i want to use people as tools to perfect a story line and i get paid by the state so i can’t talk about well they only do it for the money but i can talk about people that have no writing portfolio that want to get involved on career builders i would explicitly state that i want to see writing portfolio material
Nicholas
i have a need to approach advertisers with business packages to gain interest in the idea … it would be a website with story lines that were not controversial
like a think tank for literature that’s a better sell than author’s farm
an author’s f arm
than AN author’s farm
if i came up with a think tank for literature that would be a thing i could maybe get federal funding for a think tank for literature the books would go directly to the public libraries
the money thoughts aren’t weed thoughts i’m noticing
but i think weed thoughts are money and now i know the money is in the sobriety
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_think_tanks_in_the_United_States
if i started something really common

List of think tanks in the United States – Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org

https://www.state.gov/s/p/tt/ dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupe dupe just noticing they are federally funded and they are think tanks

Related Sites
One key function of the Policy Planning Staff is to act as the State Department’s liaison to the think tank community. Below are listed, in alphabetical order, links to a number of think tanks and research institutions whose work on all aspects of foreign policy, we at Policy Planning have found par…
state.gov

https://onthinktanks.org/themes/funding-and-supporting-think-tanks/ dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupe dupe there’s a website dedicated to getting funding for a think tank

Funding and supporting think tanks
The effect that funders and other supporters of think tanks have on them should not be underestimated. Often, schemes to support think tanks turn out to be damaging to them and their objectives….
onthinktanks.org

i see people need living costs a room and a computer i dare say just to be think tanky we only have one computer in the think tank … so i need 3 other people … a room … and we need to not be homeless and they need writing portfolios and we sell our book to libraries
https://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Medvetz/e/B008S0FEEG?ref=dbs_p_ebk_r00_abau_000000 if this guy can write about think tanks i can start one

Thomas Medvetz
Follow Thomas Medvetz and explore their bibliography from Amazon.com’s Thomas Medvetz Author Page.
amazon.com

Nicholas
otay i apologized to @eminem @s_c_ @abc @wcpo @katyperry @halsey @700wlw @gma for tweeting them vociferously for a couple years while i was high on weed and thought it was a good idea if i really want to meet them i need to be at an event where they are at and bump into them twitter is cheating
Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSh5voSUhrs

The new old people are going to suck | Lachlan Patterson
Nobody wants to hear stories about your food blog, grandma. Catch Lachlan Patterson on the sixth episode from the 23rd season on Halifax Comedy Festival this…
youtube.com

Nicholas
i was used to twitter than i got slightly used to facebook and was like FLUCK TWITTER … i’m not using twitter again i need facebook
I need facebook if this PERK is going to be available online

Get Started
Chapter 3
If this doesn’t work out I’ll write the Poytner Insitutute they have a phone number available on their facebook page so i can call and ask if i can write to them like i did WCPO
The poytner institute even has a celebration of writing dedicated to writing EXCELLENCE
I had microsoft word open , write monkey, notepad , facebook, google docs , and libre office and i scannned my 28″ monitor and paid close attention to which interface i was most attracted … my inspiration led me to faccebook because it’s exciting to be writing someone
i even wonder if that’ what i don’t like about most writing now it’s flat and safe and isn’t TO anyone
i deleted and saved my comments in an archive and spent a couple hours hating myself for not noticing i hadn’t been blocked and i went through some head trips when i got really personal
i thought to myself i had already written a lot and i called and asked if it was cool and they said yes
so i’m like i’m probably fine i noticed i’m not blocked and i thought to myself after i deleted the messages that’s how chapter 2 ended
chapter one was introductions chapter two was family and personal writing and then chapter 3 is this so far
parts of my body are invested in writing in this box i’m even afraid of a lawsuit Scripps vs Nicholas Lawson for writing too many emails and too many tweets and too many comments in this message box
but i’m getting a good book
i like writing here i feel connected to m fucking computer and look forward to writing here
i even like watching television and writing here
it’s a feeling like warmth in my heart not like my metaphysical heart like my heart is releasing pressure through my left arm and my right arm is there to mirror it this is writing from my physical heart which is weird they said write from your heart in school but i thought it was like your spiritual heart like your god heart that you knew was true or something i’m writing from my actual heart
and it’s addicting
and i don’t get that with microsoft word
you can call me and yell at me at 500 0857 and ask for nicholas if there’s something aside from blocking me you want done like the deletion of my facebook account
i just really feel like i am doing something that can be perceived as wrong like i’m not doing daily check ups over the phone to do bother a busy news desk with hey this is nick you’re still fine with my writing right and four times he’s said he’s cool with it so far so i’m like okay
i just haven’t gotten deeply personal and and asked for his okay yet
and i deleted those comments so you probably don’t notice this i wouldn’t imagine you do i think it’s mostly in my head that you would have a problem with me
i mean you cover murder and sodomy and corruption and how to make a salad so i doubt you’d have much a problem with literature
that’s not murder death smarmy exotic or anything like that
this is just writing
it’s just a lot of it
that’s all but it’s all nicely organized it’s not like it’s streaming down the front of the television transmission
this writing is only noticeable if you click on a bar among bars if your white button is on
an entire city has access to you have get dozens of comments per post so i’m probably small time in the small time
but chapter 3 is nice i’m planning on publishing this and adding it to chapter 2 i just had to go through 4 hours of self coaching to continue doing this and i’ve written in a lot of places and this is the best place i have written in terms of inspiration and just ability to inspire me to just write just write and see what comes of it and i typically have to force myself to what i am drawn to do here and that’s weird to me i wonder if it has to do with a magnetic field or if it’s the php code i interface with it or if it’s just the 30 years i spent watching your program and now i’m writing you the news station i grew up if there is a deeply lit archetype that i am drawn to
i just know this works for me and my writing and i’d like it to be like this in microsoft word but i had my fingers on my keys in mcrosoft word and i just sat there and i put my hands on the keys in this in box and i started typing i feel like writing to a flat audience is less interesting than writing to someone specific it is to me
you could block me and hten i’d do what i did with you with the poytner institute i’d call them and ask if they wouldn’t mind me writing into their message box that’s not a threat i just also feel drawn to the poytner institute i can tell like there’s a historical legacy there i could draw upon to inspire me
it’s an option if this one goes horribly awry because someone notices how much i am writing and yells at me that this wasn’t the deal and some small down legal works gets aimed at me over how i used facebook when my defense i they could have written me a message but they didn’t want to they thought it was obvious
chapter 2 ended horribly there was even a special effect like maybe i am in the matrix and they needed to spice up my writing
i’m not like elon musk who is 99.9 percent certain this is a computer simulation i’m more like that’s a big .01 percent to that is probably what this is that if this is a computer it’s advanced enough to be analog like i like the snow globe idea that a 50,000 mile tall version of myself is controlling a micron version sized version of himself in a snow globe that’s analog in nature
the truth is probably mild alteringly surreal as to what this actually is in terms of all things considered but it could also be a rock we’re walking around on but i hold out that even on that rock there is a past present and future and it’s that future part that i think could save the lives of everyone that ever lived some 50,000 generations from now as the tools and the work shop keep getting passed on from generation to generation
but we could be in a computer and my theory works in or out of a computer
like i don’t know maybe so long as there are history books they can save people or so long as there GPS satellites scanning the earth that are equipped with time signatures maybe all of our souls or heat signatures are in a database and the future can locate us and take your human spirit after it floats from your body like something other than the light spectrum like the magnetic spectrum like different spectrums of magnetism or something maybe there is something that controls my body like a tool and it’s just interested in doing a good job and seeing as many people survive as possible which would be all the people and you report on death every day like it’s the most confusing thought to me that someone would encounter a basic bitch problem and need to kill someone that’s what you cover every day basic bitch problems that end in murder
that’s retarded
like i’ve never seen that i’ve seen the spectrum of light taken from infrared to ultraviolet i’ve never seen a magnetic field taken from inframagnetic to ultramagnetic i’ve never seen the magnetic field explored like that an detailed in a graph like the frequences of magnetism i never saw those words together before
like i don’t even know what that would be
in a neat little graph
maybe i can say i wrote the publishers that would be most interested in this work i wrote two indie publishers about an indie idea and my mom’s said she would get me woozywoot.com tomorrow and i can do a nice job publishing this on a website and then when i’m done i can pass out business cards downtown and maybe a get a job for my portfolio work like someone might just want to have this guy around the office guarding the water cooler or something
like i could a ultra valuable not because it would be me but i never saw an office floater up for bid on career builder just someone that spends his day going around chatting with the office introducing people to each other
like i never saw that i never saw a magnetic wave visualized i did see a convincing gravity wave where a bowling ball is placed on a rubber tarp and you can roll a pinball around it to explain how gravity works and after watching that 25 times on nova it occurred to me that’s probably not it the sun isn’t sitting on a rubber sheet that’s flat it’s in a space and the shape i see based on that is impossible to draw but the sun isn’t resting on a rubber mat and we’re not a pinball rolling around it even though that looks right it’s probably not even close
like i don’t know what it would be i just that’s probably a fallacy but it’s not a bad old man tale
like if you’re a father and you have to explain to your sun how the earth moves around the sun at a phd level you just put a bowling ball on a rubber mat and said it’s sort of like that still in charge the kid was satisfied
the one day i figured the dinosaurs were wiped out by a venereal disease i think my explanation is more realistic it’s based on 15,000 koala’s dying from koala sodomy or something in australia
like sodomy can wipe out a population of dinosaurs too i figure a disease wiped out the dinosaurs i saw a meterorite fall in russia that’s probably the least likely way the dinosaurs died
that thing was small
like i doubt it was an asteroid but at the dinosaur convention to get my oo and ah award i’d go with probably a disease while everyone else was talking about a meteor
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22207442 koala chlmadyia .. does significant damage to koalas
that’s what had me thinking the dinosaurs died the same way
i thought to myself and drew a great picture of it but if it was balanced right you could have a plane with one wing
i don’t know i told myself the wing would get it up through the atmosphere and then jetison off the plane giving it an eliptical trajectory to mars in one burst of exhaust
so you’d have a rocket coming in for a landing on mars
rockets with wings
or something it was a nice drawing i did it in one line
i see a major flaw in it now but i was pretty proud of myself in a previous notebook
like it has to fly up out of earth get to mars land on mars and then to get off mars you have to rocket yourself straight ahead out of the atmosphere to get back to earth
i spent some time trying to think of ways of getting people home from mars i came up with pretty much what’s been said and then you just rocket off and out the atmosphere at a tangent and just go straight in a single direction that ends up being up something sci fi but it’s a boondoggle to think of a way to get back home from mars that’s my whole problem with elon musk you go to mars to die
like these billionaires could just as easily say MOON and excite existence but they keep saying mars
like being a private contractor with a $1 trillion dollar company and a base on the moon’s not a bad obituary
i had a dream that i was given consciousness again because earth blew up the moon with a load of quartz that exploded
like 200 years from now
i also had a dream where i was allowed to sleep in what looked like a military warehouse like an air plane hangar and like i could experience this more because i was serious about it that i could play the game instead of going to war
there are like 6 universities in cincinnati i also had a dream of future cincinnati with a thriving population that remembers people that gave cincinnati it’s next utopia that cincinnati just grows it’s when it realizes it has a river and land and a lot of space to grow like that magnet concept’s not too far fetched
that cincinnati is a young beast of a city
0+0=0
0-0=0
00=0 0/0=0 yep yep i worked that out in my head today that divided by zero i was like you’ve got nothing divided no times so it’s accurate but typically you can’t divide by zero i’d say you can divide nothing no times and like i thought about it like 1/1 = .5 but that’s not right it’s 1 pile of 1 thing so that’s 1 and you have zero piles of nothing so i think you can divide 0 by 0 and maybe someone that actually read a math book in university can explain to me why you can’t divide 0/0 because i think you can i think you can have no piles of nothing i never studied science in 11 years of school i studied media and art and public speaking and a foreign language but i never studied facts so i have a real ceremonial understanding of the english language like the only fact i know is the big circle is the moon i studied how to win a debate maybe even if you are wrong i studied how people are perceived in the media a and maybe that’s why my NEXT call to SCORE in 2 years will be to be like HEY i want to start an advertising company maybe i’ll just heal for 2 years and then for my 40th birthday be like advertising and i can use a sentence like that to procure business we are about how your company is perceived and based on the advertising that i see i could do a show real of how a dentist can be better perceived as a dentist by doing something UNIQUE like hold on now how would i brand a dentist better than on television currently … oo … this one’s hard … i gotta come up with something better than him standing in his office talking about his rates … i got 30 seconds to explain i GRADUATED FROM DENTAL SCHOOL and have done this hundreds of times so you’re in good hands … that’s not bad and it’s a close up of his face like miley cyrus in wrecking ball maybe even a dentist with a close up of his mouth with the words coming out of his throat i mean it’s something for a portfolio to produce that like the phone number comes up out of the dentist’s throat like i don’t know then you get to see is teeth i graduated from dental school i been doing it for a while and i want to work on your teeth too 12/22/18, 8:31 AM Chapter 4 Just writing … I lost my taste for twitter and email in the last two weeks and I just have this space right here that I am putting on a show for and i’m sort of doing public speaking i’m not doing poetry or fiction i could probably do poetry or fiction It would make sense if I was just writing fictions and poems non fiction is a thing but fiction is a thing too and so is poetry I can explain myself I was high on weed the more sober i become the less of a good idea writing emails to city council and wcpo and social media in general seems when i’m high it makes perfect sense to social medai with jay z for 45 tweets and then when i sober up i’m like that doesn’t; really seem like a good idea like 23,000 tweets were sent while i was basically high i was sober for like 6 months at summit and then i got high again and i noticed in summit i didn’t feel all the way sober for 5 months i kept noticing myself getting more sober and i smoked weed 2 months ago so i’m probably not all the way sober and it’s starting to seem like a bad idea to do this like i owe you apology flowers and a card from the flower shop downtown like if i delivered some flowers to you with an apology card and then quit after that or if i just apologized for being so verbose and kept writing but that doesn’t make any sense and i don’t know i should probably call again to see if i have a reputation but it’s only been a month so i’m usually on twitter and this seems more personal and i see words come out of me that i am embarrassed by but i keep writing and i just wonder if we’re the right fit for something like this adele is singing i can make you happy i can make your dreams come true and then i wrote i can write poetry i can make the news seem cool i can write a poem i can write a poem or two without a stop at the end of my line i can write when i have the blues i can take a second or two and write a poem for you AH it’s already beeen done there’s already word processing chat software in the form of google doc’s i’d program if i could think of a single thing that needs programmed i’m like words on screen sent to person i’m good i think that’s a good thing to do not sure how to program anything better than that like i can do little test programming training things and i did those … it’s more of a final application like i never studied computer science and i’m looking for a thesis without knowing where the work could be AI am i supposed to study AI ? i could probably read a book … but like i don’t know sorts anymore i used to know the quick sort and the bubble sort but now i don’t know any sorts and i’m probably going to do this today just me and an apartment and a computer and an internet connection and i just notice after i let it all dissipate like i sent emails because i thought i was sending news and i wrote tweets because i don’t know why i do this i saw twitter on television and i saw some example tweets and then i just tweeted and i saw some example messages on television and i just write i assume to know what this is for and i don’t actually know what you would do with this other than treat it like a magazine and i’m sort of smitten with the idea of finding a writing partner that would want to write a short test project with this software i don’t know multiple voices might not be good and then there’s the perception of the person that’s doing this and something strange happened to me again and i opened a window and it got better and my brain is filled with it’s weird having a brain and being educated and well read in science fiction like when i get sufficiently lost in science fiction this world seems lacking like i get lost in what could be and then i snap out of it and look around and realize this is it though i’ve heard of this before of reality crashing down on someone after school … the last 8 years have been filled with volunteer work and living in an apartment …. i wonder if i’ll ever get another paycheck … i should probably put a resume on career builder i THEENK that is a marquee way of getting a job the thought of getting a job though is offputting to me but the thought of having no parents and an estranged family is scary a world where i’m stuck and all because i only ever social media’d i talk about getting killed in the plague like there are people that never took to the internet it interested me and i even noticed i don’t build up memories of having used it like if i had played basketball for ten more years i’d have memories of playing basketball i don’t have too many memories of spending time online after using it everyday for 15 years just blank spot in my timeline i only really remember things that i did and it’s like this isn’t a did like facebook seems like a GREAT idea because it built on like 4 previous versions of the same great idea my shoulders are tight from doing wall push outs i don’t have big shoulders but i have tight shoulders and i got these 15’s and i started doing my daily curls … and i just have to get some more groceries and avoid eating at a restaurant today with my dad that he talked about now i’m at like the apex of social media and my main question is is this discourse welcomed … i should probably call and check but my phone is out of battery right now like as a participant of social media as one of the people social media builds it’s empire on i notice that i am filled with apprehension that’s probably how i should have felt for the last 6 years tweeting people but i was high i should probably feel apprehensive doing this i don’t have anything else to do and i’m supposed to be writing it’s grocery day! i get food delivered to me … i feel stupid … because of what everyone did to me and because of everyone’s care about my mental health my mom delivers groceries to me and they told me i was smart for a long time and then i just felt stupid all that would be bigger than this would be something i thought of where i take a laptop computer to the urban artifact and break out a word processor and dj and write as performance on a projector i typed out like 36 pages in one sitting like twice in my life but if needed i can write like 12 pages for a show if i need to at hasbro i decided to do a marathon to see how long it would take me to type out 26 pages like a marathon it was like 3 hours and later i thought that would make a good fund raiser a typing marathon first to 26 pages gets the prize https://700wlw.iheart.com/featured/scott-sloan/content/2018-12-21-video-the-toledo-christmas-weed-is-the-most-toledo-thing-ever/?keyid=WLW&pname=local_social&sc=editorial&fbclid=IwAR0-KSWUAOwdslT2yd2U0GyTZVaZ-uKgpjJ5Pee4Hmy_qvxISnjR1wRF83w that’s what i am life has a way of letting you know things … i’m a fucking weed growing up and out of the ass crack of this internet i’m a fucking weed if there’s any fame to this it’s that toledo intersection weed fame https://phys.org/news/2017-01-links-honesty.html i saw this one time i don’t even know what i would do with money at this point i’d buy a car and that’s a percentage of my budget i’d buy my own groceries and that’s a percentage i’d get a nicer apartment and that’s a percentage and if i had a job it’s just upgrading symbols and living on the same income AND i have to be somewhere getting hated for who i am once people really get to know me and figure me out that i only have this job for the cash that i would be singled out for doing a job for cash and that’s it not out of love or mission the beam of energy and the religious experience of it all is a nice ending to a 3 year long twitter, email, and then facebook writing experiment … i sobered up a bit in the last two weeks from the last time smoked weed and i think i have enough to write a book with … organizing all of this content is going to be hell i have a large number of tweets and email and facebook comments to corral into a document i’ll keep you posted THE END i don’t know first i have to collect all of the memorabilia and then i have to get it all in one place and then i have to figure out which software to use to organize it with the religious expeirience the other night sort of woke me up and got me thinking other thoughts lately i’ve been feeling like i just got here and my brain is filled with a backstory like okay let’s see these are my cards how am i going to play THESE 12/22/18, 10:01 PM five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred smiles my literature is better and i have social media down to just socialize with you … it’s been like two weeks since i sent an email i think maybe a week but i have social media down to USE FACEBOOK and that’s a growth spurt … based on the thoughts that have been going through my head i am growing as a writer i thought of a literary device where a man has an invisible alien space craft that follows him around allowing him to be telepathic which explains the telepathic signals but my original explanation for telepathy is that the human spirit is built for telepathy and it’s a form of self reflection where you can be in tune with the thoughts of someone else by being in tune with your own thoughts and having empathy like i don’t have all the data on how you feel about this writing so my empathy is sliding back and forth between you think this is troublesome about as troublesome as my troubled life is or you want to file a lawsuit or call the cops or call the hospital but i’m going to call the station director on monday and see if i can get some feedback i just wrote you 100 pages and need to know how you feel about volume this isn’t really built with a stopping point the internet and telepathy … i think i know how to be receiver but i don’t know if i ever put a thought from my head into someone elses head other than through writing we can study telepathy with the internet we would need ABC’s help we would need a nationally television nightly program dedicated to abc’s scientific study on if telepathy is real have an internet connection and radio can help we can pin this down as far as apartment life goes i win the award for most interesting and most mundane yeah your communications system changed i like the new website it’s there it just needs some work to break out the template work like it’s almost beautiful it’s an 8 right now the least useful part of your website is the photography i don’t think people are tuning into wcpo.com for the photographs you could probably go all text and then the only imagery would me advertising and you could increase your rates or know that you would get more cpc love i think that’s a sentence fragment what i just wrote there you’re news television is required to have imagery but a newspaper does just fine with only words i need a new keyboard my most used keys are sticking on my stock keyboard from dell i need a logitech keyboard the keys descend smoothly i’m sitting here as depressed as i get when i decide to listen to moby they said bipolar type 1 means you get excited but you don’t get depressed and years later i was like well now with all the hospitalizations and the meds and the 2 years aging and being confused in the system i went on to be quiet but i think they had me for being a celebrity without a show i’m not that anymore now i might actually have a mental illness and it’s not bipolar disorder it’s thoughts in your head that aren’t fast paced but are compelling i don’t know what i could have possibly said that was grandiose at 25 that was also fast in speed in terms of saying it when you take a 20 something kid and accuse him of talking fast and thinking grandiose isn’t that about right? isn’t that what the 20’s fast talking and grandiose ideas? what the 20’s are like what could i have said? i’m going to build a sky scraper? i can go to the moon? was i a product of my environment and my environment was more internet based than my psych team? did i know more than my psychiatrist? did i scare my family with my internet use the new thing that was filled with colors and words and women that attracted me to it? was i better off at a bar this whole time to get my i belong i a bar body language down like was it the day i told my mom i was the student that fixed the O RING in the challenger shuttle at school and she freaked out? it was a data visualization class and i pointed out if the armiture curved up just a bit it would hold the o ring down in future launches and he went YEP moving on said something to me about hind sight and how it’s 20/20 after class i’m also the student that lost his mind when he first saw keyframe animation because i was like what if you put keyframes between the keyframes and he was like you can do that and i was like between those keyframes and he was like you can do that and i was like SON OF A BITCH THAT’S TIME TRAVEL not really like that but i had a transcendental moment with keyframe animation when it was first presented to me in flash at daap i saw this image of forever exploring a moment and still moving through time spent most of the day in bed now i’ll probably be up til 6am whoo … i have like 120 pages … done and now i just need to put a fat preface on it and submit it for nonfiction publishing i need a writer’s market i mean as far non fiction goes it’s a first person resource it could serve as a speaker piece on everything that is right and wrong with the internet if it was a symbol that was discussed symbolically covered with in that discourse i found discoursing with people on facebook casually for the purpose of writing books which is nice i can get what i want a new writer can get what they want … money … and i can sell the book to a non fiction agent that picked up my first book … if a book i published led to MORE or ANY online discourse i would be satiated if this book was something someone could hold up and talk with at a dais or conference like call it the problem child like what are we going to do about all of this writing in this message box on facebook to a television station? someone produced a lot in the box of a producer what are we going to do? i’ll probably walk away from this fiasco better prepared i know i will like with the poytner institute my next writing partner i’m going to send ahead business documents to see if they would engage me in conversation … while i was high for 6 years … like this is the longest in the real world i have gone without weed since like 2005 … like now that i am in the real world and weed free i’m like … fuck … i damaged my reputation nick on weed doesn’t have a good reputation … nick who used to smoke weed has a dubious reputation i’m nick who can’t get weed … i don’t know where i stand but i know weed has a detracting effect on me personally and i bare the slings an arrows of the only member of two families brought together in my parents union who smokes weed and did drugs and had a nirvana album and ice cube and stone temple pilots and silverchair and mtv buzz bin and five iron frenzy and dc tal dc talk i was the only one really into american culture in my family both sides as a youth but my dad gave it up he has a pink floyd vinyl and my moms has a stack of 45’s that they stopped listening to i was raised on church music and WEBN and then later WIZF and i naturally didn’t like country music which is a shame because ida been better off listening to every song garth brooks wrote ad nauseum than to listen to regular by nate dogg and warren g once whatever it’s all in the past now but there’s a lot in the past now it’s not like when your folks tell you a fight was in the past as a teenager and to leave it alone this is a war of the words and i’m conservative but cool so i’m a target i might not look stupid on bill o reilly’s show like marilyn manson didn’t i’m sort of surprised that musicians get treated like intellectuals by conservative talk show hosts and i take conservative to mean you didn’t have a lot of sex in life or do a lot of drugs or break a lot of laws you were conservative about it like a liberal artist is someone like me i’m liberal about my art i’m not a conservative artist i did a lot i studied the liberal arts the arts you’re supposed to do a lot of like mechanical engineering isn’t a liberal art you’re not really required to build a lot of robots to get your respect but a writer has to write a lot to get his respect i’m a conservative politician and a liberal aritst i think i know those words now i thought of this like if i had another girl friend and she was here a lot i’d have another computer for her screen casting what i do on the internet so she could watch and participate we both don’t need to type like i did want to do a website that was split in two like a his side to the website and a hers side to the website i have referred to the internet as a weird aquarium before, a social mirror, and this one time i saw it as a tomb stone i saw it as a history book before too i hope there’s a government program that has every point of interaction on this internet saved in a database like i hope that https://archive.org/web/ the way back machine isn’t at the forefront of that technology but in terms of receiving venture capital competing with and aiding the way back machine would be a goal of mine … something i could get federal funding for i wan there to be internet archaeologists it’s one of my favorite characters https://web.archive.org/web//nicholaslawson.com
https://web.archive.org/web//writealot.us https://web.archive.org/web//vitaemagazine.com
https://web.archive.org/web//knowledgenation.com https://web.archive.org/web//absternation.com
https://web.archive.org/web/20060517192028/http://www.absternation.com:80/ this was my first website in 2006 … i was geeked that i could install phpbb i thought i was done i never repped it though never passed out business cards never promoted it on campus i just got it done and moved on
i was geeked about it but i wasn’t so deep into show business to know to do then promote the do i just did and then i went into mcmicken and it was a busy time in my life
oh shit the speakers just did some spooky left right shit for this one song and i got scared
speakers spooked me
i don’t even know why when in mcmicken i didn’t go back to daap to kick it or eat lunch it’s like i didn’t have an all encompassing view of campus as a student i didn’t see categories or departments i was just grinding out classes
i was just school then drive home then school then drive home and i just i don’t know how that block of time makes sense that 11 years it’s a boondoggle to me how that’s even possible
like i know i can’t sit through high school classes and i go through pain sitting through a college course and i can’t bring myself to sit through a church service and i know i catch the first 10 minutes of a rock concert and walk out … i’m more like just let me go through the book and listen to my music now
i don’t like to do much i do this one thing and i have to find a way to get a car with it
because if i had a car i’d be down at MOTR writer’s night every tuesday
i can fathom getting paid like once for some writing but to bring in $150,000 for a small company WRITING get the fuck out of here
i focus on small business
just getting paid that first time from some guy
i can’t even guarantee books sales to support an author’s farm like no one writes and who is down for 6 months of labor leading up to selling advertising on a site? whose down to do the first two weeks before you get a paycheck?
knowing it’s dubious what it will be
it seems like telepathy i’m getting a lot of dubious head trips that i know lead to nothing like there’s debate at your company over whether you should hire me or not and i know opinion editors don’t get hired if they have opinions
i know all this that i am working with is best put to use as a head of something like this relationship works out best if i don’t get anything from you
like but i don’t want to talk to your employee’s either
it just gets messy talking to an employee when they have to think for 2 minutes if they are even allowed to do something
i’d rather talk to a head
too
as in also
they drew up a book list for me but i can’t find it there is like 14 books on filing for your corporation that look like they have really powerful titles that i need to read before i can do any business i actually don’t know the difference between an S CORP and a C CORP and i don’t know if a 501c3 can sell advertising and I don’t think I want an LLC but i domn’t know why
entrepreneurship at Uc in the class i was like this guy is really really vague about a lot of what he says and years later i was like yep only way to be
i did learn about a 72 year old man that became a billionaire when he looked at his potato’s differently youth and business have little to do with each other like grandma moses can start drawing at 80 and become famous for it i can do business at 38 it’s an age to do business
i think if i want that travel allowance that i don’t know why i would need at this point working for someone else won’t alot me a schedule to travel
it won’t care if i get enough time in london
there are some well written books at the library about filing for a corporation or a business i need to read
that’s phase one know what you are talking about when it comes to your business filing
know all the details so you can file the proper paperwork
i think an author’s farm i mean it can be called a magazine but i would want to be white boarding story lines for books in group sessions like i want to design a story by committee like they do at pixar like a soft story line is by committee hard singular focus visions are i don’t know not what i am interested in i want to use people as tools to perfect a story line and i get paid by the state so i can’t talk about well they only do it for the money but i can talk about people that have no writing portfolio that want to get involved on career builders i would explicitly state that i want to see writing portfolio material
i have a need to approach advertisers with business packages to gain interest in the idea … it would be a website with story lines that were not controversial
like a think tank for literature that’s a better sell than author’s farm
an author’s f arm
than AN author’s farm
if i came up with a think tank for literature that would be a thing i could maybe get federal funding for a think tank for literature the books would go directly to the public libraries
the money thoughts aren’t weed thoughts i’m noticing
but i think weed thoughts are money and now i know the money is in the sobriety
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_think_tanks_in_the_United_States if i started something really common
https://www.state.gov/s/p/tt/ dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupe dupe just noticing they are federally funded and they are think tanks
https://onthinktanks.org/themes/funding-and-supporting-think-tanks/ dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupa dupa dupe dupe dupe there’s a website dedicated to getting funding for a think tank
i see people need living costs a room and a computer i dare say just to be think tanky we only have one computer in the think tank … so i need 3 other people … a room … and we need to not be homeless and they need writing portfolios and we sell our book to libraries
https://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Medvetz/e/B008S0FEEG?ref=dbs_p_ebk_r00_abau_000000 if this guy can write about think tanks i can start one
otay i apologized to @eminem @s_c_ @abc @wcpo @katyperry @halsey @700wlw @gma for tweeting them vociferously for a couple years while i was high on weed and thought it was a good idea if i really want to meet them i need to be at an event where they are at and bump into them twitter is cheating
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSh5voSUhrs
i was used to twitter than i got slightly used to facebook and was like FLUCK TWITTER … i’m not using twitter again i need facebook
I need facebook if this PERK is going to be available online
12/23/18, 8:15 AM
i had a thought for a website this morning that’s like the game EVE but you can leave post it notes floating in space like a website where you can leave a post it note in a 3 dimensional space and people can surf around reading the post it notes … not a good idea but it was beautiful …
i’m supposed to be done with social media by now i haven’t exited it from my system
i still feel connected to social media and it’s offputting
where is the ending for this? like how do i get out of how emotionally invested i am in tweeting and leaving comments on facebook?
6 years ago i thought this is going to be a thing … it wasn’t
i’m good at networking i just get ignored by the people i network with like my networking skills are flawless i pinpointed the precise network i was interested in but i can’t do it on the computer networking with the A List isn’t a thing
when you’re on the E list … I sometimes try to network with the C list and that goes nowhere too and when I network with people that have no hobby i get called creepy
and i’m starting to notice information about society that i never noticed befoe
12/23/18, 4:43 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pP44EPBMb8A i like how i get my deep physics training from cartoons …
going into the new year it’s about promoting my social media google doc on craigslist … i’m like people can write on my website and craigslist lets me post in the community section
this is the year i blow up
i’m blowing up this year craigslist is going to help
my google document is going to be like the famous weed in toledo
i’m going into 2019 not knowing anything after this last month of mind bending alterations to my thought patterns and my LATEST religious experience i’m not willing to admit i know anything
i barely know that 2 + 2 = 4 i barely know that and even then i’m like well it could be 2 + 2 = 5 but 5 would be the symbol for 4 and like 2 would be something and 2 would be something and i got layed a level of abstraction in my thoughts that is inexplicable and i assume i’m in some kind of matrix grad school and apparently i could have walked towards the light the other night and if you read any of this you know more about me than my family and i’m not in the process of knowing anything
at all i’m not knowing anything i don’t know what a liberal is a democrat a conservative a republican a green and independent i don’t know anything i just know i’m alone i’m alone a lot and my mind is playing tricks on me or a piece of technology that has me on a provocative wavelength i can’t explain the changes to my brain in the last 8 months it used to just be me this time last year
i don’t know and as far as writing here i don’t know i can’t explain why i am fascinated by your box it just seems like a place to write and that’s as far as i have it thought out i’m smitten with my quality of inspiration in this box and i’m not really taking into account my readership but i assume it’s more interesting if you follow along which you’re probably not
not that i blame you
that’s what’s up i knew about the electromagnetic spectrum i came up with the magnetic spectrum not sure what that is
it’s the study of the spectrum’s of the magnetic field
grinding out a language sometimes things pop out
never know what a 3 month grind in the language will produce
like the different colors of the magnetic field or something like magnetic wavelenghs
i could probably get a magnet and start fucking with it but fuck
i can’t engineer a new type of equipment to study something i thought of by noticing a hole in the language
i just noticed a hole
and i thought of the electro spectrum different spectrums of electricity i walk into a society of physicists and point out i am the father of eletro spectrum and magnetic spectrum and they cut off my nutsack
i’ve heard of people dying 1000 times before they died … i died like twice before i died currently
the one time i died i hit this blunt at the last shelter i was at and i got stoned i got real fucking just there wa s a pica of me still alive and it thought the hit was coming i’ve been real fucking stoned recently might have turned me off to weed … you never know what you’re gonna get
what if … what if there was a linked in for religious people? oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i might call moms about that website … a linked in for the religious like a facebook pinterest wordpress type content management system for religious people … oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i might work on that
like it could be supported with holy water sales
professional networking for religious people and then i get to study sermons or some shit
there is no electro spectrum and there is no magnetic spectrum on google but there is an electromagnetic spectrum
English Literature
getting it done
HOORA!
or something
going into christmas we were gifted i swear to god this thing is keyframed
like i keep getting slight upgrades to my work based on what i don’t know like i’m a level up on a violent nicholas lawson that never graduated from university or never went like i had google doc day on craigslist today not meetup day on craigslist and i just notice in hind sight there’s a lot more danger i could be putting myself in like i’m not only writing about racism which apparently nicholas lawson is supposed to do i’m not accosting accounts to build fame which nicholas lawson is supposed to do i’m not famous for being slightly slighted which nicholas lawson is supposed to be
i don’t know my consciousness has always been judged by a psychiatrist and they get their money from prescribing pills that i am required to take and they have the states authority behind them for like 8 years i’ve always just been like CHRIST that’s a hell of a business plan
that’s all i see in psychiatry for the most part is a hell of a business plan
really i don’t know how it was possible to make it through school with 20 psych ward visits and i have no recollection of ever dropping a class because of it like there was a day i could remember all of my psych ward visits and i could count them in my head that day is gone i just know numbers in regards to my twenties like i have data on my twenties and i know my thirties pretty well i just know i was in my 20’s before i don’t know how i managed to work it all out factually like how i went from freshman to graduate is something i don’t know the details of otherwise i would write about it
i’m fairly certain i was the first person that got high and stared at his refrigerator like those refrigerator magnets are black holes i have black holes on my refrigerator fuck
i’m nova certified
like brian regan made fun of someone that was on the couch watching nova eating potato chips i’m like that’s a valid form of study
i mean the nova multidimensional special is something on the president should see
like that’s what i was going to do … i was going to produce high production value media and sell it to the white house forgot about that
stuff only the presdient should see
president
i’m the father of substantialism too which is something i came up with on reddit it’s where you take a substance and do everything there is to do to a substance to the substance it’s a field that methodically studies what you can do to a substance and makes a list of what you can do to a substance and makes a list of what happens when you do that thing to the substance it’s born out of wondering what hasn’t been done to the substances on the periodic table yet and in what combinations have they not been mixed sort of like a gap stop for chemistry that catalogs everything chemistry didn’t do and then it does it
like who can think of something to do with frozen sand?
i’m at an age where i don’t know like i’m not certain there is anything that tastes better than a banana
i’m watching this botany video and it brought to mind the statement that the word JUST has done more damage to american culture than any other words
12/23/18, 9:54 PM
it was christmas eve and all through the net not a mouse was clicking not even on git all through the web where the electricity glowed it was chrstmas eve and we felt like we were in a snow globe all of the sugar plumbs were nestled snug into digg and even the maddox was awaiting his next gig you could find youtube explaining the differences between like and dislike and all through the internet there was nothing too interesting just a kid on ebay buying excitebike all through the internet there were people clicking their mice surprised it’s so real when USPS delivers their good cheaply bought for a cheap price and who could that be on the roof with a clatter just a jolly old elf that was clad in red attire you could find him calling by name on dasher on dancer on prancer on vixen on comet on cupid on donner and blitzen and which one of these reindeer took to the cold forefront providing a draft so that the rest of the reindeer could front why rudolph the rendeer with the redded glowing nose lighting the way through as tim raleigh stated we’d have no snow so santa told his reindeer this year would be easy and we just had to wait for our gifts to appear this christmas was the first christmas the internet was all calm and this was the christmas we wrote krogers and ask could they please carry sugar plumb
i just woke up the things that are on my mind like i woke up to a different thought this evening like now i’m thinking of hakiym sha’ir and i got filled in with all these details about him and i don’t know why … what’s with these paintings in my head made of words that have to do with scenarios that are fake you want to talk about fake news it’s what’s in my head at any given moment
i’m probably not telepathic i’m probably a victim of having smoked too much weed if I was telepathic the concept of telepathy would be greater it’s not 1 in 2 million is telepathic if i was telepathic telepathy would be common and ida heard about it by now i’m probably actually mentally ill now and my psychiatrist needs to address this more seriously if i’m telepathic 4 million at least other people are and there’s not a peep of telepathy to be heard of so it’s not telepathy it’s mental illness
and it’s severe
i turned myself from annoying tweeter into a loser tweeter and it didn’t take much time to go from casual annoyance on twitter to full thoroughbred nuisance on facebook i wrote you letters and sent you tweets and now i just feel like writing in this box it’s inspirational to have that an i am fascinated by my inspiration like i already know i write differently to the poytner institute than i do wcpo and i thoroughly write a person different than i write a company and i’m just taken by how in terms of writing this box keeps me writing and i don’t have the patience to write in microsoft word the way i do here and i’m killing time and experiencing severe second thoughts about doing this but it’s like it glows it’s like this box glows on my computer screen and it’s currently the internet to me the way reddit used to be
this box this line input is currently the internet to me i said goodbyes on twitter and now i just have to get over this and i’m basically done with the internet
i’m over everything else like this was the last weird thing about a computer that i encountered before i qui
quit
i actually don’t know what to do let this discourse be evidence of someone of university degree status that has a mental illness i contest it but in my contest i’m explaining why it would be possible to have a mental illness i’m never stating that i don’t have a mental illness i’m just explaining why i have one and that i’m not bipolar i’m something else if you need a story about mental illness i can give you 6 months worth of data on what it’s like to be mentally ill because prior to 6 months ago i didn’t think there was anything wrong with me
like I EYE I didn’t notice anything wrong with me that bothered me until six months ago then i was like wait a minute my brain is not typically like this i think THIS might be mental illness but prior to 6 months ago all of my mental health all 30 of them had been problems other people had with me now i have a problem with me and it’s been 6 months
i would NOT be that interested in this facebook box if i didn’t have a recoil effect that went with it that gave me the impression i am getting instant feedback on these facebook messages telepathically and it’s always really interesting and insightful telepathic feedback i receive
it’s the feedback my 3rd person gives me that gives me a reason to do this the whole time i assume you are reading this and following along because my 3rd person that newly developed this year is giving me the impression you are
this must be weird to read … it’s even weirder to experience
i’ve been alone now every day for 3 months …. it get’s weird i told myself i was going to start going to church to be around other people … i slept through it this morning … i do want to go to church i feel like it’s the natural arc of things raised in church went to college came out against church found himself living alone decided to go to church found value in communities of people discussing an old book that i have ceased to give a fuck about if it’s true or not i just think church would be good to be around people
it gets real old being alone how old going to start going to church old
i’m in introvert heaven and extrovert hell
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-ExnmYdw61X-LLLePbUFPA fred lam sold me on being poor because under no circumstances do i want to be involved in anything this fucking teenage prick is selling i hope he has $5 million dollars because then maybe he’ll be attractive to a woman and settle down and start a family … tired of youtube selling me on learning how i can make $5 million dollars on shopify too … it’s the REAL FUCKING TEACHERS that piss me off the most … those babysitters at school are doing a great job
i was in rooms full of people from k through 12 then i was in rooms full of people from 12 through 24th grade then i was a public ally and was around people then i had apartment and had a roommate for a year then i moved to mount healthy and had another roommate and a bar to kick it at and then i was around people constantly for 2 years in the system and then i got hit with NO ONE TO BE AROUND in the last three months and i’m kvetching about it
i didn’t know talking to yourself was a thing the last i heard new york city veteran homeless people talked to themselves and i heard a joke they always sound like they are addressing the united nations general assembly
12/24/18, 8:20 AM
going in for an MRI on christmas eve to see if the cyst on my pineal gland is any bigger …
that this would be a game where i go to sleep on an operating table and wake up in the real world
i have thought this was something you experience during surgery and the dreams are of a world more real than this one
i’d just be fucked up about my hair line being fucked up if i had brain surgery next year
having that scar where hair doesn’t grow would be the thing i hated the most
i looked it up a cyst on the pineal gland is usually something innocuous it seems .. i read it’s pretty common
they just want to know if it got bigger
and my doesn’t know shit ass has only a paragraph on google to go with
i might get mcdonalds today from my pops though
i’m staring at something that every day seems to be about me anyways more music in the last week has been about me than in the rest of my life
when you see an SNL skit about getting a king sized bed and you’ve got a twin bed and you just know this is all about you
but you don’t know
i just see something that’s making fun of me … like i did what it takes to make money … i didn’t get money … my bad i didn’t memorize a piece of shit rhyme that came out my asshole to perform for you at the mad frog
i wonder if that cyst on my pineal gland is the reason i talk to myself
i’m 38 years old and pissed off that any thing in my head would suggest i become a rapper like fuck you spirit of enttuilox for even suggesting i start rapping
i’m going to slowly peel cash off my parents and get adobe illustrator and sell prints
like cincinnati loves charlie parkerr and that’s not the hardest thing to do
it’s not immensely hard to do a charlie parker inspired work and be all like yeah i was inspired by charlie parker
harper charlie harper i was close
https://www.charleyharperprints.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQiApILhBRD1ARIsAOXWTztapTtCqWqX4ecVouJi74867-mS8u43lwbcry0tN44eJJK-WPPzjqwaAnAQEALw_wcB like cincinnati successfully fell in love with a line artist before and the key to his work is that there was nothing wrong with it
here’s what i deleted from this message it’s the stuff that comes in above the top … if i’m going to die … might as well leave a ridiculous obituary behind like something that takes up an entire newspaper to remember me by
FACEBOOK FULL.docx
like no one knows who i am i’m just leaving my social media behind as i await my fate at the doctor’s office
i got nervous when my writing got so deep i got uncomfortable so i deleted it
i do be deleting art work
it’s a problem
12/24/18, 4:44 PM
turns out surgery isn’t necessary but i thought it might be
and the latest trend is to just go with what you’re told i was told i had a cyst on my pineal gland and they didn’ give me much information so i thought that might need surgery
they told me insurance would cover so i assume i just have some details to cover to get this resolved
i thought to myself a cyst on a pineal gland sounds bad so naturally to fix that surgery is necessary turns out there’s no fixing it it’s not a problem them they just want to know if its’ bigger
a us attorney is going to approach a north korean official and let them know a US judge ordered north korea to pay $500 million dollars to a US family because the North Korean Government Killed their son and North Korea is going go okay and write a check for $500 million dollars to a US family because a US judge ordered North Korea too … future story lines
do i take this course or not ? i’m thinking about it … not certain what i’d do with the information not even certain i could keep up but i do want to take this course
it seems quaint that i would be chugging mug rootbeer in 3 day old clothing studying quantum computing at MIT in north college hill
MERRY CHRISTMAS! and TO ALL A GOOD NEW YEAR! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
12/24/18, 8:40 PM
i’m at the folks place on a good keyboard and i can type easier and it’s a pleasure to type on a good keyboard and i think my keyboard is stiff and difficult to type on but this keyboard is nice
if i am going to do long form prose i need a good keyboard
i’m the problem child of 4 children that 3 of which never ran into a problem in their life there were 6 people in my family 5 of which never went to jail and one of which went to jail a couple times and the psych ward 36 times and it’s a severe case of problem child that has a story that permeates a family and makes christmas worse when he is there
i might start reviewing movies i saw this one on FX and there was a brother in love with a sister and a sister in love with a brother and a brother that took a second wife aside from his sister and then the sister broke the father’s face and then she poisoned the lover of her brother and pushed her down a balcony and no one ever takes a shit in this movie to give it a sense of realism and there’s stabbings and letters and a ghost and and everyone is immortal and wounded and it’s just these three people in a huge poor house with no roof fucking each other other up in the name of love of some kind
all in all i’d have to say it’s a decent movie it’s just a stabbing happens regularly and now stabbed people are in a stab fight and there’s snow and people are outside and everyone is getting around to killing people and the screen writer really sort of meandered around his purpose in this film
like the night before christmas FX decided to celebrate with some ultra violence happy holidays
i was like dad why are you watching this and he got offended and was like I’ll watch what i want … we celebrated christmas a day early …
it’s been a wile three months … i’m starting to sober up from weed fully and on weed writing you makes perfect sense … it does … writing jay z and eminem and katy perry makes perfect sense when you’re high on weed … when you’re sober you get really nervous writing you … because you think you’re responding to news you have opinions the news is hardcore so that leaves you with hardcore opinions when really you just don’t want to die and are tired of going to the psych ward so you’re taking your meds religiously and you’re hoping no one notices you … this is not a good way not be noticed so i think going into the new year i’ll scoop up my social media that’s left in my arms and work to contextualize what i did on social media the last 6 years without really trying to add to my body of work …. merry christmas … i think i’ll go ahead and spend my time on reddit again like i did the last time i found myself sober and and i’ll just quit while i’m ahead … so it’s been fun … a theory of your television show led me to believe at montgomery house the last place i stayed that i was right in line with WCPO values but upon actually watching the show i realized oh you cov er crime and weather so i’m going to pass on further discourse i might try and keep you updated on my reddit story but i think i’m done for now you’ve been a great sounding board and the show provided a lot insight into what i really need to be focused on which is flying straight and NOT ending up on the news so merry christmas and this is nicholas lawson signing off it’s been a wile three month ride of tempting fate
12/27/18, 2:43 PM
i gotta ween myself off of social media … i’m getting microsoft word soon and i have to put all of this energy into private writing … i’ve got the can write a book energy and out put … now i just need to write the book …
12/27/18, 7:46 PM
could you at least write me a well written letter telling me to fuck off?
12/27/18, 9:09 PM
https://twitter.com/bgoins52/status/1078161400818737157 i’m this cincinnati i just usuallly order 5 cheese coney’s and a burrito and an order of cheese fries …
you can do it with eating a bag of grippo’s chips too and the new grippp’s bbq cheese doodles
you can do it with eating a fudge sundae at graeter’s too
that’s how he did it
you can lick a salt shaker from morton’s salt too https://www.google.com/search?q=mortons+salt+cincinnati&oq=mortons+salt+cincinnati&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.3463j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 salt is so cincinnati
it occurred to me if i ever had the cash i would invest in a mutual fund comprised of businesses that were headquartered in cincinnati with the logic that if you invest in a city a city has to fail to lose the money totally
i applied at morton’s salt 6 years ago they never got back to me
i thought to myself work my way up in salt and next thing i know i’m in a salt mine hell of a thing to experience
i convulse with thoughts that you read me but what i don’t get is if i am convulsing because you are reading me how would i know?
i’m not making money yet from the sale of a book on a street corner i printed off at kinko’s because i haven’t written the story and i just thought of it this evening
i’d sell it in clifrton across from sitwell’s and stand next to the street vibes guy
i get a lot of fake news in my head or you’re thinking long and hard about hiring me which would mean we’re teelpathically linked wihich i never saw a news story on which would seem like a story to do in this time and age to identify and put out there the people that think they are telepathic i know when i turn my dell computer off the signal for my telepathy weakens like it’s probably something having to do with my computer what i experience like the west coast cries no harm no foul and they pipe in data through an electromagnetic field i just know i feel empty when i turn my computer off and that’s not a bad way to feel but me brains is all up in the game and it’s comizerating with thoughts that i get intelligence based on what you think of my writing and it’s off putting not certain what paperwork i signed but i feel like a research subject in a world where a scientist doesn’t care about human rights
me brain definitely be experiencing the internet in a strange way
sort of new thought like within the last 8 months new
a year ago today i was online like just another user now i feel like i get feedback from the universe for my internet use and that’s strange to me
i turned my computer off last night and i felt like i was on africa’s internet when i got picked up by a different wifi connection and it was different it felt african and i think some podunk comptuer scientists have me as a source of output and they decided to fuck with me and it’s not like the movies where i win
it’s i get fucked over repeatedly it’s no t an aron brokovich story that i am chasing but it might as well be
bonus moment watching television watching people watch television on television
he should have let them renew their vows … like you can be 70 years old with a sister for a girlfriend .. my mom’s girlfriend is her mother and they get cerebral at a family dinners and it gets deep
damn but would a php bulletin board dedicated to abc television programming do well
if people could watch television and chat about television would it do well is that what i pass out business cards for or do i even give a fuck anymore about what a website would do
this looks like a meet and breed based on my facebook PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW WALL it looks like i’m supposed to breed and because i’m single and 38 i’m the creep because i never had a kid and let a woman run my life
i honestly don’t know if you deserve my child THING based on how you treated ME i don’t know if you deserve my child
i don’t have a garage like dan i have a computer
i mean if you look at a church a certain way it’s a place you can work like when you walk in to church for the first time in 20 years and your first thought is how you can hustle these people for some money it’s a place where you can be like that ….
i thought to myself at church two weeks ago i can probably get involved in the church carnival and skim off the top … real church thoughts …
like i had a real thought for church CHURCH’s COMPUTER SCIENCE LAB it’s where we buy a dirt cheap laptop and invest in computer programming manuals … and just talk about it
i assume you have on roseanne too at the studio or this portion doesn’t make much sense and writing a stubborn recipient that has corporate backing fascinates me
i spend a lot of time in a magnetic field with a metal allow tooth and you can explain away in your vanilla existence all you want what i write but i experience something exotic in my brain and i walk around in a world of possibilities and my education background tells me that i’m a good candidate for neurological studies involving computer use … i’m telepathic i just don’t know if anyone else is because it’s that anyone else part that concerns me
yep when a major corporation comes out against the church it’s edifying but really that church that ABC is shitting on set the stage for theater in the united states of america … there is no theatre in the USA without the church
it’s theatre
church
church is theatre
it’s just a standard show that you can grind out for years
you don’t have to keep coming up with FRESH new material you just do your standard
you can be 38 years old and single and show up to a catholic church with an intent to over let’s say 8 confessions with the priest to be involved in the church deeply
like i can wait until my folks die to go to church and then my story is my folks died i had no one so i went to church i can go sooner too and go to church with them and be their son
like knowing 300 people and having your parents die is preferable to knowing 0 people and your parents dead i should probably go to church on saturday
abc just got done shitting on the church and then in the same beat they applauded vaudeville with the kid with the ventriloqism
television kids are always like early bloomers it seems like they always seem like their intelligence blossomed at an early age and they qualified for television
like i wasn’t conscious until like last week that kid is all the way there at 8
velour is the shit i had some velour sheets at my last apartment and they just called for me to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
this is the trap i fall into lately it’s my latest trap … having a comfortable subject to write to …
i didn’t know this would happen to me but i’m done with twitter 3 weeks now and i’ve got it down to just participate in a place they MIGHT want you to participate and i’m scaling back from here …
but i’m not on twitter or email for like two weeks email and 3 weeks twitter and i am more sober than i was then as i get to that next echelon of sobriety away from weed
when i’m all the way sober from weed 3 months from now i’ll probably be in microsoft word writing a book unless i feel nostalgic for the days when i used to write channel 9
but i should probably be in micrsoft word doing this
i don’t have voices in my head but they asked me like 55 times over 15 years if i heard anything that people don’t hear or see anything that people don’t see and then 15 years later after paying attention i do have an auditory hallucination where i hear a high pitched BEAUTIFUL tone in my ear sometimes that I know is an auditory hallucination and i do lately if i notice i see specks of light that just show up like a red light or a green light or a light of white light and i have that i have an auditory hallucination that happens once a year where i hear a BEAUTIFUL high pitched tone and i see colored specks of light that appear for a second at a time
i don’t hear voices but i have thoguhts
she’s waiting for my conscious to kick it … GOOD LUCK … very television … very very television
kick in she’s waiting for my consciousness to kick in
when i was that age i wrote my first poem
a cricket jumps all over the place and once you see it it’s gone and i illustrated it and got my A+
i could probably with photoshop show you what i see from time to time
i might do that for my psychiatrist
it’s be a photograph with a muted lens flair in a small location on the screen
sort of like a more brilliant LED light
that’s good acting right there and ABC could have just as easily had that kid write an award winning poem
see that’ where i think i need to find a new muse this is probably the wrong inbox i hit you with all this and you opened with a tree fell on madison road … i’m probably in the wrong inbox
like this is a GREAT IDEA just not in your box
why is that a negative thing? like what’s wrong with calling an african a nigger? what for the love of muhammed ali is the problem with in a heated situation calling a nigger a nigger? like they are nigger’s that much is clear why can’t we address them as such? or you can you just have to deal with this for that? i don’t know i just know that if calling an african a nigger is a problem and the apex of what is considered racisum if you think calling an african a nigger is all that is racist you don’t know how white communities really feel about africans
white flight occurred in north college hill because some africans moved in that’s more racist than the word nigger could ever amount to
white flight is racist using the N word is nothing
if you had the chance to vote on a bill that would give you a pay raise, wouldn’t you?
what if we just increase patrols of the southern border with infrared cameras and just patrol le border
for the people that volunteered to be the strong arm of the united states of america what if we just stationed troops on the southern border it gets it done faster and the way that wall looks like it looks like it’s a surmountable obstacle
like if you leave border security to a wall and just that you’re probably not doing much
churches should open retail stores … like if a church had a mall that would be crucial to future success of retail …
looking for another city with a demographic of like 75% white and 10% or better black is racism saying nigger isn’t
https://www.google.com/search?q=columbus+demographics&oq=columbus+demographics&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.3879j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 columbus looks good 28% african
when it’s an upgrade to move to the capital city and they don’t have professional sports teams and that’s on your list
when you’re looking for a city that doesn’t have professional sports teams and is mostly white columbus ohio comes to mind
like the culture of a city without pro sports teams would be superior
before it got fucked up i remember feeling hella special kicking it with real niggas tho like when you’re at a spot in avondale and it’s just you and a grip of nigga’s and they passing you the blunt … i don’t think i’ll ever see those days again
dag but could i start a professional hackey sack league … would people pay to see people hackey sack if they were good enough?
i should probably get a hackey sack i could still do that …
but could you rep a basketball court so hard you end up with a professional basketball team? of the things i have thought of is a professional basketball team … to be an administer for it
the cincinnati gambler’s got started at a lock in and we just asked players if they wanted in on the ground floor for an NBA team … we were real cordial like
like if you can start a soccer team can you start a basketball team and while we’re at it a hockey team and can cincinnati cover all the bases and be that city football baseball soccer hockey and basketball in the pro’s
and hackey sack and professional hackey sack
and we smoke weed
i should get a hackey sack to give me something to do off the computer … fuck it would be cool if the television just blurted out NICK STOP!
fuck but then i start thinking when it comes to moving to another city i’m 40 and it’s a new map … am i willing to leave my map behind of the city that took me 40 years to develop and i get real honest and think i don’t know
like any week i could take a bus to columbus and just be like NOW I’M HERE but i don’t know if that flies I don’t know if you can just leave an apartment for a homeless shelter in Columbus where they’ll find you housing and you can get a job … that’s my current plan and it’s not a good one
it’s so cool when a talk show how has something to say about congress … his city is falling apart … the infrastructure is in shambles they have issues with water and his supreme intelligence is in talk show hosting when he would probably do well to get involved in his city with his supreme intelligence at a municipal level and work on fixing his city’s water shortage
i at least wrote my representative about getting a committee started on the topic of uploading student work to the internet to create a committee driven website
i sort of get involved in government with my sort of government position
i got a drawing table for christmas and a fat unscannable 24″ by 36″ sheet of paper to draw on i need to get some pencils and then i’m going to start drawing
i’m pretty good i’m a decent sketch artist but working on being a professional i’ve usually got some drawings laying around
hold on could i get a job at water works?
i think i need to look for a real job i’ve worked jobs before but i think at 40 i need to find a real job or actually put into production some semblance of a business plan and produce that real job for myself but i keep telling myself this has been a long 3 months since i got into this apartment and writing is my real job
writing is my real job i just need to present a sample of writing to the person that will pay me for this
where can i put some writing so that i can get some income and what does that writing need to be?
i did the pre writing i did the writing now i need to do the final thesis based on the writing and maybe i’ll write about inspiration and how there are different places that are different qualities of inspiration
who doesn’t meditate?
how old is the word meditation? is it a new word? is it a word scientology developed to trick us with? no. Meditation is ancient there is no discussion meditation is an ancient tradition it’s for the people that think and for people that want to think.
i meditate laying in bed staring at the ceiling listening to music.
it’s thinking and going over your thoughts well that’s what it is for me but for me meditation is intentional thinking
i was laying in bed thinking about about how to transfer this inspiration to another document processor and i have to write the SHOW in a microsoft word document … i’m writing the SHOW … i need to write the SHOW in a microsoft word document that is my audience in this document THE SHOW
wendy is out of my area of expertise i don’t watch television or the show like that i don’t have anything to say about wendy i don’t watch television like that
i want this writing habit i just don’t want this writing audience anymore i wanted anything from this but 3 months of writing with no response is not enough for me so i need to take this writing habit to a microsoft word document and i’m presently addicted to this box i have an internet addiction one of the original ones and i’ve got it down to facebook with amibitions of taking this writing habit that generates hundreds of pages of discourse a season to a microsoft word file where i can put it to good use because currently my writing serves no good to anyone in this context
i’m addicted to maybe getting a response and it got old
how useful is my 3rd person … gravity is a fluid that pushes down on us from above? we’re not being pulled down we’re being pushed down gravity … if i broached this topic and it’s not new … i’m scared
no if i broached this topic AND it’s new i’m scared not if it’s not new
that we’re being pushed down not pulled down
gravity that’s what it said to me the person that writes me like i write you
me the me that is me started thinking of the moon in orbit around the earth and how earth is around the sun and well the moon is still falling to the earth and the earth is still falling into the sun but like what’s pushing the moon dust inwards towards the center? the me that is me thinks we’re still pulled down but my government offficial that’s the 3rd me wanted me to at least think about being pushed
i’m not as heavily invested in gravity thoughts to be able to shout out EUREKA we’re pushed down … I can’t just start talking about gravity but i might be able to pull a book and take a look
what i know about nigerian or african culture is the youth street culture is typically adopted by full grown adults in africa it’s not a game to them
like OUR street culture is picked up their ADULT culture as a novel thing to do to impress the kids
i think i had a bad reaction to some medication or cream that i was given because i have these egg shaped blood blisters growing on my ass i’m having serious medical work progressing on fixing my ass because the help made it worse it seems i have a phone call to make early tomorrow to go see a doctor about some eggs that are growing on my ass and are painful …
that’s completely new and i just started a creme to alleviate my rash and so i think the fact that the eggs are completely new and the creme is a new treatment leads me to believe there is a connection
i’ve sat on my ass a long time and i never had ass problems like this
most of what my life consists of involves siting on my ass i sat on my ass in school sat on my ass in the car sat on my ass to watch television and sat on my ass to write books i spent a lifetime mostly sitting on my ass
i sat and listened and read mostly and then i didn’t have anything to say i just had words to say that were taught to me i never had an esoteric hobby that no one else had but i might have done something moreso than someone else like write i might have DONE more writing than someone else but everyone knows how to do this i just do it like this
i wasn’t the man that rubbed the sticks together for the first time and discovered they got hot
i heard someone did that though and showed some people what i heard
it’s getting hard watching FRAULES twerk videos for the 200th time this one they do i feel like they are trying to say something to me twerking that ass like that like get self conscious about your ass and next thing you know watching bitches twerk gets uncomfortable no my ass isn’t as clean as that
i used to just like watching russian bitches dance now i feel like they are trying to say something in a world where i am the center christ of the planet and it’s just known and everyone is cool with it and sort of doesn’t like me
i think watching a room full of Fraules women dance is 5 minutes well spent … i been a fan for a couple years now …
i’m into russian women dancing and i find it peculiar their taste in american music sort of wish it was russian music
i got laid one night by a bartender at the northside tavern and the next day i was swooned in love and got down on a knee and proposed to her at her place of work and then that night i scaled the side of a building to be with her and was just left with a couple weeks later that fuuuuuuuuuuuuck LOVE is a real thing it’s the coldest hardest drug you can do
she was like get out we break up
and like she brought me home she was an older woman like i was 25 she was 35 and like she got her younger man but when she started washing my draws in the sink with her hands i was like THIS IS WHAT FEELING LIKE A MAN IS and i fell in love that moment she handed me some hand dried draws and i was like living in an apartment with no electricity for two weeks and we played pool together and did shots and then i proposed to her and like i came to realize not too long ago that i was the problem on this planet the entire time … i’m just exploring my love again … my loves were intense and short
i dated a lot of women but love love happened twice and it was a lot of malaise relationships
i stopped dating at 25 and got laid again one night at 33 and then again at 25 and that was 3 years ago … i’m still open to love it’s worth experiencing it’s just i wonder if i need to be prepared for HER to fall in love with me the way I did with the bartender like that i would be involved in a receiving end of a non mutual love affair at some point i wonder what i would do
i’d say with names like monique monteagado and zoe kirk gushowaty that my brief intense loves were with the right people people that could be loved and there was a lot to them with names like that can anyone hope to truly be with them
i was young i was in my early 20’s when all that happened could i ever have hoped to have offered anything … now i can offer something even on this income level if i meet someone i could offer project planning i couldn’t even do that then
i’m at an age where i have to offer something and she has to have something to offer too
like at my age we could go on a 3 month long date it starts with going grocery shopping and picking out the right fruit cutting the fruit in the kitchen being around a knife together and being adults using the oven drying the fruit putting the fruit in bags going door to door with the dried fruit and living that KFC lifestyle … like a lifestyle that’s built around a never ending date
i think zoe loved me she said she did but i was 20 and she was 20 and a twenty year old woman is WAY SMARTER than a 20 year old man
like it seems like men gain intelligence and women lose intelligence with time
DAMN I NEED TO FUCK WITH THE EAST COAST THAT NIGGA WAS STRAIGHT!
the african in my head was like if you buy 5 bags of fruit i’ll act like i know where to get some weed and door to door it
like a dried fruit business as a legit to the bone front
at the men’s shelter i did have this weed dealer moment where just having weed on me gave me power over people that does not really occur with me at least i don’t think so but just being the man with the weed at a men’s shelter can lead to someone following you wherever you want to go to get high like i was like WEED LIKE THIS? weed has it good
dried fruit is cut and dry it’s how much did the fruit cost how much does it cost broken up how much is the mark up how much is the electric bill going to be on this and just get to grocery store to buy fruit dry fruit go door to door with fruit reference colonel sanders as a business permit and get in real nice with your local neighborhood and maybe don’t do business with your direct neighbors to keep it from being weird and plan on people supporting your business because they want it to work out in their neighborhood so there would be a bakery and a fruit dehydrator and maybe we could make jerky too but not at first at first just fruit … kind of thing that’s a job and i’ll put off for a while
it’s not my chosen field but it does present a profit margin and it’s unique enough and it got the interest of a couple people when i talked about it and my folks said it was a good idea and it’s food it’s a perfect capitalistic concept
it’s something you sell that disappears and needs replaced
it’s a cash business
it’s a job
i need to do the preliminary dries to even see what temperature to set my oven at which starts off on the lowest it’s not 500 degree heat here it’s 145
why would they do that to laurel and hardy? why wouldn’t they focus on a great time in their life like the day they discovered they had an act?
naw you get the holy ghost when someone new comes into your church
the african who’s wit it in my head was like we can make trail mix and i was inspired so intensely i started to cough … yeah trail mix … that’s a thing a neighborhood would love to have
fresh trail mix they’re on like 2008’s batch at the store right now of trail mix that shit keeps forever
maybe just dried fruit gotta move slow
but a dry goods store … i think that’s the original business
for fucks sake i invented the original business
it’s a man like richard overton that scares the shit out of me … i’m thinking in my sharpness clearly this intelligence doesn’t end … but like i saw a photo of my dad when he was my age and he looked sharp … i know i fade in intelligence sharpness that is … i’m so scared of death i’m entirely afraid of experiencing nothing and not knowing i am experiencing nothing
i don’t know why i would ever encounter life if i was destined to never know this happened
i don’t know i don’t know if i can grind anywhere harder than this i’m just thinking of a microsoft word document and be it an email to you a tweet to you or an instant message to you YOU are the inspiration for now some 600 pages of writing in 3 months and 4 years … question is who am i writing on social media … i think i’m writing WCPO when I write and just what WCPO means to me … i was given the opportunity to write WCPO and i was like write write write write letter email tweet tweet tweet tweet message message and then it got to the point where i was like GRIND GRIND GRIND and now i’m at dry goods store … i’ll rest there
north college hill has this one restaurant that might want a better business plan they are a well home kitchen restaurant now and they could be in dried fruit
that dried fruit makes it’s way to north college hill and i get some consulting done i put together an entire package and set them to their business and go back to my apartment i might want to talk to a lawyer about how to approach a business for a business switch they’re in home cooking now making ham sandwiches and shit and dried fruit is easier and more profitable and i could be the consultant they would probably reach the fire point within 45 seconds … i should talk to a lawyer they have the building
this might actually be consulting
i could approach someone in 75 cities to do this but would i even do that
dry goods consultancies world wide we turn lightbulbs on fast you eager to do business don’t know what to do … buy our book on dried fruit if you like that you can call me and we can talk about trail mix … it get’s deep … i can write about that i’m fairly certain i can see everything involved in dried fruit and then like someone comes in an is like TRAIL MIX and i’m like get the fuck out of here just a book about business
i write i should probably write a book about dried fruit
that’s the full cycle master thought consult on thought write book that embodies thought and then typically move on but i have microsoft word coming soon so i’ll probably write this it has more than one chapter in it
i think of a lot of one chapter stories like i think of a lot of chapters to think of a book takes a meaty premise
12/28/18, 4:35 AM
NEW YORK CITY’S TRANSFORMER EXPLODED! OPTIMUS PRIME NO SAY IT’S NOT SO!
12/28/18, 6:51 AM
coming in the day before the new year was the color of the year
tough question time … you have a room it’s fucking huge … what do you do with it?
12/28/18, 8:01 AM
we drink cow milk so it sizes itself up that clearly woman’s milk would be preferable for people. … if you’re going to drink cow milk don’t get caught thinking woman milk is gross
milk for milk human milk is most likely i can almost say assuredly healthier for us than cow’s milk
human milk would just BE built for us but most likely it’s just for infants
might not need to have milk past youth but farmers and business
i’m almost 40 could i use OURTIME.COM and meet up with a woman over 50? is that a thing?
i love because its glittery and it’s a thing like where you can walk to her and be like you look like a ball when are YOU going to drop?
i like because you can be like baby you look like a bunny i got the snow … pick up line heaven
i like it because it says i got purples and glitters so let’s party not the pick up line a;lka;dakdfjkdhf;lad li wanted it to be
i wanted it to be like baby did you wear something out to get wore out?
i think i have a psychosis brought on by not sleeping on a regular schedule i came to the conclusion this morning to take daily walks even though i’m afraid of the neighborhood take them at noon and then go to sleep at 8 or 0 pm every night i need a regular sleep schedule
12/28/18, 3:29 PM
A FIND! A FUCKING GOLDEN JEWEL!
https://open.spotify.com/track/41fecZEX4sPrRxnjZQ6DGU?context=spotify%3Auser%3Aspotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX4WYpdgoIcn6&si=sEl11E80Q0eTNufVWf7uQg
LISTENING TO CHILL TRACKS ON SPOTIFY LED TO THIS FIND!
someone wrote the oher day about the severe lack of music magazine’s and my response to the article was that SPOTIFY TIDAL YOUTUBE RED SOUNDCLOUD AUDIOTOOL are the new music magazines
like the new music magazine is catalog of music
and https://open.spotify.com/track/41fecZEX4sPrRxnjZQ6DGU?context=spotify%3Auser%3Aspotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX4WYpdgoIcn6&si=sEl11E80Q0eTNufVWf7uQg is a choice track
i’m typically scared now … i need to stay awake until 9pm when i can get to sleep at a decent hour and get on a schedule and i’m scared to go outside my apartment after 2 years of intense living … after all of the trauma in my life and watching television and noting that north college hill keeps making the news i can’t go outside and walk and excercise my glutial muscles to clear up my skin i’m scared to go out walking at noon every day because i’m afraid i’ll get into a violent altercation with i don’t know who someone anyone i just have unmitigated fear in walking in my neighborhod
i didn’t know what a cpap was i only knew one other thing that involved the word pap and i don’t want to talk about it
being a singer seems so cool i’d almost get plastic surgery on my vocal chords if i knew i could sing at least as good as jewel if i knew i was going to end up with a better than tony bennett singing voice i’d probably get vocal chord surgery being a singer seems that cool a lifestyle
i might be a hack not a writer … i might be a hack of a writer … i’m 38 8 years out of english literature bout 1800 pages of writing in most of it in social media but a lot of it in a word processor … i just had a thought that i might not be ready or i might not ever be ready to write another novel on these meds but i should write some short stories i think of a lot of short stories and chapters recently so maybe i should play to that strength … i don’t know i just had a clear vision inebriated on lack of sleep last night and this morning i had a vision of banana chips and the ease with which i can make those but pairing mango slices is too involved so i’ll make banana chips and i mean i have an extra closet that i would just stock pile banana chips … for something … i don’t know and i have the new mystery as to why i’m so fucking inspired to write you but i’m not inspired at all to write to a general audience … i just notice that in this box i can write out of this box i have the mental flu … weird … i’m probably some kind of over educated hack like i notice that an MBA doesn’t guarantee you famous writing status … i probably have something LIKE an MBA and that might be why writing outside of this box is difficult … like it would be an MBA that would have the most likely stature in something obscure like Stephen King writes two novels a year and i write two novels a year i just need people on twitter or facebook to read my tweets to feel read and that’s like one person writing a book for another and that might not be fair … so … i think i’m an artist today because i’m talented and poor and it’s the offputting sensation that people get from my status in society that makes me a real artist that the lack of ability people have to place me in a coherent social narrative makes me an artist
could i make raisins …
i don’t know it’s taboo to consider but i fear for my life after my parents die it’s my first self centered thought mom dad i love you but when you die what about me? it’s my first fucked up thought and i wonder if i could publish this document … i doubt it … i need to write a narrative … i don’t know if i had a good job or a small business that was supporting me i would be like independent of my folks but i’m on welfare and not independent of my folks and they’re like nearly 70 and like i see it this way i have a grandmother to pass a mother and a father an two dogs to pass before i am totally alone the way i h have it worked out in my head it’s probably going to be my grandmother cookie then mila then my dad and then my mom and then i’ll be totally alone but it’s going to be a hell of a depressing hallmark story that encompasses that story line like after these five people die in the coming twenty years or 10 years let’s say i’ll be 50 with an amount of resume and a welfare history and at 50 people are being exited out of corporate america and so i need to be focused on something i can do that supports myself or just fail just altogther fail at the real world concept of making money to just fail at making money i could do that i could just fail at making money and be like calculus made sense to me doing something for you that you would pay for didn’t
if marijuana is the gateway drug 20 years from now is there going to be a map on television portraying which states legalized cocaine?
i hear people talk about their budget … if i make more than $16,000 a year i lose SSDI status and this schedule … so and quite frankly i need to be able to afford if it’s available delivery groceries to the apartment if available which i hear it’s growing more available , my communications system phone cable internet and i have clothing but like socks … like without parents i probably need like an extra $3000 a year to cover costs and that’s living alone for the rest of my life and ah yes the dangers of the internet sharing your inner most secrets with a group of people that don’t mind doing stories on the president’s sex life to make him look bad … you’re sufficiently inspirational … i did think of a show that could have a facebook page that was a television show that was a writing prompt not that you’re not but an intentional writing prompt television show with a facebook page … i just had a vision of my life with self made money i looked like robert kennedy junior without the strange death just like if i end up making money from social security disability income i’ll be like some kind of savant i have to give myself that but then on ssdi when you’re forced to think of business ideas on a budget of not spending money it tightens you up like a loose business plan would be something that someone making $75,000 a year would think of that involves a lot of and then pay this guy to do this and this guy to do this and profit
i just did 20 pushups and 25 squats on a 210 frame i’m not mad at myself
now i just need to do sit ups and i’m done i need to do a full body work out 3 times a week
HEY! what if there was a federal medical tax like a tax bill on top of your tax bill that gave you the ability to get any care you needed and it gave the hospital system a surplus finance system to work with 150 million working class people paying into social security and a medical bill
just a thought am i a republican because of that because i thought well let’s organize how the hospital system is payed for ? how many dozens of other people have the same thought if i’m alone in this never mind i’m just riffing off a television pitch
that’s what i’m doing i think it’s time for a raise so i’m doing something about something small something miniscule and tiny sort of with a small whine attached to it but i’m doing something about my raise i’m at the white board figuring out a new financial model for my $50 a week
it’s funny that a travel insurance company would be in a church because as far as i can tell the original insurance company AND bank was the town church
what don’t people get or are there just divergently different animals in this world than what i encountered at the university what is it 5% of the population does well in high school and goes on to higher education and the rest of the people are left to engage in animal behavior?
that seems strange that the university student would hold the monopoly on morality
like okay apparently universal moral law is just a concept i learned in english class apparently there’s not universal morality
12/28/18, 10:22 PM
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steampunk steam punk looked like a culture you could buy for a film
learned one lesson i have to cut the fruit to make dried fruit and i’m short kitchen space fuck
i got a small unusable kitchen space for a kitchen and i need to cut fruit i have to do it on top of my stove because that’s my only counter top
i had some rasberries i was going to dry but they were moldy upon arrival from the grocery store
dried fruit as a concept is gorgeous but it’s a lot of work as a theoretical business concept it’s like we’ll just run through this in practice it’s a whole another story it’s methodical accumulation of product and it’s just practice product at that … i know amazon started off with a small website based bookstore and amazon is 30 years in the making it’s a man’s life’s work … writing you is currently my life’s work and we’re starting small here … just a little box …
walmart was in a single location for 20 years before it started to franchise out
i’m like 6 years into social media and this is as far as i have come WRITE TELEVISION
i’m even impressed that i’m trying to get all my social media into this neat little package
if facebook was like the Electronic United States Parcel Service if i had to PAY facebook to send you a message that would mitigate a lot of the damage on both of our sides
i think unfettered media access to a telecom like you should be mediated and a .35 cent stamp to facebook for each message would go a long way
and it would be good for facebook and it’s stock
i wish i could at least see a white paper some kind of document on thought of some kind i didn’t study psychology but my subconscious mind is playing tricks on me like i was laying in bed thinking THEY BROUGHT IN A PHD and I was being washed in alternate history involving a history book and world war two and i developed a psychosis of some kind if that’s even the right world i don’t know what it is but when i sit my brain is not still
i was thinking the transmitter would be at GE it might be at Uc
i enjoy smoking a lot less i bought a couple cigars and i’m not altogether on board with smoking now that i vaped for two weeks smoking this cigar is taking a lot longer than usual
apparently the way this program works my ass status is a sign they used low down dirty tricks you’re not supposed to talk about like this is a trial of some kind
and i’m the victim
yeah there are some people three of them khassa hakiym and big meech that used low down dirty tricks i’m not supposed to talk about that are enough to turn me racist and see them in every african i am presented with and they did use low down dirty tricks i’m not supposed to talk about and it’s snitching that’s not the problem snitching where someone fucks you up and then threatens to fuck you up if you talk about it so that you don’t get fucked up some more … i might be a snitch like i give a fuck i’m pro snitching
it’s just a fucked word to me that represents self defense
i’m pro if someone is intimidating you tell someone
12/29/18, 12:24 AM
this is funny to me but i’m so fucked up in the head right now over some fucked up shit with some former business partners i already reported it to the police once and they said there is nothing they can do but i want to report it again i want to report the crime to the cops again 6 years later i sort of laughed at that but naw it’s fucked up that some people would nothing it’s just when you’re sitting there thinking of how relationships went wrong and you came with the degreed reality and were met with nothing i was expecting better business by now with some real people that be careful who you do business with and keep it just at a talking level like you at WCPO are fine you know your situation it’s when some untried and untested business men are discussing going into business together and are in business together it’s when you can’t afford to pay a paycheck and you’re doing business and there’s a world filled with legit business jobs and you just want all the cash to yourself so you tell yourself you need to be at the top and my soul won’t let me work a job right now and i even been thinking writing a great novel is a lot like painting i never did a novel before but when i think of a chapter as a painting and a novel as a series of paintings i feel like i can better write something that’s substance and maybe has a story line to it and it’s a series of punch in the face comments like these are
i was assaulted with a deadly weapon three times and i never called the cops but hakiym pulled a gun on me twice and khassa pulled a shot gun on me once and big meech raped me and i just had a penchant for mingling with african felons and i must not have heard them when they said felon because i just thought a felon was like a poet i ain really think about it at all
and hakiym crashed at my spot and got into a knife fight with his girl and it took me like 2 years to realize there are fucked up people in the world in the presence of fucked up people and now i am one too
they were business minded people always good with the weed always working on something doing a show or working on some veganism and i was like this is the shit we’re building a corporation
people with hustles
i ain think hustle hard by rick ross was a fucked up song until after all the shit went down and HUSTLE HARD is a fucked up song
i was just my life is fucked up i did 30 psych ward visits for reason’s i can’t explain and i got this felonious friendly friends network and i just see criminals in cincinnati now and my folks won’t listen to me wanting to move to a more white collar city and even then i would show up with the hardest story in that pleasant knoxville town so apparently i’m just going get hard in cincinnati
and sell a book
i had great friends for a long time i had friends that seemed like friends the whole time like i knew what friendship was i kept straining to see the friendship in my relationship with hakiym
i had to learn to tell him know and i was like who has to tell someone no?
no tell him no
i had to learn to tell hakiym no like when he’s just like give me your smart phone so he can fucking have it dick
just up on you like give me your smart phone at the men’s shelter like dick no
the hip hop congress it was a thing in 2002 it was a huge fucking hoorah at a gymnasium in newark new jersey and i don’t know what it is now but it’s a thing to encounter a hip hop congressman politician like is that what a politiician is someone that lives off free shit
12/29/18, 2:29 AM
i just thought to myself i could publish these comments on kdp.com and the links would work but this is like my therapy like a wall isn’t a good therapist even a conceptual ear is good enough for a therapist for me and i don’t want to publish my therapy i want to publish something intentional
it turned into therapy it started off as releasing nervous energy and it turned into a form of therapy
i have to grow as an author i need a softer tone i need a more experienced mind i’m writer right now i’m working on being an author
i have it down as far as outline my chapters and paint the pictures in each chapter i wrote A book and then I wrote PART of a book and then I wrote writing prompts and then I deluged into social media so i started off with the right idea like I had with this apartment and then descended into malaise which my ever present need to find the path of least resistance in life
this is just writing i don’t think this is publishable like you can’t make a movie out of this like a book to me is like a movie where you have to outline the scenes and my scenes are just now developing in my head like a picture of two computers chatting with each other in a macy’s store front Christmas display is my idea of a scene that’s like a chapter and it’s the current best scene i have in my head without going through this transcript
12/29/18, 7:44 AM
i just had a dream that i was in london again and i offered to as an american make love to this woman in london and i asked her if she knew who mc vapour was and i found aziz and had 350 pounds on me that i got from the international student service where you can always get money for school and not have to pay it back so long as you take the course and there is this MMORG calld fortnite that you can plug into your character anywhere in the world and i’m in digital design and i just keep traveling the world and losing my money to people i can’t trust spending it on as i travel the the world studying fort nite homeless in a safe system
they looked aziz up on the telecom and he was port new orleans and i was in london stuck
i turned off my ability to rap in the game so that i would write a book
i’m in cincinnati because of daap like there is a school in my dreams you have to travel the world to attend
that’s a hot concept
write me then you get some money i need to find a literary agent like that and i ain me
maybe if i became a literary agent like if my website was for a literary agency that was me and i was like it might be easier to sell if the writer wasn’t the one selling it
if you at least had an extra person standing in for your writing it might be an easier sell on the writing that kind of literary agency i’m just here to do my best to sell your writing and i ain got shit to do but sell your writing so it ain nothing to me but it ain you selling it literary agency
i swear to god everything EVERYTHING happens for a reason and i’m not saying greater good i’m not saying that not to WCPO but everything happens for a reason or at least we can make sense of our lives like we’re presented with data and we make sense of it but if i hadn’t spent 6 months 6 solid months in the psych ward for smacking a nigga that fucked with me unconsciously and out of my mind on weed ida never known there were levels to sobriety with weed and i keep leveling up into higher orders of sobriety having not smoked weed
in 3 months and i distinctly remember at 5 months of sobriety from weed i felt like i was all there
i was giving summit behavioiral healthcare reports on my sobriety and it kept being that i ended up more conscious ever month
that’s not a bad idea that a school would just get you money so long as you took the class and it might be a 3 week class kind of thing you can casually do and pay your rent with like you take a class on the 1st through the 21st of the month and you can pay your rent that month with value being driven towards the extension of education in the society the classes are taken in might be classes offered like HOW TO READ with the intention being if you’re 35 and don’t know how to read something special about you and if you just never took a reading class might be a class for you too
i feel ready for a conversation with my brother sober that i have today
that a cyst on a pineal gland is really the brain’s crystal and it’s how 1940’s world war two telekinesis technology gets ahold of you it’s a common carrier wave that is broadcast to your frequency on your ditetic crystal frequency that the feds want pineal gland cysts removed to suppress telepathy but what they don’t know is every time they remove it so long as you read and write it’s a gland that fills back up with cerebral crystal fluid and one man set out to document his process of losing and gaining telepathic powers after 3 subsequent brain surgeries to drain his pineal gland cyst fluid and he got to the point where he was a case study in telepathy and the field of knowledge learned the pineal gland cyst was the source of telepathy and joe rogan stated for the record he knew the pineal gland was the third eye and it was a case of interest where the man became a celebrity and was able to survive after being a guest on the joe rogan show … not a dream a story line derived from the complex literature of a dream
my dad told me pineal gland cysts are benign and not in need of operation because he asked a neurologist at the hospital
i was worried on top of everything i had to have brain surgery he said well no
so if i need brain surgery for my pineal gland cyst it’s because i have a raging pineal gland cyst
or something i studied media i didn’t study anything else i can tell you the significance of NO LIMIT by G Eazy and Cardi B i can’t go into details about something important
12/29/18, 8:21 PM
i have to go back through my notes but so far in competition with aftab purval for the 2nd congressional district i have free groceries and get paid to go to school i need more things
somewhere in this 85 page document is like 2 more things than free groceries and get paid to go to school and like i’m building my platform but taxes will be high we might not get money but everything will be paid for
i smoked enough weed to think of the new aeon
and just be like it’s what people want
people want the new aeon this aeon is getting old
i’m probably a socialist i doubt i’m all the way a right wing capitalist i doubt i’m in favor of whoever has the most cash is the most powerful i doubt i am that
all i know about socialism is that it’s based on the word society and i’m sort of a fan of taking a word and being like THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS even if its’ not written down anywhere else
like going into 2020 the year i probably register for 2022 in the 2nd congressional district i think i have tax supported groceries that do not involve a card you just go to the grocery store and shop and you know what i thought to myself if all of the steak gets taken order more steak solved that problem and if all of the wine get’s drank order more wine and there and like getting paid to go to school is good for that society and a basic income works to get the people that don’t want to work not working but if you do work you get cash on top of your basic income and i have to lfow chart this and give a speech to a church if i located all of the churches in the 2nd district and instead of going door to door i gave speeches at churches i could get some name recognition call a church tell them you want to give a political speech you have some things you want thought of
i could probably give church speeches to get to that next tax bracket where i promise to answer all my fucking emails jesus
i’ll go rounds with you on email because i know i always get the last word you’ll stop writing me before i stop writing you
that’s my congressional policy respond to all of the emails intelligently like handle all of the conversations and it’s me versus aftab in 2022 or 2024 i have to see if i have enough things to talk about
and you’ve got the goods on me you can quote all this data to strip my nutsack of pubic hair when i end up in a campaign advertisement
stuff that makes sense to people that smoke weed i’m great at that
talking at churches cuts down my work time significantly when it comes to going door to door i’ll just go with big doors
i’ve done enough social media to know that i mean in the 25 interactions i have ever had the other person only lasted like at most 8 ticks back and like that was this one guy and then he stopped like it’s not a endless string of endless conversations
you go rounds with me but i’m the counter to the norm i’ll take you 500 rounds in an exchange but even i have stopped short on like 2 dozen give and takes because there was no where else to go with it
with my congressional money i might buy a car get a house pay it all off and do congressmen end up homeless when their term is up?
like would ti be disability congressional income disability?
like it’s well i’ll offer to think of things for you and i’ll file paperwork to get things talked about that we need talked about in the 2nd congressional district i’ll be the grant writer and i get a car and a gas stipend and i’m already trained on a free thinking lifestyle and in 2024 it’s probably more my people in congress anyways that’s what it looks like from the last election well not my people but i would be a ralph nader like green party candidate or something probably go to congress high one time just to see might not but i might
i could give talks at churches just for the hell of it … that might be walk out the apartment come home with money business
or not i mean i’d come home with money it might not be cash if they let me talk
i gotta think of my talk
i could go talk at churches just to kill time
just to be in the position where someone is like do you want to run for congress and be like what’s the current status of abortion and they’re like well if there’s a heartbeat it’s no good and be like well i don’t know my stance on abortion i just know i present a seed and she does all the labor so its totally up to her my lineage dreams are less important than her typically has to do most of the work raising the child status
like i’m in favor of a hard world kid sorry you didn’t make it
she took up issue with her
she took up issue with you
you
i know the indians used to wait until the child was a year old to decide to keep it i’m in favor of that indian style abortion bill if this kids not going to make it because it has a clef lip or something then abort it we need healthy kids
i might be in favor of euthenasia when it comes to youth like if it’s not healthy we don’t need it’s genes and if you’re crippled and reading this just know that i can run and i present a rhetoric that is cogent in fashion if you wanted to debate abortion my entire life on television once a week at length then you prepped yourself for an advanced opinion
i don’t know isn’t there a civic center in the 2nd congressional district or a what’s that speech class the toastmasters if i started going to toast masters clubs
i could probably give a speech at a toast masters club somewhere
i can think of the things but going deep into a theoretical social treatise and then writing a story about how i imagine a speech would go at a church seems more likely just keep dreaming and writing about the dreams
get real detailed dreams and then write about the dreams and then actually dream and write about those dreams too since i have a cool narrative world i dream in
i dream in a universe it’s always sort of the same STYLE of narrative imagery like it looks like a world
time to start giving speeches in my free time
to an empty apartment
i look at it like why endanger the life of an adult that can work for a child that needs work put in to be able to possibly work and most people are shitty what are the odds this kid being discussed in terms of abortion is going to be worth the trouble of taking away the mother’s right to choice
that was well worded
in 20 years this kid might get a job this 30 year old woman that has a job might die if the child is not aborted and she’s a success story she made it this kid won’t be a thing for 20 years and even at 20 years it won’t be allowed to speak for 20 more and what are the odds these dysfunctional family children have a chance to make it into university if you’re the child of some parents discussing aborting you just let it be and get the process of hating this child over with
like you’re an unwed couple and you got her pregnant and it was just a fuck so since you didn’t engage in family planning feel free to abort this child while this family over here doesn’t have to worry about anything like that ever and let society live in peace
i was just around my brother’s kids his daughter juliet looks like a precious moments figurine and his son bennet looks like his mother in skin tone like a little boy rachael and he told me he’s adopting an infant my brother has the family values to score him a congressional seat but he’s in finance so he might not know how to do it but his kids are adorable it’s cute to hear a 2 year old girl scream go buckeyes
she’s a little precious moment
saw my bro at my mom’s place
he’s in town
my brother decided with his wife early on that they were going to be foster parent model thin well funded mutual fund mastering athletic working out eating healthy church going foster parents
so i hope it works out i’ve heard horror stories
i read something about brad wenstrup and i support the opposite of federal standards in education i support every school is different and like north college hill would teach the kids to read write do math and draw and that’s plenty of education to prepare a student for university coupled with teaching business in terms of well if you go to north college hill kids let’s talk about the business that north college hill needs and this is north college hill history and diversity in education is something i am a fan of the idea of believing teaching to the test is not as important as teaching students addition subtraction multiplication division fractions and how to read a book and how to write a paper just read a lot do a lot of writing and draw a lot and have a lot more activities like home economics and cooking and instead of ensuring these students are prepared for a standardized test prepare them for living on their own at the age of 18 which a lot of people do and have 4 years of cooking classes paid for by the state at each school and teach a student what a tax form is and all that stuff that a lot of people wonder why the school doesn’t teach teach that and local history and business like teach the kids in business well that’s the other side of the wall right there that’s what you’re working with and that’s the internet and you don’t have cash so you have to create a mutually beneficial business deals where you might want to study the t shirt industry in north college hill or restauranting or the music business in north college hill prepare students to locate themselves right where they are located
like hold up a photograph and be like that’s old man McCreedy and he opened up the first corner store in north college hill and his genius was that he wrote letters to farmers informing them they could sell their dry goods in north college hill and that he was about half a day’s ride from the farm and if you went south for a quarter of a day and then turned left you would find north college hill and he had his shelves custom fit to the store which was new those days and in time he opened up a pharmacy where you could taste coca cola fresh from new orleans and it was a marvel old man McCreedy was the first man to set up business in north college hill and if it wasn’t for the post office we don’t think weda made it in north college hill
if they taught that in school
the genius of letting a farmer know he’s less than a day from the store
i know i’ll try and get a job at play it again sports i think there’s one close by i did want to work at play it again sports one day
there’s a play it again sports a 15 minute walk from me … i do be wanting to work there
nice template resume and cover letter sent in the mail would be a GREAT job
12/30/18, 1:38 AM
the goo goo dolls … i’m tired … i wrote as much as i wrote and i still have a story to write and i can’t see the story laid out i have to randomly generate a story and i don’t have a clear story line like my first two books did and i can’t imagine writing nonsense when i have precisely what i want to write in mind i should probably write nonfiction or a series of short stories i just for the life of me can’t imagine writing nonsense to keep a book page count padded when i want to get right to it that’s what i’m mostly dreading right now … padding a page count with ephemera to give you something to read
i’m thinking i’ll do a book of books like it was christmas and steve was a software engineer moonlighting as a store front window decorator for macy’s and he installed these two laptops in the store front that he wrote the software for each one treated the other’s output as input and they talked about the meaning of christmas and steve won the best holiday store front because you could hear the voices through some speakers he had set up and the whole time it seemed like they were some old couple in love
see i might write a book with just those just a book of stories
just stories in a book
i’m not padding page counts then and i’m staying relevant to myself
a book of vignettes just what you need you can pick up read a vignette and wobble your head from side to side with glee
baby’ black ballooon makes me fly i almost fell into that hole in your life … goo goo dolls with my actual favorite goo goo dolls song black baloon
balloon
12/31/18, 12:10 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mxnzq1-kb38 who does the editing for videos like this? it’s a style of edit that cuts from one moment of nonsense to another moment of nonsense like they edited nonsense out … the creator doesn’t look they have the patience for this editing style … could be me … i’ve seen algorithmic work before … does anyone create like algorithmically fake videos? like does anyone push a button and generate content? and as for this concept someone filming themselves listening to an album cool that’s fine
who has the patience to edit this tighter than the titanic by james cameron
it’s a common edit pattern too which makes me wonder if it’s algogen content which is fine just release a press release
and go about your business i swear to god if i’m solving a mystery that just involves the release of a single press release i lose all hope for my generation
but it is a highly common editing tecnique on b roll
i just think to myself and my multimedia conglomerate that i get the C CORP so that it’s official that yes I am involving government and the media in my operations and it’s a fat group effort to me like the emergence of a dna sequence or something or a class of people
like i’d want a c corp filed in ohio because it’s headquartered in ohio and we would starting off be involved in bench advertising print on demand printer shops and a website that uploads content from a USB when you insert your USB at a restaurant that maybe pays for your drink or something i don’t know to help it catch on and then i’d want to release press releases and get government approval and be involved in some long term relationships and have an ipo that brings in money and have a divided that pays back out and work to secure homes for employees and cars and grocery bills and we’d work on for profit works of corporate and i don’t know the rest but i don’t know maybe reddit can help me find someone to talk about business with it’s always exciting to see someone get the idea and get excited and spend all their money on their imagination
in 5 seconds
spend all their money on their imagination in 5 seconds is exciting to watch
i did that once and i was in conversation with someone else that did it too back in college
i witnessed it then it happened to me
i canceled a meeting with a business counselor from SCORE because i got spooked things were happening and i’m used to this but next year i’m going to try again after working this year to try and find a partner and a secretary
like i get hung up on bench advertising too on where do i get the advertisement and how do i afix it to the bench?
i get hung up on the USB drive upload when it comes to what will people upload? or will they?
print on demand books and game boards and comic books and t shirts is an amazing thing to be involved in i have some literature coming from xerox but when it comes to the quality of the content is it there would it just be a printer and is a printer cheaper or is it the same printer as a printing press or is a printing press printer more expensive i don’t know … i’m in the information gathering stage and the only thing that makes me think i can do any of this is website here https://www.alibaba.com/showroom/advertising-bench.html i’m not capable of doing any business without knowledge of this site
i should probably go with an american manufacturer for my bench advertising but my 2 hours of searching can only find bench advertisers not bench advertising manufacturing but if i can’t pin down an american made bench i should probably cool out
i’m planning on needing an amount of them and alibaba isn’t the best choice
i heard there’s a wood shop in west chester i could probably build a bench advertising bench like if i was a bench advertising bench manufacturer
that puts my concern on the cost of raw materials
and i’m involved in the war then
like when you’re concerned about raw materials it strikes me that the war is something you pay attention to
my folks terra formed their backyard and i could start digging a hole and keep digging until i came up with something
raw materials
at the least i could sell drit
dirt
maybe i’ll sell dandelions in the spring
there was this entrepreneur radio host that was great to listen to he was in radio giving entrepreneurial advice and he had a different business for everyone the one time he was like go to wal mart and ask for spare boxes and then sell boxes and i don’t remember everything he said but i do know there have been entrepreneurs on radio before and they never give you a business they just give you the insight into how an entrepreneur thinks
and the guest are always itching to find out where the money comes from
and it’s like well that’s the secret the money flows everything is taken care of everyone has food and there’s no money to be made
unless you’re in show business and then you get the plate
and can let everyone know how poor they are after they took their office pool cash and paid you to make them happy
like the show of people that make us happy that no one wants to be without
the reason i don’t see any money to be made is i’m not into a niche yet that is differentiated enough i was born into my great grandparents generation that gave birth to my grandparents generation that gave birth to my parents generation and since my great great great grandparents generation everything has been taken care of … i lead to mundane a life to know what’s necessary
that’s why there’s no money to be made because 4 racks of people above me have it covered
all i know is that i should have gone to medical school and followed in my father’s footsteps and gone to church every sunday since i started college i should have been a med school attending church going citizen
instead i’m a drug abusing english literature student that can’t stop accosting wcpo even though they say there is no problem
i wasn’t a church going med student because my father and he did it just the other day complained about how shitty a life life at the hospital is and was and is all it ever is he complained about his work day again and i went well i’m not going to do that i learned from my father and maybe i learned the wrong lesson maybe i didn’t know it at the time but maybe i have a different work ethic than my father and ida been fine
i didn’t think about that at 18
i just knew it blew at the hsopital
hospital
it’s fucked up hearing your dad talk about his day like i did a kidney, a hip, a fucking heart, and a swollen ankle and i’m like i ate chips, played bejeweled, accosted wcpo, and ate some chocolate
it’s not like he’s ever been like and i don’t think any of them are like this there’s not a doctor in this city that’s like i changed the life for eternity for steve jenkins when i took blood from michael ray and transfused the life giving syrum into steve jenkins and made certain he went home for easter to see his son play baseball it’s always did a blood transfusion i just thought of that now
my lack of giving a fuck may be deep seeded in my father he doesn’t give a fuck to the point he’s cutting in chest and removing cancer from lungs after he cracks open the sternum i’m not giving a fuck like smoking weed
i probably give more of a fuck than my dad
but not as much as a fuck as my siblings
day you look out at this city and wonder how many people has my dad has his hands inside of in this city?
that’s a hell of a rap line he ain droppin in the studio I HAD MY HANDS IN YOUR CHEST CAVITY MY BREAD HEAVY
he ain droppin lines like that like my dad could be heavy in the street but e ain
this one day my dad fucking cried about something i said like i brought my dad to tears a couple times over my behavior like he probably used to love me now i’m like more meat to him after all of it even though we still have dinner together
i had more dinners with my father than my other siblings
and spent more time with my moms than them
i figure in the coming years when the time necessitates i’ll be the one mowing the lawn of the house
like i really spend a lot of time with my folks compared to my siblings
they understand it’s not altogether appropriate for me to be at church it’s not a big deal to them
they let me know i’m not church people
and my grandmother said not to go to church because they’re just mean people really
and my grandmother said we both have to deal with your mom don’t we and i was like yes and in my head i was like this is a genealogical train wreck of a thought to have the creator talking to the created of her creation that his creator is a fuck of a thing
like when a grandmother is telling her grand son that her grand daughter is hard to deal with all the grand son can say is i noticed
technically by royal standards my grandmother is like the queen my mother is like the queen to be and i’m like the king in my reigle royal family lineage that not like the lawson family on my dad’s side but my reigle side of my family i don’t know why i get the impression they operate like royalty but they do and my dad’s side operates like small business owners and like at the conjunction of my father and mother there is a combining of like blue blood and red blood and like i’m like purple bloood
and like i’m in line to be the king of the family as the eldest but it’s going to pass to adam because he did better in life and i’m cool with it i’ll just write about it
like genealogy is a focus of mine and in terms of omni genealogy it’s just a wad of people but family is a matter of perspective
like siblings have the same perspective genealogically speaking but like kids of siblings don’t
like my uncle tom works for timken steel my uncle mike worked for delta in the hangar and my cousin jason was a high school drop out that joined the masons and started several businesses under the tutelage and my aunt jean was in the army and that’s my dad’s side of the family and on my mom’s side her brother david is an architect that works for a church and her sister diane was in the air force and her sister donna is a long time wife and that’s my close family tree from my perspective but it stretches out in all directions and managing it like i know ancestry.com has it ironed out but did they ever start their website as children that had a family tree it’s a major web concept to me where it’s mother and father and siblings and that’s a database unit and then when a sibling gets married they get their own data base unit and it’s data base units giving birth to new data base units as people get married and it’s all to parent children
12/31/18, 4:30 AM
then god created the recording studio and he saw that it was good and he put a mic in the sky and a condensor in the moon and he saw that it was good
then got started looking for an MC and he created the fish in the sea but the whale was wack so god put lizards on the land but the frog was wack and he put birds in the sky but the eagle was wack and he put dogs on the surface but the bark was wack and he put cats on the land but the roar was wack and then god rested
the next day god put the humans on the earth and he knew his recording studio would be bountiful and he knew the humans were good
then god made so much noise looking for an MC that he needed a place of silence so he made the cave and human spent time in the cave and god knew his creation was good
the story of creation as told by an author crafting a god that was looking for a good mc
i did this one meme that i just thought of before where i took the evolution of man that image of different people finally learning how to walk and i took as ground breaking an image as that was and i added a photo of don magic juan to the end of it and had someone crying laughing on reddit i thought it was funny too
it’s like and then insert into table and that’s most of what facebook is … the internet is mostly forms so it’s a matter of committee discussing what forms do we need and then it’s putting the forms on the page in HTML and the first thing we do is collect our forms … what do we need forms for? and then when we have the forms we need discussed in committee we parlay that data over to a database and display the data on a website that’s what facebook is
and there are not enough forms
it’s at a point where we can do it with people that have no clue what HTML is but have a form they thought of they would like tracked
there’s some php in there i know the insert into table i know the i know the .#ID { width : 50%} i just don’t know the php but i will soon that’s not a bad quiz answer to what is a CMS
i even know some javascript thats getelemtby(.FORM) if form 1 = form 2 email address is correct
i did hear it might have passed from PHP to nodeJS though so i might read up on nodeJS … fucked up when sort of when you have to sort of intelligently guess how to make your self education relevant
sticking with PHP i don’t know how nodejs would pass data from an HTML form to a database i think PHP can do that … we can always port it later … i had my vision for A website at least … it’s just forms down one side of the website and then data from the forms down the right side or maybe it’s a form on the left side and responses to the form down the right side and glad i write it looked better in my head i saw a vision of just forms and well maybe this just forms on the site and then as people fill out the forms the data accumulates in the form module and then at the end of the day the forms clear and a new day starts with new data … i don’t know i had a vision of just multitudes of forms just a page with dozens of forms on it and then in writing this i was like well the different account data can pile up at the bottom of the forms and to keep from over doing it and getting too large a website the data can reset at the end of the day to keep it casual
glad i write
i wonder if i could open an accounts office like a travel agent … like did you know you could open these accounts? would like me to assist you in handling your accounts? would you like accounts? would you like to have your account information stored for you? would you like someone to be there with you when you open an account? an accounts office? that’s my best story yet
timely
new years eve i came up with that … i remember the first heavy thought day i had was on valentine’s day in 2015 and even i thought makes sense
i was like what day is it ma my head is fucked up and she was like valentine’s day and i was like makes sense
JAN 1, 2019, 9:18 AM
like a comedy called 14th year senior the story of a student that’s going bankrupt trying to graduate from college reaches a point where the pentagon has to get involved to get him a degree and all that stands in the way is a professor that knows if he passes this reading fundamentals class he’ll get his degree … a comedy … i could help write for it
i know i’m like book book book book must write book but https://www.celtx.com/ is a website too and i could try to write a film … keep the budget in mind something that involves north college hill … i just got set up with nextdoor.com so i have a community of people in my neighborhood i could interact with … my reaction to next door was the funniest i decided iwasn’t going to try and be hallie selassie and film my community marching around my apartment building but when your reaction to next door for a first post is something like we should do a parade and everyone else is talking about their flowers you have to play it like chess not get banned
but next door gives me hope that i can have some neighbors that would act
there is something wrong with the way i view the world where this woman on next door is posing information about how she needs her dog groomed and i’m thinking i can organize these people into a parade
next door making community organizing look retarded since day one and then once you organize them in january you can organize them in february too and march and you can just keep organizing your community with next door
next door is a facebook knock off that is fastidious about getting you in touch with your neighbors and i’m sort of out of my neighbor’s league it seems which makes me wonder what next door is like in OTR if i don’t get the vibe that i’m a superion to my neighbors but just someone else that can get it poppin
i haven’t posted on next door yet i was thinking of going with HI! I’m Nicholas but that’s too much I have to come up with something less abrasive to my community on next door than a formal introduction to the community
like i have to write a post that doesn’t address an audience and is meant for a community to read
immortal problems that will never change
i was thinking about an open mic where the point of the open mic would be to whistle like we sit in the audience at ithe italienette and we whistle that seems like where i am that these people could be excited by someone whistling but they do have houses so their cash flow is straight my cash flow is fucked up but i came into next door preying on victims that i want to make happy and i wonder if they can take it
next door is like high and tight facebook it’s like facebook well thought out
next door is at least a good try at figuring out whether or not we want to know our neighbors
there’s this one guy charging $3000 to train an 8 year old dog … i’m like AH yes … my business studies
the woman that wrote was considering it and i thought to myself what doesn’t she think about?
and as far as hallie selassie goes and rastafari you can believe your mail man is the return of jesus christ the savior of the world you can believe that waitress is at bacal’s cafe all you need to know is that there used to be less books
JAN 1, 2019, 1:29 PM
i just clued into MGK’s live performance on youtube in one of the videos and i grew up listening to music as a teen and doing music in my 20’s and now i’m like it’s a guy standing there on a mic and 4500 people are willing to put up with being scrunched together to see the show … i lost my taste for how music is made but i don’t mind listening to tracks …
i’m thinking a choir singing some original songs with some electronic music and samples playing … i have no way to organize a choir it just seems like a hella decent thing to me to listen to or an opera singer
i should make my way down for another play at CCM …
and like i grew up on studio produced $500 a hour fee recording studio music … these kids are growing up with shit done in their bedrooms
the secret music teaches you is to just sit and listen to just sit there and listen and just do that just listen
i don’t know … i’m thinking 2020 i’ll write WHAT I KNOW and this year i’ll figure out what i know
i do want to write WHAT I KNOW
what do I know … what are some first person things I know … i know you never know what the weed is going to do … i know my brother adam is always good for conversation … i know to keep my wrists locked to the table and my index fingers on the F and J key … i know how i peel a mango is to cut down through the sides and then eat it like an apple .. i know to write from the left side of my brain … i know the past doesn’t exist but the things from the past are still here just that configuration of the things is different now …
like i know my fucked up story only exists on paper and i just don’t have an easy to explain lifestyle but i’m doing fine
i try to explain my lifestyle to a woman she’s like WOAH WOAH buddy that’s complicated and she knows good men are simple
i got my rap down though i just let a woman know i’m on uneployment and i used to work for media bridges and i’m telling the truth so i can go over this information again if she asks and i can always go looking for a job if she move in
but i do know to be with a woman i need a job unless this year i write my book and get that advance then i can probably have enough drinking money and rent money to move one in and be at my age appropriate lifestyle
it’s probably going to be this this year … i’m not close to tired of writing in this box … i come up with decent ideas … it feels warm to write here … it feels cold to write in a word processor …
i don’t know … what about the box website it’s slightly like wold star hip hop but more automated … and it’s a lot like the box from miami in the 1990’s … a website with a stock pile of videos and you pay $2.95 to play your video on the main screen so that the entire audience can hear it … like a television station people pay to customize … it’s been done twice before with the box and world star hip hop …
trying to figure out what picture i can hold up next to myself that explains me to a woman in a short amount of time i figure it’s a picture of me holding up a cell phone from the 1990’s
or an old man with a basketball under one arm and a book under the other like my freshman senior citizen photo gonna look sharp
ay ta da day i resd in ma grahve is ta da day i leave my malibu hahind eye neva gon stop drinkin me malibu
i’m sufficiently buzzed and i just had a painting in my head of this man that was like don’t worry about this weird back pack i have or this satellite in my back pack … did he said it … cool
you have fat ass radar dishes did you call me home?
not a tattoo on this body fwooo i just took a shot of malibu 25% rum and i’m feeling toasty gonna go lay down now i might write a book but i don’t know what’s this … if i built a website so that people could pay me to write a book for them and they could follow along like a website that let’s you pay to poke around an author’s studio and for a premium he’ll let you read his book in progress … that might tear me away from this box … i don’t know next year … i’m going to go lay down
JAN 1, 2019, 8:15 PM
LOL! my neighbor has HAIL MARY by TUPAC loud as shit right now … I’m all like RUN QUICK C with it … like when you’re jamming to what your neighbors are playing through the walls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phr1pOFK1V8
i just saw a photograph, does rick ross have the biggest head?
i don’t know why but i’ve cried like once to this song … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pudIZbCRq_c changes by tupac seas is rising by bliss n eso and see my tears by mgk … from time to time i cry to music but i rarely cry to rap music but when i do it’s these songs
if i was on a movie set i could probably produce real tears it happens like clockwork when i’m in the mood
i had the strangest sensation today like i was in reality in HD and my head movement from the left to the right was super fluid and i had it is in my head that there are 8 effects and i’ve experienced 2 of them but i have dementia
JAN 2, 2019, 2:43 AM
https://stripe.com can you find a way to incorporate STRIPE into your website?
superficially i am going to work heavily with stripe for my website thats in the drawing phases where i have drawing clips laying around the studio in the form of files and then i have the book i am writing for my premium members … OO …. something original SOMETHING ORIGINAL hell yeah something based on 15 years of work I KNEW IT i knew it would happen and it’s also based on this writing WOO OO yeah i knew it would happen
i vaguely know how inspiration works
i showed my queer side there for a second
my queer listens to novacaine by frank ocean side
see i can’t upload files to facebook … it’s not really conducive to the reading experience i would like to offer … and i might put it on github and make it an open source project and just see how github works like start a wordpress.org organization that is creating finance software so like we’ll open source software whose purpose is to make money as a writer
if like 1 more person worked on my project on github i’d be geeked
i think i should be your internet correspondent just the guy that you cut to like NICK STATE A DOMAIN and i’m like STRIPE.COM and you’re like back to ketchmark with the weather
and i have to have my domain to state ready every day
i had a moment of weakness i could just as easily be in charge of your website’s link list
i feel like i got my love back writing about how kanye west COULD be president … i feel like my heart is stronger now after some writing like it was weak there with hatred for a long time like i can recommend rap songs again like https://open.spotify.com/track/3DK6m7It6Pw857FcQftMds?si=zpV339wUTbGBBPilbA2vJQ runaway by kanye west and feel like i am doing good … i feel like after 3 years i’m not racist anymore …
like i used to recommend rap music easily and then it was an issue and now it’s not an issue anymore … like it was not racist and filled with hatred my entire life then some felons fucked with me then racist for really 6 years …
like i feel like i can ask a dude around here or weed and be like this will be a cool transaction again
i’m confident in doing business with black people again
that happened TODAY
like my heart is doing some churning and reorganizing like i’m healing from racism TODAY THIS MOMENT
no more drugs for me pussy and religion is all i need – kanye west
got married in the bathroom, honeymoon on the dance floor, that’s one hell of a life – kanye west
that that don’t kill me will only make me stronger, i need you to hurry up now, because i can’t wait much longer, that’s how long i been on ya – kanye west
let’s get lost tonight you can be my black kate moss tonight damn they don’t make em like this anymore does anyone make real shit any more you should be honored by my lateness that i would even show up to this fake this new gospel take this haters – kanye west
i guess i do this on my computer when i’m trying to attract a mate … seems like women are just more self centered in that they really should only care about themselves or something i just know this is hard to explain … in the animal kingdom … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNbdHjgHj0Q
i’m thinking of doing a facebook app is that a thing? i was on the facebook developer’s page … could i incorporate my writing app into facebook and buy facebook stock and know that i participated? the developer API for facebook doesn’t have like a general code for facebook section
alright i tried 1 link on the developer solutions for facebook publishing and the link was broken and the link that was broken was still there so … ima go ahead and try something else … i question a lot of professionalism at th e quote unquote highest levels like i’m not crispy but i rock a dell and windows 10 and don’t have any employees to stay sober for so yeah i write too so i can be not super crispy but nothing i just see things a certain way i judge people based on their work not who they are
it’s the work that’s the important part of a person that’s the part of a person that helps society survive YOU need society as much as an infant but your WORK assists in allowing for the survival of the species
and i write and get writer’s wages so i’m fine
i’m not over extended
i even have a marque de sade writer’s story like a famous writer’s story like my lifestyle and my writing are famous like i wrote famous and i lived famous and i’m working on being well known like i have a writer’s story i could tell at a writer’s night and be like it was all because of my writing which is what makes me a famous writing i produced action with words and my writing was nonviolent
i lost the crispness of my writing ability when my heart churched and now i can write to a word processor and this box is less interesting to me than my word processor like i’m myself again … i wondered if i was possessed …
my write monkey software looks appealing to me right now apparently i worked too hard for the spirit that descended upon me …
i’m still interested in write monkey
cool
i think i still have my writing ability like heaven and hell never saw the internet before and it changed everything
something to write about
the eruption of the internet in purgatory and how it affected heaven and hell
like there was the day i wondered if i chose to live in purgatory and i just watch people die and go to heaven and hell
i’m listening to SWIZZ BEATZ and it’s just a murder culture i’m tired of … before i got to this planet there was a fascination with guns and i got here and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? and got fucked up but ya’ll really do love guns you even sing about them
https://open.spotify.com/track/5yrtAPrprvrdJDCTSFn91U?si=3meZDEtwSpyymYJWg6Ym3g
tell me do you like that?
https://open.spotify.com/track/4rICUbwZZuqUOcgQgtux2k?si=35xNZf4dTUioTVEQVn5j6w
i got radar’s like beanie siegel … religious like him too
https://open.spotify.com/track/3MbBa8FMMgp9D39s7Cozl9?si=S4722PfORL6SdJYI_jZtiA
it’s not money power and respect in cincinnati we don’t have a new years even event that brings in $100 000 000 in a night we have respect power money first you get the respect in cincinnati then you get the power then you get the money
https://open.spotify.com/track/6uBhi9gBXWjanegOb2Phh0?si=ZfbfKW9LRjmN0bfhIUZRLQ
this song came out at the same time as
https://open.spotify.com/track/7i2DJ88J7jQ8K7zqFX2fW8?si=aYOgJMCSR1KODP1HyzWgWw
and i thought it was the greatest epoch in radio i ever encountered and i had some good speakers to listen to these two tracks on
sometimes i wondered if they were the same track back in 2016 at the kemper house homeless just out of the hospital and there’s some of the bangingest tracks playing
https://open.spotify.com/album/3NmhY1GyYPSR9VGycvfRrQ?si=ttuYcOBiQLKeiiGWmbMp6g
this is my favorite album of all time it’s stood the test of time the most solid like YOU proctor the test of time in your life when it comes to music especially in this day and age with spotify and tidal how do you feel about a song you heard when you were 14?
i still think jars of clay has the most original sound in their first album
like it was at a time when christian music and secular music was at odds with each other and i listened to my pastor i was like fuck secular music let me listen to church music this shit bangs and like i didn’t think church music was shitty that was what was different than me and the other congregants in youth group i thought DC talk was brave
https://open.spotify.com/track/00U0pedRUMEzREpyRqbVT6?si=iErieZXTR6iWq08zyHT7eA
jars of clay has my favorite album but madonna has my favorite song
https://open.spotify.com/track/3ORN48ImIh9hpY3WLTGvqh?si=Pc95udzYQPW4wXH0vrKftA
this is the least racist music aside from hottie and the blow fish but like the Insyderz with Carnival is SKA music and SKA music was designed to be the least racist music
https://open.spotify.com/album/6yGmIWFIRJCploXOrRcxCO?si=oc5JYQuFToiAlrQjRLQ4yw
sarah mclachlan is my favorite singer … i have my favorites organized and there are several categories … if i did an awards show for a website for music that was just me doing it … might be cool if it looked nice …
like an all time favorites award show i have accumulated enough knowledge to do that
like SOME GUY’s AWARD SHOW and then i mailed off grahmmy awards to the artists in the form of packages of grahm crackers
maybe mailed them $5 for all the spins i didn’t pay for
i learned to listen to this music like it just cools out my way of thinking i’m just afraid most of the time that someone that listens to the murda bizness would have a problem with me and i just fear that i fear the murda bizness
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzI9VQUHJkU
like the murda bizness just strikes me as this thing that would exist in purgatory
because it does and it fits with the them of this planet in the usa
it didn’t occur to me that as a youth listening to gangster rap music would lead to all day fear as an adult
JAN 2, 2019, 8:29 AM
i wrote you about this before … different sized keyboards for different sized hands … like if there was a payless keyboard store where you could shop for a keyboard that fit your hands … i should probably write someone about that like LOGITECH
someone already in keyboards my typing skills and my hand size might coincide i should think about that when giving typing advice
they keyboard fits my hand fine and i’m 6’4”
i never practiced jumping so i never developed my legs to dunk a basketball
but i could touch rim
good name for a kid … RIM
RIM COME HERE! like his nick name like his full name is ADAMA EXCELSIOR LAWSON but we call him rim
i mostly want a kid because i figure it’s the only thing that will care for me in my old age
and the wifey but i mean clearly the wifey but like my sister and brother have this growing retirement plan they are investing in called kids and like i have SSDI … and i hear they are cutting social security in 2030 when i need it most
baby names
SMICHAEL
JETERNO
KAMBUKA
ENISAY
and
TREFEN
maybe if i wrote a book of baby names that’d be hot like HIP HOP BABY NAMES if you’re down with JAY Z consider these
that’s a niche baby names for people raised on hip hop
okay before the end of the day i’m going to pitch this DOTS it’s a book with a 25 by 25 grid of dots on it and you connect the dots and when you complete a square you get another dot to connect to and it get’s competitive the DOTS book i’m going to pitch that book today
midwesternpress might appreciate it
it’s a win it’s a can’t get better than it use of paper win
so it’s one of those things that so long as my presentation is right if you don’t publish you can’t or won’t and it’s not me that’s at fault here
25 x 25 dots to be followed up with a coffee table book 100 x 100 dots and that’s not something you can do by hand
you can do 25 x 25 dots on a sheet of paper but that’s the limit of most people’s patience
and skill
that could be a stupid game … get the last word … you have a facebook app that invites someone to play with you and then you click a button and they click a button and then you CAN click a button and then they CAN click a button and the last person to click the button get’s a gold coin and the first person to 5 gold coins get’s a coupon for a free pizza … i wonder if i could code that on facebook and navigate their corporate
sort of like intro to facebook apps
like you can set the last word at like 2 hours 2 days 2 weeks 2 months 2 years but something like that
so that if in 2 months you haven’t clicked the other person has the last word
JAN 2, 2019, 12:08 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC4oiH2dXTs
these kids are going to be strippers
but like to pay for university
and like they might keep stripping
but like they’ll be at a pricey club where it’s like $2500 to get in
JAN 3, 2019, 5:42 AM
you ever snort febreeze just to be that down with Proctor and Gamble and love it
JAN 3, 2019, 8:17 PM
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! MY COUSIN JASON APPLETON IS ON CINCY LIFESTYLE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
yep jfk died but i’m like what was JFK involved in … like not that he saw it coming but what did he do to someone?
i keep close eye on my enemies and so far i have three of them khassa hakiym and big meech and maybe someone at WCPO that’s unknown and maybe someone on city council that’s unknown … i live in a world where when you do something someone has to hate it all people hate is what people do and i have to do so i try to mitigate damage in doing with the intent to be compensated at some point because i have culture to buy
alright so february 6th i’ll tune int and see jason appleton live on cincy lifestyles and experience the weirdest life imaginable … there’s a major component of my brain that thinks that nicholas lawson is an ancient historical figure and i decided to play the game and be nicholas lawson like name a historical figure you wish you could be and i was like NICHOLAS LAWSON and now i got to live his life …
like this isn’t the year
like shout out to the matrix and all the matrix like movies like shout out to the holodeck on the star ship enterprise like is this a real universe? who gets cards like me?
that’s what’s fake about this to me … my cards
so like based on this television programming i am watching KNOWING JFK was the first person in a televised debate who BEAT nixon apparently it’s a bad idea to stand there in front of a group of people and talk about politics? like warning labels on that …
like when you’ve got a sea of audience members to step out there and be like NOT AN AUDIENCE MEMBER in room full of audience members that never did push up and you did push ups is the opposite of a good idea like dont get caught being discovered as a man that can do push ups in a room full of people that can’t do push ups
like holding church that involves poltiics is a worse idea than holding church around an ancient book which is a worse idea than holding church around a text book so holding church involving politics is twice as worse as holding politics around a text book
or something
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmMBLTz6Pp8&t=73s this was the dude that broke down morality like a mathematical code this is the dude that needs to come back like you can explain morality like math and it works out and it was common knowledge at one point moral math
that’s pretty much what society nuts to being able to say things like I called the coast guard …
it’s the media that makes this seem fake a tree strikes me as legit real it’s this interface and the way people portray data that gives me the impression this is fake when really i can’t fucking fathom for the life of me why someone would do this
but it exists
i’m staring at a former president on 107.1 newsfeed wearing ray charles glasses grinning like a fool and the headline is he did an r and b track and i’m just like this seems fake i get hit with enough ridiculous data that it might be people that seem fake because that moon and that sky and that blade of glass and my arm seem ridiculously real my sister told me we were given a SPAYSHAL upbringing i remember a lot of abuse and heart ache and she’s like no we were raised in a SPAYSHALL house hold and i’m like most of this is gay or the result of lack of moral and educational training like the human form is doing fine it’s just surprising what most people do with their forms like why am i the only one writing this much why didn’t you learn how to type why didn’t your school teach you how to type why do you suck?
JAN 5, 2019, 1:12 AM
oh i’ll tell you this i did all the vaping for 3 weeks and today not smoking nearly anything was pretty easy … i’m vaping to quit smoking not start
vaping seems like it makes it easy to quit smoking
like i was vaping through my nicotine withdrawal
i just did some cultural accounting and i came in at is more interested in the advertisement than than the content
dang i’m up to knows how to use the sequencer and knows how to use the piano roll in FL Studio …
JAN 5, 2019, 6:36 AM
https://i.redd.it/l9fanb94ze821.jpg something brilliant
JAN 7, 2019, 2:41 AM
oh i could open a planning office and plan software , theres a lot of detail work that could go into things like the microsoft snipping tool , drawing pictures and creating animations for a software engineer when it comes to layouts for software functions, in my time studying software ive noticed design and attention to detail are often superfluous to cs, if i was essentially a software critic that drew pictures of what I eye I was talking about and i ran into 9 binders of my writing from my twenties in my folks basement i just wrote and got pretty good at it they say it takes ten years and i started in 2005 and in 2016 i became homeless and that lasted 2 years so im right on schsdule to bubble with a two year gap . writing . one of those things that takes ten years
id want to go hardcore inro drawing pictures of software and do explicit animations of the software and then codd e the software . sounds nice
i have the majority of my software critique down to designing an operating system that works with a display that is set to the golden ratio the software interface rests in the sqare of the golden rectangle and the functions rest in the rectangle adjacent to the square i have an original design centric concept for a gui . you could have your tablets keyboard in a calculator on the right side of the screen . i want more squares i thinm it would be beautiful
square
think
i think a computer with all the softwaee you need to be productive out of the box would be useful that you NEED an app store means these designs are incomplete
i alsi thought of a left handed mouse might be good for my brain
i dont have my smart phone otherwise i would send this to my brother in finance at synchrony but https://bcorporation.net is a mutual fund on the ground floor kind of thing you buy in at $17 and sell out at $239 20 years later after spending 20 years in your social media free time promoting and espousing the virtues of
JAN 7, 2019, 1:41 PM
i was sitting here meditating and i came across the religious symbolism of an mri machine . how it could be portrayed as an exit back out into the real world . religion
i know so little about mri machines i might as well preach the gospel of the exit . you could create some great film by transforming someones life after they left an mri machine like better than truman with what we have they get told theres something wrong with themits just lay in this machine they get out and their wife is waiting for them the one that they always knew they had . like its a long series of scenes of a guy getting shit on at work screamed at by his wife and then this one trip to the lab takes him out of the hologram and back to the life he can now appreciate . i saved the failing math on this
and i thought with my dad in medicine i cpuld pitch administratively as though i would want to be in hospital administration if you have 52 neighborhoods you need 52 mri machines for that seasonal screening and the data is monwg . if i could do that for my city in my fathers name . you can get funding for that . you can get paid for owning an mri machine an we need i think 52 physiologists . and i want 6dental schools opened to increase the number of dentists
my mom is geeked to be paying bills , im taking care of her while my dad is at work . i did laundry , dishes , swept , made lunch and fed the dogs and made coffee , she broke her ankle
if im in game or im not i just like this sentence that cities would make movies and put their exotics on camera and play film to pay for medical bills natch that the cincinnati reds baseball players would play for $9000 a year and get a house if the made the team and 2million people in greater metropolitan cincinnati got full medical benefits or natch i can put MY money =time where my mouth is and 3d animate a film and have the sky of the characters be the upside down neighborhood or i could film it flip it and green screen it == prevention
they called my mom and told her the account was closed abill said otherwise she called to pay thebill because how can youhave an accountclossd if you have a bill . 850 credit scorewhen you KNOWthey make mistakes
they called my mom and told her the account was closed a bill said otherwise she called to pay the bill because how can youhave an account clossd if you have a bill . 850 credit score when you KNOW they make mistakes
maybe the redsget a house a car and a black card and so long as people atfend and buy tickets out healthcareis paid id still call this capitalism its just knowing the economic system
maybe the reds get a house a car and a black card and so long as people attend and buy tickets out healthcare is paid id still call this capitalism its just knowing the economic system . this is accounting and politics to me
im really nervous i just published two books to wcpo and its a media company after building up my confidence publicl
im really nervous i just published two books to wcpo and its a media company after building up my confidence publicly for 4 months
i dont know i do write i see steady improvement . im famous for saying your writings notwas sitting and listening or even close to good until youre in your 50’s . i sat at a desk and i have this open mic story an international travel story and a mental health story that is the source of my literature i lived like 3 stories most of it was benignjust like everyone story telling as i find my neesh by living and working i might write like 1 thing it might be what i already wrote
ill pray to god when my father dies
so that i can pray to the god that has my fathers eyes
ill prayto god when my mothef dies
so that i can pray to the goddess that has my motherz eyes
might be the only thing i ever wrote
ill pray to god when my father dies
so that i can pray to the god that has my father’s eyes
ill pray to the goddess when my mother dies
so that i can pray to the goddess that has my mothers eyes
ill pray to god when my father dies
so that i can pray to the god that has my father’s eyes
ill pray to the goddess when my mother dies
so that i can pray to the goddess that has my mother’s eyes
there edited
i just thought of a character . guy with a credit score of 12 he talks about how when your credit score is 75 they come for your toothbrush at 12 they let you use a twig butyou tell em you like the twig better im poor riches
i weighed 198 lean in january after a tumultuous time on 5 sets i weigh like 220 or 218 i even just came into some food staying with my folks been drinkin poo but i did resolve to live on vegetable soup which tastes great and fruit and shrimp when the dust settles i eat a lot so all i can do is keep it to fruits veggies and lean meat . im so weak in food
for cincinnati filmmaking i would be willing to go to jail for 3 months to lose weight if you need an actor for fake news
deeks and geeks what if earths orbit with the sun is different? might not be shit a
deeks and geeks what if earths orbit with the sun is different? might not be shit we can do about it and it might not be shit we did #religion
in my opinion you can smoke weed to get more creative but if yiu never let it wear all the way off you’ll just be stupid . look at eminem now and how clean he looks he seems all the way sober and clean . clean is clean i want to be mr. clean that might be my rap name mister cldan cold name might sel! it
JAN 7, 2019, 5:42 PM
if forest fair mall was a film amusement park where you paid $12 to get in and then you could walk around and decide what to watch if forest mill mall was a pool hall and film padoga where it was like an amusement park for adults watching modern and clasic films and playing pool
if it was like walkung into n
if it was like walking inti netflix and if it was netflix branded
if it was like walking into netflix and if it was netflix branded
you’d literalky need a lawyer from netflix and a lawyer from fairfield to get it done and middleman
JAN 7, 2019, 6:55 PM
if i cozied up to the legal aid society to represent me before a netflix lawyer and a fairfield lawyer i
if i cozied up to the legal aid society to represent me before a netflix lawyer and a fairfield lawyer i’d locate netflix’s city’s headquarters and find a contract lawyer in that city and a contract lawyer in fairfield and my lawyer would introduce forest mills mall to netflix and netflix to forest mills mall with the idea you could walk into netflix
JAN 7, 2019, 8:03 PM
rap == bitch assume the position . get in the kitchen . we’re having chitlins . and you’re doing dishes . while i’m taking pictures
rap == bitch assume the position . get in the kitchen . we’re having chitlins . and you’re doing dishes . while i’m taking pictures . according to holy scriptures . i don’t need to hear issues . here is a tissue . last night you blew who? . oh one of my dudes . not be rude but you always do this in june . now get in the room . we ain gon spoon . you’re just going to text your best friend . tonight is like lent the rent has been spent now get on your knees . prepare to get pleased . tonight is on me . ma nigga gave us a lot of money . now its your turn to get naked just because i don’t love you doesn’t mean i can’t hug you
JAN 8, 2019, 6:06 AM
id listen to women rapping mysogonistically .. like men talk a lot about how they want to over power women , how do women want to over power men
JAN 8, 2019, 7:11 AM
ever watch the news and the war and famine on television and just look down for a second to see your dog wagging its tail like i find it amusing that a lot of the warlords and master politicians are pet owners
what if a church held an open mic and each pastor had 3 minutes and the winner got to be the opening act on sunday?
JAN 9, 2019, 12:49 AM
I have my bluetooth keyboard now at my folks place so now I can write you from my folks place on a bluetooth keyboard … I think the failing on both of our sides on following the path of least resistance is that when following the path of least resistance it leads to me writing as much as this and you not reading as much as this
I have my computer at my folks place i was thinking of asking them in a couuple weeks if i could move my desk top computer to my folks place so that i justh ad a drawng table at my apartment … i might not but my life suffers in the prsence of a computer
when i don’t have a computer and i have tested this i work out more eat better clean the apartment more and draw more but with a computer i don’t bathe i wear the same clothes for a couple days i don’t eat right so i was thinking if i could just get back to that i would be better off and couuld heal it’s a 24/7 comptuer connection that ruins my life
living with a work station with a work ethic leads to working for fun and having a lot of fun and i’d prefer all things considered to move my gear into a space at my folks place like it’s an office like i have no use for a home office whatsoever i have a use for an office
dang right before i came to my folks place i had it pretty well figured out just keep making soups and keep putting shrimpp in them and and mix it up wiith beef and fish and eat the sushi once a week and just keep doing that and i was at 198 in january and then i moved into summit where they let us eat snacks and i ate the snacks like it was something to do and i gained 14 pounds and that’s pretty much my weight gain and then in the outsiide world on my own i had access to restaurants and any food i wanted and i gained some weight because of that so now i have like 20 pounds to lose where i just had 15 before and it’s coming to griips with a diet routine when you can eat ANYTHING
like i have a stomach and thin arms i lookk like a crazed internet addict i call myyself an author
is there ever going to be a social media text book that talks about how it will get to the point in your social media career where you’ll think you’re talking to yourrself but really you are getting your feedback from a television station
i write you and then i get a cogent resoponse response in the form of talking to myyself like my braiin is guessing how you responded or you have a telepathic crystal and you”re tuned into my heat signal and you talked into the mic INSTEAD OF TYPNIG A RESPONSE
i write you and then i get a cogent response in the form of talking to myself like my brain is guessing how you responded or you have a telepathic crystal and you”re tuned into my heat signal and you talked into the mic INSTEAD OF TYPING A RESPONSE i doubt i’m telepathic annd i know everything can be eexplaiined
i get to write about telepathy which is difficult but it’s eassier now that i have a senseo f what it is … it’s a man talking to himself os it’s then he said to himself and then he said this to himself and then he said this to himself and i did wonder how to write about telepathy and your early society original telepath was a man identified by the government as highly intelligent so they allowed their computer science and engineering department to test out technology on him and his society knew he was crazy but there was a group of people that knew he was sane and they just let him suffer and scientists quoted a crytpic piece of paper from 16 years earlier he signed under duress and heavily sedated that he would allow himself to be a test subject and the scientists said good enough and they didn’t care about human life they were atheists that for fucks sake knew how to read which meant they were actually theists they were just confused theists and the theists and the atheists didn’t know the atheism theism debate to be a clever public spectacle on stage and it was is it GOD or G O D the atheist in the early days said it was G O D clearly that’s not GOD the theist was like it’s clearly GOD so clearly it”s GOD and atheism and theism is out of proportions from generations of people that followed in the footsteps of pastors that didn’t know how to read and im basically someone that was a perrfectly normall weed smoking skirt chasing student until 2012 when i moved into my first apartment and the freak show began i haven’t had a normal life since 2012 and it’s all this weird plasma field mental telepathy constant training that makes me a freak to myy family but i’ll bet there’s someone at i don’t know some engineering lab at the Environemntal Protection Agency that’s where I think it is that it’s like a mental health judge that gets elected to judge doesn’t beliieve in capac canavaral because he never saw it himself before and i’m either in a computer which elon musk says is probable with an MRI machine scan away from being normal or there’s advvanced technology OR i’m severely mentally ill and it’s a recent occurrance that started not too long ago but had origins 6 years ago so tellepathy would make the most sense if i was in a computer and that explains the alternate reality of my dreams and i can’t fathom that i would be a superior human being like i just i don’t know i think i’m in a computer because i talk to myself and i don’t know you think i’m mentally ill because this is hte only reality you exist in and you’re the really well fleshed out computer
and people get killed for having opinions like that but i’m just guessing
cape canavaal is not admissible in court
it would be someone that would be like let’s take the smartest man and test our technology out on him FUKCERS PICK SOMEONE WITH DOWN SYNDROME don;’t take your best talent and test shit on them and get a fit of outlier response that’s pointless find the most average person and test your shit out on them
so you get data that’s going to be similar to the population that’s going to use your marketed technology you don’t take an outlier and run test the outlier you just get outlier data stimps
nothing makes someone looks more mentally ill in writing than someething like that or htis
i know enough about fixing a language that HTIS is not a typo that’s a misspellint that’s something that’s permissible and should be put up with submitteed documents before editing a real type to me is something like and he had the rose in it’s hand and it was the most beautiful shade of black and he just gave her the red rose and she fell in love with him … that’s a typo to me … i”ve had intellectual typo’s before like if i was a literary agency i wouldn’t kick you out the door because you had a habit of doing htis but i would kick you out the door if you had a habit of explaining to me that humans typically are taller in youth than as adults like a misspelling is a thing to be fixed quite simple like i can fix your typos for you at a publishing house that’s nothing but it’s an aggregious story line error or somet other intellectual problem that i would kick you out for
HTIS is not a typo that”s a misspelling but we cant be fucked ot take the time to say misspelling so we just say typo a typo is actually quoting the 55th president of the united states of america is presiiding in a non fiction document … a typo is pretty bad a missppelling just needs a second to fix
i do archaeological work in the language from time to time trying to fiigure out what these words actually mean
like when an entire paragraph is written under the wrong assumption and everything is spelled correctly it’s a typo i did that once and then felt a certain way and chacked a fact and had to correct half a page of typo
i don’t know on the side of my sociall meida career like I EYE I gave up on publishing a book the traditional way to do this but YOU might want to publish a book so if had a website that states I read THIS THIS THIS THIS and THIS book on contract law and I am from Cincinnati representing the Tri State Writer’s Population and I am going to be submitting your book to THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS and THIS puublisher and I have an English Literature Degree and was sort of a transparent literary agency I could be like …. I’ve read some 200 books I wrote and had my book reviewed to rave reviews and if I started a literary agency on a website I could be liike your book needs to be in THESE places like start interviewing publishers and be a literary agent that is like I KNOW contract law I read the entire corpus on it and the way i would read planning books to start a plannning office i would read contract law to start a literary agency and i would rather read contract law
like it would be the cozy super nice hella good relationship with his authors like JERRY MCGUIRE like if i started JERRY MCGUIRE’s LITERARY AGENCY …
then like in meditation the deepest thoughts that are mind bending and mind altering just get whisked away when i wake up and go about my day watching kelly and ryan like it’s mind altering thoughts laying in bed like earth is doing fine it”s just a little closer to the sun and i’m like that’s something a PHD needs to check in astrophysics and I EYE I thought of it great anyways time to get up OOOOOOOOOO lady gaga cried yesterday cool i’ll watch this
my dad’s got a metal tooth i asked him dad do you have a metal tooth and he was like yeah and i was like then why don’t you talk to yourself and he was like what are you talking about and i was like GREAT and then i was like you never felt your tooth tingle and he was like NO and i was like this is bullshit dad did i really have this bad of a cavity? and he was like the dentist is never wrong and i was like i’m glad you live in that world
i wrote about it before but to reiterate THE ADVENTURES OF GUMBALL on cartoon network is like the coolest show … there was this guy at summit that needed to watch it … like i needed to watch MTV at summit and he needed to watch cartoon network and i was like ADVENTURES OF GUMBALL is brilliant and i’m alwayys noting how cartoons are not like they were in the early warnter brothers and disney days with the fine detailed work and like ADVENTURES OF GUMBALL is something I would want the DVD of or a full access pass to on amazon
it’s just this cool show
the amazing world of gumball i looked it up that was a typoe
the amazing world of gumball that was a typo
like the amazing world of gumball uses all the forms of animation in one cartoon and it sets cell rendered animation directly in front of a 3d animated background and technicallly it’s just fantastic
llike 6 months from now when my beard is a foot long could i donate my beard hair to a man that has cancer?
so i’ve got world leaders that own pets and donating beard hair to a cancer patient that’s 2 i need 14 more
maybe i’ll book a show at the urban artifact and do a special in like 2 years something i can selll online like louiis CK like dedicate a website to the sale of a stand up special i don’t know … might be something to put online somewhere i actuallly lost my telemetry on any forn of online business it just seems like just do stuff and don”t sweat the cash … like if i wasn’t on disabiliity i’d have a job and wouldn’t need cash i’m on disability and don’t need cash so like when it comes to art i’m just like do the art and don’t worry about the cash at all i don’t know what i’d do with a special might film it and do what with it … put it on a dvd and sell it at walmart
my old friend hakiym asked me why i thought there wasn’t woman’s milk on sale at kroger’s and i had a vision of the factory as he was asking me that that would take and i responded with we drink cows milk to be polite is how i put it now i’m thinking use that as a universe like PIMP WITH A PURPOSE it”s the story of a pimp that started selling raw woman’s milk
like the original video game was art and i”m getting tired of playing like writing is amazing and spectactular when you’re like 30 and you don”t know what publishing is or what a literary agney is comprised of or have ever taken a close look at the goons that make up art … when i was 30 i thought to myself all the hard nosed people are in literature GOTTA BE TRUE … naw it ain … i’m reading a book right now with an extraordinary cover from the library and all i’m reading in this award winning book are typo’s and cliche’s it’s my book that let’s me know i’m good enough but it’s so goony writing books … like when you read a published book that’s just intellectually insulting and it’s science fiction and it’s written by someone that doesn’t know dick about a god damned thing and nothing i should probably write a book but the goons in literature are these women that breast feed at work and don’t know shit and i’ve seen photos if i never saw photos i’ld be like hell yeah i want to be an auuthor but a sampling of whose in literature is it’s women’s work and i should probablly be a hard nosed literary agent representing the midwest or i should be a man that started a planning office and get with the john cranley’s of the world and the joe deters of the world … i could probably do both and i wrote my book
i just thought of a cincinnati friday night live sketch just me sounding like will ferrell in fountain square filming myself in a suit screaming and throwing a fit like JOE DETERS IS THE MAN! JOE DETERS! JOE DETERS IS THE MAN! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME! JOE DETERS IS THE MAN! HE’s THE MAN! i don’t kknpow why i thought of that but i snorted milk on my shirt
i remember when i was calling carpenters looking for an apprenticeship and they were like NEYOO no and rumpke you gotta be a beast son of a bitch to get a jub with rumplke and p an g has these exotic roles to fill anad 5/3rd is indecypherable and you people are retarded who has these qualifications?
like i live in a world where i have an aunt that was OBESE and she asked if she could have bariatric surgergy she wanted a smaller stomach to lose weight and the surgeon did the job and she’s retarded and now she’s dying of complications because of elective surgery
i’m like as i age the world becomes less and less what i thought it was and you people become more and more suspect to i don’t know what i just know this isn’t the world i know
the seach results for bariatric surgery is not the procedure my aunt had my dad said they took her large intestine and affixed it to her esophagus and my dad’s not even pissed he works in surgergy and he’s just like yeah i saw him try and sell a pair of breasts to a teenager once that had a small chest if i was going to do white colllar crime studies it would be in medicine same shitty peole as in finance just in medicine
the hospital that has resonates with me as having the best reputation is John Hopkins like if I was going to move to another city in my movve stuides there was the one day it was move wherever John Hopkins is like base your plans to move on the quality of hospital if you have a choice i don’t know where John Hopkins is i just know it has the best reputation of hospitals to me
it’s actually johns hopkins and i knew that when i typed it i jjust went with john hopkins because without looking it up i thought what wouuld be johns and edited myself but it is johns hopkins and i knew that i diidn’t know it was in baltimore though balltimore might be a good city to move to but i know when my dad had his aortic aneurism that they fielded him here in cincinnatii and then they flew him by helicopter to specialists i think in houston like the medical industry has a systerm where THEY know who the best are and there are different people practicing at different levels all over the world but for certain procedures you get sent to the people that are the best if necessary
i ran dried fruit past my sister as an i sold it as a thing you can play with to explore every asppect of business like something to talk about and her immediate reaction her immediate proctor and gamble reaction was there’s too much competition and i was like in what she was like dried fruit and i was like dried fruuit and she was like yeah get into dried fruit immediately you’re competing with too much competition and i thought to myself well let me see the labels of the competition and i’ll come up with an artistically superior lablel i didn’t tell her at the time because at that point she won the conversation her I HAVE A JOB took over and i didn’t know shit
it’s weird my sister is traveling to mexico again and beijing and then i only see her at my folks place she was just up in detroit with proctor and gamble she books flights like every week now and i just see my wanted to write as good as me sister in her wanted to write as good as me demeanor in my folks place and i hear things like going to mexico just got back from mexico going to san francisco just got back from san francisco and i just see her in my folks living room tellign these stories not going into too much detail and she wanted to watch the view on abc and i was like okay i’m doing too bad but she is on her second house with her first kid and i just see a woman with a story about a husband she picked up to fulfill corporate policy that plays video games for a living
my sister is the bread winner and mother of a child and her husband plays video games and lies about he almost made it into the olympics
it”s like corporate america it’s neverr as impressive to the peopple in it as the people not in it
her body language doesn’t read as TRAVELS THE WORLD I wonder if when she says she’s going to beijing she means shes going to the beijing office downtown and she’s going to stay in a hotel
i’d be king shit on this planet if i EVER came home from beijiing she’s like treating it like a trip to krogers
i might ask my sister to bring me back something from mexico and just get this keyholle viewpoint on my family locked down like i htink my sister brought home some mexican oca cola for daniel one time but i might ask her to briing me something home from mexico just so that i can be like SON OF A BITCH you actually went to mexico just so that someone has the right reaction to her business
it was finally getting it through my head why a rapper would be geeked about his rims and the chain on his neck that i developed my sense of value like my family has no values where i’m like when i get a car i get it candy painted so that i can have soemthing to be proud of like rap taught me healthy pride where my family has none
i’m content with dried fruit because of the presence dried fruit would have in north college hill directly it would be a nice touch like the cheese bar in pleasant ridge my sister is not contnet with dried fruit until she has a liquid made of dried fruit no one has ever thought of before i thought to myself she would think dried fruit has too much competition because it has competition
it feels like cheating becasue my dad was like if you get an llc you’ll lose your disability and i was like if i get an llc i’ll pay myself a dollar and keep my disability and keep all my money in the llc and he’s like you’ll pay taxes and i’m like yeah i’ll pay taxes that’s something to be proud of and he’s like that’s how they get ya and i’m like i value plumbing and the bus even though i don’t take it and he was like just let it go and i was like fine but like i could file for a business and just keep the business business in the business and do a steve jobs where i pay myself $1 a year and keep everything in the business i can do that that’s why i even harbor a notion of writing like this because if i get the right plan i cann start a busienss and have more money and be a state funded business man that can speak to other disability recipients that have the legs for it and be like well i wouldn’t but years from now i could like i was told in buusiness school never spend money on business just accept money and buying fruit to sell at a mark up dried doesn’t seem like spending money like my income level is the level you start a business on like facebook was started on a cheaper computer than kindle fire 10″
i asked i didn’t get a very fleshed out answer but apparently i can get a book payment and it doesn’t affect my disability
i just really like disabilty now that i have it because it’s a guarantee it’s something i can bank on and have a week to myself
where being an employee puts me at mercy
like i might have to cancel social media accounts if i worked at shell
and i can behave how i want on disability
like i could call kanye west a nigger from hell on social media on disability and it doesn’t matter but if i work at shell and do it they could fire me and i’m fucked
if i told you my father gave me free medical care my mother gave me a businenss degree my sister gave me the formula for head and shouulders my brother gave my a stock tip and my brother told me where area 51 really was would you call the FBI?
i played a big role in that being possible and now i’m tired
like when we were all living together when i was 18 i didn’t come home and smoke my lil brother out and fuck up his scholarship and send us all to hell
my entire family knows drugs are bad because of me and i even told my sister the other day to tell michael that drugs are bad and it’s an entire branch of the genome that doesn’t give two shits about drug legalization
i like cincinnati because it has the 4 seasons like i think it would be LA that would be wondering about if time travel is real or not a lot because it occurred to me that cincinnati might have a better grasp of the passing of time than LA like most cities have a better concept of time than LA
i’m realy comfortable at my folks place REAL COMFORTABLE i feel like i’m in church in church and like it’s frightening as all hell in my apartment
like my apartment is a scary as shit place to live but i have no gripes or anyone to deal with my folks place is super quiet and peaceful and serene but i have my folks to deal with which isn’t terrible it”s just that they’re in their mid 60’s so like they gripe about me some and this would be fucking impossiible if i wasn’t on medication like wild child nick and my folks don’t get along but on meds i’m scooting my mom around in her desk chair because she broke her ankle and i’m just at a point where i think i got my journallism degree oon top of my art degree and my diigital design degree and my english degree the last degree i have to get on top of my business degree from my mom is my german degree and i can work on that soon
i think it would be more exciting to work on german literature than english literature
like i could get the excitement back if i wrote in german and submitted as a ciitzen of north college fucking hill to a german publisher there might be some cach’e to my work in germanyy
germany
like it’s already exciting to write in german to write a book in german might be what i do and i could be the david hasselhoff of literature in germany beloved by all and i can make guest appearances
and then come back and appearr on WCPO like GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
like it shoud be to get a degree in my academic experience that you don’t get the degree in school that’s where you take the classes it’s how you apply the knowledge to the world that gets you the degree and like you graduate from taking classes and then i mean it can be up to you but like i can square off how i feel like i got a real world application for every one of my degrees and i just spellled out what you can do with a german degree
this can’t be too much of a german town it’s half african and an 18th indian
kannst du spreche deutch? ich kann. i kann spreche deutsch sehr gut. meine deutsch ich lernt in schule und meine deutsch ist kleine deutch berline deutsch ist gross deutsch meine deutsch isn’t klein deutsch. deine deutsch isn’t nicht deutsch deine deutch isn’t english und du kannts spreche english gut sehr gut. ich denke tanya o rourke isnt’ schoen. sie ist meine besser madchen zu schreibe fuer. es isnt gut zu sehe dein on television.
kannst du lese deutsch?
kannst du spreche deutch? ich kann. i kann spreche deutsch sehr gut. meine deutsch ich lernt in schule und meine deutsch ist kleine deutch berline deutsch ist gross deutsch meine deutsch ist klein deutsch. deine deutsch isn’t nicht deutsch deine deutch isn’t english und du kannts spreche english gut sehr gut. ich denke tanya o rourke isnt’ schoen. sie ist meine besser madchen zu schreibe fuer. es isnt gut zu sehe dein on television.
kannst du spreche deutch? ich kann. i kann spreche deutsch sehr gut. meine deutsch ich lernt in schule und meine deutsch ist kleine deutch berline deutsch ist gross deutsch meine deutsch ist klein deutsch. deine deutsch ist nicht deutsch deine deutch ist english und du kannts spreche english gut sehr gut. ich denke tanya o rourke ist schoen. sie ist meine besser madchen zu schreibe fuer. es isnt gut zu sehe dein on television.
kannst du spreche deutch? ich kann. i kann spreche deutsch sehr gut. meine deutsch ich lernt in schule und meine deutsch ist kleine deutch berline deutsch ist gross deutsch meine deutsch ist klein deutsch. deine deutsch ist nicht deutsch deine deutch ist english und du kannts spreche english gut sehr gut. ich denke tanya o rourke ist schoen. sie ist meine besser madchen zu schreibe fuer. es ist gut zu sehe dein on television.
fuck that took me 6 tries and it always looked right until i uploaded it
sort of a pretty cool niche being a master of english and writing german because i don”t know shit about it
i never thought of that i woould be at a meeting with krogers asking them to review my submission for dried fruit to put on their store shelf with fruit from krogers that i dried? that’s not good LOL
oh here;s something amazon sold me a writer’s market and let me download it before they charged my card … i have to do what my mom did today and pay a bill and i already have the book
it was weird i was downnloading a kindle book i knew i didn’t pay for and wouuldn’t be able to pay for
but in that writer’s market in the trade and consumer magazines i saw like 22 different categories i now knew something about to write about in
back in 2006 when i bought my first writers market it was a nebulous book to work wiith now in 2018 12 years later i pretty much know my way around a writers market and can in my 40’s probably make a liiving as a professional writer
you helped a lot and really i onlly know who one person is at this point on WCPO and it’s tanya o rourke if Clyde Gray was the only one left on WCPO and was sitting in that CLYDE GRAY position i would probably crack jokes about him and carol too
it’s just that clyde gray isn’t clyde gray any more he broke character
and tanya o rourke is the only living member of the wcpo team that i know
so i use her for my jokes
it got to the point with clyde gray where i was like did he ever think the thought that he was carol williams pimp and then 6 yearrs later on cincy lifestyles i got a good look at his body language and i was like OH clyde gray never once thought he was carol williams pimp
what names off the top of my head can i associate with WCPO johhn matarese , carol williams, clyde gray steve raleigh , tanya o rourke , randy little and i cheated i saw some file footage a couuple months ago , augustino, ketchmark, um , that’s it that’s the name list i can draw from that is WCPO …
something you can do that would be very LA and Cincinnati at the same time … you could send a man on the street out to ask WHO DO YOU KNOW FROM WCPO?
wrtier’s market is a source of revenue if you can make it … it’s a line off books that come from F and W media another cincinnati company that also produces HOW magazine that lists literary agents publishers and what i am interested in consumer magazines and trade journals to publish with
i’ve been buying writers market’s every three years for about 12 years now and every time i buy one i come to find i only need the listings
i grow more and more atuned to the fact that i don’t need the help of the writer’s market i just need the listings and this year i found that where 8 years ago i could only write for 2 categories this year i can write for roughly 18 categories in the consumer and trade magazines
when did frank get a bald spot? time is the most fucked up thing it flies by at the speed of light but the moment lasts for an eternity
like i talk about how i don’t know how old my parents are i’m 38 i don;t know how old 38 is i know ”m twice as old as high school students half as old as my parents and i don’t actually know much othe than i know i”m now at that age where i can die of a heart attack … i’m dealing with a grandmother that is 96 and she’s 30 years older than my parents and i’m half as old as them and i don’t really know what this experiene is called life and i have dreams of a more robust world than this one i experience on disabiliity and i read that this might be a compute and i don’t know …
donald trump is part of the evolution of mankind … we have to make it through this .. like we elected a gate keepper … just keep cool … just because every time you seee donald trump’s face you think of blade rrunner does not mean everything is out of control …
alright so based on no feedback i have called channel 9 newsdesk 5 times and asked if anyone has a prroblem with nicholas lawson and they said no he’s fiine and i explained to my mother that i keep a journal in WPCO’s inbox because i know the show and i understand the aura and the ouvre of the people that i am writing and she didn’t hate me so i feel like i am doing myy due dilligence to work on this book and i doubt i can publish this but it’s a good excercise for me to write this and one day i’m going to quit and it’s goiing to be becausei found something more exciting to do and that makes more sense
i’m not used to this food it’s good and that’s the problem i had 3 cream cheese sandwiches and a bowl of rice krispies for breakfast and i didn’t eat yesterday except for the morning when i had some chinese foood
i’m retarded when it comes to food i just had my apartment figured out with vegetable soup and sushi and coffee and tea and then i got called up to labor to assist my mother with house chores for a momth and a half while her leg is broken and she gave me this computer to journal on and i have a new forest of food to forage in and it’s bountiful and my jeans are tighter and i just know i need to be in the right head space to lose weight and being around new exotic food isn’t it and i gorged on pop until i basically lost my taste for it
alright now okay educational voice that wants to talk to me that’s in my head not associated with my metal tooth i’ll be a part of the life not the death of writing i’ll write a business document to krogers and offer to dry their surplus loss fruit in their baker’s equipment at night when the baker’s not using it … i can dry fruit at kroger’s with the fruit they were going to throw away … that makes sense to me … in a world where people are not popping into places buying something just because they feel like they have to in a precision world you have to be a part of food in a world where the government sees people as having few work options as a lot of it dies off … i can buy kroger’s fruit dry krogers fruit and sell kroger’s fruit that’s been dried back to krogers and i can work for kroger’s as a fruit dryer … how much fruit goes to waste .. dry it … i question my own mind but that last elegy that was out of my mouth but not from my conscious mind was educaitonal … how much does something not want me to write? … is writing a dying field? it sort of looks like it is
maybe for account ants the concept where we will store your accont details and assist you with your media productions if you did a series of set fees for everything and then it was 40% up fronts on everything and then 60%’s on the back ends of everything where like you paid 40% of $100 $40 for storage of account details and then 60% or 60% at the backend if you needed them back or just 70% up front for both front and back which is an omni cover like it’s 40% up front of $100 for a photo shoot and then if you like the photos you can pay $60 or the remaining 60% on the backend to take them away but the up front cost is 100% for a photoshoot with a RED camera and we have lights and make up for you to use for your facebook photo if it was a clean sensical but looked complicated finance scheme for ACCOUNT ANTS that mirrored design finance concepts
entrepreneurship magazine has a 6 week wait on response time or an 8 week wait or a 10 week wait which at 10 weeks there is no response so you write them something and then at 10 weeks if you haven’t heard back try again to me that”s just write just keep writing just write and get that into a roll
but dried fruit and account ants are two concepts i can just write about entrepreneurship with for entrepreneurship magazine and be cutting edge and exciting because i’m writing about something you can do not well if you want a billion dollars first you need to be 70 years old and have a potato field
like i would charge a design client 40% of $3000 up front for a project because I need that 40% to buy a camera subscribe to photoshop buy make up and buy lights because I wasn’t planning on you asking me for a professional photograph so i quooted you $3000 and that 40% up front is my budget for your project and if i do a good job I get 50% of the quoted fee as my payment on job done
i heard pimpin was easy from american pimp but i never heard why it was easy and i let it roll around in my head for years and the one day i did come up with a reason why it was easy it was like you give a woman a dollar and then 3 hours later you asked her for hte dollar back and if she didn’t have it well then she had to work for you which involved her standing on the corner waiting to get paid for sex and then she was paying you back for the clothing you bought her pluse the rental fee for the clothing … i had it down that that was how easy it was to pimp i didn’t know what else it would be … street easy shit
like when kanye west becomes president will his spins on hte radio become worth more and CAN kanye west fund a presidential campaign with radio spins and will this look like black nazi america and he released black skin headzzz when kanye west is getting radio spins is on television and on the internet will this look to a viewing audience like things went awry when black skin headz is on kiss 107.1 and people forget to look out their window at the bird in the tree and when it’s just kanye kanye kanye and his radio spins are paying forh is presidential campaign will this look out of control ???
the famalle goddess in my head was like pimpin IS easy you just ask a woman if she wantes someone to fuck her and if her answer is YES your reponsie is I GOT YOU and then she knows what’s going on
i know i don’t feel like doing it at fucking all but shwooo i need to know how to take like 40 businesses and interest them in taking an advertisment out in it’s first edition that is just onlne and has no trafffic to start off with and will only be advertised through SEO … shwooooooooooooooooo pretty certaiin that’s a hard sell might help if i said i’m with midwestern logic
now i’m in that next energy field where i’m thinking okay plan a conference for the unveiling of your online magazine next year for like 60 businesses spend a year planning a fucking convention to advertise on my website woozywoot.com or something … there’s not a neurologist or psychologist on this planet that knows how the brain works in the presence of the internet get da fuck outa here
JELLY BOX is the coolest game i played on kindle it”s a kindle fire stick game that requires imagination to play on the first level where you just play with a jelly box on your fire stick … hours of fun … if you’re really down for an evening of nothing
i read that niellson was going to engage in analytics software as the gold standard of internet traffic and then i never hearrd anything about it but i remember visiting their website one day and i forget WHAT i read i just remember thinkging THAT’s IT and I was like there was the day that I was like maybe i”ll compete with Nielson like it was some kind of simple basic business principle Nielson Followed or something , something basic, and like I heard Nielson was going to release analytics software and I notice my television doesn’t come equipped with nielson analytics software that details my television watching time but in the last days of television you knew precisely what was watched when how often and for how long …
JAN 9, 2019, 12:17 PM
fuck you people i just found out i gained twennty pounds in a month and i don’t remember expliciltly what i ate but i went from 216 losing weight at my last meeting to 20 pounds up in a month fuck you so anyways not only can you make dried fruit fuck you i’ll do one better i”ll buy the waste bread from krogers and sell them croutons … dried bbread … fuck you i will win
fuck you fuck you just fuck you i just got back from a doctor and laid him a full report and he let me know even though i gained 20 pounds that i am doing so much better than when we first met three months ago … how the fuck am i doing much better when i talk to myself and gained 20 pounds and am addicted to dooing thiis i even explained my internet addiciton to him and hs said maybe we can go on the three month injection instead of the monthlyy … fuck you
that’s why i don”t do anything but write becauuse every ten minutes i get an easier idea and it’s like the one time i experienced nirvana the answer is to just step into the answer and be it and that’s it but lesser answers involve trying to make money and you can only BE for a moment but then you can regress to lower forms of behavior and every ten minutees symobolically like i’m waiting to get to some bedrock concepts like man hole covers or plumbing but i’m at crroutons and even then i saw a sign on the billboard on the way home from the doctor that said 290 pounds of food is wasted every year so dry that food contact krogers be like what do you throw away and then be like that’s the food we want to dry
i’m 10 years invested in writing but that’s all i need is to be 4 years invested in a major umbrella operation and then to have a breakthough that makes that operation seem retarrded as ceo and have all 2 of my employees look at me like why haven’t we been doing that the whole time and i’m like i don’t know because i just thought of it i’m 40 years old i explained to you this was risky business and then it’s like fuck but like writing is always interesting and it’s a thing and i’m thinking write about entrepreneurship
we live in a city like cincinnati so we can use a sentence like Whatever Kroger’s throws away we want to dry … we can use that sentence in cincinnati … we can’t use a sentence like whatever cars you don;”t sell we want to by wholesale like in detroit but in cincinnati we CAN walk over to the kroger’s building and market test with a random employee HEY BUDDY HOW MUCH DO YOU THROW AWAY A YEAR? COOOOOOOOOOOOOULD WE DRY THAT? or hey kroger’s what if you just did that and consider this a hot tip from the city or COULD i get a job drying bread to be placed back on the shelf? most likely i don’t know if i was krogers i would take a hot tip and run with it like we could open a warehouse the size of sams and just ship all our waste to a location and open a single dried goods store
i was at 210 and i was on the path to weight loss and sustainability but then i became fascinated iwht high calorie food when my moms bought me a twelvve pack of root beer and then i ate candy and had two pizzas from the freezer and then i had some rice and then i think i did what my mom told me not to do from weight watchers and starve myself so that any calories led to weight gain
like she told me you have to eat to lose weight and i was going three days without eating
jus tliving on coffee and fruit
so i don’t necessarily know how to eat but i think my plan with the vegetable souup will assist me because i can just keep going through vegetables and the chicken stock makes it palatable like it’s not beans and water which would get old quick and i cou ldn’t eat that like there’s enough flavor in chicken stock to make onion and carrot and beans and shrimp taste like gold
and then i have sushi once a week and i”m good
and some coconut water and i think that covers me
just i need to eat three meals a day not one and three meals of vegetavle soup and shrimp isn”t plauusible over a long period of time because i will naturally get tired of it so i don’t know alright i don’t know what to eat i never went to diet school
but i know making vegetable soup is not a bad start to a sustainable diet
i also know i’ve been over at my folks place without a scale for a week an this wouldn’t have happened if i had my scale i usually check my scale about 3 times a day and i notice it goes up and down a lot but usually goes back down i was stable for three months and then just BOOM 20;bs went on so now i have to do some intelligent dieting and eat vegetable soup and i could probably mix it up by eating beef broth there might be fish stock and then chicken broth to mix it up so that my palette doesnt get i don’t know bored like i can’t just do the same thing like i need like 4 meals and beef and chicken and fish and shrimp and core vegetables and different broths might be enough of a mixture to keep me stable and then i can eat sushi and get a 12 packk of foco cocounut water my favorite juice
for fucks sake i invented stew
great
i’m a genius i keep inventing 200 yearr old words
anyways
i just want soemthing i can keep on the stove heat up eat turn the heat down go to bed wake up turn the heat on eat turn the heat down go about my day turn the heat up … eat … like that … the food you just leave on the stove for 2 days … stew
i live in kroger;s terriitory and they have a massive headquarters downtown but there’s a bakery in north college hill that is a real small operation i started off with the phrase artisan dried fruit
ARTISAN so it might be like you take the mango and you do some things kroger’s would never do with the mango like you slice it real thin every time so you have these see through strips of mango that you ARTISAN crafted to be dried angel hair or something
like ARTISAN dried fruit like the EL BULI of dried fruit like you do things to dried fruit that no one ever did before like you take a banana and you peel it and you put the entire banana in the oven at 125 to dry and then you have an entire dried banana and you get into that business that i might do that business that i would be good at thinking of things to do to fruit in the dry sector that amounts to an R and D laboratory for dried fruit and then i have a job for life
EL BULI was the finest restaurant in Italy at one time the kind of place the restauranteurs of Chicago’s Alinea studied and El Buli was into Foam and they served R AND D food and it was a world famous restaurant to me it was and i hear the world of chefery like El Buli was a medium length life place where they would take shallots and turn them into foam they were into foam is all i know and alinea in chicago will serve you 25 courses for $350 and i always wanted to visit alinea but never did and i hear they closed or went corporate or something i never visited el buli ever but i never visited alinea in it’s golden yeear either when it was at the finest it’s web design would ever be … but in line with these i could talk to my folks like it would start with using their oven and their electric bill and just buying fruit and getting permission to use a pairing knfe and just like take a grape and dry it see what kind of raisin it makes like i never saw a GREEN GRAPE RAISON but i saw golden and purple
like i’ll try and get some fruit soon and put a retardo test batch in the oven just to get started with the scientific process of saying to myself that didn’t work why didn’t it work alright let’s do this but it might be hard to fuck up
i could put some bread in too to see if it makes croutons and maybe i could dry some fish
just the EL BULI of Dried fruit or the EL BULI of dried food … just an artisan drying location might be something that would get me the opposite of killed as opposed to standing on the block repping my hood selling weed
to make money
cool moms said i could drry a mango i just need to get a mango i could probably dry milk
i was smoke free for 6 months at summit behavioral healthcare when i was in the hospital for the time i smacked someone at the men’s shelter who abused me the day before and was trying to do it again and i was fine not smoking there then i get out and am geeked to be at a no smoking shelter to find housing in only to find out everyone smoked there i got addicted again and then i started smoking $2 packs of cigarettes which i didn’t know existed got to the point where i smoked a carton in a week and started vaping and now i vape to avoid feeling the withdrawal symptoms of a lack of nicotine which are great and i’m starting to vape the max amount … fuck this shit …
i’m like a health nut who has a vice that’s like the worst thing
i’m against teenagers from vaping because it is a gateway drug it’s like the gateway to the gateway drug which was cigarettes and now there is a gateway to the gateway to the gateway to the gateway drug which is typically considered weed but is really cigarettes but is now actually vaping and no one drinks anymore and like i’m in favor of a if you’re born this year you can’t vape until your 30th birthday but for everyone born after today or something llike this because of how confusing it would be in terms of law like a law that starts for people born today something on the books like for our grandchildren you can’t vape smoke drink until 30 but for all of us bound for hellians we can sort of try to get kids to understand that it’s a worse life doing drugs but they get a counter point from like snoop dogg or willy nelson to listen to who are in favor of smoking weed
i’m really proud of that gateway to the gateway to the gateway drug and i feel like i’m in a drug writing this like THIS is a drug too
what’s an african fruit like a monkey paw? what do africans just eat tigers? we have enough africans in cincinnati that at like an well there’s a couple african bodega’s maybe i’ll stop in and ask to see their african fruit selection …
when i was 15 i had an african continent necklace i wore around my neck from UDF and when i was 18 i made it into city beat for organizing a concert to raise money for chrisitian solidarity international to free sudanese slaves that i read about in time magazine and got involved iwth after calling the woman from time magazine and talking to her on the phone and getting hte information on christian solidarity international so that i could do what she was doing and the concert was canceled and the necklace got lost and then i went to college
the cops canceled the concert and i punched a hole in a dry wall staircase because i used a STRAIGHT EDGE symbol on my concert flyer to denote a drinking drug free environment and the cops said it was a gang symbol and they canceled the concert and the parents protested and i went on aol instant messenger and told everyone the concert was canceled and 250 people still showed up at NCH high school and i got in trouble
NCHPD canceled the concert hte same cops that took me to the psych ward 15 times and that visited me at summit for a joke i told about a school shooting to the enquirer that happened this past year the NCHPD the people that know me quite well but probably disavow all knowledge of it because hey it wasn’t me that did that
as in you can”t have a problem wiht a cop even though you have a problem with the police because it was never them
it took me 6 months to figure out how to plan a concert when i knew the bands like it was the day in the shower when i had like 3 bands at my birthday party i was like might as well plan a concert and then i was like flyering my high school and throwing up gang signs in the hallways and was getting told not to do that even though i was repping an omni set htat was just repping gang signs in general because i thought they looked cool and i twas calling buddy rogers and getting a stage donated and getting equipment and an audio guy and getting everything in line and grinding through what next what next wheat next and now i could plan a concert in an afternoon even though there was a day it took me six months to plan an event in terms of hte logistics of it something as simple as a concert a little thing in a high school at 18 was like a major under taking i was sweating grinding and just doing hunt and pecks and super grinds and just like well it need this and this and this and this and i think i saw one of my flyers laying around my folks place a couple years ago but in 1998 i had 3 punk bands and 3 rappers and it got canceled and the PTA went up against the NCHPD and they didn’t budge
and it got canceled i told this story to my girlfriend in london and she cried for like 15 minutes
and now i’m some kind of loser becaue of the cops again and i’m like fuck you i”ll dry fruit end up paying you a geeb of taxes and then you’ll finallyy protect me this is a new thought that i would pay so much in NCH PD that i would hire an FBI OUTFIT to investigate the NCHPD
JAN 9, 2019, 3:37 PM
see i was mediating for a while and a woman said put a whole strawberry on the bakking sheet to dry and i was like i was going to do mango slices and she was like just just do a whole strawberry and i hid my thoguht that that was stupid and then she said you can fill the entire baking sheet up with fruit and i was like see that’s better than what i was thinking which was like 8 shards of mango on a baking sheet and let that dry over night and she was like noooooo fill the entire baking sheet up with fruit and let it dry and she was like that’s why i thought dried fruit was a good idea because it was like wholesale and i was like oooooooo i was literally going to dry like eight pieces of mango over night and she was like nooooooooooooooooo fill the entire baking sheet up with mango
then this one nigga was like alright for like one week just put the fruit in at like midnight and let it dry until 8am and call that a unit and however dry it gets at 8am is how dry it gets and make it easy to explain and do that at like 125 and then do that for a week and amass an amount of fruit that way and then the next week do it at like 250 and hten you’ve got carmelized dried fruit
he was like carmelized dried mango wouuld be a delicacy like cooked dried mango would be a delicacy
meditation sometimes you run into people
so like what did i take from this take like 5 pounds of fruit chop it up fill a baking sheet loaded with fruit and put it in to dry for like a day
maybe the name of this book will be snips and snails and puppy dog tails … from the poem boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails and girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice
JAN 9, 2019, 8:10 PM
hey how’s chance hte rapper doing as i understand it he’s the only musician that did it the way i would have with just an .mp3 file for sale on my website and then i tour repping my website?
http://www.oronjo.com
louis ck did a dvd for sale on a website and was the first person i heard of to independently make $1 million dollars on the sale of the special … special
and bill buur has a great website
i look at podcasting sort of differently than radio like it’s when you’re hit with GO! Just ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT! GO! I don’t do shit
i’m hating this my soul or something has a interest in this or just my cost benefit neuoron or something because i’m not even banking on this working out but i actually don’t know why i do this but the word COMPELLED comes up
can;t stop won;t stop
can’t stop won’t stop
like with radio it”s structured and i can wrap my head around it and there’s already an established audience and you have a format with podcasting like what bill burr does it’s like he does like 1 and a half hours of just him talking and it’s every week and it’s sort of like i’m glad you’re doing that pod cast bill i heard your rhetoric this one time i get it i’m glad your doing it … i don’t think people really know what rhetoric is … it took me 8 years of listening to professors to begin to be like OH THAT’s RHETORIC … like once i knew what rhetoric was i spent 2 years just listening for words i hadn’t heard before in the professor’s lectures annd the rest of the time i was like KEW:L and zoned ouut
llike podcasting is mostly rhetoric to me to someone that doesn’t know what rhetoric is every podcast is a unique snowflake but to someone that know’s what rhetoric is they’re like each one of these has six sides and pointy ends i get it let me know if you find a unique one
like i hope by at least myy 50’s i’m referencing tie periods like this heavily as opposed to school i’m getting tired of referencing school and it’s hard not to because a lot of the time i’m referencing my past and it’s my most recent past and i’m not far enough removed from my recent past to references it
with podcasts though it’s like you don’t have an audience you need a logo it’s a pain to get listted in a podcast directory you’re podcasting maybe hundrreds of times to what audience what are you going to talk about it’s just you and a mic and then you have to edit and prepare the file and it”s like with radio you get hired and sit in front of a mic
i’m at my folks place my recharge point for the entirety of the shows i did like HEY EVERYBODY! WHAT’s UP! SO THE OTHER DAY I WAS GOING TO GET MY INJECTION AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is about as bad a electroconvulsive therapy now i’ve never had electroconvulsive therapy before i just know it’s a hassle like getting an injection NOW HOLD ON NOT ALL OF YOU ARE AS MENTALLY ILL AS ME! I’m the one that walked around naked in london and FUCK YOU they asked me if i wanted to go to a british jjail or a british psych ward and is aid jail and they sent me to the psych ward … jail makes sense to me the psych ward is ridiculous and it has a stigma I don’t want to live with … then get this after 20 years of grinding i was in the hospital 30 times because my folks picked it up as a parenting technique I know you paid $50 a ticket for this … and it’s my therapy … toronto thought this was worth $60 so feel free to leave a tip … hey’ it’s been great i know i said i would do a short set now just stay in your seats we’re all going to stand up and mingle in the audience i’m not going to go back stagee and bounce with you’re money i can do small groups but if you can get past your celebrity oo ah there’s somet interesting people in the audience tonight just call me the ice breaker … now let’s mingle …. #MY SHOW
i asked my uncle about it a website that was like a theatre … like facebook did it … i was thinking of like the facebook live video feed for like typing that you could go to a website and watch someone type out a show and THEN i thought to myself a COLD COLC COLD COLD COLD website would be like the New York Times WEBSITE as is but like if you tuned in from time to time you could watch the articles being written in real time … like the WCPO website but if you visit the site you can watch the articles being written and posted … like it’s a javascript enfatico but like it’s probaby the next level draw
all right it’s sort of always put up or shut up with me at any given moment so i’m about to call the mad frog to see if they’d put DRUNK GUY ON STAGE @ 7/11 or something like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOULD the mad frog allow a drunk guy on stage? like WOULD they let me do a set where i drink a bottle of wine and so long as i drink the whole bottle it’s fine … hell of a prop
called left a message
can;t do more than that
my upload edit for the mad frog is instead of wine wut abouut like a 6 pack of b eer? like weed is being legalized and drinking as spectacle STARTS in cincinnati because someone was like HEY people doo’t drink on stage that’s why i’m gonna
a bottle of wine or a beer makes a nice prop loosens ya up and in my head i have this entire show just bubbling inside of me that i’m itching to do a show inebriated maybe in colorado do a show high … just the dare kid that took to doing drugs on stage like legal drugs like in cincinnati it’s beer in paris it’s wine and in colo fucking rado it”s weed … fuck … have to raise the money to travel locally and then i”m ingratiating myself to cincinnati just to leave so like maybe this one night at the greenwich after a sober show some people can go outside and we can cypher around a blunt or something … i don’t i really to me it’s a fucked up thing to do to peppper a city with shows just to leave
like in line wiith walking out of my apartment and coming home with cash walking up to hops and vines in college hill and offering to drrnk a bottle of wine as spectacle is good for his wine business or going to frickers and offering to do a monhtly show on a sixer of beer or this one time i did it and i can do it but i need help getting home and it would be very rock and roll would be to as sincere spectacle minded i’m 6’4” 230 now but like to drink an 18 pack of pabst blue ribbon as spectacle just to watch someone crush an 18 pack at frickers might be something kind of thing i could go out my apartment drink at a barr and get paid to drink … thought
oh i got up for this i invented the town drunk .. that i mean in a small village you just get laid for being the town drunk IF YOU’RE THE TOWN DRUNK IN A METROPOLITAN district you gotta try harder do more shows be more about being a town drunk and then you can get paid for it cincinnati can afford a town drunk it might be josh sneed would be a better choice like i thought of it but like if josh sneeed was the town drunk … i might want to code a website that has like an effect like what i see when my writing comes across it like my big project for the year would be to figurre out how to enable copy and pasteable writing streamed live to a website if by the end of the year i could just have text being typed across a screen that you could copy and paste and i found a town drunk and managed them
i invented the town drunk metropolitan sttyle not a small accomplishment
as i remember cincinnati is always that city that’s like and i don’t have the numbers but it’s like winter won’t be too bad and then it hits and it’s like when will it end or it’s well it wasn”t bad but there was this day in february that was just ridiculously cold
so after today see office work so after today in the office it’s when i run into some more fruit put some in the oven, then it’s when the mad frog calls sell a booking for a show and try and nail donw a place i canceled on this time last year, and it’s when i get to my PC look into libraries for javascript to see if there is any code that can already give me a typing line on the front page from an admin panel
that’s what i know about office work … it can squirrel your life up … gotta handle the head trips and keep it simple
i don’t know computer scientists aren’t known for writing a lot, taking a lot of photographs, recording a lot, or filming a lot they know the concept but if a group of professioanl content creators came together and was like lets draw a picture of the content management system we need thats not a theoretical one like i posit a domain with no index file just a file managment system gets it done but you work with tane amounts of file footage and like if the content producers got together and were like HOW ARE WE GOING TO MANAGE THIS CONTENT ? and drew a picture for a software engineer like WE NEED THIS! something … lately at the back of my mind it’s been burbling how am i going to manage all of this writing typically meta tags are used and like i”m typiing now but in wordpress i have to go back and tag it and categorize it and that’s not in line with type and hit return like this is an unwieldly amount of content for a facebook front that’s like mark zuckerberg invented the front street office and like every front street office it’s weak and jenky and like next door is ann 8 man crew in business to do content management and i doubt it’s a front it looks nicer but like anyways facebook might be a front and like i don’t know what would work better for you than a wall of text in this box? it’s a tacit problem
to solve
like a warmer say no to drugs campaign like | you’re not more creative when you’re on drugs, you’re not | and | if you wanted to know how smoking tastes , well it tastes bad | and | hangovers suck | and | when it comes to opioids nothing feels as good as being alive | and | vaping is a gateway drug to a gateway drug to a gateway drug to a gateway to ruin | something
muckka mucka mucka mucka mucka MUCKA mucka … okay a small percentage of the cincinnati population has stayed in a men’s or women’s shelter but it’s basically a fat ass cool as shit place to live for like 6 months and you can walk downtown and go to restaurants and surf the computer and Mucka Mucka Mucka Mucka Mucka Mucka like … if I applied or a fat as shit grant to pay for planning to detail where land is what the builiding would look like so that anyone male or female could check into a facility at one weight level and leave at a lower weight level if it was sculpted JUST LIKE the men’s shelter but at any time provided ther was an opening you could check in and learn proper dieting habits in real time and get that bird meal mentality in yourself that it takes to lose weight like a place named something like WEAKNESS CAMP where someone like me would desperately need to lose weight and lower my blood pressure and i would check in and stay thee until i hit my weight goal … not certain how this works but there would have to be an insurance plan to pay for people to be able to keep their job pay their rent and bills and stay at this place … it’s an advanced political demon to defeat to get this and it’s as complicated as pick up and leave groceries at the grocery store by a tax supported krogers
for if i applied FOR a fat as shit grant
like if there was an indoor camp for city folk that was d esigned so that there was a fat ass fire pit in doors like the city doesn’t get nearly enough camp fire in it’s life
that’s what they can do with that jewelry store that went out of business down town that fat as shit space that’s what you can do with fat as shit spaces you can turn them into indoor camp sites … FUCK YES! i typed this fast as shit … you can turn a mall a sky scraper a big box retailer into a camp site
that’s my new thing to look for llike forest mills mall could be a motal fuck netflix it’s even easier to selll it as a motel just rent sleeping bags and pop a squat be cool as shit to have a place you can spend $25 and stay the night
while i was legit homeless albeit with my folks uptown but still legit with nowhere to go i was like mid winter like sort of a cold hearted homeless solution but if hte city was just like we’ll provide 25 oil barrels and 5 tons of wood that should last you four years but as best as i can tell the homeless situation is solved by letting them bust out oil drums of fire to keep warm fuck heat lamps just when you are dealing with homeless that sleepp through the winter for like 12 years and never go indoors not sure how that’s possible but i encountered that dimensional being of human and i was just like you can scrap a men’s shetler and stick with the underpass camp and just provide barrels provides plenty of incentive to avoid homelessness maybe keep the shelter as a way out of htat
but if you had oil drum barrles and fire wood or if it’s metal you let the homeless burn fires in the fountain on fountain square
the lady of the fountain on fire on fouuntain square on fire like you take a half ton of wood and pepper it into the water basin and then kerosine it and light it on fire that’s a photograph
i could make gum drops too … like i have to prepare a fat as shit microsoft word file to give to my sister to have her print off at proctor and gamble again 10 years ago she agreed and was cool with printing off my writing at P@G but like i need one to go through so that i can make notes on promises well not promises but concepts i came up with to see what of this can be turned into promises
i have to go through this … my tweets … 6 years of sent emails … and see what did i write .. what can i follow up with … what can i turn into promises …. what did i give a try to that i can give another try to .. i have to go through this and get right with myself and hten keep up with myself in the future … i used to do this with outlook sending emails to businesses and i did it with twitter now i am doing it with you
jesus son of the saviour john the baptist moses right hand mand elijah muhammed ali for fucks sake that was an intense meditation …
JAN 10, 2019, 7:18 AM
i woke up this morning like i’ll put this off six months but there’s this little kitchen across the street from saint margaret mary it’s literallly a kitchen that’s currrently selling like something like bolonga sandwiches let’s say like i think if i drew up some documents and walkedi and wasl ike hey i’ve lived in NCH for like 40 years I developed a need for a kitchen could you look these documents over and handed them a business package i could probably be in the dried fruit business overnight
JAN 10, 2019, 8:24 AM
depression setting in at the thought of drying fruit but im still like looks good for the community , is front loaded major wait time work , can still write and do it , might be able to use churches kitchen , can spend two years working on it at home and im depressed
ill tell yiu my oldest story , i was taking gabi nick lacheys exchange student to prom in high school at his parents house when he let me listen to his first album
ill tell you my oldest story , i was taking gabi nick lacheys exchange student to prom in high school at his parents house when he let me listen to his first album
i camup with dried diced fruit !ike a dried kiwi slurry
i made out with a lot of girls in high school but gabi nick lacheys exchange student wanted to make out too badly so i turned her down and left , never told anyone that #highschoolstories
i learned from all the shit i did you don’t want to be in a hurry for anything and im treating dried fruit as a business as something to take real slow
nick lacheys folks lived up the street from arbys in finneytown
if elon musk is right and were in a computer ive wondered if im on a flight to europe and in the real world it takes three months to fly from cincinnati to london and this is on air entertainment and like this is my fourth game
JAN 10, 2019, 11:11 AM
okay i’l do soem unispired writing all of that writing leaidng up to this post here was inspired writing and i wonder if not many people talk about haivng a tooth that might enable telepathy because not many people live 45 minutes from Wright Patterson Air Force Base like just 45 minutes north is an advanced darpa laboratory and i did score a 99% on the Asvab test and some military grunt probably got orders to monitor a tele screen and make certain the technology that’s been in use since 1940 and has gotten progressvely more advanced workedo on a civilian against his will because he woudl be content as a chicken cook but they saw lawnemower man and wanted to do something like that but on someone smart
if it isi a darpa project i am involved in against my will i’m just missing asking my permission and a tour of the faclities away form sponsoring the extension of their program in congress
like in a world post x files if i was mayor of north college hill i would issue an order for me to be taken of a tour of all of the technologically advanced facilities in the united states of america in document form i just need to know as mayor what my citizens are exposed to satellitically computationally cellularly and pharmaceutically in order ot levy proper policing of my citizens
i can prove it with this the brain is a sensory organ and it’s an input output device and i’m getting input i never experienced in my life so i can submit this sentence in court that there is more to this than just me … this is not all just me …. wright patterson air force base is in dayton and if i have ESP extra sensory perception it’s because of technology
i follow a law ii discovered that a large problem requires a small solution and a small problem requires a large solution and if WCPO did a final thought on the internet that if WCPO started doing final thoughts that APOLOGIES APOLOGIES and the internet go hand in hand if you find yourself leaving a large amount of negative comments leave some apologies too and if you find yourself using the intternet a lot like me call in and see if it’s a problem or if it’s appreciated
but a large problem is negative energy on the internet and a small solution would be to recommend people issue apologies
at length
JAN 10, 2019, 4:47 PM
i do need to go through my luciuspixel@outlook.com address, my wuzywut@gmail.com address, my nicholasanthonylawson@gmail.com address, my @LuciusPixel twitter account and really this document and compile all of my thoughts into a single document and have my sister print it out for me and then go over it and see if i came up with a corporation with multiple arms that i would need to hire a vice president and secretary to initialize conversations to get venture capital to oversee a multi arm business that would require more than one head to operate functionally i wonder if i did come acrosss a corporation that would require a HEAD quarters to operate along the way of these past 6 years of writing
i’m doing this with poor quality writing to read also and i had it in my head that a down town fishing hole that was actually the highest rated idea i ever came up with dried fruit was recieved to ho hum reviews among my family but a fishing hole in the city was the highest rated concept that there would be a place where you could fish in the city was the best idea i ever came up with and i don’t know why
like my idea was a place to grab a beer and fish in the city was astounding to my mother she was like YOU NEED TO DO THAT but building my own advertising benches and selling advertising was reviewed as i mean you could do that yes you can do that too
like it’s math or something you put golf and muscle cars together and you’ve got a winning business idea
in my head for fishing in the city i need a mega warehouse but then a part of me just now thinking abbout it small fishing poles for small fish i thought the idea wouldn’t work is because you need SO MUCH SPACE to fish that there isn’t a building in cincinnati that could handle a busy fishing hole
unless like it’s like the lottery it’s just a fat ass pool and you pay like $8 for a fishing pole and we puut your tag on your pole and if you ever catch a fish you can have it among hte 400 straight line poles that circle the fishery
even my friend in london kaz to the idea of fishing in a building in the city was like that’s a winner and i was like DA FUCK? i came up with selling writing to someone that needs a product, print on demand game boards, owning the media of bench advvertising, and dried fruit and fishing and beer is my best idea in a building where people fish and drink beer? and he was like yeah fishing and beer
last night during an intense meditation i came up with a thought pattern that was like dried fruit dna sequencing deried FROOT D N A S E Q U E N C I N G do you see that dried fruit or dna sequencing or hydroponics and i was given insight in my mediation to higher order business plans like dna sequencing or hydroponics and i was like okay yeah that is higher order math that i mean it’s still food and computing it’s just yeah i did think to turn the subway tunnel space into a hydroponics laboratory and i don’t know much about dna sequencing but i had a thought to expand my reaidng list and at least go online and try and look for the shangri la of reading that would be what where can i find the magazine that leads me to or the reading list or who wrote the books on or where are the PHD repositories of writing because i already found one repository of PHD writing and realized okay it’s a lot of personal anecdotes in the three documents i read like it’s a style of writing like PHD writing is a style of writing i thought it wouuld be over my head but i just tell myself that PHD are the beacons of light that write the good fight and in the three documents i read i was like okay your personal life is in trouble but you did find this one thing in computer science you wanted to write about
that might be a field and it would be my taste that determines it finding an orchard of writing that would suit my tastes to read because currently the reading field is dim to me
i’m like QUACK food and computers that’s not a bad start i need two more i always think in terms of fours not threes anymore like they taught in high school like i see a lot of puzzles over the years that can be solved in fours like lemons limes oranges and tangerines and like that’s all the citrus fruit i know of
i also thought of making films for the esquire theatre and getting in on the ground floor with them like if i could get that relationship with the esquire theatre where we split the door and i don’t have to pay to rent a theatre … its occurred to me that the only way to make movies is to be in the theatre business and if the esquire theatre had a film company and i was that heaad …. like it’s a bitch to make a film for a sedentary person like you have to be a professional athlete of high intelligence to make a film and you have to have a good sense of in front of the camera is not real and off camera is real and the sidewalk is the set and fuck the fillm i thought of filming with my smart phone was me walking from my folks place to fountain square just the walk but i also thought of filming at ameristop and i don’t know i need to write scripts and i read somewhere that in the modern age everyone in their 30’s should make a film and this document that i pieced together for you is basically my film … i also thought of doing screen captures and 3D animation for films but i just don’t have that relationship with the esquiire theatre and i don’t have a track record of film making and i don”t have the crew of friends i had and i just know esquire theatre has 3 films if you want a $100 million dollar return they need 500 more theatres and that might require some planning and some real estate like a lot and if some people would want to think tank that have better connections than i do and a better network i could work in writing if they just gave me a budget to work with for the script to keep in mind and i’m a writer / young middle aged author and it’s jusst another decent sketch of an idea someone might get excited to talk about but depressed to do
recently i wrote a duralast computing company about giving me specs on their computer so that i could take them to a congress man about my friend hakiym thought this was the best idea he ever heard but like a graveyard or cemetary that linked your social media accoount to your tombstone
like the vision was a graveyard where you could walk around and spend time at people’s tombstones and explore who someone was
or the iddea of taking school papers from k throghh 12 and publishing them to a website
i still am not thinking of everything i thought of which is to be expected
well k through ph documents tracking students writing from k through phd or wherever they graduate from but i know that taking a wasted material like a school paper and turning it into a valuable document for publishing is a major operation that brings with it the problem of parents wanintg their students paid for their school work which would get in the way of those papers raising funding for the school
through advertising supported websites just a parent or sophomore in colllege that wants paid for their A paper when tha advertising dollar goes to the school
and it’s really the most interesting business idea because currently school papers are worthless until someone touches the school paper and says i want to do business with this
and then like for studies purposes like you can track the progress of students work or even anonymously like you can see the development of human thought through studying k through phd work like but then there are parents and young adults and i”m like yeah yeah you had kids that’s what most of you did
uploading school papers even creates jobs for schooll districts the district scanners
i was just watching television when it comes to opiods aren’t we talking about imebicles like ABUSE of opioids is the problem like if you take your pill in the morning and the night you’re fiine ?
son of a bitch that confusing hate filled love filled thing just educated me again it participated this time out my mouth based on my writing here but if school teachers started collecting school papers and they were published 4 years after you graduated … my psychiatrist said there was a singer that had a song about how he heard radio signals from his tooth … there is no literature on this i know about evertyhing but what i most want to know about
i thought of a church that’s like a bank and an insurance company for itself i mean it just seems like an insurance company and a bank have the utmost best of intentions in theory like the ideal bank and the ideal insuurance company is astounding like the ideal church is but people in a metropolitcan that are raised all kinds of ways and like a bank seems like a church without the ceremonhy and an insurance company seems like the spirit of a church
like if i had smoked weed since freshman year of high school and never got into university i would probably love people but i spent 11 years at university around the top 6% of the population so i”m wondering why compton doesn’t opperate like a university campus
JAN 10, 2019, 7:19 PM
i got to play with kimmel for a second and i was like yeah im famous but not well known have stockhold syndrome was abused in every way love my city bipoar diagnosis but it’s really weed and i graduated Uc but failed 14 classes anyways i also felt liike writing him about the bible and i was like if you had a production company set up with red cameras that filmed the new testament talmud the koran and dianeitcs and saved the on gold discs so that the files were never lost netflix is always on but like for this you would want to do an entire website for this and churches and synagogues and mosques would tune in to check your work and schools and universities but if you produced the three holy books and dianetics in film form and you charged people to watch them not at the movie theatre but on a website if i was going to ground floor with the esquire i would want to pitch the entire bible as a produciton and at first just the book of genesis as a test run but producing holy books in archdiocsese land seems like a good idea
we could do like 20 man years worth of work once and produce a non linear set of story lines and just do it once and then can it and cop revenues from a website forever that’s nice i’ll write that up upon review of these documents that lay before me
it was on twitter that i played with him but like i mean it was fun
so all the downers i know ou thought i was on the phone with jimmy kimmel no i was on his twitter account
i was like the first person in cincinnati to bring up tweeting katy perry on twitter in conversation to poignant looks like you can get attention in cincinnati just talking about who you tweeted the response isn’t necessary to impress people in cincinnati
it’s not the intenret it’s spice ever pull up the large hadron super collider website when a friend comes over so when he’s like whutcha doin you can say i was just checking out the large hadron super collider website
like the internet is wall paper the music is wall paper all we”re missing is wall paper to use as wall paper
i knew this a while ago that wcp.ocm/publishing could be your own publishing house and wcpo.com/agency could be your literary agency and i just know that and i knew that a long time ago but that’s not why i wrote 250 pages to you i did that just to do that then i sat there just a second ago and was like that’s write they could have a subdomain that’s their publishing house SCRIPPS Scripts … i did think of that i did think of you drilling into your domain a bit further to be more monopolisitc
monopolistic
JAN 11, 2019, 7:13 AM
it would be holy and biblical if i wrote something in this text and you didn’t read it and it would have been a thing htat would have kept your cpmpany afloat but katherin nero and ketchmarkk are doing GREAT youtube videos on facebook but at your level they need to be selling ads too … nero and ketchmark are not selling advertising on their facebook monologues and that is something that probably should have been thought of at first you have an audiene and you do need to sell ads to them … i do wonder about the story of the man that had the answer to society’s demise and he was using the internet to handle it and no one read his work … not that that’s me i doubt dried fruit is an answer to society’s problems but it’s an answer to mine i just know ketchmark and nero need to sell some ads
i really haven’t watched television in like 6 years i just started again like a couple months ago like television is a trip i’m like just swaddlled in programming watching that it just doesn’t seem like it’s anything but subconscious programming of the human mind like it has a concept that it’s ideal viewer watches 24/7 or something and then they get a subconsciious educaiton on i don’t know what at this point i think it’s be wealthy but be uneducated to the point where it’s not possible to be wealthy … like what aboue E Span it’s an online portal similar to C Span where they offer University Classes like Edx or MIT OPEN COURSE WARE
i don’t have all of your advertisers but if you had a wcpo.com/advertisers website like you could do a hell of a church bulletin if you listed all of your advertisers and their offerings on an advertising web page like if you had a link on your front page to your advertisers and it was done catholic church bulletin style like these are our sponsors and if it was a really nice page that listed a deal you could get for each of your advertisers like wcpo.com is news and then when you click on a sponsors link everyone that was listed on television was listed on your website
i was thinking if there was a package deal like for $4500 dollars you could get car insurance mcdonalds coupons dental appoiintments something if there was a television lifestyle package on your website that was like all of your sponsors in one package deal purchaseable kit
this is just an epic pitch meeting
i started off trying to write you and then when i finally cooled out and got comfortable with the fact that i was writing about business to a major corporation i jjust starrted pitching but if there was like a cincinnati lifestyle gift basket you could buy that involved all your advertisers
like if your website had an enterainmnet book that thing you buy for #25 dollars that has $500 dollars worth of coupons in it
the only reason why i think i am being read is because i talk to myself about what i wrote like 25 minutes ago but part of me is hip to the fact that i’m not being followed by someone in cyberspace that what’s most likely true is that SIRI is hooked up to some government equipment and i’m dealing with a parrot in my ESP space that wrght patterson air force base has a computer reading my writing and then SIRI or a rather a computer is what is feeding me my lines in my head i would doubt in this day and age that a person is reading all of this and parroting it back to me but if you wanted broad based telepathy and if you wanted more people to get a telepathic response to the internet you would use a computer to do that to disperse telepathic wisdom to the massess or else 150 million people would be telepathically cocmmunicating to 150 milllion people to make it work and that’s not feasible so i would say you’re not reading this and computer is scanning this and interacting with me in a SIRI like fashion
hell of a movie
i’m thinking next level ultra secret darpa techhnology is being tested on me to give me the ability to think i’m telepathic or have ESP like what if it was like a HAM radio though?
i do i do have a metal tooth and i am highly aware of it i’m even afraid some felon would want to extract my tooth from my mouth and rolll it around in theirs to get a sense of what telepathy might be like something gangster like that is a fear of mine that it would be world wide known metal teeth fillings produce telepathy and then criminals that have all their teeth corner a weakling like me and pull my tooth out so they can know what its like to be telepathic
fucking scary shit goes through my head like every day like there’s the typical meeting where we go over what i wrote and then there’s the horror movie every day where i learn the next reason why i should die and then there’s like this party … it’s a daily cycle
like we have nukes cell phones smart phones next gen personal computers main frames cars microwaves radio broadcasting space shuttles satelllties we live ina world not unlike area 51 what’s so far fetched about metal tooth enabled telepathy when all that other stuff that was in the secret planning departments of the 1950’s is scattered everywhere we have segway’s downtown at a store you can buy i mean if you’re a cop that wants to patrol in a cool wayy they’re the only ones i ever see ON segways but like i’m with it i think it’s a cool look cop on a scooter
like i was sort of raised in a government facility as a teenager like learning physics computer programming calculus algebra engaged in gym class and then there was the day i must have had a RIDICULOUS cavitiy because my folks took me in to get this fat metal filling that liike i had my fillings done the other day it’s a smalll thing and i brushed my teeth every day then and I was in the gifted program and i scored into the highest percentil on ASVAB which is the 99th percentile which IS the highest military ranking in intelligence per an 19 year old taking a test and i was in north college hill and it was an all white neighborhood and i was just like cool i got a filling and it”s like it didn’t even turn on until 6 years ago when i moved into the city and now it’s been so regular i can’t imagine life without some kind of cerebral puzzle to solve eery day
if i’m going to do business in dried fruit i probably shouldn’t do it in NCH like i’m white this is a black neighborhood i mean most of the people i see are black and the white people i see on NEXT DOOR are stupid my lease is up in october i shoulld probably starting around june start looking for a place in northside
like i think i’m pretty retarded like i had never gone to school i would have been a cockeyed fucked up tooth lookin like i had plastic surgery done when i was a kid i had a retainer to push out my teeth andi i had corrective lenses like i’m more beautiful than i should be it throws people off i’m actually a correct representation of my DNA not totally like i”m actually also cock eyed and have ingrown teeth okay but like i went to school and it’s really not me that says i’m a genius it’s 25 years of paperwork you gave me that you looked over and signed
my mom went to med mart to get a push scooter to get around the house while her leg is broken and i askked her if there was anything at med mart i could use and she said i could use one of the jazzy scooters you drive down the sidewalk on so i said that would be cool if i could have a jazzy scooter and be the healthy person on a med mart scooter going across the cross walk that’s a decent thing to do to a population of people give them that to look at
when was the last time someone had a cleft lip in cincinnati ohio … i thought about it on television this one time … i could probably fix a cleft lip … i would cut one side of the cleft the other side and sew them together … i could probably start a cleft lip speciality in cincinnati ohio and just be like my pops told me how to do this i got this …. i’m a cleft lip specialist
and what’s fucked up is my dad didn’t tell me how to fix a cleft lip i just eyeballed it like there’s only one way to do it
parasitic addiction the fiction of the rhyme ii can;”t rap to save my life but i can rhyme like a type of sike i can”t do a damned thing putting these sentences together like a diamond ring i’m the blue on black rhythm and blues section of the internet coming correct no i can’t rap but i can rhyme a seance the parlayance of a motion i never went to diamond oaks i went to a place where i learned to smoke and i know i”m the kind of guy that would write a movie about the diamond oak tree it’s clear to me what you see i’m just a litlle rhyme slayer you’re the one that’s a big player i’m like parasitic addiction to the internet i’m like fillld with blood and i just need to get this into the main stream my artery is strong and my vein of context has no clues i’m interested in what i choose to do and i’m currently at my folks place playing the blues and i keep it pretty red purple like royalty you have the majoriity vote i’m the whip that’s keeping it together we have the weather to fore cast and i was cast before and now i’m here to do four more scores and the fore cast looks like human resources and you could put resumes on the air waves and would anyone hire me
the air waves are typiically filled with the errors of our ways and they say you can fill a bathtub with water in 10 minutes but like i need that excitement in my life where i get naked and bath in hot water 2nd verse where we don’t rehaarse this is my 11 minute november rain in january and i’m on the keyboard letting you know i could do a show like this just hook me up to the projector and let me screen cast my addiction hold up nirvana’s on the spotify i spot a fly i’m the type of guy that’s ready to do a show when i recharge it’s just i can’t take my equipment on the bus this pus that’s electronic we died off in millions in a war that brought peace core and the peace corps eat with golden forks nad we are the peace core here to rain down supremacy on weapons everywhere and the war of hte worlds is the low energy veruses the why did you think you needed a gun in the first place oh because the other guy might have one well he doesn’t need one eiither so turn in your weapons and handle this with a kiss the one thing the majority of people are afraid to deal with
why you got a gun because the other man has a gun but why he got a gun because someone else has a gun why you need a gun because the other man has a gun i gotta protect myself from the man with the gun so i gotta gun and now i’m the man with the gun the other guy needs to get a gun to protect himself from
i checked on hosting and i mean i would get a website but long term hosting is like $200 a month like the first year based on my studies is like $50 a year and then that second year they take off the discount and it’s like $200 so i’m not doing websites my sister is getting me microsoft word and it hasn”t come yet she has it at her house and then i think i can install it it’s 2013 thought microsoft office and i hate using not up to date software so i’ll probably act like it didn”t install properly and get the $9.99 a month microsoft office that’s up to date which is the next option becasue i need to start putting .docx files together so that i can send this ish to the publisher
twinkle twintle little star
twinkle twinle little star how i wonder what you are up above the world so high like a diamond in the sky twinkle twinkle little star howi wonder what you are
you load fifteen tons and what do you get another day older and deeper in debt saint peter don’t you call me because i ain’t home i owe my soul to the company store
happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear WCPO happy birthday to you
rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose and if you ever saw him you would even say it glowed then all the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names then one foggy christmas eve santa came to say rudolph with your nose so bright won’t you guide my sleigh tonight
i pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america and to the republic for which it stands one nation under god indivisible with liberty and justice for all
cool thing about the pledge of allegiance it’s a poem about how no one will ever pledge allegiance to a man we pledge to a flag because we honor the principle of the republic not that is currently in the ceremonoial role of the republic’s needs
in a republic you are pledging alleigiance to principles and ideals not people
something something sweet land of liberty for thee i see land where my fathers’ died land of the pilgrims pride for every mountain high let freedom ring or something some song we sang over and over again in grade school
astro”s bag has a big surprise open uup and see what’s inside what’s this it’s a carrot what does carrot start with C that’s right CARROT start’s with C
i’m aware if i reviewe some songs or just now if i did it just now like i have a nice little 15 minute set memorized from over the years being exposed to certain songs like the broken parable show or something
that could be a show like a one off just a special becasue it wouuld get redundant just a show called WHAT DO YOU HAVE MEMORIZED? and it’s a special game show one off special that has on contestants and of the 8 contestants the winner has the most shit memorized
my family has a lot of heirlooms and i am an AIR LOOM i’m basically someone that weaves air
that was a fun cypher my folks have a lot of heirloom i am air loom i weave air i weave hair … that was fun
what does the fact tha my family has a lot of heirlooms have to do with me? nothing … i was born into a family that was filled with heirlooms like all that it would have to do with me is that i might know some ancient wisom dating back to like the 18th century … like all family’s? all the family’s have heirlooms? like i don’t want to go int odetail but i just saw a book that is like an antiques road show catalog my family did of my grandmother’s belongings and i’m like i probably just stared at like $4.5 milion dollars in antiques road show loot which is in safe keeping and i’m hoping no one ever takes my mima’s loot and takes it to auction i hope it stays in the family i told my moms we could do a room in my houuse when i get one that’s like a museum to the family like if my first house had a room that we used as a museum … something … i knew my family was unique … just a random book with photographs of my grandmother’s belongs for her will and estate signed by my grandmother … like an entire season”s worth of antiques road show in a book
i mmight know some antique shit but so far i have no belongs that i purchased myself
just little bauble and cheap shit they never threw away like a coin from 1742
like you know that NICeE table at the flea market that has the NICE baubles .. my family’s houses are littered with that shit … like NICE things that are flea marketety … like if michael and bennet and juliet don’t perrform well in school they’re prepped for a flea market lifestyle like if they go to school and get an education they can learn to apprciate a computer or they can fail miserably and sit at a toble with myy mom’s inheritance at a table with some post it notes that have the prices for the shit on them michael might end up inn a flea market bennet might end up in jail and juliet might end up a stripper …. they’re set though they have some shit to sell
naw it;s not adama excelsior lawson for my kid it’s something colder like adama rothschild lawson
i had a thought that in a previous life i used to break into houses with jay z and got paid for it because we tested people’s security systems and alll we did if we broke in was turn the radio on and leave
something to do
but i had a dream that i was good friends with jay z in a previous life and i was jjust like i gotta go i can;t do nyc any longeri i gotta move to cincinnati to start my own life
like in my dreams there was an original time line and it’s like if reincarnation is true we just keep doing that and have been building ourselves up since the first cell was transplanted on this world like in a meditation yesterday if you think about a single cell sent from the aliens and dropped into the ocean would just keep splitting and replicating until there was enough biomass to be what we have today like all it would have taken to start life on this planet would have been for one alien bacteria to have fallen into our ocean and then it just kept splitting
like if reincarnation is true you keep reincarnating like we might be on our tectillionth life or our 4th i don’t know there may be an original timeline i have dreams i wonder if i am dreaming of an alternate universe or it’s like an advertisement for a world i’m going to end up in next life .. like my dreams are of this nice life this life is nothing in the moment buut when i think back over the years to the nothing that is the past i’ve done some shit
american idol is like new york city’s direct response to chicatgo slam poetry which was based on olympic scores of figure skating
like original chicago slam poetry is the MC picks three random people from the audience and they give scores to poets and the poet wtih the highest score wins $50 and there’s like 8 poets and 3 judges
in my head i have it down that chicago is sort of like professional cincinnati like chicago is like a big wealthhy poor city like cincinnati is
like chicago iis like a big cincinnati is how i have it in my head like cincinnati is GREAT training for chicago
like chicago is a city caked in problems but the city is perfect like cincinnati the news always tells the story of how the city is in shambles and everything is perfect
like it’s probaby because of common i feel the way i do about chicago just a real solid poetic nostalgic city
LOL like a FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE sketch in cinncinnat would be someone watching the news at graters just watching the news and then you pan back and they’re just eating some ice cream sundae of some kind … like its murder mayyhem drug abuse on this small rectangle and then you pan back and it’s just a line of people waiting for their ice cream and some guy is like you see the news rough day I’ll have the banana split he says next
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsolete_and_nonstandard_symbols_in_the_International_Phonetic_Alphabet something to see the obsolete letters of the alphabet … if you study the alphabet on wikipedia you get blown away but we could teach the alphabet for 12 years in k through 12
there’s a reference to africanists in that link they have a symbol too …
maybe something that would be even easier than dried fruit see this is why i don’t do a damned thing this is actually as fundamental as it gets NCH has a batting cage that’s still up and it’s unused property if i approached the city in the spring about being the manager of the batting cage and if i worked at simpson park
like the way a park ranger works in a park like winton woods if i was like a park ranger for simpson park
that’s why i don’t do shit
simpson park has a basketball court that needs lines painted and it has a batting cage and a jungle jim and it needs mowed and i could offer to take care of simpson park but i don’t know dried fruit might still be better i got thrown off by how cincinnati batting cages are
dale my old neighbor got killed as a firefighter recently and i just heard my mother complaining about the funeral route where she’s like SERIOUSLY the route is that long and i was just like bonus moment listening to mom’s gripe about a planned funeral procession bonus moment
when i learned about break out rooms i thought to myself i could charge someone to break into my apartment for experience and then i didn’t do it because you can study breaking in somwhere on your own place for free
there was the one night i think i masterbated like typically i engage in massage but this one night i think it was masturbation i just got this urge to fuck that was just overwhelming it was in mount healthy next thing i know i’m buck ass naked and on the floor beating hte shit out of my dick trying to nut because my brain is like this HAS to happen or we’re going to die it was fucking feverish the next day i was like that was the fuck that would have turned a girl into a woman i was like a fucking animal
like it was me and my dick do or die night
i ain never hear off that beffore when it’s just an act of sheer desperation and you;’re just on the floor beating the shit out of yourself trying to get this nut out i never heard rubbing one out could turn into a life or death situation
the one blonde actress on rachael ray wants to open a wellness center in 2019 i think her name is gweneth paltrow i’m like that’s a good idea … she’s well enough too sell her lifestyle … not sure what a wellness center is … but it’s the kind of thing gweneth paltrow can just decide to do in 2019 … might have to look into that … gweneth paltrow can do it
i want to just get a room in the professional building in north college hill and put a sign up that saying planning walk in’s welcome and just take it one client at time that walks in … dried fruit though … 2019 is probably the year of dried fruit
like i need the dried fruit laboratory to pay for the planning office and then i can qualify my planning skills because i have a business i run and do this
i notice that the urban artifact has stand up comedyy once a week or they did … i’ve thought about doing stand up comedy … i did stand up poetry and then i lived out my 30’s and have some stories so i might know what’s funny … like trying to sell someone a telephone pole withh your squarre for your smart phone and just be like there you go now you can put flyers on this telephone pole like tell the story about the time i stood right up next to a telephone pole and was taking offers for it … like i know some funny stories
i don’t know open a business planning office like the office symbolizes a bare bones essential expertise in business have the business knowledge to have some business cards drawn up with a logo be incorporated have a computer printer and fax machine set up have a telephone email and fax number and have a sign on the office and for business planning to have a business in operation and let that be a qualification for taking clients in and assisting or entirely planning their business to have a business and have a business office and have an incorporated business that’s not bad i could take clients then and help them plan businesses
i mean i was told university graduates are supposed to set up offices
i love food and business planning and dried fruit might be hard to do better than for YEARS … cool
i was going to write i can call my score counselor again but there is this fat gaping hole in all this writing i am doing about dried fruit … i neve rdried the fruit in the ovven i just assume it’s easy … i need to actually cut one of these pears at my folks place and make certian YEP YEP YEP YEP YEP you can actually dry fruit in an oven like 110% of my business plan is currenty based on something i have never done
something to think aboout when talking to someone planning a business do you have ANY experience in thi field have you done ANY studies
see i just ran into a problem i can dry like 1 pear on a rack at a time unless i get more involved in the stacking of the fruit which may affect dry times
i have a singlle pear taking up an entire baking sheet taking up most of the room in an oven and i do need to immediately find a way to dry in bulk
i’m in my oven at 170 one pear deep and this one thing that i am doing is the cornerstone of all off the bullshit i have been spoutting for a couple weeks now and then i put a pear in and i’m like okay i might neeed to get like 12 dehydrators like the one’s khassa had and i need to be stacking up dehydrators or find a single industrial dehydrator and have it installed in a room … or work with the stove and work to get bulk out of it but this is actually the part of this business i am studying that i enjoy it lookked flawless until 1 study and then a mesh of problems arose i learned that for my business planning office do studies to get the language and insight you need to evne know if you can do it don’t get too excited by a pretty picture
not bad for my office but that small dried fruit store front took serious planning
like i had a real pretty picture until i did something for the pretty picture and then the language blew up
i could dry fruit to order like if you order your dried fruit on monday i can have it to you on friday that’s one solution but even that is dodgy if i had like 10 orders which i would need to survive
yeah that makes sense i have to get ahead the dried fruit keeps so i DO need to dry fruit for like 2 years to do this i just need to store my inventory … i need bone dry fruit and i need to store it in my closet in plastic bags and this idea works if you get ahead have some money saved up to get your store front rented and plan on working regularly for a couple days to get your initial inventory ready or work from home and store up inventory and possibly try and package it professionallly as use it as collateral for a loan for your store front have 120 pounds of dried fruit professionally packaged and wonder if drying fruit can produce collateral for you
that;s my rapper name air loon
air loon with the heorlom to weave the air to this tune / you gott a mic in your office in case a rapper wants to come in and be you / you gotta track on your record that’s liked dropped for a rare few / you got a sound cloud next to your desk mout and you gotta get loud to get clout / you an air loon like a looney tune you got a june feud with a jail mate and your label mate wants your dinner plate and you just did something so now it’s time you ate
air loon with the heirloom to weave the air to this tune / you gotta mic in your office in case a rapper wants to come in and be you / you gotta track on your record that’s liked dropped for a rare few / you got a sound cloud next to your desk mount and you gotta get loud to get clout / you an air loon like a looney tune you got a june feud with a jail mate and your label mate wants your dinner plate and you just did something so now it’s time you ate
like i’m sort of in a decent situation to do business with my desgn backgrond because i can prepare the file for the packaging do the logo register the business like i don’t have to ask too many people to do something i have to buy a professional packaging kit but then i can do that myself and the nutrient details on fruit are standard it’s not like i came up with a NEW food that needs studied to get it’s nutriet data at al lab like for 8 oz dried banana it’s science what the caloric content of that is for my label
its not like a snickers bar where you have to burn the product to get the caloric numbers in the data center’s calorie couunter
which i am thought they did i thought they had to burn a product to measure it’s calorie couunt
like get a years worth of inventory stored up and then move into a store front and then keep it going probabluy with expanded amenitiies and get a year ahead and sell the inventory and just keep moving and if selling out too fast is your problem just be careful with that money and keep it in the business account and have good business credit and take your business credit and take out a loan on equipment or something not sure gamma broke thought not all the way thought out will approach soon
just keep drying fruit and weigh the fruit against the price and divide the weight of the fruit by the price to get the price per ounze of the fruit and sell the fruit in bags and fuck it maybe open a dried fruit restaurant naw couldn’t be don”t be the only dried fruit restaurant on the planet or BE the only dried fruit restaurant on the planet
so they went in at 12 and they are still wet as shit i’m quoting 6 hours to chewiness and 10 hours to dry and i need to clock and electric bill too
step by step oo baby we’re gonna flirt with these gerererls … new kids on the block
i’m back at my place i have dishes to do, a bed to make, a drawing table to put together, i have some milk i need to take to my folks place, i have some garbage to take out and right now i’m just chilling … i tend to put things off unless i explicitly feel the need to do them i need to work on that i need to do things even when i don’t FEEL like doing it and that’s hard when realistically you have no schedule to follow
i’m at my place and i thought my keyboard was stiff it’s warm but i have another keyboard i am going to install where this keyboard is but i might stick with this keyboard i don’t know it felt stiff the last time i used it … a project that will never happen is to go to hive 19 or hive 13 whichever it is and to use their soddering tools to manufacture a keyboard … i had it in my head that manufacturing a keyboard with a 3D printer would be something i could do
i’m cursed by planning thoughts i keep a file of what i said i COULD do i’m always big on what i COULD do i don’t say to often i’m going to do something just big on what i could do and i did put a pear in to dry and i’ll see how that goes i gave it like 10 hours to dry
like i would have to design a keyboard and parts in 3d modeling software to have it printed out on a 3d printer and i would have to be precise but i might check out hive 13 one day it’s a bus ride away and some walking
could might should these are my biggest tools
i’d love to read about telepathy not like x file fiction telepathy but if it is real i’d like to read about what’s known about it or what has happened because of it
like telepathy and the internet what is in writing about it
and like telepathy is an ancient concept like it’s an old thing the kind of thing a technology company would want to MAKE real
like it’s not in film much it’s not in literature much … telepathy is a little discussed thing but everyone knows what it is
like the X MEN aren’t even telepathic
i just got the impression a couple weeks ago that i was dealing with people in different 8 hours shifts is all
like it would be hard to listen to me in terms of social trust like ti would be hard to trust someone with a story like mine and that’s a burden the state put on me because i didn’t put that burden on myself
like my apartment is not a wreck it’s just the kitchen has about 30 minutes of dishes to do that i haven’t done in 3 weeks now and i need to sweep and that’s about it i’ve just been pulling dishes from the dirty dishes and washing them as needed but i have them organized in a location next to the sink
it looks lived in by someone that is slightly laze about their apartment and i am slightly lazy about my apartment because i am always on when it comes to the computer
my computer keeps me from being the finest version of myself i could be and i was that person in my last apartment the debate is to whether to take my pc over to my folks place or not and visit them during the day to use it and keep regular hours right now i can computer at like 3 am and not sweat it
the computer gives me a worse life than i would ordinarily have
and I only get one of these
there was the one unique dream i had where i was in goo land and i was being pulled by a woman to make out or have sex or something and i saw a man in pieces soaking conscious in a bathtub and then at the end of the dream an african gave me a hand job and i was in the one place crying out WHERE IS CINCINNATI?! and it was like an amusement park
the african giving me the hand job fucked up my dream
i just got some advice like my head should have lit up i could just be myself
i could do that for a living just be myself and take that advice really seriously
oh you wouldn’t know this unless someone told you but i discovered and my folks got me one … one of those 2 foot by 3 food huge desk calendars … i had two of those at my last apartment and i did my finest creative writing i ever did on them … there’s no creative writing until you take a desk calendar and treat it like a college ruled notebook …
like real creative writing happens on a massive tablet sized desk calendar
i think they are by at a glance …
anyways i tried to find the link BUUUT FAILED … at a glance desk calendars the fat ones … great for creative writing
you’re my new imaginary friend and i never had one before but that might be what my loneliness developed i’ve heard of kids talking to imaginary friends … i might have one
that’s not a bad movie the adult with the imaginary friend i could probably film that in north college hil
hill
i could use my drawing pad to do a story board and it would be a story boarded film
i wonder if they still do story boards
there i developed an imaginary friend sort of like the man in meet joe black
my imaginary friend is probably death like the man that famous actor anthony hopkins in meet joe black
my probably my favorite movie is meet joe black
i like the color of the sound in meet joe black
http://digg.com/2019/dartboard-trick-shot ever think of physics and statistics and 3d modeling and facebook and without even releasing a decent press release it’s my contention that some of the most innocent content is 3d modeling he hit a bullseye too … what are the odds this is real versus what are the odds 3d modeling is involved and 3d modeling can guarantee it i’m that guy that saw the power of 3d modeling knows what siggraph is and has seen some animal behavior and some sports activities that just seem peculiar … my contention is that 3d modeling is responsible for something like this because i doubt it it’s always on the first try it seems like too and i don’t know what do you think knowing developing a market for 3d modeling would be a thing what do you think … real or 3d modeling and 3d modeling is this good now …
you can do true to life 3d modeling what do you think 3d modeling or he did that?
https://www.siggraph.org could you report LIVE from SIGGRAPH i mean you use 3d modeling in your show … could you report LIVE from Siggraph and get some footage as to how advanced 3d modeling is
could we host https://www.siggraph.org in cincinnati
that’d be hot
like i’m always surprised by music’s wordsmithing like my concepts and my ideas are more creative than music but their word choice is more creative than me like butterfly doors is amazing by lil pump like when it comes to phrasing butterfly doors is that phrase is gorgeous but he’s not thinking in terms of his business too uniquely but his word play IS unique my wordplay isn’t too unique but my business logic is
i don’t know science i’ll say it again i just see big technology and i don’t know engineering i just know if we went to the moon telepathy seems like it would be possible technologically and i just egotistically now that i’m used to it have gotten used to thinking someone would want me to be telepathic
like i know faded AP Science and like high school science i just really know about how if you have a sea of blue paintings do a red one and you’ll win in art
i know about opinions and for the most part macro and micro psychology like i know if the president stated that he was going to raise taxes on the poor there would be riots and if he said he was going to give a tax break to the non profit sector there would be ratings approval spikes and like i derive all of my knowledge from the previous word i typed i take life one word at a time and i’m always laying bricks like one word at a time one sentence at a time just really focused on that next word to convey nothing i’m usually blank in my mind when i am writing i’m just really tuned in to what the next word should be and i try to do a good job so that overall it makes sense i should probably start paying attention to the sensation and point of contact my brain has with the language when writing i normally don’t
i’m typically just relieving a pressure in my chest when i write like when i write i’m usually responding to some pressure in my neck or heart
i would think being mostly agnostic about voodoo topics is the sign of someone that is well informed like i’m agnostic as to if i am telepathic but i am seeking an answer .. i do have a metal tooth and it’s rigidly coherent speech that i am communicating with but i did smoke a lot of weed and the state does say i have a mental illness … and then i contracted the form of bipolar disorder that involves talking to yourself and laughing to yourself about what you wrote online in a way that’s not entirely you
it’s like someone is building rapport with me in my own head
like a real agnostic knows both sides of the argument fully and is just left with I don’t I don’t know they both seem convincing
religion to me is someone standing there going the earth is at the center of the universe and it’s a statement in a realm no one has ever explored before and then because that statement was made people can keep it in mind for centuries and then one day someone might discover something that contradicts the religious statement and that is the start of science but if that religious statement had not been made there might not have been that science in other words a religious statement is a retarded thing to say after thousands of man hours have gone into contradicting it with an actual observed truth
like a book of lies starts off as a book of truths
that’s deep that’s too deep that’s like would blow a high school kids head deep like one of the AP students deep
that’s like something out of 1984 a fucking kids book
most books are if you really see what’s for sale like most culture is for kids i’m hoping this is for adults
i’m hoping that just my presentation is suitable to adults
like when you report on the opioid crisis what is your target audience? 50 year old men?
naw it’s kids
most people spend their lives from 30 to 60 entertaining a kid and raising one i’m the aberant one looking for single adults that want to do business to do what make enough money to interest that choice mate so that what so that we could have kids so that we can have freedom and kids or something i don’t know
i’m not like ml gibson in braveheart about freedomg i’m mostly like disability is nice i want a life like this and no one will hire me so FERee d o m i guess? or something? sort of? i mean it looks that way … i’m sort of like that about freedom i really don’t mind working a job but everytime i think about play it again sports i get an aneurism
i was reddit in 2008 this deep posting then i was on email this much then i was on twitter this much now i’m on facebook this much and i have it down to WRITE YOU
that’s my social media theory … write television
i wondered if i was ever on television if i could ave FIFfifFIF erith oldmannorth listed and lucius pixel listed which might lead to higher ratings if anyone knew those handles
yep my high school handle was FIFfifFIF
now i also have woozywoot on reddit
like i doubt it i just know i’m not well known and meh being step by step i don’t see much more than a man sitting at a desk talking to someone and an audience full of people that are astounded by it and a national viewing audience that is subjected to advertising sales based on that conversation i just see the steps that go into everything and i don’t mind taking an extra nap everyday
would it be innappropriate at a wedding when the priest says until death does you part at that moment to be like BOW! and just proceed with the ceremony
its like til death do you part or i mean like 10 years goes by or something at this point for me isn’t it?
like my girl cheats on me and i gotta worry about her getting STD tests in my relationship with me
aloe vera by tropical fantasy at your local bodega is the shit you get these little nibs of aloe vera to chew on too
i made out with this chick i was with like at the last spot and like while we were making out i put an O RING of saliva in her mouth i was like hell yeah
so far at my first apartment i got with a chick at my second apartment i got with a chick
third apartment
so far every place i have lived i been with a chick
shwoo … gotta fix this just chilling in the apartment
i got my heart back this is cool
i’d probably even go down on a chick for like 2 hours at this point like i did when i was a kid
like if i legit had a girl i’d get viagra so that i’d stay hard after i nutted and keep fucking her
like i’d be involved in anything but a men’s magazine like where we take a rotoscope and put the camera in her vagina and feature a shot of gloria estafan’s g spot on the cover
it used to be about T RAW now it’s about gloria estefan i’ll just her name now
get on your feet let’s dance and make it happen – gloria estefan
JAN 11, 2019, 5:34 PM
i already have a better vibe at my folks place like here i’m not going to write abouut rotoscops and t raw and g spots and gloria estefan but i’m at home
at my apartment just in that contrast session between here and there when i was waiting foor my dad to pick me up so i didn’t have to carry milk 4 city b locks to the homestead i was like fucking with facebook and it was just awful what i was writing and i was like i feel different like i don’t like the energy in that apartment but it’s all i have
here it’s more plaintive and restful at my folks place i’m debating putting my computer here to write to get this vibe when i write but this is being at home i really just want to be here for my moms after all she’s done for me with her leg broken
but WHERE you write makes a big difference too like steve raleigh would do the weather differently at mount storm in the pavilion than he does in the studio
like the feng shui of this house is different thant he feng shui of my apartment
dang now this book is long enough that you can choose where the book started
what is this it’s new in literature it’s not a letter it’s not a book what is it
last time i had my own place i had the bed in the living room and i turned the bedroom into an office it was nice … i might doo that again and something else i wanted to write i make a ceremony out of smoking like instead of getting home and watching television i get home and break out my vaporizer and i’ll just sit there for like 2 hours and vape
i don’t think they ever talked about that guy on TRUTH the guy that just vaped and just did that for 2 hours
im going to go vape now and something else i think that single use computers like computers that have the most minimal gear attached to them like an arduinno motherboard with basic programming attached to it like the cheapest parts could go into single use computers like a computer that can only do word processing and has an output to a printer and that’s it … like that might be hot … single use computers in response to a typical can do it all computer like a computer that has really nice word processing software on it something basic and gorgeous and that’s all that computer does like you turn it on and it boots to the word processor like that might be hot and if you wanted different applications you had to buy different $1 computers like if the price point for that was a $1
that’d be cool if like you could buy a tablet at ameristop like get some chicken wings a beer and a tablet … not a bad shopping trip
i don’t even want cigarettes when i vape it’s like an immediate cure for smoking cigarettes and then when i do smoke a cigarette or cigar because i run out of vape juice and only have $8 left i get a couple cigars and i hate them i need to work with chantix and nicorette gum and the patch to get myself off vaping but myy dream is to be able to just sit with money and have nothing to spend it on which is not right now with the vaping or cigarettes i buy
little signs of wealth in the house at my follks place that come from wisdom things like raw darjhiling tea loose that you use a straingerr with and raw loose chai tea leaves , apple mincemeeat , loks , little signs that my family attained wealth like small wealth it showed up in the food first that thing where you get the finest thing you can get and surround yourself with the finest , raw darjihling tea leaves loose in the container it’s in looks like that to me , like a long time ago i thought to myself and it shows here that the finest thing you can do for yourself if you really want to know what wealth is on a budget is eat the finest food
story of a man that was outside the rat race and was on disability income and wasn’t disabled based on me like i mean what are the odds that everyone on mental disability status are actually disabled or can’t heal and i was told the day i report $16,001 dollars to the IRS in income i am no longer on the sisabled list so it’s like get a job i look at it like start a business and my mother just let me know that i need a commerrcial kitchen to sell dried fruit and i was like the church’s kitchen and she was like they’ll never let you use that and i don’t know maybe they will at some point but doesn’t change the fact that i have 2 years of studying food dehydration to build my language up with food dehydration like today after my study i can say that too thin leads to not enough flavor too thick leads to too long a drying time and tomorrow i am going to learn about chunky dried fruit and see how long that takes to cook like smalll chunks of pear and it”s about building up my language so that when i talk to someone i’m not just talking about a picture that i want to do i am talking abouut something that i did have been doing decided to start doing and did and am doing that kind of language as opposed to drying fruit is perfect it’s a perfect idea well if it’s a perfect idea start drying fruit and get the people around you interested in your business and interestedi investing by providing gift baskets of dried fruit for 9 months or by cooking up teas with the dried fruit and having them try that and develop the culture of your dried fruit so that it’s more of a well clearly he needs this and clearly he needs a space he’s been doing it every day for 5 years kind of thing
manamana manamana bip bip bip bip manamana bip bip bip bip | literary techno music | manamana manamana bip bip bip bip BEEZER bip bip bip bip BEEZER manamana
like i started put a product in your pocket with the idea of sellling people writing that didn’t have a product like if you are down to sell but have nothing to sell i’ll generate a quality e book for you
like for someone that wants to know what it’s like to be a salesman like someone that attests to the fact that they have no artistic skill whatsoever like a high school dropout that only ever worked retail that has no qualms at all about selling something someone else wrote and are in their late 20’s like they pay me $50 and then i spend 2 hours writing up 15 pages of prose for them and upload it to their account with their bank details and then they sit back and put it on a business card and walk around repping their book that they now have for someone that wouldn’t mind doing that not like a fellow artist that woudl be fucked up about it but if you don’t have a care in the world about selling something someone else made i can work with someone like that and get my $50 and then they can make as much as they want
and then another reason i’m not knee deep in rubles is because i don’t know maybe you can do it but or someone can anyone i don’t know i have a hard time shlepping my own book like i thought of it i wrote it i edited it i published it and then i walked around and asked everyone to read my book and like i could do that i probably should but that book has to be NICE and my books are still unfinished like if i i’m going to represent myself with my own writing and pass out business cards with a link to my kdp.com account it has to be like NO LIMIT by G EAZY nice or like BLACK ALBUM nice by Jay Z and maybe i’ll work on my writing to get it to that point but i’m not there yet … its the representing myself part that i hard
i don”t know this document here sort of bangs like withh a preface like SO i was sitting in my apartment and i was thinking to myself what would be a good idea … self … wriiting a book in the instant messenger box of WCPO would be a good idea and then we could start chatting and next thing i would know is i have a talk show … then it turned into just a place to journal because of corporate policies and now i know they know me and … like if the preface was hot this book would make sense … maybe a table of contents like the mental health patient book at summit that is out of order in terms of what page an item is on but is in alphabetical order
like maybe it would banging if i sold the gospel of the return to christ to Kofi Anon and asked him politely to make an announcment to the general assembly that he bought my book and then asked them to make announcements to their country that it was for sale like if Kofi Anon repped KDP..Com … Hi! I’m Kofi Anon proud KDP.CCOM author my book is now sold world wide I spent 15 minutes writing my book and now it trades for rubles franc deutchmarks cows in nigeria and cash cold hard cash … KDP..COM that’s how i’d advertise KDP..Com i’d go with Kofi Anon as the spokeman and i would ask him if he would be interested in being a QVC salesman
at that podium all worldwide all doing business coming soon
path of least resisttance in action
like i need to rewrite the ending of the gospel of the return of christ so that from the dream sequence on like i wrote it the way i did because at the point niicki minaj is in the black trucks riding on north college hill with the 40 pounds of weed for the people that were gathered around lucius’s house waiting for him to wake up so they could talk to the dreamer i had lucius wake up in the hospital and treated it like a dream sequence and i knew it was a cop out then so like 40 pages of the book need to go and i need to follow throough with the good part and keep it getting better and it’s hard to drop prose once you write it because you feel connected to it
it got too complicated in my head and i copped out with a dream sequence i could probably include more celebrities in it and i could probably extend the story if i took an 8th look at it
i just got back to my place my folks got a scooter and she’s more capable now and my pops is around and there was friction between me and my pops so i came back to my place and my folks gave me this old keyboard that has keys that fall really nice and i know youth has to be patient with age because i find myself biting my entire existence because the way my pops moves i just resonate with he’s retarded but i know he works in a hospital so how could he be possibly less intelligent than me and i’m getting less typos on this keyboard than my stock one
so on my block a house caught fire and burned down and the neighbor died in a fire as a firefighter
right across the street from my folks
shit be spooky
https://www.reddit.com/r/cincinnati/comments/aevvt9/medical_marijuana_in_ohio_so_far_my_experience/ i get the news too i usually get first person experiences though from the mouth of the horse
SAT 5:36 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AzBYoqdEFE is this what it is like just this is talent but it’s the way he’s not corporate in his art he will never get cast? like am i this quality an artist?
like this voice that talks to me makes me feel like i get poor people celebrity status like if i look back on my life i was poor the entire time for like 38 years i’ve been poor i’ve just been poor and busy now there’s not much to do and i never there wasn’t much to do until recently 38 is a weird year it’s like the year you realize you are almost 40 which is the year you feel with all of your studies that you can do just about anything it’s just a matter of doing it like all of my poverty and busyness led me to the point where i knew i could do anything and it’s the doing the thing for 20 years that leads to the finances … prolly won’t drop an album or appear in a film … but i can do business
the pear that dried for 4 hours and was still wet was tasty in a candy way but today i was going to dry some apples and just there’s no excuses for men my age and i can discuss my life story but at the end of the day it’s still well that was in the past whatever it was and you HAVE to get it together now
at my folks place i deeply felt like writing you all day here at my apartment i feel much more sedate like at my folks place the energy is filled with this clean sort of upbeat energy at my place it’s sort of this poor impoverished just take a nap listen to some music energy
like there’s a difference to how much i write at my folks place and here and i still need to write my book that i will sell i can’t sell this i wouldn’t want to … not all work is for sale but like i might be able to sell this … like if the preface was right
i don’t know like humans are the only animal that has a currency system and in my animalistic wild exhibit in this apartment with my disability income i find myself just sort of lazing off and i can’t interpret this energy i am writing with but this keyboard i have now is nice and i just notice the world is more responsive that i would think it is
i don’t have anything to say other than i’m going to dry some more fruit today and after 4 months not smoking weed my old friend offered to sell me a sack so the crispness that i was talking about might disappear when i smoke some weed today and my pantry is set that i can’t really do too much damage to myself other that binge on onions or apples and it’s just like i’m this capable i can take a lot of being ignored i can take mostly and entirely ignored but when i think of how society views me i just think of how i view society
not even like the population at large i’m talking about how society views me not the population but society when i think of how society views me i think of how i view society
like all of my history keeps me from being depressed like i start feeling like a loser and think to myself of all the potential that i have and i snap out of it
this keyboard is nice just real nice it’s like a keyboard it’s not hard to avoid typos on this keyboard that my folks gave me is nice it’s a pleasure to write on this
if you think about it the internet television and radio like you’ve got your content and you’ve got your interface to society and tweeting a television station is about as good as it gets this is sort of apex level social media
at the apex i found oz or something like when it comes to social media i’m used to not getting a response i just didn’t know there was a wall it’s something that sort of makes sense but it gives me the impression i wouldn’t be very good on a job site in the media and then i think about my SSDI and about religion and god and i did write once i don’t know how god knew what i wanted but being on SSDI suits me and i didn’t know it was an option until 2012
like i’ve heard of people that struggle an entire lifetime while having the right answer apparently i’m not different
it’s just people and what people thought was necessary what they thought this was how people thought to themselves as far as getting a job and people that thought to themselves as far as starting a business people that thought it through as far as filling out applications to survive and people that thought it through as far as writing a book to start a business
if i didn’t have SSDI i’d be an application filling out person because i’d be on the job working to do what? well that didn’t happen a long time ago i was deemed different and then i got paid to be different and my loans got forgiven and i’ll never know what i would have done on a job but the last one i had i worked 12 hour days so then they put me in the hospital again and i lost my job so you decided i was mentally ill not you personally but you the universe like the universe decided one of it’s creations was faulty and then it fucked up it’s life and then it just left it for dead because it was different
this is apartment writing i’m more WCPO quality at my folks place i’ve known every environ leads to different writing i’m depressed in this apartment but i was pretty happy at my folks place they just let me know i needed my own place 6 years ago and i might go back over there to see if if this writing actually follows me i see darkness in my place i see bright colors at my folks place
i might try and publish this … it’s the editing process that’s a mental block like i don’t want to delete any of this i’m attached to every post i ever made and i don’t know why
it’s just a really nice keyboard just really nice just really really nice like i like the way it sounds i like the way it feels i like the weight of it i like the crispness of the letters on it i just really like this keyboard though
i have a mental block when it comes to reading my writing too like i don’t mind writing my writing it’s reading it that’s a pain in the ass
i can find my way to ZION so climb on and pride on and let’s work our way to ZION and light on and fight on and we work our way to ZION the champion and they told us about ZION and i was like hang on let’s do that
zion is a cold word through
zion is a cold word though
like utopia is like the protestant word for zion but like if you wanted a utopia you have to write a book there’s no speech you can give that will bring zion or utopia like if you really want to do some systemic changes to the world you have to write a book it’s the tool for that and i don’t see much wrong with this world i take into account busted family’s and dna that the book would be lost on and the people that don’t need to read the book of goodness are already in homes doing fine
like we’re there we’re at utopia this is what it looks like
a typical treatise starts explaining what you’re going to do and what you’re not going to do to bring a singular vision of utopia to bare … like i’ve read some papers and it’s like with utopian writing it’s like sort of explaining how an individual thinks everyone should live to bring utopia and i’m more like we exist in utopia and some people like hard lives and some people like light lives like in my utopic vision i just explain how this is it and explain how we are doing fine and request that we stop murdering people like we don’t have polio we’re at that level we used to get polio now we don’t we used to die of aids now we don’t i’m like we used to die from gun shots now we don’t can i get that?
like to me utopia is just this small there where there are no gun slayings on this planet on a day or on any given day just a day with no gunfire
and it’s weird to me that that seems outrageous like it’s reaching to think we can live without guns and i’m like alright then glad you got this all thought out
i’m just confused like when i really think about the gun trade i get confused i’m just like what the fuck is that?
and most of the wold is unarmed it’s a USA thing to be in favor of the gun
i don’t pretend to think the USA is the finest country i’ve been to better countries so i’m like a decent social critic
i don’t know i do entrepreurship studies and i think it’s a vestibule from the war the gun trade in modern america like they just kept the gun manufacturing equipment around to mass produce them but i never thought to myself in my entrepreneurship studies to fashion a weapon to sell that just seems stupid to make a weapon for someone
like arming strangers doesn’t resonate too highly with me on the intelligence scale
but the gun itself takes a lot of intelligence to make but maybe that engineer isn’t too bright socially
like a brilliant engineer that doesn’t give a shit what his invention will do to society and just sees it as a unit to sell like an engineer with his tools can get in 500 steps in the manufacturing process at no cost and produce a piece of work that he can mass manufacture like WORK is a free step if it takes WORK to produce the thing like with dried fruit i have to buy raw materials process them and sell them but with a lot of this product on the shelf the PROCESS part is like 50 steps long and that’s a free process my process is just like 1 step not 50
like an engineer needs raw materials and tools to process raw materials into goods i need raw materials and tools to process a raw material into a good but an engineer knows like 500 more processes than me if he’s in manufacturing like he knows extrusion and lathing and that’s all i know but an engineer knows them all
like it’s a good idea to give someone a dried banana it’s a bad idea to give someone a gun i get return business because i gave someone something to eat it’s gone it’s shit now they need more a gun manufacturer gets return business on bullet sales you shot your gun you need more ammo … i just think they’re stupid
like a good business day in the ammo world is a school shooting like a good day in dried fruit is to contract with a school to serve food in the cafeteria
like maybe i will go through this and treat it like a book … i’d want it to looks like a messenger though sort of like this white on blue is how i want the book printed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVMYFfBo3g8 like when i think of rap i think of work like this … like inspirational music … like my joke was the story of a man that woke up and was like made my bed, took a shower WITH head and shoulders, put on NEW clothing, brushed my teeth with CEEEEEEREST, used SCOPE, then went and made some breakfast and had some LOKS and some FERESH orange juice, and then i got into my mazda 6 TWO 6, and had the speakers bumpin and then i showed up at work made a phone call and closed the deal, like that’s the music i listen to
vegetable soup made AND i learned i need some spices
i’m eating canned vegetables and chicken stock but this goes better with salt and pepper
and i did some arm raises with some 15’s and i got some real tight arms and my legs are good i’m just well fuck i thought i was big at 216 now i’m at 236 and i’m like fuck i didn’t know a week could change your weight that much so i’m like noted just a set back but now i got more weight to do push ups and squats with and my shoulders are tight i got good shoulders and fuck living on my own now that i got my EBT card i can go grocery shopping myself and get the canned vegetables and some beef tips and make some quality soup or stew and right now i’m waiting for it to cool down but i’m hoping this works out if i don’t eat mostly vegetable soup for 6 months i don’t know what else to do to lose weight and eat large portions
i was eating like a teenager again and i got fucked up
i had to lose 16 pounds and now i have to lose 36 pounds i’m like fuck at 2 pounds a week that’s like 18 weeks which is like 4 months
but i gotta keep a vegetable soup in the refrigerator and i gotta stock up on broths different broths and i don’t eat much pizza i just binged on pop so i typically lose weight after a meal but it’s just my life things are going well and then they go awry
over and over and over again
i’m eating vegetable soup drying fruit looking for my suit bout to engage the troops gotta ask questions first then shoot and ask a lot of them before i get that loot feds got me down as a kook but they ain never seen my look i hold it down in the place i’m at recognize i’m back and i gotta plan to be at jack’s betting all this cash you can take it anywhere you want to take it but over all i know it’s in your heart this is the start of the next day that i pray that i say sovereign lord provide days and i change every moment of every second they get used to you in the news and then it’s like crying wolf when you’re above opioid use like popular demand brings popularity and i’m too old to care about popularity i just write my books and let people stare at these works of writing that i pen daily
meh vegetable soup’s not bad just vegetables and chicken stock if i can find a decent set of spices it’d probably be killer … i have the pot on the stove like i said i would do when i got back to my place and it’s just heating it up and then i might not even heat it up like spend three days eating out of a pot … first batch not too bad … just corn tomatos green beans and rice in chicken stock … not bad … sort kissing my lips i thought it tasted so good …
concerned about a world where more than 50,000 people are writing you like this on facebook … like i can’t be an example
i care about wcpo the most well i care about fox19 first i did i thought it was perfect but debbie bush threatened to call the cops on me the station manager because i was leaving pitches in the in box of their phone system and so i was like there i have camp david in my family too and left it at that bitch and then time went by and i was on wordpress mostly and then i was at montgomery house and had a smart phone and i started writing you and you answered your phone and you didn’t hate me and i was scared and you’ve been nice on the phone and i left a lot of pitches in your phone too at kemper house 2 years ago and you never threatened to call the cops and i was making legit pitches and i as leaving the right pitches in the right inboxes at 19 but debbie bush needed me to know i was dog shit and i needed to let her know my family has a multi million dollar estate in georgia and that actually affected her and i was like why? and then with my smart phone i started tweeting you and emailing you and then i got an apartment and just kept doing it emailed abc gma 700wlw wcpo and i can write a story about this situation the story of social media not a super successful celebrity social media savant but the struggling social media participant the man that kept tweeting or something like that
it’s just hard to think of fictional tweets is all
i’ll probably just do short stories for my real work i don’t know that’s why i’m glad i’m drying fruit because i personally can bank on that in the long run it’s writing and my relationship with it that i can’t
the thin fruit that was all the way dry was like sweet paper and the thicker syrupy pear that was partially dry was astoundingly good
like for my artisan dried fruit store like partially dried fruit
like a bag of gooey syrupy partially dried pears
nike started when a guy took a typical flat and put it on a waffle iron and grilled the bottom of a shoe … more retarded major things have started with less
like it might be a thing where it’s one man per store like if i could get as big as ANGELO’s in mount healthy drying fruit get to the point where in the summer some hot little twenty something is working the cash register in booty shorts i’d be good
https://nickspoems.com otay so i took wordpress’s advice and structured my website like a book now i can take the gospel of the return of christ and work each chapter into the website and i can sell links to businesses in the copy of the book write my book but fuck it doesn’t feel right like it feels like i shouldn’t use wordpress
it’s probably because a major part of my brain is telling me not to invest heavily on the internet like don’t bank on the internet as a foundation for your business you’re relying on too many strangers you can’t get in touch with like don’t look at the internet and see a foundation
hosting websites is something i have thought to do
there’s like one hosting company in cincinnati ohio and if i was going to do a website now i would want it hosted on my own server and i would WANT the conversation to have the business plan with Cincinnati Bell
like i’d want to plug my website into the wall i’d want to be able to say well yes my website is in this box in this office in this part of town
like if wordpress had sub folders i’d be happy with it right now it’s almost what i want like it’s a header and a folder and in that folder is a blog roll i want it one step different and i want multiple blog rolls so that i can have multiple books on wordpress … they ain thinking of that but i might shoot them an email …
wordpress.com may very well be a small operation and i think because it has a jazzy website it’s a huge operation
SAT 2:06 PM
i smoked a joint
gooey bags of half dried pears
like you got a dime bag of gooey syrupy thick half dried pear at room temperature … like to be in the business of ice cream toppings
i write like 18th century literature the literature that was written shorty before the start of the industrial revolution like the industrial revolution didn’t just happen that was an entire civilization it starts with 200 years of writing whatever you want for this planet houston the moon has landed
like it occurred to me in this pleasant body buzz of a high that cost $3 and a $30 dollar sack of weed i was able to think and go over my notes and see 18th century literature it’s not a time period it’s a style
it’s a basically a kid show basically like i would be insulted if there was a day the television was treating me like a style like the channel listings could be organized by age group of the intended audience
it’s a basically a kids show basically like i would be insulted if there was a day the television was treating me like a kid like that style like the channel listings could be organized by age group of the intended audience
typo correction
this entire exercise with social media may be a typo if it’s not the internet it’s a typo
or like we met in the middle of a faux pas in progress
Worth a Listen … hot haven’t smoked weed in 4 months track
Money.mp3
like if there was adult television like television your grandfather would watch like just a show for old men of man staring at himself in the mirror and like i don’t know how to do it but it’s rigged so that when you watch it on television a man looking in the mirror like not a camera crew and a man looking in the mirror just a man looking in the mirror that shot
like the federalist papers with like pac chikkin in cuba
when you’re older enough to tell the television to go fuck itself
soy sauce on a roll and if you take chicken and spicy yellow gravy and bake it in a butter roll from nch bakery you’ll have what’s known in london as a hoe
JTM Cheese Steaks I assume you eat …
i set my sights on stewing this year just stewing over some things
see if i can’t find your palette
putting tea in soup
like tea soup
like tea onions siracha sauce green beans carrots and steak like it’s not thick enough i didn’t let it cook long enough . typo
like not weed and wine weed and really spicy food
stand up comedy begot advice
just ate a fat ass soup that was spicy like spicy soup
ma tell em i wrote you a letter in kindergarten and you never got it
i got to eat 4 JTM buns for dinner … I got to add the meat to the stew
like my family is a hot dog and hamburger and spaghetti and lasagna family
SAT 10:04 PM
I just slept a real sleep , it’s like I got the munchies and thankfully only had some vegetable soup
SSDI doesn’t take into account drugs you need to buy
like a republican that smokes weed
like if i just got paid for a title sitting on a shelf just a cover of a book with some bullshit inside like a republican that smokes weed . if i put on KDP.com REPUBLICANS SMOKING WEED and jus serial published to amazon
just
if i just wrote for a day published for a day and if my account got canceled just know
weed there’s weedy business too , like a republican that smokes, like if john boehner hit the joint
politicians and weed like dewine likes weed brown likes weed kascich likes weed deters likes weed cranley likes weed all the people that like weed boehner likes weed like there are some 1 in a million politicians in ohio
like i had hakiym down as a politician , like those dudes , i mean it was a complex relationship to me , like i gave him a lot of money , and gave him my car and then said no to him, like he was unique
it seems like i dated african men
Spirits addicted to drugs
SUN 2:31 AM
I’m all jitters when it comes to sharing this with a literary agent
like if the story of jesus had been the story of jesus like the most epic way to put it would be if jesus was pontius pilat’s weed dealer
first time smoking weed so far GREAT except for that time i ate two large bowls of soup and was putting soy sauce on jtml rolls that part was pretty weird where i just felt compelled to raid the fridge but other than that took a nap took another nap woke up wondered where time went what year is it really and like took stock of things like it helps to have business plans in mind hen you’re taking stock of things
when you’re taking stock
i was thinking of opening a movie theatre like if NCH had a movie theatre again
i was thinking because you can watch films on your phone maybe not a theatre maybe just a production house
SUN 6:58 AM
i had a trip to the dentist and they ground out some cavities or something went to the dentist and had a real smart dentist
she said she liked my teeth
SUN 10:26 AM
so I’ll write you the blather and write you the skids i’ll write you every hour i’ll write you like this it’s an everyday convention to write out a song just be careful if you see someone singing and someone singing along
The End
SUN 1:19 PM
that book was nice … i’m going to put it on kdp.com and work on the net one soon .. i’m just going to work this angle … sike … i’m going to contact an agent …
like i’m trying to slide myself in under the door
MON 3:09 AM
you don’t have to change a thing , oh the world it can change it’s heart , darling you’re beautiful just the way , and you don’t have to change a thing the world can change it’s heart
you don’t have to change a thing , oh the world it can change it’s heart , darling you’re beautiful just the way you are , and you don’t have to change a thing the world can change it’s heart
..
i forgot yesterday like living with life after the trauma smoking weed helps me forget entire lifetimes
like off the top of the head things i would take cincinnati to court for are zyprexia and gaining 250 pounds , kneeling on a chair and feeling like i was tortured by the cops, and shitting and pissing on myself which led to an MRI and i made a list i’m missing on
there’s like 4 things in a history with talbert house that i sue for
it’s more of a head fuck mental health like i just ate a pizza like mental health is a head fuck to an A student like you just got done telling me I was the smartest kid in this school now you’re telling me i’m mentally ill?
gucci and burberry and louis vitton were either surprised or not to become status symbols just some fabric manufacturers that people decided they loved
like adopting a clothing brand to sing about like that’s weird
like modern music and looking back on what i was listening to like i was being groomed i’m off brand can’t sing that’s my status some people are off brand can sing and some people are on brand no talent
MON 7:22 AM
i know what it is when it comes to me wondering if this is real it’s not knowing how this is possible with the man power i see before me
I set up a little work space at my folks place my moms needs the dogs taken out a couple times a day
i gained 10 pounds over the holidays i’m like not good
but i’m going grocery shopping today and will be eating right
i justh ave to do that lik 12 times and i’m striaght
I was like three sheets to the wind ready to begin i felt comfortable in my own skin my problems had a healthy beginning i didn’t mind being me i made more sense to me than did most people i was comfortable iwth my skin wondering thoughts that transcend this biter poverty i have been given
i know there are some parents that get cool with their kids mine died parenting me … i see myself as an intellectual university stand out with a troublling historical context for a story and my moms sees me as the person she needs to ask if they changed their underwear and i’m like okay you can get in so much trouble that no matter how great your art is it doesn’t exist
like i got into so much trouble that i was to be forever parented but then the othe day some work that my parents typically do for me i had to do like submit some paperwork and file for a meeting with talbert house and i got it done easily like there beuraucratic things my folks do for me that when i have to do them nothing goes wrong like what’s missing from my independence soley is grocery shopping by myself and doing my laundry by myself i can grocery shop and i can do laundry and at hte point i am doing my laundry and getting my groceries i am independent
kept getting shang haied there for 20 years kind of hard to make al ife for yourself when you gotta go to school and get through psych treatments i had to get it in my head to take my medications and i finally snapped and just started taking meds as prescribed this is the longest i have been on meds my entire life
alright so weed is bad for inspired writing i am less creative now having smoked a joint than when i was 4 months sober
note to self the weed feels about as good as liquor maybe just buy liquor
the high from a joint and the buzz from a bottle of liquor are about the same
i”l stick to liquor
i might have needed one more joint
i’ll go with liquor it’s cheaper and it’s not as troubling to get
my next experiment is on a bottle of bombay gin
i tried malibu white and malibu orange and southern comfort and a 6 pack of coors and my next experiment is on bombay saphire gin
see i’m trying to wrrite here it’s an effort i am putting in because the marijuana killed my creative spart i can feel a dulness where my business plans that i wrote about usually come from
i’m dead inside the weed killed a creative spirit so now i can only write matter of factly
so when i try to write it’s like this it’s writing that i write that just allows me to write this is how i used to write before anything strange existed in my life back before i knew about plasma fields and back before i knew about death and invisible beings that performed surgeries back before i talked to myself i wrote like this i wrote derivatively taking each last thing i wrote and using it as inspiration for the next thing i would write i used tto be normal even while the state was accusing me of b eing mentally ill i was doing just this and now that I AM mentally ill which is now i am now i am the dsabled coworker that talks to hiself like for 15 years i stated firmly there was nothing wrong with me and then this last year i decided okay now there is something wrong with me i should probably be in the hospital but it wasn’t for 15 years that i reached a day where i thought i had a mental illness
i think i just need to get in line with my character and become a mental health speaker i need to really to my bone understand that the state has been correct about my mental health this entire time and that’s not easy to do to admit that those gooney fuck wits know some shit about me they can fix with pills that’s hard to do
getting in line with my character involves going to the recovery center and taking classes on cooking and going to an open mic … the pussiest pussy super pussy all city pussy team pussy in me goes to the recovery center and not play it again sportts
i could also sign up for per scholas and take technical training
i can apply for play it again sports , per scholas , attend the recovery center , or keep doing this
my stomach grew from just starting to pull up into the belly button to now it’s not pulling up into the belly button
maybe the story of a weight loss group on meetup dot com people have been coming regularly and then someone that’s been going for a while notices every couple meetings someone announces they just ate an entire pizza the night before and we all cry for them
weight loss is the pussiest battle like it’s the battle of the intelligent and well off and then some people make it look easy like there are people that make weight loss looks breezy and i’m not one of them but if i lose this weight i’ll be someone that can gain it and lose it and i’ve gained it and lost it before and i just gained it now i have to lose it again
when i’m writing about weight i have nothing else to write about other than my mother telling me the governor swore in with his hand on 6 bibles which to that’s a swearing in when it’s on six bibles and my actual thought was i never thought of that in book sales letting someone know they needed 6 copies of my book that one wouldn’t do
that’s good for the bible right there that hte more bibles you have to swear in on the more official it is
i changed as a person the day i realized the bible was printed on a white holy printing press get the fuck out of here that was the day i lost my religion when i realized that the bible was mass manufactured in a factory
i should probably take a book making class just so that i can know how to make a book i don’t know like wriitng books you’re going to leave in your drawer to be read when you die seems fucked up like to intentionally write post morten literature like iread some people do like the man that writes a book and puts it in a shelf where no one knows about i did this and i had my book read so i know i’m good i just i mean this at like 300 pages or something i could probably use it it to approach a literary agent if i had a decent preface
like the way the system and society approaches me there isn’t much to do … like my folks just offer to buy groceries and do laundry and i just cater my life to the help it’s receiving and i need to have a paycheck soon from a thing i did because i need to prove to myself i won’t starve or languish in dirt the remainder of my life without my folks … but like i’m almost old enough to wonder how would i survive without my suport system … i have it in my headi would not have phone television or internet and that i would walk to the grocery store and draw pictures and sketch in my college ruled notebooks … like wihtout this help on $700 a month i’m a classic artist
right now i am a digital artiist because i can afford that lifestyle
like this is a classical artist upgrade like to keep this level of uneasiness with the medium alive without internet access i could draw pictures or write in college ruled notebooks and mail them to you to keep up with this audience i am wrriting to in this prose like to keep up with this audience i write to here i could write to you in a college ruled notebook or i could write to you in my drawings like mail you packages of art wondering what the fuck it takes to get paid to have an opinion is
like i applied for work and then i went to proving i had opinions
fuck i feel fat it sucks i feel fat and i hate myself
if channel 9 had a private library filled with the written works of it’s commentators … if people knew they could write channel 9 and have it stored somewhere safe for future refernence
like if nicholas lawson had a thumb drive you could check out at channel 9
art is a jedi mind trick like a man standing there next a tree god’s finest creation there is no impressiveness about that but a man standing next to a painting of that same tree is god’s gift to women just standing next to the tree is poverty standing next to a painting of the tree is not
an artist is always hoping to create art so powerful that the women not just woman but women are fighting over him like somehow a man needs enough art in his life that a woman goes good enough and then some people need enough art in their life so the women leave him alone
or something i don’t know
i’m just sitting here studying how i think differently at my parents after weed as opposed to before weed and i just needed to smoke one more time i’m reminding myself of everything liquor can do that weed can’t and i don’t need a weed dispensary i got al liquor store
liquor doesn’t have you drunk the next d ay though like i smoked on saturday and sunday morning and come monday i was still high
like my moms told me i’m getting microsoft word and fuck you i’m going to talk about the angels that are talking to me
the angel told me i just had to wait for microsoft word
for fucks sake i’ll talk abuot what the angels say
like there are different worlds … like what about an amusement park where you pay like $25 to spend time with some people that were working on a website … like an amusement park where the rides were people and their conversational skills
like if the finest conversationalists and story tellers in your city went into some room you had to pay to get into and once you were there you could interact with professional story tellers or something
oh that’s church i have to start my business over
like my narrative got set back 4 months it’s like i’m on day 0 of sobriety and i was at 4 months it’s llike i had two weeks to lose weight now ii’ve got 8 it’s interesting though as a perk i’m doing well without smoking i”m now 3 hours without a cigarette OR vaping and i have a slight withdrawal and i’m overwight and just got high but i”m managing my tobacco craving
i get the most direct inspiration writing you like writing someone leads to better wriitng than a blank wall … i tried to channel writing 9 in a wordpress doucment and it was diluted … like this is direct good quality inspiration but that i had an option to write a channel and not just a type writer like a typer writer or a word processor is for a general audience this is for a specific audience i think that’s why i write here better than in a word processor something about my brain responds to this better
it’s literally a different more pointless endeavor physically to write WordPress than WCPO … there is a physical difference between writing wordpress and wcpo and i prefer wcpo
MON 12:01 PM
WHOO! I”m 7 hourrs into not having had a vape or a smoke … I feel good … i can feel the withdrawal in my chest cavity but i’m holdng back from smoking …
MON 1:18 PM
it;’s been 8 hours since i had my last tobacco product and i’m on the drug of withdrawal it’s an intense drug the kind of drug you do drugs for to lessen the intensity of … withdrawal from tobacco is intense and i do tobacco to lessen the intensity of the wihtdrawal instead of enjoying the withdrawal
learning to enjoy withdrawal is like learning to enjoy pain it’s possible
i’ve had pain before that i was like that’s my shit that’s the kind of pain i like but withdrawal is ideally my favorite drug this is just a real intense pressuure on my heart and my brain reads that as needs to quit and another part of my brain is trying to enjoy withdrawal … i’m in the audience to my life and i wonder if my character has an audience and i’m in it and my character has a life of his own
or something
jamaes cameron’s avatar sort of interested me the other day like what’s the truth in that?
today i got hit wiith cigarette with drawal smoking weed drinking and gaining weight i’m confused by the recent turn of events how did i go fom a 212 pound smoker to a 235 pound non smoker that just smoked weed for the first time i’m dealing with three variable calculus or something trying to manage what i eat quiting smoking not drinking and not smoking weed even though i love to eat i love to smoke i love to drnk i love marijuana and i am constantly telling myself no that the other day i said yes to pop and gained 20 pounds fuck fuckity fuck i deal with the most basic human issues smoking drinking eating and working on having a good day at that if i can quit smoking i’ll feel ecstatic as a human being
i have a heart condiition with my withdrawal it only affects my heart that’s where the pressure is and all ideal with is being the only person that writes like this
i literally just had this thought WAH WAAAH gloomy writer no one writes like me wah wah the gloomy writer that no one writes like
i’m having my midlife crisis right now it’s an eating disorder coupled with a smoking cessation problem and i’m coping with my need to avoid doing drugs while wanting to get inebriated because it feels good and i need to focus on apartment maintenance and personaly hygiene … all the most personal problems are what i am facing
so i’m dealing with haven’t done my dishes in 4 weeks and they’ve piled up, i quit smoking today and am going through withdrawal, i smoked pot yesterday and am still high and lost some creative energy, i’m broke and it’s hard to explain, i haven’t hung my laundry up in my closet, i haven’t put togehter my drawing table, i did use acne cream on my ass and they doctor said it’s going to clear up, and i gained 20 pounds so now i weigh 235 pounds not 216 i did a monht ago, so i have to go grocery shopping for myself with my grocery card that JUST turned on and i have to figure out what to buy at the grocery store and i’m 38 years old and have spent the past two years having been deeply cared for by the system so now i need to leanr basic home care and i write a television station that probabluy thinks i’m a loser that i watch report on what i’m looking at outside my window everyday
ten years ago my problems were huge esoteric demonic ideas now it’s like a cookie my biggest enemy used to be i mean if you think about it corrpupt capitalism is the biggest problem because the source of the money will always be corrupt and like that was my biggest problem 10 years ago corrupt capitalism and the thought with it now my biggest problem is a cigarette and can of pop
i used to be involved in heavy intense debate about what it means to be an ideal republican now i’m wondering if i can just slide in their as mayor of nch and cop a nice lil check
and i’m 38 and don’t know what to do with my hair like this is my first beard and i don’t know what to tell a barber to style it with other thant to shave it close and i think i’ll let my hair grow out or something i don’t know what to do with my hiar to be honest
and i deal with a 300 page book i wrote that has no hope of ever being read like a lot of books in the 18th century you can go ahead and write the book that doesn’t mean it will be read
that like my brain gives me the impression telepathically this wriitng is beiing read but that in real life it’s not
i have deep personal problems i’m on three differnet psych meds and i get a psych med injection every three months, i can’t find the right focus to write anywhere but in a chat box to WCPO, i only receive $9000 a year in benefits and have to make do with that, my grandmother is ancient enough to die any day, and my folks are old enough to die any day, and my dogs are old enough to die any day, for some reason i never developed a relationship with my family in 36 thanksgivings and chrstmasases i’m groowing more individualistic every day and i have no contact with the outside world for the last 3 months going on four months i have lived alone i’m too impatient to sit through a church service and i could go downtown on fridays to visit gaslight but i don’t know why i would do that i could go to per scholas but they are testing for 10th grade reading levels and i graduated from Uc so it might not be a good fit and then i know how to program just i never programmed an entire application and don’t know what to program and i have a drawing table to set up but that drawing table takes time away from my work station and i could start a business i did but it’s a daily grind and i ran out of fruit the other day trying to dry it and i’m not a millionaire or a billionaire i don’t have an employee i’m not incporated i’m no getting up every day to go to work i do this i don’t tweet anymore i haven’t sent an email in a week i do this i write into this line into wcpo’s world and i’m just getting to the point where i think i can sell this but i don’t knnow if i can sell this this might be painful to read like it is for me but if it’s not a pain to read i can do a series of volumes of this and i could publish tihs to kdp.com but they might cancel my account so i don’t want more activity on kdp.com i hear it’s volatile
i can just write here until i get blocked
and they might consider it a magazine i don’t actually know
i just know i am going to be thinking of this last post for 5 minutes 3 minutes after i posted it
i don’t do enough reps when i do push ups that probably sums me up best when it comes to my problems doesn’t do enough reps when he does push ups that probably sums me up best
like my problems compared to like my weed dealer are small but your problems are your problems like i’m summed up best as a man that can do 20 push ups but can’t do 30 and knows that 30 isn’t 40 and heard of an old man that can do 100 and i can do 20 and he’s 5’4″a nd you’re 6’4” trying to do 100 push ups and you just blew up in weight so keep doing push ups but i just know that i”m man that doens’t get enough reps in when he does push ups and he’s 38 and still does push ups he just doens’t do enough of htem but today it’s almost the longest in recent history that i have gone without a cigarette or vaping and on top of it my eyes are blurred at this reading distance to the screen i’m slighly overweight, slighly blurred vision, just smoked weed, yellow teeth, acne assed, is tryingto stop smokng cigarettes, hasn’t done his dishes, hasn’t put his clothing up, and hasn’t bathed siince yesterday and i’ll sell myself honestly to someone because i think i’m not too different than most people i just do this and the reason that shit’s not taken care of is because of this box i’m typing on i give all my time to the computer and no time to myself but the last time i didn’t have a computer it was all self improvement so i might turn my computer off at my place on weekends or something so that i can focus on me i think i need to spend some time with the computer off
i have a mental health diagnosis as a background that i could use if i were truly in the right frame of mind as a political background to focus on the mental health field from a patient’s perspective but no i’m never going to run for high office i’m going to run for city council in north college hill in the rookie chair and then i’m going to ask for permission to remain quiet at the proceedings so i’ll probably write a book i’m at this level in my wriing career just wrote the longest book of his career and it’s no where near publishable
i haven’t had a cigarette or vaped since 5am and it’s almost 2:30pm and the longest i went without it last time in recent history is 13 hours and i’m going to stay at my folks place until i’m not smoking and don’t feel like smoking
like i have the right idea i’m just not strong enough in has the right idea like oprah doesn’t know about my stance on social media i’m not powerful enough in my has the right idea like eminem hasn’t commented on this writing lisa nova never saw my music video concept the business plan i never wrote hasn’t had an effect on my finances yet
felt good to do 10 reps of push ups at 240 personal body weight down from 23 pushups at 210
i have thin arms
talked to my folks about going to the Y i’m like mostly evaporated milk
i’m like tangerine genuflection and like coffee burnout methusala worshipping ignorant of life after death afraid of not existing worry i always will have accepss to life but don’t know what to do with it concerned i am important but misrepresenting my importance have my importance at work but in the wrong location wonder about the state of publishing am concerned it’s all for me because i am at the center of all of this but am afraid that’s true for all of us we are all disheartened when we become self centered i become self centered to the point htat my consciousness wraps around a glowing object in my mind’s eye
withdrawal from cigarettes is like an alex grey painting
so far withdrawal is the best drug, who knew?, that withdrawal from cigarettes woud be the most powerful drug .. it’s gettting heady but i haven’t smoked since 5am and i’m starting to get self centered and wonnder abbout hte nature of the universe , i wonder if this ends
fuck i’m placed in my chair ready to through this but i’ve had 6 cups of coffee today and i quit smoking cigarettes forever for a couple hours not certain but i’m going for the forever quit today and i just doubt it i just doubt i’ll never have another cigarette but i’m going to try to quit until i doon’t mind noot having a cigarette like i heard this phase takes 4 days to complet eand i’ve only ever gotten as far as half a day
alright what did we learn, the convergence of quitting smoking, smoking weed, and drinking 6 cups of coffee leads to a transcendental experience
i’m trippin i’m in the presence of the two people htat made love that created me and i would say right now i am sufficiently impressed that my point of origin is cool with me hanging around it
that’s how backwards and good a household i live d in when i lived here … my mother is now fighiting with Sears so that she can pay a bill on a canceled account and said something like maybe you canceled my account prematurely or something and they swear she doesn’t have a bill to pay and she’s still trying ot pay it
TUE 6:36 AM
went a day without smoking and because of how much coffee i drink i feel like garbage …
longs i’ve been without a cigarette or a vape since october 1st
im inside of myself hiding myself trying to get reclaim myself turning myself into something my self never thought it would be defeating myself with daily activities it’s like i’m the kind of person that gets defeated by house hold chores but is up on the latest evolutionary theory in biology that explains where life came from but as far as at the forefrront of life out there where life is on the cutting edge of the future i didn’t do my dishes for 3 weeks and when i’m at my apartment staring at hte dishes they seem impossible to do
now i think i’m mentally ill , i think i’m mentally ill now , i think i am , like just like some kind of mental cold or something mental allergies mental fatigue or something there as that one week three weeks ago where living in the apartment was dam near impossible at least the thoughts have calmed down but i’m all kind of interesting hard to be a person
i’m making it through nicotine withdrawal and i feel like garbage like my heart is tightened up and on top of it all i have been notiicing what all comprises society like i’m like at the apex of That’s It That’s All It is and i’m just like whatever still don’t think it’s a game just think it’s nubile in it’s infancy as a medium media exposure like in the history of work writing stretches back far beyond the visual medium of television or hte audio form of radio or film i’m in a more ancient medium applying it to the internet … writing is an ancient hobby more ancient than hosting a talk show and i’m just going with it .. some people feel compelled to do things and i need to quit smoking cigarettes and vaping so that started yesterday and i’m going on long day two no vaping or cigarette and that’s a world i can;t imagine i can’t imagine not smoking but i’m trying to and what is an image of endless smoke free days and it’s hard to look at
i feel like a grafitti artist like bansky or something … and then i started writing about myself .. how i just had some coffee and how i gained 20 pounds and need to lose it and am going grocery shopping today … i’m a graffitii artist that has blurred vision that can delete his work if he gets in too much trouble … i’m looking at this like i had more to write yesterday i’m hoping i run out of writing to write so that i can finish that way with a real the end … not much not to know why i do this when i don’t know why i exist … in not knowing why i exist i find some reationale meaning in doing this and i can when i get microsoft word have this document printed out and save with my previous decade’s volumes and continue
i woke up this morning and was like all there is is sleeping and using the computer and then i was like there’s also going to the YMCA or something and i started looking into expanding all there but in the last week it’s b een using the computer or going to sleep
sleeping to avoid cigarette cravings
and using the computer to avoid staring at a wall for too long with nothing to do
i’m in that focused situation where i know this is what there is to do and it’s not really a thing to do it’s just working on a book rather conveniently but i don’t know if osmeone woudl read this at all so i’ll just pass on publishing this
s
the weed slightly fucks me up for longer than i would like it to … sitcking to liquor … and beer … that shit exits my system quickly …. one final test on weed …. weed failed
TUE 12:03 PM
i just got hit with a wave of loser just like drank too much coffee drank too much pop … smoked that weed and it all fell apart … i have to stay at my place and just eat the food i buy and i’ll be fine i just did a great job at the grocery store buying broth and vegetables and fruit and spices for soup … i got some sushi too
i just got hit with a wave of loser like i don’t know how people function as losers
it’s offputting
i got some dishes to do and a table to put together and some weight to lose and when my mom’s gets her leg back she said she would take me to the recovery center for some socializing and i just have this laziness to me that is uncanny like it’s out of laziness that i haven’t done the dishes in three weeks but i keep washing parts of it and putting it away and the real me isn’t a mess he’s just surrounded by one
like i’m just like any other employee putting things off
just in my life and i put more time into this computer than my life
i picked up some smokes to reward myself for not smoking for a day
i picked up some pop
it’s when you have the blueprint to perfection and you keep writing in mistakes to your construction project that you feel fucked up about it all
5th 3rd the 5th bank and the 3rd bank merged which scared the shit out of the 1st and 2nd national bank and left the 4th national bank stymied i just got an update on banking history from pandora it’s 5th 3rd because the 5th and the 3rd bank merged fucked up banking history it would be the 5th and the 3rd bank that would make a move on the 1st and 2nd and leave out the 4th bank
i just have an awkward month ahead of me like my grocery store game is str8 i just pack on extras like convenience store pop and restaurants but like my grocery store game is solid
this whole being a loser thing is awkward i gotta fat nervous system defending me against feeling like a loser like i got life accomplishment and plans and i don’t know why i started doing this whole writing emails and instant messenger and tweets thing i gotta cut this off i gotta get to non computer things but like i feel connected to society and i look in the mirror and i see a sad face like a long face like a fat face like someone that needs a shave today is an awful day i’m like probably going to check into the recovery center for classes and see if i can meet some like minded people but i won’t i might feel like being a leader i’m just tired and this keeps going not matter what kind of day you had and you can die and it still goes on without you and this is just never ending and like i’m spent i think that weed spent me and then my weed dealer called to see if i wanted more and i was like i don’t know i can’t afford it and like what have i become? what is this? this life that i am piecing together and i know no one and it’s just a legit lonely existence i found myself in recently and like i’m concerned for my grandma and my mom and dad and like i’m concerned out of self interest too like i’m used to their assistance and like i just go with it this has no car existence and like fuck whose more of a lost potential than me?
like i need to put together a drawing portfolio over the next year and then i need to put it in illustrator for fucks sake i just need to write i have pretty good brain to hand coordination when it comes to writing
dale woods just died and he was my neighbor before and i just feel like the center of my life like i’m so selfish right now like dale died and i’m thinking why did this happen to me?
getting out to the mic’s required more than a bus pass to stay to the end of the show i could try to get to the urban artifact for a stand up comedy show
i’m just the living dead like dale is all the way dead i’m just this weed has me depressed and i’m writing less happy writing on weed and i need to get out of the spell of this weed this is no way to think
i’ve always just thought the people i associated with were stars and then i was like stars do drugs and then i did the drugs and everyone seems to be able to handle it better than me
alright shows start at the urban artifact at like 7pm so i can go sign up at 6:30 and be home in time
to catch a bus home
i can probably have a stand up comedy set ready for the spring
i wonder if i’ll do it i need to make something of this life and i lost track of what i should be doing i should probably get a job but i don’t know if i can put in that kind of time and do that kind of work this weed has me depressed in a way that is obscure
i notice a definitive difference between the bubbly version of myself and this self loathing self
i just did nothing to the point i wondered what the purpose of life is … previously when i was upbeat the purpose of life was to explore it … on weed it lost that purpose
i caught myself in an awkward situation … i’m probably in the most awkward situation in the city
i’m more excited writing in this box than i was when i wrote my first fiction novel … i don’t know what commercial fiction to write .. megarbi megarbi megarbi megarbit megarbi … bertundum bertundum … that’s how i feel right now … i thought i was an author … i might be the author in the fact of social media … like this will do … like an author that is satiated with just htis
like an author that was like meh the internet … and just went about his day leaving comments
it’s when you realize that on top of your writing you have writing to do can you handle that thought
WED 6:52 AM
aw i just died inside … i gained 20 pounds almost quit smoking felt like my ass acne was better smoked some weed and didn’t do the dishes and threw out the soup because i added too much spice and now i’m high thinking some shit like this is a good idea and i came up with some story ideas and came to grips with the fact that there is nothing to do there is just nothing to fucking nothing to do and i cooled out realizing my biggest fear is what tomorrow looks like
i told my friend in london the first time i tripped like doing drugs on other continents is more intense than doing drugs on your own if every weed dispensary was a travel agency to get you where weed smoked good like a travel agency that handles your weed trips
i tripped in london on business at 20 and was like if i was the boss of an office full of women
that the greatest thing i could think of was an office full of women
like i don’t know what happened but the internet seems like a gift to a planet of female secretaries like let’s read that history book where the men built a computer for the women in australia in 1950 like around 1950 study australian history
WED 4:45 PM
i think i did an amount of giving up recently but my grocery store game is tight i bring in the right raw materials and then i am exposed to the shit food of this city … like it’s not my fault i’m mentally ill , it’s society’s fault , i’ll hit you with that , it’s not my fault i’m fucked up in this world , it’s the people around me with their fucked up hobbies
it’s not MY faults it’s MY society’s fault
like when you promote drugs on the radio i do drugs in real life
man standing there with two gallons of milk outside a UDF man walks up asking if UDF carries milk man says this is the last of it man says how much man says $5 man says this some supply and demand shit man says yep man goes I got $3 that’ll do man says that’s what i thought
i want to haggle
i ain even want to be a rapper or an actor but i did sort of want to be a stand up comedian without knowledge as to who is more of a loser in stardom than who i thought the stand up comedians were cool before i learned they are on the lowest rung of fame which is funny and i could write jokes about that how the D list is as good as I can get and i was on the E list for a long time before i rose in social rank to D list
i know what i’ll do i’ll write a textbook that’s a theory as to why my career is the way it is , it’s a textbook on social media and no one can tell my life story from my perspective but me so i spent the most time with myself so i might as well write the social media text book dedicated to a senior class of high school students and a freshman class of university students and a public at large i could probably pull myself away from this to write a text book there was NCH SOFTWARE and then there was MIDWESTERN LOGIC TEXT BOOKS
i could probably write a text book on social media and speak to what everyone will experience except for the stars of the show i can’t write that perspective
it’s just a thoery
like i have a theory that is a social media text book about a theory as how social media created a lump in my career
i can make this work i don’t want to lose this schedule
like i could probably write the handbook for university freshmen … like i could write that … WELCOME CLASS OF 2020 I’m Your Hose Class of 2010 also know as the Class of ’99 today we are going to learn that decorum is in high demand being polite is the greatest thing we need in social media and you are here at this university to give you something different to say on the internet than all 85% of the population which never went to school, you’re here at school because the human race is mostly meat but we have some bright spots whose job is to take care of the meat and prolong the meant’s life
meat not meant
we send students to university so that when they get out they have something to say that’s different and unique and it’s hard so we figure the smart kids can do anything let them go to school and that’s the way it is if you said 2 + 2 = 14 in 6th grade you’re 4 years behind of development years the kid that knows in his heart of hearts 2 + 2 = 4 and University is mostly listening and it’s also reading
so it’s not that you’re a bad person uneducated it’s that a long time ago you show little interest in listening thats when you had no idea what the cost benefit analysis was for listening but back when you were just being you listening to adults didn’t mean a thing to you
like if i were going to start a school it would be turn your paper in that day of class sit through a lecture and at the end of the quarter take a test that’s not meant to fuck you up like a test that the professor is fairly certain 80% of the students can pass
like that school the one where the first year you just spot check schools by taking classes
https://www.facebook.com/physicsuc/ these people helped discover the graviton like odds are someone submitted another creative theoretical paper on gravity
what’s the law called that simply states the law abiding citizens be where the cheques be
like anyone ever noticed that you never see that east side other side of the desk type of person in a kitchen waiitng for food
i could probably book a show talking about social media like talking about the theory of social media like get booked as a professor for a 5 minute sales pitch on why you should visit my website where i accept your papers and you pay me to grade them
YOUTH
it’d be cool if WCPO surrprised me to shits end and responded with like 800 pages of writing that would be a reasonable exchange
to keep up with business accounts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMQ2qGmJOVM i’ve done this like the internet is searching for who i am and i’m the guy that saved up his notes on himself i’m this guy mostly the guy that’s keeping notes
like if i did the work of setting up the greater metropolitan bible association and i networked every book store in the city together and held a conference featuring cincinnati book stores in north college hill catered by larosa’s
i could get paid to set up unions
like i was sitting here thinking to myself book publishers that don’t know each other and then i thought to myself book publishers that know each other
and they already migbht
the north college hill business association requires some maintenance i would imagine if there was a greater cincinnati books publishers league meh
i’m a cross at the cross walk law abiding citizen and i just notice when it comes to drugs the laws on drugs are no CLEAR and there’s a history of drug use dating back to ancient china and that’s enough to point out it’s never going to stop but maybe find a way to know who wants to be rich and powerful and take your problem from that angle
not everyone is born wanting to be rich and powerful some people know how to shoot a jump shot or hit a homerun with a huffy bat
like most athletes don’t have higher aspirations than winning the next game
i wasn’t born planning on being rich and powerful and i never thought i was i was like nothing nothing at all
like by keep doing my homework my next best move outside that door to the world keeps improving
i figure under ideal circumstances that i deliver a max quality beautiful object on social media in the text book format that opens divisions up at universities i get a house and my first book in my 40’s gets a car and then i’m writing magazines to pay for gas
i can create jobs at the university
SHOTS! SHOTS! LET’s DO SHOTS! SHOTS! weed legal enough that you see it in music video’s from time to time and MGK did the first methamphetamine music video with aoki
like i have base level theories on social media if i wrote about them at length had a chapter on facebook reddit twitter pinterest i knew if this website was on here long enough i was going to write a text book about it
it’s not a HOW TEW manual
under ideal conditions i get an advance so fat on a $300 text book from like one of the only people that could write it
combat would be a chapter online but i’m missing that sweet phd jargon fuck i’ll have to write sweet phd on my own
well i need to go around and get charlene and chuck and maureens thoughts on social media but i could ask a 60 year old priest what his thoughts on reddit are
i could ask a 90 year old baker what her thoughts on facebook are
i could ask an indian immigrant to north college hill to provide the buffet not sure why but i could ask people about the internet and marvel at their lack of knowledge of the all that is
the apex of the industrial revolution was the internet it’s the foundation for the next epoch and i know that
i don’t know about you i know my vision is secure
story of a man that has to prove he’s alive might be cool like dale the fireman attends his own parade for his funeral and then he comes to find out he has a knife wound in his back and that albino super model that’s been following him around is angel he thinks she’s a drug dealer
like cincinnati could do cover films we do cover songs like has anyone from cincinnati leggy walk the moon or dom mazzaretti covered a nick lachey song yet?
be a thing to do cover a nick lachey song if you’re from cincinnati
he paved the way for you to make it in cincinnat in music
bootsy collins covering a nick lachey song like love me like an angel but by a funk band
like the macro micro sociology that goes into singing a song like love me like an angel to a room full of women is brilliant
like for the most part the people without education already know what the university is teaching they just don’t know how to talk about what they are doing for 3 hours a week for 3 months they got it down to a 4 word cypher
like i can say i made in social media and that i have no control over who types what this document is having made it in social media like i don’t know i was under the impression that WITH degree I GET respect and you know what i found it to be quite the opposite
they never explained that kid with a degree you’ll definitely never be like these people and i might have been like cool then i won’t go and i’ll just keep working at this choice retail store location and work my way up to store manager and then regional manager i passed up a relationship with gadzooks because i wanted to go to design school i thought i was making the right call years later i was like i could have worked at the mall my entire life
the epic next level of this is DISCOURSE like where your social media people and my social media people have to discuss IF this is a relationship that can lead to some profitable conversations to sell on kdp.com and we need to know kdp.com is cool with it
because we’re selling conversations on facebook on kdp.com we have to jeff and zuck like each other and if they don’t we have to make them like each other
i hold it down for the town i’m at recognize i’m still here last time i left for an extended period of time there was a riot i got to watch on television like yep that’s my city
had me wondering if because i left there was a riot
now you got me back and i’m writing you and okay you’re that kind of city i don’t know what other cities do but they do cast you pretty uniformly who responds well to this
like i think i’ll stick with liquor and vaping and avoid marijuana i mean the high on liquor’s not terrible and the people are more what i am looking for
like the liquor store never tells me hey i sell something else too if you’re interested and doesn’t tell you what it is
i don’t need to buy weed from the man that makes more from selling pills
i’ll just stick with liquor and i mean either way i fall asleep so i’ll stick with liquor
movie about WCPO calls the police about an instant messenger chat box that has the place surrounded and they think NICHOLAS LAWSON HELD UP WCPO and have em come in to get evidence and i get to chat with a police officer and they get to talk me down and i’m like alright i’ll let em go and he’s like where are you? and i’m like HEBRON COPPER and he’s like turn yourself in and i’m like turn myself into what now i’m a ghost and they’re mine again copper you can’t have WCPO because they belong to me this is my turf her see and that’s all this movie has to be
a camera angle no one ever saw before of the web desk sprinting to the producer that nicholas lawson has the wcpo building surrounded
check the voice thought like butter
fuck that i have to work my way up to something i’m pissed about that … last time i tried to use career builder two weeks ago i wouldn’t receive an uploaded resume … i think this time i’ll just mail in my cover letter and resum’e and offer to be a secretary at 5th/3rd just address something to human resources
if i was a secretary at 5/3rd i’d be well my heart my fucking heart is telling me no NEOO no but my brain is telling me yes apply at 5th 3rd as a secretary
and i turned into one of those people it had to feel right for like i had to move my pinky finger to get my liver in line with the plan
i never heard of a billionaire that had a secretary
i’d say in the 1940’s a mark zuckerberg quality businessman was a dime a dozen
i don’t shit on mark zuckerberg well i do because i keep getting fed negative media on him
i don’t know maybe write a book for him i need to do like 5 or 7 other people first and they have to sell but maybe if i located dan brooks the 40 year mayor of nch and asked him for a book deal
what”s sort of fucked up about turning this into a website this discourse is that it’s 24 hours of marking up p tags and i need dreamweaver for that and at that level i don’t know if it’s worth doing but it’s casual back to not knowing what this is it’s a style of writing i don’t write anywhere else and i’m sort of smitten with that .. like if i published this as a novelty but i could open another github account and put it there
WED 9:22 PM
i just caught myself falling asleep dabbing like when you’re doing a dance move until you fall asleep
when it came to dabbing i was always sort of s truck by how a dance move could affect a random politician like you never saw george stefanapolous doing the chicken noodle soup but i did see a ground level politician dabbing like she had no control of her dab and i even found myself when it came to dabbing i felt like i needed to do it i even stopped myself from doing it the first time and then i dabbed
i saw the fist show at summit behavioral like i knew the guy that caused an outbreak of fists to blow up at summit it went from NO FISTS to people fist bumping at summit … i saw culture break out … there was no fist bumping and then this dude just started it up
and it got everywhere
kids .. online … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYHQcZ2CTSs this is the only one i wanted to beat the shit out of so far for what i think he’s employing
emplying
well i did back like 2 years ago want to beat this kid i thought he was implying something now i just see a kid doing something cool
i just thought of this story it’s the story of a man that gets invited to heaven and it’s at the mcdonalds in north college hill and they tell him you can just live here and he did and slept oh the chairs … the story of a man that lives in north college hill’s mcdonalds and he’s in heaven so everything goes the way he needs it to
a man that was invited to live in mcdonalds by an albino angel suits my story telling i can write that fiction that’s a rehearsed universe with enough doo hickey’s to play with i can crank out 200 pages i’ll work on that .. you can pitch a non fiction concept but you have to have the fiction concept done that’s what writer’s digest taught me and that’s what i’m told publishing and agenting expects that’s the game plan did a proposal and now on to the fiction
i actually can’t write God at McDonalds because i thought of how a city works and how he would be escorted to a homeless shelter so nope.
WED 11:30 PM
my tongue is out while i am typing this like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i’m drying some rasberries and some blueberries right now and the pears i dried tasted great
fruit tastes great dried fruit is like a luxury you mean you dried this fruit for me? i dried this fruit for you
is drying a fruit necessary? no. no it’s not that’s why it’s a luxury
THU 6:37 PM
i did 3 weeks worth of dishes today and i only did it because i thought of a way to do all those dishes
THU 10:07 PM
i just remembered an ancient sci fi concept i had .. if like every sound never died if people died but what people said did not … if scientists at Uc studied advance sonic recovery of sounds made in confined spaces and then they went on to explore the city with technology that could track from a single location every sound that was ever in that location or something it’s rough it’s raw just a Uc technology that can divine sound in let’s say a house they can go back and locate a sound that was made 40 years ago … they got like this mic on smart phone to do it with it’s so sensitive a mic that it can pick up sound waves from the past and then i thought if you really want to time travel you have to get into a spaceship and travel to that point in space where the person was when the earth was at that location like if you wanted to save let’s say JFK from 1950 you would have to travel where earth was in 1950 and be where he was walking around like it’s a concept mandy came up with in art school that if you tried to time travel you’d end up in space and i was like yep
THU 11:26 PM
fuck twitter i get a super bad vibe using twitter i didn’t use twitter for like a week or two and i was fine i started using twitter again and fucked up thoughts started gesticulating in my head i don’t get a fucked up thought in my head writing you here in this message box to stay connected to the society and the internet at large i just get feelings typing here in regards to what are we going to do about this, is he overstepping his boundaries, we know he is overstepping a boundary but is he going too far … i get median levels of anxiety doing this but with twitter it’s like exotic fear hatred murder death sensations so fuck twitter i’ll just stay here like someone is developing hatred for my professional discourse on twitter or something i’d like to see a book about a man that uses the internet and get’s psychic feelings that he uses to his advantage when a fake police officer comes to his home to talk to him about his online activity and he just notices the man has a gun he calls 911 and then the the fake cop gets arrested by a real cop
truth be told it’s a decent line of reasoning to go through 10 years of university and then 10 years of the real world and then go back and spend 2 to 4 years getting a law degree english literature is typically a choice degree to have with law coupled with mental health experience … i could probably go into mental health law
https://www.kaptest.com/bar-exam/promo?&mkwid=sEOw0q9no_dc&pcrid=320738722759&pmt=b&pkw=%2Bpreparing%20%2Bfor%20%2Bthe%20%2Bbar&pgrid=18252760836&ptaid=kwd-104043219876&slid=&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7IDiBRCLARIsABIPohhsANbZ_bGgrwDDIS6S6yi0dbp_D3c7sjCYH4xrLwsirR3SJoxyc-oaAkO5EALw_wcB i’d probably take a scene out of leonardo dicaprio’s film catch me if you can just study for the bar exam and get my passed the bar license i wouldn’t know what to do with it but like if it comes down to it i could go to law school i don’t want to but could i go to law school in a world where i’m not experiencing bodily fluctuations that i rely on for decision making going to law school is a traditional good idea
even though the left side of my heart gives me the impression that’s not true
damn both lead singers for STONE TEMPLE PILOTS died the original singer and chad bennington after like 30 years of wondering from time to time i was like a stone temple pilot is a man in a grave
with $750 in strip club money I could probably have a nice long talk with one of the strippers and ask her to take off an article of clothing like every 15 minutes until i was sitting there in a suit talking to a woman fully nude , that’s actually a good time to me
i’ve never done that before but i have dreams too and i’m bipolar
the last time i went to the strip club was with hakiym when he wanted to go with like $30 and i was uncomfortable because I couldn’t leave and he had all the money and i know it’s a pay to play place if that hakiym never did a single thing it’s think of me with an amount of respect commensurate with how much work i did with him i hope his fucking the recycle bin of cincinnati never stopped being good to him
i wouldn’t mind going to the strip club by myself but i just know myself and i don’t party at strip clubs with anyone other than myself and the strip club
brian fucking simpson is another one of those political activists that has a dark side like he deals heroin and calls it cocaine he gives you vicadin powder and calls it cocaine i don’t know what he’s up to now but it’s selling himself to people for minimum wage so that he can talk and i hope he met juicy j and i know he know kahari from chicago and he was with tommy bottoms from hbo i know his rap is deep it’s just that he’s a shitty person
i was used by people that just happened to be african i went to african places and did african things and just happened to get fucked over by the people that were closest to me and i didn’t know what a felon was i thought it was like a criminal poet or something and then they start with the guns and the prostitution and i was just talking shit that night and next thing i know brian is pulling a chick from the side walk to fuck us both for $20 and i was like if it goes down tonight i’ll call the stadium and book a show our set is that deep but then he fucked her for an hour and got in the car when i was mid fuck and only gave me 15 minutes and he convinced me to give him my car and move in with him and he has a reality distortion field around him like he wanted that and his sob story is as bad as mine if not better and he has three kids named messiah yahweh and immanuel he named each of children after a god and he’s not spending time with his kids so they become god LIKE and his wife has the same problem with him that i do and i did work for families and they fucked me over and i’m just dwelling in it right now and big meech he was cool in the hospital but when he got alone like people not knowing how to spend time looking like we were going to work on his gang book and i was like cool it will look nice i’ll trace your drawings in illustrator and do some work in 3d modeling for your savant style book and then he said he was going to kill me for 4 hours and i got so shocked i couldn’t think to leave and vacate the premises i just sat there thinking to myself this knife might have to be picked up quick and it might have to go in his neck and i got one chance to do this if he moves and then marcus called the cops and they arrested him from my small as shit apartment and then my entire team told me marcus couldn’t live with me anymore and to just throw his shit out and i just let him know to leave and then victoria kicked in a door and i got evicted and hakiym moved in with me prior to that which led up to that and a teenager with all her teenage bullshit was in my presence and i fucking hate big meech or whoever jamal wellls aka khassa selassie brian simpson aka hakiym shair and then there’s marcus he’s cool he’s just marcus and he does the dopest beats in the city but he tried to make out with me one night and i was like marcus i got shit to do and he said he was going to stay for 2 weeks and he stayed for 6 months and this whole 4 year period was god awful and then i got some peace and then i kept smoking weed and then i quit and then i had bad air in my apartment and i was in the system for 2 years and the only people that mean anything to me are on television you’re the only decent people i have ever seen
https://avatars0.githubusercontent.com/u/10497770?s=400&v=4 that guy that guy saw a day of fucked up shit one day
hakiym did this cool thing for me though in me stating i’ll book us a show at the stadium if you can get me a blowjob tonight i didn’t make the call because i didn’t get the blowjob and he sort just didn’t mind roach fucking in the back of my car but like fucking that bitch in that back of that 626 was like the lamest thing i ever did the nut felt like thick urine coming out of my dick with no orgasm probably because i used a condom or it was just that was the worst nut i ever nutted and it gave me a pointless viewpoint on prostitution like i go by how it feels now and currently my right hand feels the best
i haven’t spent enough time conscious as an adult to know how a pussy feels but if it feels better than a hand is just more dangerous i’m in but like as i understand it with a woman when it comes time to masturbate we just have sex instead and kids show up and our lives are planned so that’s not a problem
like it occurred to me that once i’m married it’s up to her to decide how many kids we are going to fuck i know i love her but like i can’t speak for how i would feel about a kid i assume i would love it but in the back of my mind i would be wondering just who are you little one what hell hath thou brought this planet
like right now i just know a woman should be in control of how many kids a family has with a man that’s just always down to fuck or has a right hand if it’s not the right night to fuck or if she just didn’t appreciate how deep it got emotionally when i bit her ankle and gave her a foot rub with my mouth
sex would be really deep in my life right now
like i’m like almost all there and like i might actually just be freaked out and sort of timid to have sex now but like i know the drill if she wants to blow me i’m that comfortable with sex now i can only really emotionally handle a blow job
and i had one of those a couple years ago and it was pointless but i reupped my i’m a man card
i was even for the first time in like 6 weeks thinking of sex and not just watching it on beeg and i got it down to missionary position sex lay between her legs thrust up against her clit and keep thrusting i thought about how to do sex the other day and it was like just be missionary position that’s the correct posture a lot of those options look like wrong answers and if she thinks missionary is correct to i’m clearly in with a good woman
i’m 38 i’m not substitute teaching for extra money because i experience extreme attraction to women and i’d probably be like these are students but i WON’t Substitute teach because my body would probably go through hell not striking up relationships with senior high school students and sophomores … like young women are extremely attractive and i don’t know how i would react i would be scared shitless to teach at a school with young women in it … if i’m going to piece this together and substitute teach it’s for all boys schools … i’d be scared shitless some bitch in high school would end up with my number because i said something poetic and just went with it like i do
i’d be scared shitless of falling in love with a smart university bound high school senior cheerleader
if i was a substitute teacher
it’s on nighline right now he was taking his second wife per the laws of nature and he got fucked up
alright cool someone just shot in a question HOW WOULD YOU EVEN BE MARIAH CAREY’S ASSISTANT? it would start with someone being where she is that want’s that job and maybe doing something hot like getting her a joint pre rolled super nice and be like i thought i would assist you mariah and i thought of you and rolled this joint for you and you could be like is this what you look for in an assistant and if was like yes you could be like i got you i know what you need ima do it for you your next show is 2 weeks from now i just needed to let them know it’s confirmed and we have travel booked and all i need from you is to sign off on the business expense so that you can do river front stadium
and you’d probably end up her assistant if you could book shows for her and roll her joints money
wendy williams show is what television really is to me and it astounds me how cool we are about class divisions because who in their right mind dreams of being a singer’s assistant? who doesn’t see through this with X RAY GLASSES?
like if there was a show that explained how everything in show business worked like the show business show that explained everything
wendy williams … if there was a gay super hero .. so like just a kissing gay super hero that dresses gay … a dick sucking super hero that rides a horse and work on a racnch gay … or like a castro district just wants fucked up the ass and needs to go gay … like it’s cool that gays want media portraying a gay lifestyle it’s just that gay is a sexual orientation or homosexual more accurately a homosexual … what if a gay super hero was just a man that really didn’t have time for women and had a lot of money and was a hero to men everywhere where he just kept making money women kept coming on to him and he kept selling them to his friends that had more money than him .. what is a gay super hero other than a literary device to be like well this man is a hero and he kisses men
most super hero’s are a sexual
i might classify more as A SEXUAL at this point than straight or gay or lgbt or q or any of that just a sexual
i’m probably not gay i’m probably a sexual
that’s what i want … i want a custom home … i want my own land to house my own home a one floor cabin model with doors on every outfacing wall and i just want a studio for a home
4:04 AM
saw this old man governor crying like literal tears the kind that make a civilization beautiful tears and then it cut to this 28 year old skin head that fucking didn’t have a tear in his body but was a more beautiful men … beautiful men that never cried before or know what real beauty is that we never become that
i’m not altogether embarrassed to listen to this usually i am embarrassed by the sound of my voice
Money.mp3
like if i got a sound cloud account for just that track … so that when i handed someone a business card i would know the first thing they would hear on sound cloud is HIT EM WITH THE WEED HIT EM WITH THE WEED … i wouldn’t mind that .. just sharing HIT EM WITH THE WEED with a city
i wonder if that’s what i did with this apartment and it took the computer a while to process what to do i was trapped in a dead end and i had to slide down to a boat to continue my life i wonder if i’m like that cat
i could be on the weather with ketchmark call it ketchmark and musty
1:30 PM
https://www.drudgereport.com/ was the man that broke the last story .. when’s the last time a website broke a major story … let’s see what drudge has to say about donald trump .. i don’t have the credentials to get him on the phone
4:50 PM
NAILED ONE!
Recording.m4a
7:59 PM
what if i had an african writing coach guy’s whose job is to just be like write about this and i write about what would interest one person if it was like buddy larosa i could do it like a job like buddy larosa’s secretary that does pro bono cold calling to prospect for retail locations of larosa’s on other continents … like be in the business of putting together buddy larosa’s franchise thumb drive that explains everything like buddy larosa has a thumb drive with a document on it worth more than ritchie hawtin’s entire catalog and you can be from australia and pay $45,000 for a thumd drive with JUST buddy larosa’s phone number zipped up in a zip file and placed several dozen sub folders deep into this place where only the explorer can find you and you can pay buddy larosa from melbourne australia and next thing you know you get style guides as to how to take your australian culture and give it the buddy larosa’s flavor
i’ll start writing on my own wall now i worked my over from having no one to write for in email twitter and then facebook and i wrote for some people in wordpress
i’m going to just say hi from time to time and like 25 goodbyes from now i’ll just write on my facebook wall and i think if the book was titled 25 goodbyes and i mailed a thumd drive with the material to an agent i might get this published i can buy and gift thumb drives for years if i put this on a website on a thumb drive and then mailed the prototype to midwestern publshing and just blew some cash on publishing
you can do surgery with a micron sized ball baring that is inside magnets north south east and west of the ball baring and is on a z axis strut that gives it forward and back motion in any position in the human body and you can basically for mark zuckerberg’s hospital in partnership with mercy health systems would have a piece of surgery tool that involves injecting a micron sized ball baring into the skin and then putting that micron sized ball baring in a 2DwithZaxis magnetic tube you could do surgery in the body with a micron sized ball baring in a magnet tube controller and you could move the micron up down left and right as it navigated the blood stream and got to where it needed to make it’s cuts its a large solution to a small problem

if you want to store humans in saline solution or some other not chemical altering substance but if you engaged in mummification in the contemporary world of dead bodies if we had the finest morturary in the state of ohio and we were on the leading edge of letting the brain die but keeping the tissue alive

and we rebuilt humans with organic matter

you just needed a clean room and a janitor and you could start storing humans in cold storage in pieces

an amount of medical training in medical theory and practice and medical business practices
the story of a man that experienced eureka and took to making a website to put on a thumb drive immediately with a .mpeg file that he was going to mail to the local priest rabbi cleric mayor and fire chief and he was just going to do that for like 6 weeks and send them copies of the original and send 6 district representatives a tool of trade to start my business i passed out thumdrives with content on them you could just sell i produced the product that i gave the mayor of a set to put him in business with sales
shwooo all the goodbyes … i gotta take this over to my facebook profile and to end this i could just prepare like a website on a thumb drive that auto loads upon insertion and if i could just put a product in your pocket it’s not an e book on amazon’s kdp it’s actually for a contemporary author it’s about developing a thumbdrive and just giving it to someone that you trust if you make money off another man making money off your money you’re making good money
i could just give a priest a thumb drive from saint margarey mary and have him give it to the archdiocese and we’ll work on it … this is the beginning of me needing to some production work really
i did the thing where i got the content for the website developed i gotta download some files extract like 19 video files from youtube with youtubevideodownloader and gotta mark up like 300 pages of writing and embed some audio and put it on github and take a .docx file and work it into libre office i need to download so that i can read the file and then i need to or i could upload it to google docs and hope it doesn’t freeze and then i could insert the thumb drive and download the files onto the thumb drive and then i could eject the thumb drives and give them to a priest to give to the archdiocese who would again work with me to develop a magazine for a fee
like if i gave thumbdrives full of writing that’s been produced you want people to have copies of the files on their computers and you want them to pass the thumb drive on to someone else and you sold advertising on the thumb drive like the modern magazine they have to really dig your content though and that’s a life long endeavor to master there is no learning that there is just being that until you are that
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_cable_and_satellite_television_channels there was the day i thought to myself a deflating thought it’s when you’re 28 and trying to make sense of the business world and you see data like this and you just know you can sell media to one of these companies and you get deflated put it in a notebook and you just keep delving deeper and deeper in that that’s all there is
i’ll probably be leaving social media soon and joining facebook … first i have to fill out t he 2 year application to do so … i might open a facebook satellite officer here in cincinnati … like if cincinnati had a facebook office …
i gotta get out a shared space and onto my own
goodbye for the 2nd time
The End

so jeac custeau was panning the coral reef for new and exciting sea life when he came across the horned octopus it was a spectacular creature with a horn coming directly in a tight spiral off the top of it’s head … jeac custea then grabbed the octupus and threw it as hard as he could in the ocean and started dusting off the porpoise with it and the octopus was pissed and seventy eight other horned octopi came out of nowhere and crippled jeac custeau and removed his mouth piece from his mouth in ultimatium stabs at as his body and as he let the horn go the little octopus let the other octopi know to lay off it was fun and it did it by doing a little twirtlewheel and they let jeac custaeu live for a second there it looked like he was trying to say somethingthe endlive, for a second there it looked6:23 AMOUCH! NO! okay i need two more words … to complete this cypher … I just tthought of OUCH! and two weeks ago I remembered NO! so now i got ouch and no not bad for face to face street life11:38 AMi think http://www.nickspoems.com is literature because it’s all legal fiction like it’s fiction that abides by the law

the end