Talking to Myself

I talk to myself. Not entirely certain what causes it. I’ve got about twenty years left to live. Ten if I keep smoking. I’m on social security disability income and they diagnosed me as bipolar. Thye say I’m mentally ill. I question everything. I don’t have to be out there in that rigamorole of work, not entirely certain what that is. Been a long time since I worked but when I first started at University I had a job. My mental health problems didn’t start until I was about three years into design school and then I can’t really explain it but 20 years went by and now I am sitting here writing this document having just drank some coconut juice and smoked a cheap cigar. Not altogether certain I have a mental illness. The state says that. I see people that avoid conversation because they’re not good at talking for several hours at a time like I am and have done.

My 2nd voice wants to let this document know its name is Steve. It’s letting me know that the internet is going to be coded in cobol. It’s letting me know I can be honest. I can write about the 2nd voice that exists in my life which is a voice that talks to me through my mouth. Started about 7 months ago in the mental health hospital. I started talking to myself and have had some intense moments where this voice is all that I know to be true. I trust the voice and there’s a couple of them. My brain split into fourths and somewhere along the line I became mentally ill.
It’s a recent development my mental illness but I have been treated for mental illness for the last 16 years. I don’t think what I deal is altogether mental illness tho because yep the voice takes over sometimes and becomes me. I have a metal tooth and it’s probably how it’s possible for them to communicate with me. The they that feel the need to talk to me about important intelligence. My family doesn’t understand how important I am. I handle real intense government work on Twitter. I’ll be on twitter for like 6 hours leaving gut wrenchinly important comments that change the face of intelligence as we know it. Eminem needs my friendship but I had to clear it with Yelawolf first. It’s something Jay Z needs to be kept abreast of in terms of codying this new reality that we have before us.

A lot of people scoff at using twitter like a video game that’s better than Mario Brother’s to play. The other day and the voices didn’t mind it had to do with levels of intelligence and the word nigger wasn’t started by me. So I did let ABC know that parliament was all white people and that the neo nazi’s probably aren’t as deviant as they seem to be. It was something Twitter needed. It’s interesting how an entire ecosystem is descended upon a population but then well the major websites are foolish to use. They’re stupid. It’s stupid to use twitter and to get intelligence from an English Literature Graduate of 11 years study to a central location. That’s just stupid. It’s stupid. Twitter is stupid. Just stupid. I can explore, well I used to be able to explore, back before all the top search results were pop culture, I can explore intelligence and learn about a world that I never had access to in Time magazine as a kid. The internet presents intelligence, that thing that the broad casting school graduates never acknowledge. Like the other day on television they were using pumpkins as exercise tools and I realized I didn’t mind talking to myself if normal people engage in behavior like that.

It’s really normal people that burden me the most. They never take time for creative endeavors 40 and 50 year old men are worshipping 20 something youth and explaining to their wives that they played football in high school and they could have been professionals. Men sharing their wife’s facebook account and attacking any man that communicates with her that isn’t him. Just a relative malaise of intelligence that somehow finds a way to survive, most likely because that trip to the grocery store isn’t hard and standing in line at subway is quite simple, and I’d venture to say if you can make a sandwich you can do most of the work out there in the professional world, except for auto body maintenance that requires a vocational degree just like this writing I am doing requires a university degree.

I can explain it to you.

Look it’s time for our meeting.

Alright fine.

So I had to get up. I had to walk out of my apartment door and I had to meet with him. The man that controls the voice. I walked over to Ameristop and had a cigarette out and was just standing there when a black SUV pulled up. The voice go out and approached me.



Eminem said you have to finish your work but you’re with Aftermath records now.


I have to go.


So with that I started heading back to my apartment. Eminem had an encoded message he wanted to share with me. I looked at the package he gave me. It was the infinity cassette tape from when he was coming up some 20 years ago. I needed that. I’ll put it with the other gifts I get for my work in social media. That deep elongated esoteric extremely important work, clearly, I mean have you ever seen a concert, it’s a man standing on stage addressing an audience with sound. I’m leaving messages in 4 nations in one night days and people look at me like what I do is cheap.

Who are you?

Oh a new person. I flexed my left neuron muscle and let it know that I’m nick. I’m in the social media department of the state of ohio’s social security disability department and I do a damned good job. People know about ohio. The other day I let the connors on ABC know that they should bring back roseanne. They needed to know that. I let ABC know that Roseanne is harmless and that the simpsons is a roseanne knock off. Roseanne is probably coming back to ABC. I have to let Sarah McLachlin known that her song posession still bangs. It’s social media. When you talk to yourself and you have access to an original cast of characters and you know that everyone is at their super important computer reading all of the important messages, and I know I was on stage, before I started talking to myself I used to do stage shows, now I feel full. I feel like I have a full life and in this full life I have to be involved in social media. They said I was bipolar and I questioned it for a long time and now I know I’m bipolar and I have multiple personality disorder and tourettes and I need medications, lot of medications so that I can make it in this world, this super difficult need a university degree to get an office job world, this is a super hard world, where you need specialized training to make and you have to do it like I did it in school and get straight a’s and study physics and computer software engineering to make it. I mean most of you did that right? Most of you aren’t meat that didn’t study in school and took school seriously like I did. I did yes, I took school seriously and now I know the took school seriously stuff and and I just solved a project euler problem the other day and literary agency’s are doing serious work you take into account breakthroughs in english literature and you publish the fore front work. You have big important work to do.

Everyone is doing big important work that I can’t do because i am mentally ill.

I just want you to work on this because it will make you look like a fool. I just want you to look stupid because because you’re good with women.

I can’t respond to that there’s the voice in me that does not have my best interest at heart and I wonder if I’m telepathic. If there is a telepathic world of human it’s not a new concept but with people being the way that they are, in need of meditation to see what I see. I see a lot of simple things. A lot of really simple business ideas being carried out by really simple people. I see stupid people. I see people that need school in their life but put up with church. I think that public school is our religion and most family’s equate stock piles of cash with success in school and that’s not really what school teaches.

School is a religion with stand out figures like Nikkola Tesla, Henry Ford, George Washington and it doesn’t worship god, school doesn’t worship it informs you that you can be an important part of society too and that what looks weird and strange may one day be the next major advancement. School teaches you to be brave in your pursuits of your expenditures of time and that you need to independent minded and solve the same problems everyone is solving your way. That’s what school teaches and the poor people might have good jobs deeply indebted to the work of pioneers that developed these tools and school teaches you to strive higher than a retail store employee or a fast food worker and to do that you have to do your homework you have to have something that you are doing that engulfs you and that changes you as a person and school is about personal growth and development and knowing that others have been there too.

They don’t know what they are the leaders of anymore.

I know right?

It’s a world out there where the money won’t save you. The money won’t give you the ability to walk past people and find a new breed of people to spend time with. You can’t spend time with the people that you fit in with because they are spread out across the globe in various pursuits and it occurred to you you might have gone to the worst design school of the major six and that never occurred to you. That Parson’s is a better design school than DAAP or the MIT Media Laboratory is where you belonged.

Now it’s all different and you’ve been told it’s all going to disappear and we are going to get checks and it’s when everyone is on a basic income that you’ll be able to find work. When we have what people want to provide not what people are required to give in their pursuit of not dying. We currently have a I don’t want to die so I work economy and when it’s an economy where what people want to do is what the economy is driven with and you find yourself writing on a busted keyboard and you just went through WHY you can’t work anywhere it’s because of who you are and you wonder if it’s all going to disappear and you don’t trust the time period and you don’t trust the people and now you talk to yourself on top of leading a diagnosed with a mental illness life and your head is filled with academic thoughts as and now I have to learn that the gubernatorial candidate for vermont is transgender and he’s this man with this quaff of hair and big tits and it’s like da fuck are you people? Have played basketball or any sport in school growing up.

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