I figured this out. If I have to write to get notoriety for my website DON’T write shlock. Just every day write something of substance so I don’t feel like an asshole feeding you shitty poetry just to get attention to my website. I do want readership. I just thought to myself crank out awful poetry one day and that’s why my website is named Nick’s Poems because it’s supposed to be a website of poetry but I was just gonna kick out poems and not think to much about what the poetry was about. That’s not good and no matter how good you think my poetry is i’m not organic anymore like the language is sort of crystalized in my head I can’t write decent poetry anymore so it’s just going to stay nickspoems.com i just well my poems are like this.
I have this situation on my hands where I need to buy another year of wordpress AND I have to buy another month of adobe creative cloud AND i have to buy smokes like it’s fucked up that i smoke on a level where I have an all important smoke budget but here’s the thing … if i don’t smoke waves of NEED to smoke wash over me and I end up smoking again like broke like i am when i need to smoke and don’t have FT CIGARS i go across the street to ameristop and smoke buts i find on the sidewalk. I’m at rock bottom. You can tell you’re at rock bottom when you’re failing at trying to quit smoking and you’re smoking cigarette butts off the sidewalk. It’s disgusting I know but I’m following a line with my body and quite frankly it’s path of least resistance and whatever it takes not to feel like that need to smoke feeling like the patch sort of helps but i want to try chantix i just need relief I AM HIGHLY AWARE SMOKING IS HORRIFIC FOR MY HEALTH but i keep putting off quitting because withdrawal is so horrific.
I can’t handle the withdrawal like i’m not strong enough. you have to be strong to quit smoking and i’m not strong enough.