Is this all there is?

I’m the next to reach the limit of itself and wonder what else is there. I’m the next to wonder what it all means. I’m just the next to be involved in this but it’s my turn that it’s involved in this. I found myself wondering what it all means but that’s just the meaning to wonder what it means and I recently found myself paying attention to the source of consciousness and I found myself writing and I just noticed the rainbow in the dance of it all and you could open a door and find me standing there waiting for my pizza and in the world of distance I was someone that held it down to a minimum and lately I been grateful for my apartment and it’s starting to seem small after a year of living here and I’ve lived in a room before but the world is getting boring and I’m not working for someone and I have this world that is here and is centered on the need to write and I have this new style that I stumbled upon and it’s random rhetoric and it’s just poppin from side to side from style to style and I’m here. Muffucka I’m here alright. I got a speech impediment and I write it out flawlessly. Just playing with this keyboard got nothing of substance to say. Just playing with this thing.

i did say this was literature in the categories and I think it’s garbage though like writing garbage not trash just garbage and just playing with the keyboard and wondering why I can’t type better than I can type and it’s a simpleton that’s deep into this. I’m wondering what the meaning of the world is but from my perspective there might not be much meaning because I can’t understand much but in the grand scheme of things in realms clearly i would never understand this might be all that is.

So Ima tell you a story it’s the story of a man that felt the presence of a ghost and then called the mental health clinic at his local hospital to get checked out and they said he was fine and the local police department said it was plausible that it was an electromagnetic field from one of these electronic devices in his apartment and when the world isn’t saying you’re wrong but it’s not aghast at the thought that something like that would happen and  I spent 3 weeks in the mental health ward and I came out with a fresh perspective again and deja vu occurs again and this is where i run through the future like how hard is it to save a life like a file on a hard drive? like how fucking difficult is it to save a life in the sense that you can save a file and come back to it later like how much time do i spend on a hard drive? does this exist if i don’t? do i play this or did this happen to me?

Listening to Aphex Twin Ambient Works on YouTube I find myself having just applied for work at the local musical instrument repair shop and I’m hoping to get an office job there. I’m not too good with my hands but I have done some exquisite work several centuries ago with some sand paper. This is nice it’s not that I don’t want to work I do work. This writing here is evidence of my ability to work it’s just that i’m near 40 and there’s a select amount of work I can do. Like I’m not a factory or warehouse worker and I don’t work in a homeless shelter.

I’m a writer basically I have to find a way to fit in writing and there’s not much to do other than carve out these stones and submit the writing to a literary agent in the form of free form writing that’s just playing with the keyboard and I have keyboards to play with and I could write until midnight and I took a lamplight and lit the sounds that I had to play to and I could be the spell caster that leaves an ancient language in the dust bin and pulls it out like it was forgotten to be valuable and I have a mission to clean this language off and add excitement to it and there could be something wrong with me but I’m going to share this with lit agent’s anyways as a style of writing I can keep up for several dozen books just anti narrative writing still writing just the opposite of telling a story just drawing a line and letting that line lead the way.

James at the NY Times customer care center is patient zero for being exposed to DEEZ NUTZ he has been infected with the feeling you get when you experience DEEZ NUTZ. It happened innocently enough a customer service rep asked what he could help me with and I immediately went with DEEZ NUTZ and then hung on him in the conversation window. DEEZ NUTZ is back and this time we’re all doomed.

I was just curious, I had a mention in the paper the one time. It was something I was involved in. Alright I was an 18 year old kid planning a concert to raise funding for freeing slaves from sudan. Saw an article in time magazine. Thing is the cops stopped the concert from even starting because I had a straight edge icon on the flyer and they interpreted that as some kind of gang and i just wanted it to be a no smoking no drinking event no drugs kind of thing and there were mixed signals. That’s all i ever knew straight edge to be not drinking and not smoking and not doing drugs. i’m sort of straight edge lately. it’s it’s own drug.


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