today

truthfully earlier today i was nervous in my apartment of some military maneuvers occurring which would have waited for a situation like this to arise … i was afraid of the USA ARMY … engaging in maneuvers with an intent to gain position on an american population that had never been in this posture before … it just struck me how weak my military position became when it occurred to me i was restricted to quarters like everyone around me … it was a frightening thought … and then later in the day i had an anxiety which was a pressure where my heart was like i felt where my heart was and then my mother suggested to turn on the radio and i would feel better and I did and then I paced for 2 hours to lapse through the time period between when i woke up and when i would be going to bed and this is the kind of person that sends you emails … i’m sensitive and considered mentally ill … or rather unique enough that i won’t fit into society so i get disability … i do try to make myself useful in terms of intelligence taking into account if i am mentally ill then my thoughts are typically unique … that’s all for right now … i wrote the governor of ohio to see if he would pay $400 a month for some historical writing to be done which almost maxes out my pay scale for “has mental illness” … thought i could make a pitch for a small modicum of monies to be transferred to me from Ohio which would afford me a vehicle in exchange for historical quality writing … which is really any quality writing really …. and maybe some pondering like Does Uncle Sam have an ability to print a letter like this on the receiving end? an amount of creative transformative thinking to go with it …

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