Crepe

Jane is interested in market life and she’s doing a story for the london times and her assignment is the Heavenly Crepes Crepe Stand in Camden Market. She knows today is a big day because Heavenly Crepes won a Facebook Lottery Writing Contest and as a prize was given advertising on the blue streak of the facebook application and Heavenly Crepes advertised their spot at Camden Market. Jane is expecting the longest line that the market has ever seen as everyone stands in line waiting for their crepe to celebrate the epic achievement of Heavenly Crepes being the most famous crepe stand England ever saw. Kaz wrote something like the first will be last and the last will be first HEAVENLY CREPES in his advertisement that facebook gifted him.

Kaz shows up at the market to adulation as people are cheering his advertising accomplishment and people are photographing him setting up his stand. He stops to give a speech and couple women run up to pose with him for photographs and one of them asks Kaz to sign her tits. It’s like a rock concert at Wembley but you get food one of them discussed.

Kaz is entirely impressed with the success of this advertisement. Jane wants to get the story from kaz but he points out look honey i have far too much to do right than cover a story. So jane is like FINE and she sets her tushie off to cover the story of the line and she is just surprised by how many people do not want to cooperate. So she has to take drastic measures because she is getting here story. Nothing the fuck in this universe is going to stop Jane from getting her story.

So she takes photographs until people tell her to stop. She decided fuck you people she stands at attention and starts to cover the story from a distance with her smart phone camera phone and someone steals her phone. Like honey now is not the time for journalism. So her phone gets stolen and she plops into an indian sitting position on the concrete and she just starts crying losing it WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEOPLE and she’s sobbing that her phone got stolen, she couldn’t get the story from heavenly crepes, people wouldn’t pose for photographs, and she’s like what’s wrong with people this is a simple enough thing and so she musters up here energy wipes off her eyes and starts to just do old fashioned journalsm she’ll do the story FROM MEMORY!

So she just starts petering around without taking photographs of people or video recording and she just starts chatting with people, she takes some weed out her pocket and rolls a joint and is immediately struck with FUCK IT FUCK I DON’T NEED THIS SHIT and the line is massive it wraps around the block and kaz has more crepe batter than he ever had before and jane walks up to the crepe stand and just start conducitng exit interviews and people just want to know what the hell she’s on about and they keep dismissing her and she finally snaps on the entire situation like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE I’M WITH THE LONDON TIMES AND I’M JUST TRYING TO GET A STORY THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? And someone comes up to her and let’s quietly tells her that that honey it’s because you work for the LONDON TIMES they don’t have a good reputation right now because of of an opinion piece they did in regards to Meghan Markle and the London Times doesn’t think Prince Harry should have married an American and that’s it really it’s BECAUSE you’re from the london times that it’s going badly for you everyone else thinks Meghan Markle is fine.

And Jane just stands there and the woman goes over to the stand and and get’s her a crepe and she is just standing there like this is a good crepe. And she shit hits the joint again and she’s just going to observe.

Kaz comes up to her and let’s here know that he’s never ever ever ever ever going to give a story to the London Times until they apologize to Meghan Markle.
So there jane is and she got her story she’s going to talk about how pinchy people are when it comes to negative articles about royalty and about how people love meghan and love crepes but hate the press.

maybe you wrote the best essay and facebook chose you for the advertising and there could be a 5 minute voice over of your essay that you wrote facebook to enter the contest for global advertising space

sorry i’ve been not spending too much time on the computer the last couple days … i’m thinking of how i’m going to generate 90 pages on a treatment that’s a page and a half long i keep seeing this really small really short story and i don’t know how to elongate one set into 90 minutes but my only thought is to have a series of random conversations and the reporter is the main star of the film she goes up to everyone in line and asks them questions for their paper and it can’t get redundant and there’s you crepen along making the crepe selling the crepe smoking a blunt like the blunt smoking crepe man and then the reporter gets her story on the line and then she comes up and interviews you and your wife decides that that reporter needs to get the fuck out of dodge and she has to go and then she’s on her camera taking nicely composed shots of the crepe stand and i don’t know

i tried again to generate a story worth 90 minutes of screen time and I keep coming up short … i think we should mine for a different story line like a different concept …

I’m noticing that the sound track to the movie has a lot of effect on a neutral opening it’s a neutral opening in that it could be dramatic or comedic but the action is the same either way but that band playing to me lets me know this is a comedy

You can insert as massive a tangent as you can fathom based on this like i had no clue this nigga was gonna bust out a lung … like the fuck … okay you need some randomness in your life

We could do an homage like work in a scene where it’s sort of about quitting smoking

Okay music is used as a backdrop

How are you going to deal with working with untrained actors? Like the acting in clerks is stale they are clearly amateur actors they’re not really acting they’re being themselves

LINE MEMORIZATION IS SET TO EPIC

This is pretty much a series of vignettes … there’s not a tremendous narrative where a thing that happens affects something else … it’s like from cut to cut

I’m fucking sitting here wondering what the point of doing this to people would be … i haven’t seen a film in a couple years … i think we should treat working at the crepe stand like in a positive light where it’s like no one else has a business and you’re at least working with at least one poker chip

What i see in Clerks is the use of a space … and the dialect is unique …

I actually don’t know how to write like clerks … i’m not that creative … i write typical narrative arc .. this is a collection of scenes it’s there’s no real narrative so our story should be a collection of vignettes … clerks is sort of a day time soap opera just by a unique outfit …

28

without a budget to think of what about a film about a man that was so powerful all he had to do was reach up and grab it and then he put the moon in his pocket and it was the story of a boy that discovered his dad had the moon in his pocket and he wanted to tell everyone but his father locked him in his room where he climbed out a window and ran next door to tell on his dad and his neighbor said that well son if people behaved better he’d let them have the moon … the end of vignette one

Something to adapt … i dug into my archives and pulled out one of the only plays i ever wrote … what do you think about this … what about some way the Crepe Stand is serving crepes to a long line because it’s located near a Cricket Match … that people going to a cricket match are standing in line because your pig is now famous for finding truffles and i don’t know … creatively i’m all mushed out on this project but i thought i would share a sample of some vaguely new shakespearean dialogue ….

Cincinnati Red’s Oakland A’s Bottom of the 9th Game 4 World Series 1990 In Shakespearean in Original Fashion by Nicholas Lawson
(((There is a tremendous amount of montage in this work. The dialogue is spaced out in what can be called acts. They are not immediately complimenting of each other and to bring out the rest of the time for this piece into 30 minute range there needs to be Oakland-Cincinnati footage interspersed here to show a montage of baseball. This is a first draft that is to be taken into the hands of an art director and worked with and it is also evidence of a shakespearean style of writing that comes from this.)))
Act
A Baseball Field
(- There is a man with a baseball on the pitcher’s mound. -)
Dennis Eckersley
Prithee we speaketh no more of the days we used to not play the game we play today. We openeth our insides and breaketh outish of our modern asides and begin again to wonderment and wonder how again we became men in this era of football and basketball and hockey and twas again the baseball’s and the bats that broketh all that we cameth upon this earth to play and twas again the baseball players that taught all players how to play.
(((There is a close up of the baseball and this work is timed so that the dialogue happens at the pace of a baseball game. The dialogue is spoken slightly slowly for emphasis.)))
(- Dennis Eckersley threw the baseball to Terry Steinbach that was sitting squatted at home plate. -)
Terry Steinbach
That you would throw me thus ball and that twould the pitcher of pitchers throw meesus that which is of opulent gesture and of the gestures that a pitcher could gesture to send the ball in my direction here behind the diamond that we form the ring around and of the rings we have formed none are so taken as to be this that this was a warm up pitch and that there are two more to come and then we we play the game that we have come to play.
Umpire
Please do not forget about me for I provide the rules that we have come to play the rules to the rules are the rules that the rules are rules and of the rules we follow the rules in the rules are rules and for rules being rules there rules to follow and we follow the rules in as much as rules are to be followed.
(- Terry Steinbach throws the ball back to Nolan Ryan -)
Dennis Eckersley
Oh that this sphere of twine and leather would be so round. That I could curve it and bend it and open it in my air that is the throwing that I do some seventy times a game again I say I throw seventy times a game and the catcher is but bended knee the entire time and of bended knees the entire time the catcher sits there upon bended knee the ball is hurled oh how it is hurled and sent to the opening of the mit that one must admit is but a trap that the batter oh whoever he is does tis it matter that twould the batter ever such wonder if he could hit a hurl from the Ryan did I ever fear the batter oh did I ever fear the batter.
(- Dennis Eckersley throws the ball to Terry Steibach -)
Eric Davis
Yeah that pitcher. That guy. That guy that is standing there working with this guy. Some guy on bended knees sitting there wondering if their plans were going to go right. If their plans were going to go according to the plans they have inscribed in their mits and they collaborate oh and they work with the Umpire and I’m standing here with a stick in my hands and I am working this out that I got this swing in me yeah. This swing that I have in me I swing with the swing of swings and they are going to try and pull something here. Oh look the ball just went by again. Look at this one. Oh look. There are some people to my right center and left. I got three men in outtest field that are standing there hoping that I am going to be short by a short distance and I have five men in the short field hoping that my long distance is even shorter than my short long distance and I am going to be taking my big swing I have been before the Ryan before the Nolan the Nolan Ryan and the Ryan Nolan and I have been before this situation so many times in my life going back to youth I have and the ball is coming and I am reaching back into my glory days and I am sending an arch in my back to a step in my legs and I am turning my waist and I am cracking this one and I am sending it out of the park on the first and they have already thrown it three times for practice and the game has begun and from my eyes and from my position out numbered nine to one with an umpire hoping I do or do not neutral in his stance and I find that there is a meaning in my movement and here is the contact and the ball is no more.
(- Eric Davis hits the first pitch into the bleachers of center field and it’s another late game first pitch home runs that a Cincinnati Red could achieve in his dominance of the game from the 1990 Cincinnati Red’s Home Run Machine comes another Home Run. -)
Marty Brennaman
I’ll call it I shall that this is a long one this is a deep one and this is a one that is a one to be won by. We have one more point for the Reds a Single Solo Shot deep back and forth into the fourth seat bleachers of Riverfront Stadium and we have players confused and belucked by the pluck of the Eric Davis that is the Eric that is the Davis that is the opening of the can you believe it the Eric Davis hit one opener and it flew to the ends of eternity and inside of eternity there was a cry from the
Marge Schott
Do that again nigger and do it nigger every time you nigger and make certain that you pet my dog!
Marty Brennaman
And I wish she wouldn’t talk like that but may the Gods bring us cheerleaders into this diamond mine of people playing the first game that was played and we don’t know much about crickets but we know something about baseball and crickets don’t get paid much to play but we don’t get much attention from the queen but we do the President and maybe for the first time there was a time that people saw words for what they were twas notes and the only note I have for this opening drive is that there would be a galavanization of epoch that would come betwixt my throat and a Congratulations to the Cincinnati Reds for winning the Sweep that is the Sweep of Sweeps and could you imagine a sweeter message to take than the history of Baseball that would be being watched and…
Thom Brennaman
Now hold on there we call every game perfect because perfection is the game of Baseball. Does it not bring the people together and does it not bring the least amount of product into the most amount of use sans the stadium of course of which do we need the stadium and do we need the bleachers or do we just need a field and some hot dogs to do we need the much do we need oh need do we what do we need we come together in harmony to bring ourselves into this division of labor and game and we labor in the game and we make amends with this that is here.
Dennis Eckersley
Oh another one. Another one has taken the field in this 9th inning they are behind and the need to scoreth a two set is upon them and i have my side arm with me and we have our wanting to be throwing this ball into the hands of the catcher and the game is much more than you could understand and i have the arm that is winning and they have the game that is through it all and this is there game and we have come a long way not to be defeated in this 4th game of the World Series a game that we are three down and we shall not be four and in four games they shall not defeat us in this 9th inning of the baseball that we call our visiting status visiting and we are again to be lost in this game if i am not to be throwing the ball and down they are and up we are and if i shall throw this ball again i shall throw it agains and again and we shall have our notes to play again but oh how long we have to go to over come the three down but we play and we play and we have been playing and they do not call us the A’s for nothing that we would become the B’s oh shall we would sting so many if such would happen leave with broken backs and arms and legs if twould we should sweep ourselves off of this rug.
Chris Sabo
Yeah. I get it. I know. It’s my turn at bat. Oh. I let one go looking. Oh look. I let one go looking. Oh Look. I swung. Oh. Apparently it’s the bottom of this and I need to do something. Okay. So. Apparently I need to swing a little harder and oh there it goes. Into left field. I have left the ball go into left field and I have spun a miracle. I do this all the time and the time does this all the time to me.
DennIs Eckersley
Alright. I got a man on and the man is on and the on is the man and I am trying to be something here and that I could be something I need to do something. So I’m going to strike down the next two. I’m tired of this. I am begotten we have no outs. It is the bottom and at that bottom there is something to be said for winning. Alright. Wam. Strike. Strike. Strike. Strike Out. Alright here is the next batter. Okay. He is up here to bat to be here he is he is up here at the bat and I can see him and he is here and it’s something to see something and I see something. I see. Strike Strike Strike.
Barry Larkin
Laugh. Guffaw. I already saw this. I won the game. I won the game and hit the game winning homerun. I saw this before. Brennie’s watching so I have to be going to be doing the thing that is to be done and I am doing the thing and there is thing to be doing done and I have done thing done thing done done and I’m going to let the first one go by. I did that. I let it go by. They are playing catch for the first two. Oh maybe they are trying to walk me. Two balls from one ball and the balls are the same ball and they just keep reusing the same equipment which is why sports are athletics which are stadium friendly and alright. I hear we are losing. So Ima gonna just let this one hit left field becasue the left fielder can’t jump the wall I can I did it before in practice even though I am a short stop watch me watch the watching tower and I am swing oh look there we just won. It’s not hard to win in the bottom of the 9th we do this every rotation around the time dimension and ever 1990 we sweep the game clean and we sweep and they weep and we keep ourselves in our history book and those people watching television keep thesmselves busy and we be swinging you know what I am going to do right now. I am going to run the bases and I am going to there is this thing called 1st base and I am going to get my kiss with the base and here I go gonna walk and Oakland can suck it we swept em on the field and on the scree and we just need to oh look there is a second base I have to run so I am going to do that as well and we are going to round to second and then oh look there is a third and look here there is a fourth base I dare say I am home.
Dennis Eckersley
This funny oh this is not our team it has lostly lost and we have been sweepethed and swept and sweepied and we have a great tone in our wonderment it’s time to go home now and we have nothing and nothing we have and of the nothing we have we have nothing we have no ones singles or more we have less and there is nothing to be said.
Marty Brennaman
This sport actually it does and we win every year there is baseball being played and our city has the soap and the airplane engines and the television journalism and the baseball and aaaalmost the football but Canton has that and we win sometimes and sometimes we win. These guys. These baseball players they sometimes do the thing known as winning and they keep playing and the balls keep being thrown and the bats keep being swung and the world keeps being played and it’s isn’t Griffey in Seatlle right now. I think so and we miss him but he played here and we played with him and Saint Margarat Mary is where Griffey played and it was right next to Nicholas Lawson’s upbringing and the world is dancing and the Reds’ are winners and the Bengals are 8-1 and we used to be Oh and the Cincinnati is the same and we have this pride in our city that is like divinity passed out in dixie cups and we have all of our worlds being worlds and we are who we are and it’s something to be who we are and who managed the 90’s Reds?
Lou Pinella
Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Marty Brennaman
Thank’s Lou.
Joe Nuxhall
THIS ONE BELONGS TO THE REDS!
End

WHAT IS THE STORY HERE NICK WHY DO THEY GO? : COS THEY NEED MILK
IS THAT INTERESTING TO YOU? IF YES EXPLAIN WHY ITS INTERESTING THEN, NO?
WOULD YOU WATCH THAT? WOULD YOU PAY TO SEE OR BUY SOMETHING AS A RESULT OF WATCHING IT? IF NOT FORGET THE IDEA ITS NOT INTERESTING I AM NOT PAYING FOR RUSSIAN ARC STORY I DONT UNDERSTAND SORRY!

REALITY NICK PLEASE cut to the chase and tell me the story if it makes sense we build on it otherwise we dont waste time on it.

Better come up with crepe orientated sales 30 second pieces to promote what were doing or to sell orders or bookings or music but its time to cut the shit nick please getting tired of this now. No good patting ourselves on our backs for nothing youve gotta crack an egg to make an omelet

TESCO : you’d normally spend money on groceries at Tesco’s for the week and you said you need the film to be done in a day with $0 budget and i was just laying in bed fantasizing about you would fill 90 minutes on not much and get it done within a day for nothing

I thought to myself a shopping trip to the grocery store can last about 90 minutes sometimes if you’re checking everything out like if it’s a big trip for like 2 weeks and 6 people a grocery trip can take 90 minutes

I did mention Russian Ark and it’s a film shot in one take

IF you could get a TESCO to let you do something because you’re a british citizen of age if they would give you a permit you could have someone stand there and follow you around the grocery store while you do something like MTV CRIBS instead it’s based on how a 40 year old man shops AND you could do it in one take you get the camera you put it on the stabilzer you hit record and 90 minutes later you have this lovely piece of footage that requires no editing at all you just upload it to youtube and promote it

If you filmed yourself grocery shopping and interacting with people in a tesco’s or similar grocery store you could do something of HIGHER entertainment value than what we have been kicking around … i think … i think we’re just working on this fucking whatever the fuck it is crepe shop line reporter thing that i got overwhelmed with that with your take

BUT

I keep telling myself 1 day $0 and YOU going grocery shopping with maybe annie filming OR if you filmed ANNIE grocery shopping sort of playfully against her will but she puts up with it because she sort of likes the idea of being on camera

Or something

Anyways RUSSIAN ARK GROCERY TRIP it’s not even a rip off its a solution that came from the same budgetary restraints as i would imagine russia face to film it and i think tesco’s is more interesting than a crepe stand a line and a reporter like i’d watch someone grocery shop i don’t even if i’m being honest now that i’m at that point i don’t even know what i’d be watching with these previous treatments i throw a lot of shit i write away and just hang onto it but i never have a decent idea some 300 or 400 times now over and again since it’s money you already spend i didn’t think it was spending money like i cheated to come up with this i slid in where money was already being spent

and we open a crepe stand across the street who steals all their business

LOGLINE:DIDN’T KNOW THE LINE HE WANTED BUT TODAY HE GETS THE LINE HE DESERVES
INNER MOVIE THEME: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW

KAZ MOVIEVERSE POSSIBLE HOMAGE MOVIE IDEAS POSSIBLE TITLES

BACK TO THE FUTURE 1, 2 & 3 DOUBLE BACK AGAIN TILLOGY

RESEVIOUR DOGS/ PULP FICTION & KILL BILL 1 & 2 ONCE UPON A TIME IN LONDON
CANAONBALL RUN 1/2 GUMBALL CANONBALL 3000
BREWSTERES MILLIONS PRINCE KAREEM’S BILLIONS
COMING TO AMERICA/TRADING PLACES
MALRATS/CHASING AMY/ DOGMA/ BURING LOLA
JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK/LICENCE TO CHILL
CLERKS HEAVENLY CREPES THE LONGEST LINE
ANY 80s TOM HANKS/EDDIE MURPHY MOVIE/KURT RUSSELL/MICHEAL DOUGLAS
LOCK STOCK N TWO SMOKING BARRELS/ SNATCH ONCE UPON A TIME IN LONDON
DOWN TO EARTH/HEAVEN SENT
CASINO/ GOODFELLAS/SOPRANOS
Full METAL JACKET LIKENING WW1/2 WITH GENKILL “THE SECOND GULFWAR” “BARS & PIPES”

WWHAT TITLE CARDS
ZACK/Opening Credits
GLORIFICATION – The act of making up some bullshit to glorify a fucking pig
Shoxman and Babyface The weed infusion
SIMONE – THERES NOTHING HEAVENLY ABOUT THIS PIECE OF SHIT
QUE OR LINE? – ORDER IN THE QUE THIS IS A QUE NOT A LINE!
SPACE ODITTY – THE SPRIT AU DU PANCAKE CURTOUSY OF DAVID BOWIE
OXY POWDER – (amazon bought laxatives) Was this really a good idea?
THE ANGUISH – THE AFTERMATH
PRELUDE – A Stark Warning about the future (Dont talk like that young man)
PERCEPTION – The Chase The Man who caught the Heavenly Nut Sauce Theif
ARCHETYPE – Crepe therefore I am
FANCIFUL – TAKES A BREAK FOR FUN –
PREDICAMENT – THE LINE GETS OUT OF HAND –
MOURNING – SHE LOVED ME AND I BLEW IT –
CONTRAST – THE JANE EXPRESS –
CALIFORNICATION – DELIVERANCE
FINAL FINALE
CLERKS TITLE CARDS
Dante/Opening Credits
Vilification – An act of making cruel and insulting statements about a person
Jay and Silent Bob
Randal
Syntax – The arrangement of something in a methodical manner
Vagary – An erratic or peculiar modification, act or thought
Purgation – An act of getting rid of something disagreeable, flawed or unsatisfactory
Malaise – An all-around feeling of illness or bad health without any exact cause
Harbinger – A person or thing that predicts the future
Perspicacity – The intensity of judgment or observation
Paradigm – A typical example of something
Whimsy – A thought that has no apparent explanation to exist
Quandary – A condition of doubt or uncertainty as to what to do in a certain situation
Lamentation – An act or expression of sadness or distress
Juxtaposition – An act of comparing two things, especially in a way that suggests connection between them or to distinguish them
Catharsis – An event or sensation of spiritual cleansing brought on by a powerful emotional experience
Denouement – The part of the ending in which all questions are answered and everything is cleared up
End Credits

THE PERFECT DOZEN

The Longest Line – A Treatment for feature film by Kaz ELkholy

Another day another dollar, Zack Onu levenstein 33, and father Einnas 70 have been running

their latest temportary new stand “Heavenly Crepes” for 2 months now at this

spot after Einnes Started the business at their family farm 30 years ago

using only best

freshest ingredients rarest the stuff legends are made of, and it’s hard

thirsty work. Einnas now retired only looks in and Zack runs the show, as the

heir to Crepe empire, who still run a stand for the hell of it. From the

moment he sets up the line starts forming, because folks know they’ll get the

best damn crepe their ever likely to have. Simone 29. Zacks dutiful wife

helps. Today is slightly different. The “Veal & ’Golden Pig Truffles” are on the

menu in their seemingly never ending effort to make even the shittiest thing

heavenly, and after a long endured process on the farm Einnas finally got a

rare fucking golden pig to sniff out a truffle and theyre fucking delicious!

As the Heavenly Crepes legend goes Einnas used the first calf’s unpasteurized

milk to mix in the pancake batter and gee, as well as Legbar hens eggs . This

approach earned Heavenly Crepes its Royal seal of approval and locked in a

pancake dynasty using only the freshest ingredients, another experiment that

was used back in the day, was this truffle that was sniffed out by this slutty

golden pig, she is now elderly and at 33 years old probably the oldest fucking

pig there is. This being the case, her skin having a golden hue to it makes

for a truly unique animal that had a knack for sniffing out Morel Truffles

that taste amazing. Either Way. The story goes that the Morel and Veal Crepes

were made for Her majesty and transported on horseback in the dead of night to

windsor castle 30 years ago. And upon hearing the news of the delight of the

queen Einnas celebrated so much the golden pig took offence and refused to

find truffles ever since. Zack’s American TimeOut Journalist Ex fiance

Jane 33 Who went to sex party where “nothing happened” therefore is the

unsolved EX. We begin the trading day with Zack still completing his set up

and serving customers that have already arrived and trying to serve them with

what he’s got rather than make them wait any longer as the que starts to

Grow. Zack Starts the @nd Burner. Starts serving customer after customer until

this once customer demands to know confronts him with a list.

TITLE CARD:
“GLORIFICATION”

The customer (who appears familiar to Zack) Questions the validitity of the

legend of the famous Golden Morel truffle Pig, demanding an exact explanation

as to why he stopped searching for truffles and whether they are even rare at

all and manages to whip up a storm of customers in the line to confront Zack

about his crepes Shouting “Bullshit merchant” and everybody starts chucking

rubbish and becoming a mob until Simone shows up, and tries to break up the

mob but no one is listening. She nips behind the counter and crabs a fire

extinguisher and blasts the protagonist and the unruly mob in the face of it

to stop them tearing the stall down.once she’s got their attention. Simone

demands to know the identity of protagonists, it turns out its BARRY HELLSTROP

37 “Baz” the son of the owner of Hell’s Pancake shop across the street. She

sends him on his way and the mob disperses and even members of the mob attempt

to resume their place in the que. Simone sends them away, Zack demands they

get to the back of the line, when they protest, Zack resumes serving, Simone

gets behind him to help. Simone Consoles Zack while they work and makes up for

it by increasing their output until a Zack’s Exfiance Jane arrives.

TITLE CARD:
”SHOXMAN AND BABY FACE”

BABYFACE 21, and his rap bad boy MC battling arch nemesis SHOXMAN 24, are

Joined by their resident DJ. DJ GERTRU 21. Shox, babyface hang outside this

spot usually to patronise Hells Pancakes and smoke weed across the street but

today, they’re intrigued by the recent opening of a new stand and after weeks

of denouncing it are considering to try one between rap battles. But the line

continues to grow so they continue to rap it out taking advantage of the

biggest audience they’ve ever had so they’re taking advantage of it and

lapping up the attention.

SIMONE – THERES NOTHING HEAVENLY ABOUT THIS PIECE OF SHIT

QUE OR LINE? – ORDER IN THE QUE THIS IS A QUE NOT A LINE!

SPACE ODITTY – THE SPRIT AU DU PANCAKE CURTOUSY OF DAVID BOWIE

OXY POWDER – (amazon bought laxatives) Was this really a good idea?

THE ANGUISH – THE AFTERMATH

PRELUDE – A Stark Warning about the future (Dont talk like that young man)

PERCEPTION – The Chase The Man who caught the Heavenly Nut Sauce Theif

ARCHETYPE – Crepe therefore I am

FANCIFUL – TAKES A BREAK FOR FUN

PREDICAMENT – (SIMONE DITCHES) THE LINE GETS OUT OF CONTROL

MOURNING – SHE LOVED ME AND I BLEW IT

CONTRAST – THE JANE EXPRESS –

CALIFORNICATION – DELIVERANCE

FINAL FINALE

JANE INTRODUCTION SCENE

And she is not happy that she is covering her ex boyfriends crepe stand. She decides to cover the line for the story and she is quite chatty with a lot of people in the line and she comes to the conclusion that she actually needs to try one of those crepes and she runs into her boyfriend that happens to give her one on the house just to try to be friendly with her and she wants to know what’s up with the crepe stand why even do this and he’s like because it’s tradition. She gets to the point where she’s just chatty with her boyfriend and he stops making crepes so much as talk to her and the line yells out CREPES and they intervene in this conversation and send her to the back of the line ceremoniously she has to do the walk of shame to the back of the line where she decides to write next weeks story on PATIENCE and she turns a feature into a flaw she already covered the crepe stand she has that content but now she’s going to do a story about PATIENCE and she starts chatting with the person in front of her who just happens to be devastatingly handsome and he lets her know he doesn’t mind waiting in line with her and he introduces her to his friends and they start hanging out and she says she’s with the paper and he says he’s with LLoyds of London and she is now in this situation where her ex boyfriend is now keeping an eye on her talking to this guy and he’s like AGAIN YOU WOULD CHEAT ON ME AGAIN and she says she’s just standing in line covering a story and he makes himself look bad while he makes this guy look good and she points out that she’s going to wait in this line she has a story to get and she incorporates her ex boyfriends outrage into the story and it’s really the story of a reporter getting a story

And the BBC reports that it’s been 30 years since Heavenly Crepes opened its doors. Kaz has been serving crepes dutifully for 30 years and what did kaz find for his 30th anniversary he found the longest line in british market history. People were ceremoniously waiting in line to receive their crepe. Kaz has served crepes to the finest people in england over the years there’s not too many people that don’t know about heavenly crepes. He’s served weddings he’s served political functions he’s served royalty. Heavenly Crepes has served the community for a long time. Kids that came to Heavenly Crepes now show up with their young family and serve their kids Heavenly Crepes and it’s a story about the history of heavenly crepes and on this day kaz gets a bit bleary eyed and he takes his place at the crepe stand and he starts serving crepes again and people are presenting him with gifts and money and fruit and business cards and kaz is thinking back over his time at the crepe stand and how it really has been some 30 years and people he knows from his life are in the line and it’s just a really joyous event as people get their crepes from kaz himself and they have the nutella and it’s a heart warming story of how the community comes together to give kaz what he always wondered if he would ever get the longest line and a reporter is there to cover the story and she’s in her 30’s and she’s interviewing kaz while he’s working and making the crepes and she’s taking a lot of photographs and recording a lot of video and kaz is telling her that he was just a little brtish business nut and he found something he could do and over time it just became what he did and he loved people and he loved food and he just ran a crepe stand into british history and he talked about how he’s still got 30 years left in him to write crepe history at the market and the reporter was commenting on this show of support for one of the oldest stands at the market and kaz was letting everyone know how much he appreciated them and it was a crepe stand across the street from him that had been there for 10 years that was feeling shitty like there was a crepe stand that had only been serving crepes for 10 years and it wasn’t getting nearly as much press as kaz had gotten in the history of heavenly crepes and the place was named Hell’s Pancakes and Hell’s Pancakes owner walked out of his stand and started screaming FUCK HEAVENLY CREPES THEY USE DIRTY WATER and kaz let loose on a tirade that to this day went down in british history as only kaz could do and he took a second to stop serving crepes to just cuss this hells pancakes mother fucker out and he ranted for a good 5 minutes and then hell’s pancakes walked out in the central circus and then kaz stepped out into the central circus and they had it out like it was armageddon like heavenly crepes versus hell’s pancakes and they just got into this verbally psycotically violent altercation and there were some people in line with hell’s pancakes and they point out he makes his own nutella and kaz points out he skimps on the ingredients and this epic ten year long stand off in the business of crepes comes to a head in the center of the circus it’s like a young man versus an old man and they’re squaring off over crepes and the news shows up and they detail how it wasn’t supposed to be like this and the lines are just standing there taking photographs of this epic let off of steam and hell’s pancakes is tired of the press heavenly crepes gets when he sells the same product and everyone lets hell’s pancakes know that that is precisely why he doesn’t get press because he’s some kind of copy cat and hell’s pancakes just quietly goes back to making crepes and kaz quietly goes back to making crepes and kaz has his assistant bring over a crepe to hell’s pancakes with a note that says YOU’LL GET THERE ONE DAY and hell’s crepes just wants so badly to be there and Kaz is like you can’t be there if i’m here and the reporter covers the story

SHOT OF USING INSTANT MIX
SHOT OF USING REAL INGREDIENTS
First cows milk
1100GMT 07202019

PLAY IN ONE SENTENCE

CHARACTERS AND DESCRIPTIONS

ACT 1

ACT 2

ACT 3

A reporter is on the scene of the longest line in british history for a market stand as her life is falling apart and she still has to get the job done.

Characters:

Reporter : Jane : She’s a rookie reporter and she’s on her 3rd assignment with her blog JANE PLANE and she has a boyfriend that she loves dearly and she’s a tightly wound ball of energy dealing with the stress of professional life.

Crepe Stand Attendant : Kaz : He’s a crepe stand owner and he’s been doing it for a couple years now. He’s got some employees and he’s seen it all.

Boyfriend : Steve : He’s Jane’s boyfriend and he knows he fights with Janet a lot. He thinks he can do better but he’d prefer not to be alone. (Good reason, back story on Janet and Steve?)

ACT 1 : GETTING IN LINE

Jane walks up to Kaz at Heavenly Crepes to capture a story. He tells her not now he’s busier than he’s ever been and that she should do her story on the line since it’s the longest line the market has ever seen for his crepes have black truffles in them. Jane (Jane or Janet here am I reading the right spot) a little off put decides fine and she walks from the front of the line capturing footage of the line all the way to the back of the line where she gets in line. She checks her phone and she has a message from her boyfriend. (Try and employ an economy of writing approach remember sometimes a picture tells a thousand words) She gets pissed off when she reads that he’s going out with a girl friend (maybe develop the opposing girl as a character maybe give her a function) of his tonight and she messages him back to pack his bags (economy of writing save relationship death moves up your sleeve). He points out she’s just a friend and she says I don’t care you’ve got too many girlfriends. She then decides she’s just going to wait in line and cover the experience of waiting in a que. The line is moving fairly fast. She taps the shoulder of the man in front of her and asks if she can do a story on him. (Journalistic licence usually provides interviewers with more abrupt access than asking I believe) He’s like yeah i’m standing in this line because apparently Heavenly Crepes got a shipment of the finest black truffle and it’s some kind of promotional event and it’s working, (black truffle more explanation could be interesting could provide more context as a que/line isn’t the story the line is for the product so perhaps more of a funny story about the truffles as the fact there’s a long line is a product of the story which in this instance is the “heavenly Devine product being delivered in high volume) check out this line . She asks him if he can hold her spot and he says no no he’s not holding her spot and she just gets deflated when her story is about standing in a line.

YOU’RE HER GIRLFRIEND! They beceom friends.ACT 2 : WAITING IN LINE

SHE DOES COOL THINGS IN LINE WITH HER SMART PHONE.

ACT 3 : GETTING THE STORY

1100GMT 07202019

PLAY IN ONE SENTENCE

CHARACTERS AND DESCRIPTIONS

ACT 1

ACT 2

ACT 3

A reporter is on the scene of the longest line in british history for a market stand as her life is falling apart and she still has to get the job done.

Characters:

Reporter : Janet : She’s a rookie reporter and she’s on her 3rd assignment with her blog JANET PLANET and she has a boyfriend that she loves dearly and she’s a tightly wound ball of energy dealing with the stress of professional life.

Crepe Stand Attendant : Kaz : He’s a crepe stand owner and he’s been doing it for a couple years now. He’s got some employees and he’s seen it all.

Boyfriend : Steve : He’s Janet’s boyfriend and he knows he fights with Janet a lot. He thinks he can do better but he’d prefer not to be alone. (Good reason, back story on Janet and Steve?)

ACT 1 : GETTING IN LINE

Jane walks up to Kaz at Heavenly Crepes and asks if she can do a story. (Try abugate with actions rather than speech if you can, only quote if absolutely necessary) He tells her not right now he’s busier than he’s ever been and that she should do her story on the line since it’s the longest line the market has ever seen for his crepes have black truffles in them. Jane (Jane or Janet here am I reading the right spot) a little off put decides fine and she walks from the front of the line capturing footage of the line all the way to the back of the line where she gets in line. She checks her phone and she has a message from her boyfriend. (Try and employ an economy of writing approach remember sometimes a picture tells a thousand words) She gets pissed off when she reads that he’s going out with a girl friend (maybe develop the opposing girl as a character maybe give her a function) of his tonight and she messages him back to pack his bags (economy of writing save relationship death moves up your sleeve). He points out she’s just a friend and she says I don’t care you’ve got too many girlfriends. She then decides she’s just going to wait in line and cover the experience of waiting in a que. The line is moving fairly fast. She taps the shoulder of the man in front of her and asks if she can do a story on him. (Journalistic licence usually provides interviewers with more abrupt access than asking I believe) He’s like yeah i’m standing in this line because apparently Heavenly Crepes got a shipment of the finest black truffle and it’s some kind of promotional event and it’s working, (black truffle more explanation could be interesting could provide more context as a que/line isn’t the story the line is for the product so perhaps more of a funny story about the truffles as the fact there’s a long line is a product of the story which in this instance is the “heavenly Devine product being delivered in high volume) check out this line . She asks him if he can hold her spot and he says no no he’s not holding her spot and she just gets deflated when her story is about standing in a line.

YOU’RE HER GIRLFRIEND! They beceom friends.ACT 2 : WAITING IN LINE

SHE DOES COOL THINGS IN LINE WITH HER SMART PHONE.

ACT 3 : GETTING THE STORY

CREPE

By
Kaz Elkholy
&
Nick Lawson

A treatment for feature film.
Copyright ©

Morning Nick 1112GMT 07202019
THEME (write the theme here and always refer to it)

First 30minutes must contain the following info: Who, What, Where, When, Why – and at the end of the 30 minutes begin to explain HOW. The next 30 minutes is 5 uh oh and 5 oh shits. The next 30minutes has 5 OMFG relating to the 5 uh ohs and oh shits. With the last one being holy Mary and dogshit Oh my fucking Jesus Christ isn’t my God about it, ya dig nigga? Good!

NEW PAGE:
A well known 90s celeb mentions crepes being heavenly the rumour spreads that

she was talking about Heavenly Crepes, come their next pop up its rammed. A

journalist gets wind of this and sets off to join what becomes the longest

crepe line in history but complications arise when she has an argument with

her boyfriend over snapchat and she has to borrow several peoples phones in

the line to cover the story

Baby Spice (or some a/b celeb) is on TV being interviewed and then she

mentions that a crepe was “Heavenly”l, and who she’s speaking to also chimes in

and affirms she loves crepes too, and they talk about their favourite Crepes,

the interviewee starts to get left out and tries to re enter the conversation,

and says “HEAVENLY CREPES” and is ignored is the finest crepe stand in London

and that sparks a chain of events which lead to a crepe stand with the longest
More explanation of chain of events
line in British History that ends up being covered by a reporter for Time Out

and as she is standing in line she is chatting with her boyfriend on Facebook
(I reckon snap chat coz it drains battery quicker)
and her phone dies and then she has to comically use other people’s equipment

to cover the story of the Longest Line before the story dies and she needs

media and she just slowly makes her way forward in the line as crepes are

being made at astonishing pace just crepe after crepe and it’s really the

story of the line and she just starts covering the line and the most common

answer she encounters when asked why they are waiting in such a long line is

TO BE NICE people want to be nice because Baby Spice said something about

Heavenly Crepes and then at the front of the line her boyfriend after their

fight proposes to her and that leads to heavenly crepes offering the two of

them a great deal on a packager for their wedding

THE LONGEST LINE

By Nicholas Lawson

By Kaz Elkholy

OPENING

Alright so like you open with some close up shots of the action of you setting

up heavenly crepes you do some compositional genius work of the opening of the

location early in the morning during good light and you sort of have a

calmness about london in the shot like wherever you are going to put your

crepe stand you

You have scenes of the line where everyone is rotating in circles in their

place like you get creative with this line like you have the line do the wave

you have the line crouched down and bobbing up and down you really think of

what you can do with a line of people in terms of art and you to get footage

for your film there’s always a cut back shot to the line and every time you

film the line it’s doing something different whenever you film the line it’s

doing something different

You use a screen capture application on her phone to capture her conversation

with her boyfriend which happens regularly at the beginning of the

conversation and then you use the same phone and log in with different people

to make it seem like you’re using different phones but you use the same phone

and the same screen record software to record different accounts for prop work

as she uses like 8 phones to get the story for this once in a lifetime line

and she pays someone to hold her place in line and the rest of the time she’s

walking up and down the line talking to people and there’s improv between her

and the subject she’s talking to where she has to politely do what it takes to

use someone’s phone and the technical aspect of this film is part of this film

where she’s taking photos with someone’s phone and then emailing her self the

photos and people are being really patient with her because she has her press

pass and you cut to a shot of her email and actually a lot of the production

of this film is going to be a phone with screen record software and i’d like

to talk to you about how to incorporate the phone but i was thinking if you

cut the screen into a rectangle and a square like if the left half of the

screen was always a phone screen and the imagery that is the quote unquote

film takes place in a square or a squarish compositional frame of the final

screen

If you could just really focus on the phone on the left side of the screen and

you shot the film like typical in the right hand square you might have a

decent film

I put in some work maybe read this and prepare yourself for a detailed

evolution of a film and i actually don’t know if it needs to read like a

hollywood format like that’s how they do it i’d rather set up a screen play

that’s just that a screen PLAY and the emphasis is on play where you get a lot

of improv shots out of the screen play and it’s mostly up to the actors to ACT

and play their roles and deliver the specific lines but you set the stage for

their improv to keep it fresh

Maybe if the smart phone isn’t a PRECISE rectangle in a 16:9 ratio center the

smart phone screen in the left side of the grid and have black bars thin one

like center the smart phone on the left side of the screen and then let the

live action shots be inside a square so you have to areas you are working on

in your film you have the golden ratio rectangle and which is a rectangle and

a square and you center the smart phone in the rectangle with some stripes

that are block to take up the extra space in the rectangle and then you have

the square that is your composition space so your live action is in the square

and your smart phone action is in the rectangle and the smart phone screen is

ALWAYS on on the left side even when it’s a different phone and then you have

the square on the right side that is always a live sequence of events and

I look at filming like painting i did one once and i just sort of went on set

the day before and visualized the core of the concept and then i sort of just

let magic happen on set and i recorded it and edited it together i don’t think

this is the final script but it’s not a bad meeting place

Like it’s monday morning and the night before on top of the pops baby spice

said something about heavenly crepes as being heavenly and little did kaz know

but his stand was about to have the longest line in british history in the

market and while kaz is serving crepes a reporter shows up the crepe stand to

interview kaz and the line the ENTIRE FUCKING LINE like it’s a SONIC WAVE it

starts at the front of the line and like 3000 people are like GET TO THE BACK

OF THE LINE like the sentiment just cascades down the line and as she is

walking past the line to get in line people are throwing insults at the

reporter and and she gets in line and then she looks down at her phone and

notices that it’s out of power so she has to figure out a way to cover this

story without her smart phone and she needs footage and she wants to know how

worse can this day get and then she perks up and asks the person in front of

her if she can use his smart phone because she knows that everyone in this

line has a smart phone so she’s going to beg for an apology and connive her

way into people’s lives to the tune of their smart phone so that she can do

some expert technology shit and log onto facebook on multiple accounts so that

she can capture the video she needs to get and she’s going to be doing it

under the guise that she’s interviewing people in the line but even though

they told her to get in line she still has a story to get and she has no smart

phone and she can’t wait until tomorrow to fix this or the whole thing will be

over so she’s covering this astonishing line that is like 3000 people long and

shes at the back of she was the last one there and she’s the reporter and she

has to cover the story and wait in line and every time she tries to work her

way around the line to cover the story she gets told to get back in line she

hears that over and over again GET BACK IN LINE so she starts asking the

people behind her if she can use their phone and they don’t know about the

line issue so she uses their line to cover the front of the line and she cuts

in line so that the line will tell her to get back in line and she covers the

line paranoia of people cutting in line while she is slowly moving ahead and

kaz is at the crepe stand overwhelmed with the crepe order he has to place and

he’s making batter and he’s cooking batter and his girls are nutellaing batter

and kaz decided to drop his price on the nutella crepe but he’s only going to

serve that to get through this line so it’s just crepe nutella spread serve

and he just keep doing that over and over again kaz is making money hand over

fist and he’s using his smart phone square to take orders and he’s getting

tips and there’s a camera crew that’s near the crepe stand and the line just

in unison is like TO THE BACK OF THE LINE like in real fucking monty python

style this line this group of people that is this line they are famous for

telling people to get to the back of the line and as she is making here way to

the front of the line she is checking her messages on facebook and son of a

bitch and she asks a girl if she can check her facebook messages and her

boyfriend started a fight with her over taking her job to seriously and the

girl that lent her the phone is like GET HIM when the reporter tells her

what’s going on and so the reporter makes a friend and she has to now fight

with her boyfriend and cover a story and shoot video and just take in the

experience and as she is nearly 2/3rds of the way to the front of the line kaz

exclaims that he’s done he’s out of batter and now she has to cover a story of

some 600 people damn near ready to riot over not getting their crepes and

she’s got the girls phone and the girl is like i need my phone back and the

reporter is like here’s 50 quid just stick with me and so now she has to deal

with a line thats not getting crepes and kaz is packing up and leaving really

quickly and while he is packing the reporter comes up to him and she says she

just needs a statement from him and all kaz can say is FUCK CELEBRITIES FUCK

EM FUCK TO BLOODY HELL

And then you cut to a scene of the reporter writing in Microsoft Word

Today was the the day i became a reporter etcetera

SCRIPT

Baby Spice of Being Interviewed on Top of the Pops

CREPE

By
Kaz Elkholy
&
Nick Lawson

A treatment for feature film.
Copyright ©

TREATMENT

By Nicholas Lawson
By Kaz Elkholy

Lacie get’s a call from her boss at 7am and is told to take the tube down to Heavenly Crepes in Camden Market because there’s already a line forming waiting for Heavenly Crepes to sell crepes today. Apparently Baby Spice on Top of the Pops the night before let on that Heavenly Crepes uses actual Vanilla in it’s crepes and they are lovely so naturally everyone in London had to try the Heavenly Crepes and now there is the start of a line.

Lacie get’s her phone and puts on something nice but rugged and decides to Camden Market where she sees a line. She checks her phone and her boyfriend assures her that he loves her and she just writes back PROVE IT PROVE YOUR LOVE FOR ME and then she blocks him. She’s tired of that loser.

So she gets on the Tube and makes her way to Camden and sure enough there’s a line. So she starts documenting the line and she steps really far back and gets the line in perspective but she notices is that it’s 8pm and people are just lining up for the Crepe Stand to open up at 8:30 and it’s a sizeable line that keeps getting bigger.

She decides to get bold and take portraits of the people in line as this was all going to go on a web page so she could capture as much media as would be necessary. She turns on her voice recorder and walks up to this really nice looking girl and is like HI I’m WITH THE DAILY PLANET would you mind answering some questions.

The girl is like shoot. So she’s like well why are you in line? And she’s like because I want to taste some natural vanilla crepes and because baby said this was a good place and I decided to take a holiday for this.

As she was recording the woman her phone cut out and she was like FUCK i don’t have time to charge it so as her phone cut off she asked the woman if she could use her phone to record the conversation and the woman said yes but for $1 so Lacie had to shell out some money to use the phone and she captured some audio of this woman talking about how it’s great to see the next generation going into business.

And the line is growing further so while she still has the phone she shoots a wide angle of the line and it’s really fucking long and the crepes just showed up and as soon as the crepes showed up she got pushed out of line. Gimme my phone back i’ve got to wait now.

So the reporter realized she was watching people hurry up and wait. So she doesn’t need a crepe. She knows what crepes taste like but apparently someone in london doesn’t know what crepes taste like.

So she approaches this one guy if she can use his phone because she’s with the paper and he’s like nope.

She tries someone else to use their phone and they’re like nope.

She tries someone else and someone else.

Everyone is just like no.

So then she’s like fine.

So she walks up to the front of the line and stands at the side and asks Julie if she can use their power strip. She plugs her phone in and Kaz is like are you with the paper and she’s like yep. And he’s like go ahead and work.

So she’s taking shots of the line and recording audio. Crouched down with her phone and the power outlet.

She sees that her boyfriend has messaged her on facebook, on email, on google+, and twitter. She thinks to herself okay. She knows he noticed her status on facebook so she doesn’t know if he’s going to see him something about i’ll be right there. I have something to tell you.

Then she’s taking all these photographs, she’s taking all this film, shes taking audio recordings.

And then she records a journalistic speech.

Kaz tells her the line is the longest line in Camden right now.

She’s like when in the span of human events a man decides to sell crepes for a people using the proper ingredients magic can happen and when in the course of human events a crepe comes along that changes the way you see crepes you stand in line for that crepe. A lot of society is based on waiting in line and then as she’s giving her speech to her phone she sees her boyfriend.

He’s like LACIE! Lacie i love you. I know you think i wasn’t good enough to you but well i’ve had this ring for some time now and I just want to know if you’ll marry me.

The entire line erupts like MARRY HIM and she looks at him and she’s like I have to think about it. And they’re like NO DON’t THINK ABOUT IT JUST MARRY HIM and kaz gives them both crepes and she well she turns her phone off and starts eating the crepe with her boyfriend standing there that just proposed to her and she’s having a girl moment she has a man she’s in love with proposing to her and she has the finest crepe in london in her mouth. She marfles YES R LM YESRLM I’ll malarry you. Sort of garbled from the crepe in her mouth and they hug and kiss and make out and then kaz is like alright you too … you’re going to have a big crepe wedding it’s going to be a big crepe cake and she’s like yes it will be and the two of them between making out and falling in love are eating crepes and kaz is putting his brochure package together for them that they accept.

Then she gets home and downloads all the data onto her website the headline reads HEAVENLY CREPES TRULY HEAVENLY

Yeah just clean up with as you go bro

Dude so the the story is (from what I see) a couple break up she goes to cover the story (coz that’s her Job) he peruses her, (obviously has a tough time getting there) she’s not waiting in line she’s covering the story about others waiting in line. The line is a character in the story that keeps the two from
Meeting until the end. First Up (he arrives) then he can’t find her, (down) then he gets talking to his first victim who he asks I’m looking for this chick bludy blah describes her he confers she asked him about the line like I dunno etc, then confers she may be there (next up) then goes to where he points she’s not there starts again (find good compelling plausible reasons for it to work) and you should be able to execute your job. At the moment this is like a training so don’t worry once you get your rhythm and if it turns in to something great you’ve come up with then we can talk business but for now try not to over think it.

THIS PART WAS CLEARED

Look yeah I know we broke up. No I don’t want to be with you. No. No. No. Just I caught you making out with her. You stupid fuck. Now i have to go through all these people and find someone else to be with. It would have been so easy if it was us. But now it’s not us. Fuck you.

( Michelle is standing there taking in the entire sight of the line. She’s like this is bullshit. The fuck I give a fuck about a crepe stand for. Fuck this shit the fucking shit I do for money is bullshit. Fuck I give a fuck about a line that’s the longest a line has ever been in Camden Market. Fuck I give a fuck about that. Fuck this shit. She takes a photograph of the line and is like there I got my photo and my editor can go fuck himself. ) takes place in a voice over narrative

Editor calls her phone. Look Michelle i’m going to need extensive footage of this line. So get up close and personal. It’s a macrocosm microcosm exploration of just why a line this long would even be. Michelle is like I took a photo of it and can wax poetic about the rest of it look I’m going through a breakup the last thing I fucking care about is a fucking line. He’s like start caring. You’re there. You’re equipped now start getting footage.

Alright fine so Michelle take a cue from Shots from the Hip the book and she just starts casually walking up and down the line taking video that is purposely off kilter and she’s just getting some great footage of the line.

Notes

SHE WATCHES HIM CATCH A CRIMINAL AND SHE DECIDES TO UPGRADE FROM HER RECENTLY BROKEN UP BOYFRIEND SHES AT LEAST INTERESTED LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE FILMING THE ENTIRE LINE TAKES OUT IT’S SMARTPHONE SEE A LOT OF LIGHTS

BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THE INSTANT VIRAL VIDEO

KAZ DOESN’T WANT TO GET WITH THE REPORTER SHE’S SORT OF SWEET ON HIM THOUGH

AFTER THE CHASE SCENE IT GOES BACK TO THE LINE

SHE’S SURPRISED SHE HAS A LEGEND ON HER MIND

HER COVERING THE LINE IS A DEVICE FOR HIM TO CATCH UP TO HER

HE CATCHES THE CROOK SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH KAZ KAZ BRUSHES HER OFF AND THE VIDEO GOES VIRAL AND HER BOYFRIEND KNOWS WHERE SHE IS SO HE GOES TO HER TO APOLOGIZE AND WIN HER BACK AND SHE’s PURSUING KAZ AND KAZ IS BRUSHING HER OFF AND HER BOYFRIEND IS COMING ON TO HER LIKE SHE’s CHASING KAZ THAT’s CHASING A THEIF HE’s CHASING HER LIKE SHE’s CHASING KAZ

REWRITE FROM HERE + Cut to Kaz. He’s like I don’t know who did what but i owe someone some money for whatever advertising they did.When a street punk reaches under the mantel and steals the cash box and then Kaz jumps over the counter and starts chasing a punk down that has his cash box. There’s a fucking fat ass chase scene.

Michell just takes off in a dead sprint to follow the action and you can see a thief running being chased by kaz who is being chased by Michelle and the crepes are still being served and the thief makes his way onto a bus to wherever and kaz is left pounding on the side of the bus to no avail as it drives away. The reporter catches up to kaz who is like thank god did you get the footage and why the fuck are you chasing me. I’m a reporter for the BBC and we’re covering your line. Kaz is like i’m making the BBC and she’s like YES. films him catching the guy steals nutella ends up viral video he apprehends the thief

Then there’s a shot of her boyfriend on the scene and hes desperately looking for her for his chance to apologize and Michelle starts talking to kaz and they strike up a conversation that discusses how Kaz is young entrepreneur and he thinks he’s doing pretty good with his crepe stand and he never thought crepes would lead to anything major he was just putting in the consistent work that leads to consistent results wasn’t taking too much of a chance.

Kaz has to walk back to his crepe stand to find things going smoothly and he gets back in his tent and keeps serving crepes and Michelle is like taking a story that started off as a line and turned into the story of a theft and it’s the story of how there is no payback for crime and punishment.

So michelle asks kaz to give her a story and he does he waxes poetic about what led up to the crepe stand and then she thanks him and he gives her a crepe and she starts walking down the line when her phone dies and she’s like fuck and she thinks the story is over but she cleverly thinks of a technique she asks the closest person to her if she can borrow their smart phone becasue she’s a reporter and her phone just died and they’re like only if you take our story for the BBC and then begin to go into this tirade about brexit about how england desperately needs to stay in the EU we are not going to be the southern states in this EU discussion we are going to join the EU fully we need represtation in europe and Michelle is like that’s enough and she emails herself the video file and moves on down the line to someone else that looks interesting and she asks him about the state of the line and he’s like the que the que is ancient everything about london is about waiting in line you’re waiting in line for a paycheck for and michelle stops him there and moves on to a third person that’s in a fucking wheel chair and she’s like the fuck you ain just make your own crepes and he’s like bloody hell bitch i can’t reach the stove and she’s like but it’s just crepes and he’s like straight into the camera just crepes bitch these crepes are heavenly i hear they use real nutella and she’s like yes this is bogus and she feels like she has her footage of the line and it’s just going to be some interent work and then she sees him and she just screams out RAPIST and the entire line swarms her former boyfriend and they form a circle around him and he catches her eye and he flips the bird at her and the line is like you leave you leave now and the circle opens up and he makes his way in the opposite direction of the crepes and leaves michelle to take some quality photos of some great setting with people and food and crime and love and breakups and she goes up to kaz and is like i’m really sorry i didn’t know my boyfriend was coming and he’s like just do a good job on the story and she was like alright and that’s pretty much the end of it

At the chase scene it’s stolen nutella catches criminal video goes viral

5 Fantastical Events

Somebody recognizes her from when they were in elementary school
She’s live on Facebook and Tony Blair leaves a comment on her comment feed
Someone steals the money from Heavenly Crepes Stand
The crowd forms a circle around the man that stole the money and they trap him
She intereviews a Scalper that sells tickets for placed in line

First 30minutes must contain the following info: Who, What, Where, When, Why – and at the end of the 30 minutes begin to explain HOW. The next 30 minutes is 5 uh oh and 5 oh shits. The next 30minutes has 5 OMFG relating to the 5 uh ohs and oh shits. With the last one being holy Mary and dogshit Oh my fucking Jesus Christ isn’t my God about it, ya dig nigga? Good!

Everyone knows it’s Truffle Day and the line is otherworldly, Zack has an endless supply of truffles and he’s selling them dirt cheap. Jane is with her smart phone filming the line and getting vinnettes of people talking about their life in general she finds in the line a club promoter, a librarian, a london bobby, all manner of walk of life are in this line and she’s just taken by how diverse an audience for these crepes is.

Zach is serving the line dutifully and when Jane figures out that this crepe stand is the one run by Zach she starts sabotaging the story and asking all kinds of hurtful questions like do you think the crepe stand is sanitary, how do you feel about eating food cooked in the weather, do you think they wash their hands when there is no water around?

Zack finds out about a burble of negative feedback and he finds his line shrinking only to SEE JANE who he runs up to and tells her to get lost to get the fuck out of here

She says no she’s covering this story for her paper

TREATMENT

By Nicholas Lawson
By Kaz Elkholy

Write myself in and be careful what you wish for

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s