Email 0.0

Dear Ohio Department of the Treasury,

I’m an English Scholar that has lived on Disability now for some 15 years with a mental illness known as Bipolar Type 1. I get $700 a month in disability and I get $200 a month in SNAP Food Credit. I am poor. I’m something typical for a University Graduate that graduated in 2010 and graduated from high school in 1999. I went to school for 10 years, studied abroad for a year and ended up in a government program that forgave all of my student debt and left me with the impression that this was some kind set up. 

I’ll cut to the quick of it. I also scored at genius levels on several intelligence tests so the same people that are telling me I am mentally ill are also the same people that are telling me they have no client more intelligent than myself in their roster and I think something I askew.

I apply for work but I don’t get much response I assume it’s because I’m for lack of a better way of putting it Roman Catholic and most people are Protestant in their orientation. I just assume I have issues because of some kind of subtle cultural difference.

I’m also of the mind and I thought this 6 years ago. WHY? Would the entire world media focus on the President of the United States of America and make him the world champion world leader in all news that is news and why is there so little attention paid to the Leadership in the Treasury? It would seem like the Treasurer would be more important than the President. I could be wrong though.

I have a small business at where I am in line to approach a business development firm and discern precisely how on the smallest budget I am legally allowed to lead a life with that, ( yeah as I understand I am legally required by law to have cash on me to survive , I can’t just start digging a hole or cutting down trees to get into the economy the way I would like. If I knew I could start digging a hole in my folks back yard and look for metal and precious rocks I would do that. I’m not above digging into the ground with my bare hands, I’m just not legally allowed to dig a hole even though I own the land there are municipal laws. ) I have been given the impression that after 8 years of real world study that for the most part the difference between someone important and someone that is in the audience and just a mark to release funds from is the amount of cash that is in the bank.

I was born with nothing like I wasn’t born with cash in my bank account and as far as I can tell I have to engage in some kind of rote work for some guy that wants to restrict my freedom and turn me into widget so that he can make his money off me and I get a percentage of what I make and I get the impression that I can’t even do business with authority when I get a job. Like I get the impression that the job market is exclusively a major adult baby sitting operation that treats work as just the thing you give someone to do to occupy their time in vetted standard corporate offices.

I’m disillusioned from 8 years of being a hardcore bachelor and I don’t know much about the corporate world or the world of entertainment but I do know how to write.

I thought I would write you the Treasurer of the State of Ohio …

In my thought experiments I have cash down as really basic civilizing tool that like our dependence on cash is evidence that we need extensive training in how business should operate. I look at cash like it’s training tool like in intelligence and art I just work for people and don’t talk about cash too often because I get paid.

I don’t know I just know that I need to explore life in a way that is with profits in mind and well the University made perfect sense to me I knew the rules I knew the etiquette but this real world is weird. This one guy jeff bezos has a trillion dollars and he’s wearing normal clothing and I don’t know precisely what I want to write you. I just know that I can’t just live and even though I went to university and I write more than most likely anyone in Cincinnati and have noticed that the field of publishing is jacked up with book stores clothing and heady competition to the printed word is now online and there’s SO MUCH competition to be read that getting published isn’t even the goal right now.

I know this there’s no real way to get published in Cincinnati Ohio unless you go with a New York City Literary Agent and a New York City Publisher. I’m just curious why there is no literary agent in the state of ohio and why 1/6th of the businesses in New York City is in media and content creation and there is well no film industry or television industry in the state of ohio to speak of. There’s no soap opera filmed in  Cincinnati, Ohio.

It’s like I’m having a hard time finding work because Ohio is missing some vital economic and labor oriented creative industries. It’s like Ohio is incomplete. I know more about New York City than I care to and it would be nice to see some midwestern creativity LIVE and FILMED BEFORE A STUDIO AUDIENCE on television or on Netflix.

I’m just curious how can 200 years of ohio history go by and I’m the guys that’s like in 2019 that points out we’re missing some amenities.

I’m not moving to New York City because I’m not going to be annoyed shitless for the rest of my life by some banal people that almost know what they’re talking about.

I’m going to keep developing and ideally make sales on my books and keep writing stream of consciousness writing and I’m just going to be a dude.

Like I’m Cincinnati’s dude and a long time ago after coming home from England my moms enrolled me at talbert house and on paper it looks like I was complicit but really I was cajoled into a system that just continually and repeatedly placed me in mental health hospitalization to treat my manic symptoms and this went on for 20 years until just last year and it might happen again I might get hospitalized again.

I don’t know where to go. I know I don’t fit in in Cincinnati but I have no economic resources to move to another city. I’m trapped. I need cash to move to another where I’ll fit into the culture better and more succinctly wherever the fuck that is but Ohio has me down as so mentally ill I deserve compensation for it being impossible for me to make over $16,000 a year to be declared mentally sane  but no one is hiring me because culturally I am just far too different. Everyone is hiring like minded people and asking people to take IQ tests so that they can guarantee they are hiring a like minded person even asking them to take a Meyers briggs test and I’m thinking I need to move to Europe. I don’t think I’m an American and clearly if I was an American I would have some kind rights or something like a reason this nation is great would be obvious to me but they tested me into genius and now all I know is I’m not on a plane to London to link up with my 20 years solid best friend to engage England in discourse and to pony around there.

this state accused me of grandiose thinking and fast talking that is my mental illness and I take medication and fiscally I know I am fucked.

I have to generate some kind of fiscal miracle on a start up budget of $200 a month and I’m addicted to smoking so I really only have like $90 dollars to work with every month to generate bigger business.

I don’t know what to say.

I thought I would write you.

Are you aware of any way that is basic and simple to make money. I can’t imagine this economy is strictly based on sales like is there a form I can fill that would change my life? That’s what I really want to know like is there a secret ATM Machine that just spits out $100 bills?

Can I get some counseling on how I can go about my life more intelligently so that by the time my folks die I’ll be independent? I’m almost 40 and in need of fiscal independence and I only sort of know how to go about doing that but it’s like a magic trick. I approached a business association and they didn’t respond to my concept of starting a public private library that would make NCH look good and coffee shops are not responding to my business plan that we partner in an advertising supported literary journal, and the local church just said they didn’t need help with fund raising and I’m running into all kinds of brick walls.

I don’t know where I fit in but Cincinnati is not it.

And new York city annoys the shit out of me. And la seems like it would be a retarded place to live. I’m thinking Canada is too cold. I just really think it’s time the USA lost another author that for the life of it had no clue what was wrong with anyone but there is something so wrong with the USA that it thinks there’s something wrong with me and it can go fuck itself. I got better shit to do than teach adults how to read which is what I’m supposed to do with my degree.

I am just really insulted by the state ohio that it would point that I am it’s most intelligent mental health patient and it would point it doesn’t think I would be considered mentally ill in new York city and then it just does me anyways.

Like there might not be anything wrong with me other than a history of abuse.

You people suck.

I hope money makes sense to you I really hope it does because our entire hierarchy of importance in this nation is based on who has the most cash and whoever has the most cash is the most important and the shit just simply comes off a printing press.

I don’t know I got lost writing this. I started thinking of myself.

I just know.

As I age it’s starting to look more like there’s something wrong with you whoever are and I got some kind of free ride because god loves me.



Philosophy 0.0

This is an essay on a philosophy. I mostly think abstract thoughts on philosophy. I have been known to zone out and wonder what this is. I exist. I experience something. I know we all experience a thing, something. We are all experiencing something and I do wonder how many people are curious as to the concept of existence. This is queer. This entire concept of round planets, round orbits, round suns, round black holes, round orbits, as though the primary shape in the universe is round. I have heard it said that there is a circle of life. I have wondered if as I am dying I am being born into my next life. I’m sitting here with Donald Trump as the President of the country I live in and I just wonder if this is my time period. In terms of the circle of life as I am dying am I being reborn again to parents that were reborn from grandparents that were reborn as well. I wonder if this is our first time doing this but I do know that the only way this bodily form that looks this way can exist is if my father makes love to my mother. I wonder if I misbehave horrifically that my parents will fall out of love and I will not be reborn into the next life. I wonder if this lasts forever. I wonder if there really is no way TO die. I’m not interested in testing this theory out other than to see how long I can successfully live and to take up the greatest lengths I can to improve my quality of life so that I can live an elongated life with advanced modern technology. I also wonder if my one tooth is starting to loosen though. That I would be an immortal that is missing a tooth because I didn’t have exotically habitual oral hygiene habits and in the last year I started smoking more than I ever smoked before because I found the $2 pack of cigarettes this year and for decades I always thought a pack of cigarettes cost like $7 but upon finding the $2 FT Cigares I smoke now about 25 of those cigars a week now because alright fine I’ll tell you it’s fucking hard to quit when it comes to smoking tobacco you can’t just decide that you are going to stop smoking tobacco and go about your life. It’s not like candy where you can eat 4 bags of candy in a weekend and never eat a bag of candy again just like that. Like tobacco is a thing that you socially smoke a couple cigarettes and then you by your first pack and you’re not thinking the entire time and quite frankly you don’t quite precisely realize it and then the next thing you know you’re taking trips to the convenience store some 3 times a day with your $60 your mother pays you a week from your Social Security Disability Check that you get because that state decided that you were severely mentally ill and you disagree because you went to the school that teaches grandiose thinking and fast talking which is what you are diagnosed with and so you’ve been on disability for 15 years and your student loans are paid off so you don’t have any debt and now you’re overweight because you’re studying how to eat again because you’re 38 years old and you’ve been living on your own for 6 years and 2 of those years were spent in the mental health and homeless system and you were partying for 4 years and this is really the first year I ever treated life like an adult and it’s the longest I have ever been out of the mental health system in like 20 years because normally around this time I am not taking prescribed medication because they tell me well if you notice your dying because of your medication call 911 and they’ll come and help you and they’re honest it’s poison so i only recently stopped fighting at like 36 and it’s some overweight psychiatrist that oversees my care and I bring up that now I have a weight problem and he’s got a worse weight problem than me but he doesn’t worry about how attractive he is at all and I need to get down to 210 pounds the same weight i was at 7 months ago when I was talking about how I need to lose 20 pounds to get down to 190 and I’m at like 240 now and gained 30 pounds in like a month and I had no clue food could do that and i didn’t know it’s easy to put on weight but it’s difficult to lose it and I have this money that I spend at the convenience store and there’s nothing not a fucking thing I need from that convenience store but I spend money when I get bored and it’s not really an amount to save like a reason I get out of the house is to go to the convenience store and I have it down to 0 calorie teas and propel waters but in the last week I drank 12 coca cola sodas from the can and i probably shouldn’t have done that like i blatantly cheated on my diet and i’m too far from the grocery store to walk and i asked my mother last time she went to the grocery store to just buy pizzas and fruit and at that moment I thought I had the grocery store figured out for the first time like the grocery store is some kind of puzzle and then in the week after that I went through a lot of my frozen food like most of it that typically just sits in the freezer becasue this was the week I found my oven and baking fish with some oil on it and some spices is hella good so now I can tell my 70 year old mother that when she goes to the grocery store for me to buy fish, fruit, pizza, and low calorie drinks and I’m in this situation where the clock is ticking in terms of me producing a business plan that pays a high enough salary for myself that I would finally be able to afford a taxi to the grocery store and taxi back from the grocery store because I gave my car to my last best friend when he said he needed it and my folks were hysterically fanatically furious at me for doing that and I just had to tell them I wasn’t powerful enough to get the car back because he was already on tour with it and so like the church that they brought me to the same church that they attended for 30 years and the same church I attended like i did a church like act and they proceeded to let me know that I’m not supposed to incorporate biblical teachings into my life not that i’m just supposed to go and they let me know it’s just this show you can go to to meet people and i pointed out to them that they went to the same church for 30 years and never once did anyone from church come to visit the house for a dinner party or anything and i’m like of the understanding that now i don’t know who you people are that gave birth to my generation but now i’m here and i’m writing and it’s the developments of thoughts and i just might be the foretold backlash to the way you fucking did things and i just notice there is a dramatic difference between my parent’s artists and my generations artists and even the kids artists and it’s like we’re learning and moving and developing our ethos and every day people are dying and every day no one is taking immortality seriously and every day 4/5ths of the population are not employed on a research and development website whose entire purpose is to promote immortality studies and to get the heart and the core of what it’s going to take to develop language that has never been said before that is the essence of the science that will take our human forms and produce a medical benefit that when achieved by an individual human produced the affect that they will no longer age and up ends our medical technology and knowledge so that if you get shot in the head with a bullet we will be able to repair the damage and fix your skull and provide you with another lease on life and if we lived in an immortal age even though our parents studied immortality to the extent that you would get a heart transplant or blood transfusion that we would cure age and we would take the military industrial complex and shed it of it’s need to be on the forefront of administering death to a population of people it deems necessary to engage in warfare and we allowed people to volunteer for the military and pursue the corpus of knowledge that it would take to upend our position on this planet and that we would pursue immortality studies that would include explorations in entire plumbing systems dedicated to administering skin care treatment lotion in the shower that does the job of saving the aging of the skin and that we would develop an actual elixir that when ingested would rejuvinate the organs of the body and that we would cure cancer and that we would stomp out disease and that we would find ourselves in a position where in the last 500 years there has been an over abundance of knowledge built and accumulated and that what started off as insanity and made it’s way into religion and then made it’s way into science and then made it’s way into being a fact that was adopted by the public and which led to the ability for us to engage in further studies with our immortal timelines and that we would engage in the monumental achievement of the discernment of the fact that every human takes up a biological placement in the fabric of all that is and that there would be a time period that would enable itself to go back through time and monitor people experiencing life as life keeps producing a future for itself but that there would be a way to travel back through the processes of life to explore all that is explorable and it seems tenable that we would be able to travel forward in time from a standard time travel travel location and that we would go back in time and that we would from the point of time travel casually travel forward in time not to admire mountains or different incarnations of the moon but that the only reason to time travel is to meet ancient loved ones and family members people is what i am getting at like i would be interested to know who the lead pop star is in the year 2800 and what the music sounds like and that we would collect all of the music that has ever been made and will ever be made and that we could listen to the evolution of future sounds in the past and that the future could listen to it’s future and we could sit back and smoke on some marijuana or reefer or reg or loud and that we would just sit back and smoke some weed and get comfortable with the fact that for fucks sake this the opposite of the universe that the planetary bodies of the universe are on form of reality but if you invert a star you find a human as a human has as much energy in it as the sun does and the human can destroy the sun the small tip of the pin in size human is capable of detonating an entire nuclear payload at the center of the sun and we can use the force of the explosion to ride a gravity wave at high velocity to another star system but there is no reason to destory our star to travel to a new one and theoretically you could find yourself getting sick to your stomach if you saw an actual alien life form from another planet as to be in the presence of such radically different bio mass ratios would generate a feeling of being sick in you and the alien might get sick looking at you and we would have to get used to being naseus around an alien as just looking at it would would send convulsions through our biological system and we would be in communion with the highest order life form and the highest order life form would be in communion with us and we come to find that we are the aliens in this universe that this is the kind of game where we are not at the end of life we are at the beginning and unless otherwise discoverd this universe belongs to us and people talk about traveling to mars or titan but quite frankly we are looking at an ability now that we know to populate this entire space that all exists in and it can be said we are at day 0 of our exploration of the universe of all that is and the human population is going to grow too large for Earth and then we will have the moon and then the mars and then we will have a three planet planetary presence and our ability to travel through space will develop technologically as our need to travel through space faster to get to mars faster to get to the moon faster will drive our technological evolutionary progress as as the need to travel through space faster reveals itself to us the ability to travel faster through space will avail itself of us and quite frankly I just think that you can say what you want to say but this is one hell of an essay and quite frankly I do take note of the max english level i am at where i am doing additions of my thoughts and mostly going blind letting my fingers do this typing that reverberates with an ability to explore my inner imagination and with this rudimentary alphabet my astute use of this alphabet allows for us to so long as we agree on the meanings of these letter so long as we speak the same language you can rest assured that i did some work for you in this it’s the idea that as the need arises to travel faster through space that the ability to travel faster through space will avail itself as humans are increasingly evolutionarily as the need arises developing faster and faster means of traveling through space and that process will most likely never end and you can reach nirvana thinking of the fact that we are just continually exploring and pushing the boundaries of how fast we can travel and someone has posited that there is a finite limit to how fast we can travel which is the speed of light where a unit of energy that has no mass and is all energy like light can travel the fastest but even light’s journey through the stars can be tracked as there is no instantaneous way to travel and if there ever comes a need to travel faster than light at a technological level where we can travel as fast as light we can build a space ship that a space ship is launched out of and a space ship that is resting at the speed of light when it accelerates forward out of a spaceship that is traveling the speed of light that spaceship will be traveling faster than light becasue it’s base operating speed is that of light so if it accelerates out of a hanger going the speed of light when it finally departs from the hangar bay it’s going the speed of light plus it’s own speed and we can get to a faster than the speed of light speed by launching space craft from an air base that is traveling the speed of light and this has been WONDERING WHAT I KNOW by Nicholas Lawson